Order 19: Lesson

By: SleepyNinja

Disclaimer: Don't own Hellsing and not making a dime, pennies however, are another story.

A/N: Review or I'll cry and stuff.

Jack filled up his shot glass with more Jack Daniel's, spilling a bit on his table in the process. He was lying on the couch, one leg propped over the back, and he had also pulled the table closer to the couch, and it was now sitting in a weird angle compared to the rest of the room. He placed the mostly empty bottle next to some knocked over shot glasses. The BBC was on the TV, but Jack had apparently rolled over on the remote and hit the mute button. He raised the glass to his lips and swallowed.

He usually didn't drink this much, but dammit, this job was driving him to it. Drinking blood he could handle. Killing vampires and ghouls? No problem. Killing people? Not so easy. Drinking a bottle of Jack Daniel's? Can't really handle that one. Jack gazed at the clock. He hadn't slept in over 25 hours. After Seras went to sleep he broke bricks and stuff for the next six to seven hours. After that he took a shower, drank some blood, after a few hours of sitting he found the Jack Daniel's after a search of the mess area.

Killing ghouls and vampires didn't bother him much. Regular people however were a different story. When you kill ghouls and vampires they turn into dust and disappear. People however leave behind fleshy meats. When you get to see what an explosive 15mm bullet does to the human body, the results are definitely not pleasant.

Jack grabbed the bottle and emptied it. He considered getting up and splashing cold water on his face, but decided against it. An attempt to stand at this point would probably result in disaster. He was content to lie on the couch in his own drunken stupor until the effects of the alcohol had worn off. Well, maybe he would get up. He did remember seeing a bottle of vodka in the cabinet too. No bad idea. Probably couldn't find it if it was right in front of him anyway.
He settled back down into the cushions of the couch. His mind wandered to Anderson. He was nowhere near a good with a sword as he was. What he did have going for him was that his sword was stronger and sharper, and dumb luck definitely helped. If he could get Anderson's swords out of his hands he could probably kill him. He could break his neck, or break his skull. Lots of breaking things, because crushing his windpipe didn't seem like a good thing to try again. Maybe if he punctured it. Nah, just go with the sure kill.

Not the too sure kill. Shooting him wouldn't be nearly as fun. If anything his gun was too big. Forget improving aim, the bullets just got bigger to compensate. Besides, part of this is honor. No honor in shooting someone, unless the other guy has a gun, which he didn't. No matter how it ended, Jack was sure it was going to be messy, very messy.

Anderson wasn't as hopeless as Alucard had described. It didn't matter anyway. Half the reason be lasted so long last time was he surprised him. Anderson also was trying to gauge his abilities. Next time he would be much more aggressive.

Jack buried his face in the soft cushions. It didn't matter. He would have jumped Anderson again, even if he knew he was going to be skewered with those god damn knives he kept throwing. He was going to kill Seras, and he wouldn't let that happen.

He sat up. His headache was starting to disappear. Apparently being a vampire included reduced 'so drunk you can't stand' time. He pushed the table back to its original position and stood up, balancing himself on the sofa's arm. He walked to his bathroom and rinsed his mouth out with his mouthwash. He splashed his face with cold water and changed into blue jeans and a grey t-shirt. He put on a jacket and grabbed a pistol; his Hellcat was too big for this. He needed a walk.

Jack walked down the busy streets of London. His headache was gone and the crisp air invigorated him. You could barely see clouds in the air, and a fine drizzle came down from them. Of course this was London; it was always cloudy and rainy. Jack looked at everyone walking past him. They had no idea what actually went on. How many times they had been saved by people they would probably never meet.

His mind wandered back to where he was before he left the confines of his couch. Seras. He didn't know how she did it. She had been a vampire for longer than he had and she still had a positive outlook, and all around cheerful personality. He was a vampire for about a month and a half and he was a bottle of scotch away from one of those alcoholic support meetings they held every Tuesday night. You wouldn't notice she was a vampire if you looked at her, well besides the fangs and the eyes, but you pretty much wouldn't notice. If he had to sum up Seras up in one word, it would have to be cute.

He enjoyed her company, and something about her always made him feel better about himself. Seras was the first girl Jack had been interested in for a few years. He'd just been too busy with school and everything else that seemed to happen for a girlfriend. It didn't help that he was never good with women in the first place. The majority of the extent of his knowledge of women was giving his friends bad advice and watching it blow up in their face, which was always fun. But he did buy them drinks afterward so he never felt too bad about it. So in theory all he had to do was do the exact opposite of his advice…

But what did it matter? It wasn't like he was going to say anything. Getting the nerve to ask her out wasn't the hard part. The hard part was what happened immediately afterward. What if she said no? He didn't like rejection, and then there would be all the wonderfully awkward moments afterward. Of course what if she said yes? Pretty much all standard date ideas where shot when you can't have actual food, and he'd probably blow it, and that would lead to awkward moments. So at the moment it was more or less a no win situation, so he was gonna keep his mouth shut. Better to keep you mouth closed and be thought of as a fool, than to open it and remove all doubt.

Jack stopped at the corner of the street. He waited for the cars to drive by before walking across.

"Jack? Jack is that you?"

Jack turned around. The man behind his was a centimeter shorter than Jack was. His pale complexion emphasized his red hair, dark eyes, and dark clothing. It took a few moments for Jack to match the voice and face to a name. "Hey Drew." He said back.

"Dude, where the hell you been? You just go poof for about two months! That or you robbed a bank and bought an island in the Caribbean. Or you were dead. Whichever one."

"Do I look dead to you?"

Drew chuckled. "Almost. Man, what happened to you?"

"A bottle of Jack Daniel's."

"The entire bottle?"

"Yeah."

"Well I have to say you're about a couple drinks away from dying of alcohol poisoning." He paused for a moment. "Let's go get a drink. Follow me."

"Fine…" They walked down the street. Jack could see the pub down the street; of course he doubted that Drew could.

"So where the hell you been man?"

"Around."

"Oh, I see how it is. You disappear and don't want anyone to know what dirty sinful business you've been up to."

"Pretty much."

"That much sin eh? Sounds like you've been having a lot of fun."

"I wouldn't call it fun."

"Suuuure. Whatever you say. So anyway, what's up with your eyes man?"

"Shit." Jack thought up to himself. Now what sounds plausible? "Laser eye surgery."

"Last time I checked that didn't fuck up your eye color."

"The guy botched it. Got a nice settlement from it." They reached the door of the pub. Jack pushed it open and walked in.
"Then you won't mind paying for the drinks then." Drew took a stool at the bar. "Scotch."

"Ugh." Jack took a seat and slumped over. "Just water for me." The bartender placed their drinks in front of them a few moments later.

"Dammit!" Drew said as he took a sip from his drink. "I just realized something. That bastard Michael won the pool!"

"You had a betting pool on when I would show up?"

"Of course and that lucky son of a bitch Michael won! That is…Jack I need you to disappear and show up in about two weeks."

"No."

"Come on! I'll be your best friend!"

"Shut it."
"Oh fine then."

For the next twenty minutes Drew rambled on about what had happened in the past two months. Jack wasn't really paying attention, but nodded and gave an 'uh huh' every once in while to make it seem like he was. He looked down at his water and returned his thoughts to earlier. It might just be easier to say something and get it over with it. Of course it might not. He would probably laugh at himself in about 100 years for thinking about all this stuff. That's right, he would live forever, or until the sun exploded in a few billion years, if working for Hellsing didn't do it first.

Drew's cell phone rang. "Hello? Well I'm at a pub. Well yeah I suppose. Do I have to? Alright, I'll be right there." Drew put his phone away. "Well Jack, I gotta go. I'll see ya later."

"Still whipped I see."

"Well at least I have someone to be whipped by." He grinned. Jack kicked him in the shin. "Ow! I thought they taught you discipline with that stuff!"

"They do. Just not for you." He kicked him again in the same spot.

"Dammit I'm gonna have a bruise the size of a ping pong ball there now. Jackass. I'll see you later." Drew walked stood up and walked out of the pub.

Jack just sat there for the next hour. He left money where he was sitting and walked out into the streets. A few minutes of wandering lead him into a quiet park. He walked down the cobblestone path for a while. He spotted a bench under a large tree and sat down and closed his eyes. God his head still hurt.

When his eyes opened again he was no longer where he should be. The park had disappeared. What was left was black lined with crimson.

"You've been training in that little room of yours for a while now." Jack tilted his head back and saw Alucard's outline against the shadows. "Let's see what you've learned."

Jack stood up and faced Alucard as the bench disappeared. "You've got to be kidding me."

Alucard drew two barrettes and held them at his side. "Don't worry, the bullets are lead."

Jack stretched his neck and tried to loosen up, trying to ignore his throbbing head. "I hope you'll go easy on me."

"The Police-Girl would be quite upset with me if I killed you, so I wouldn't worry." Alucard raised his guns and fired.

Jack jumped to the right, dodging the bullet, and charged. When Alucard fired again he jumped away and continued running. Jack got to Alucard before he fired again. Jack jumped in the air, spun around, and knocked one of Alucard's guns out of his hand. Jack landed and turned around with a back pivot kick to Alucard's chest which knocked the No Life King back a bit. A second kick to Alucard's head never made it. Alucard caught Jack's foot at the ankle in front of his face. His eyes glinted from behind his orange sunglasses as he flung Jack a good twenty meters away.

Jack hit the ground rolling. He quickly regained control and sprang up to his feet, grabbing the gun he had hidden in his jacket. He started running and aimed, fired three shots, and missed horribly. Alucard never even moved, he just aimed and shot Jack in the leg. Jack's leg gave out under him and he tripped and fell, hitting the ground with a thud. He turned and shot at Alucard again, this time hitting him in the right arm. Alucard didn't bother looking and shot Jack in the arm. Jack emptied the rest of his clip, hitting Alucard in the shoulder and grazing his leg. Alucard emptied his clip by shooting Jack in the other arm and leg.

Jack just lay on the ground, bleeding form each bullet hole. Pain radiated from each of them, as well as the headache Jack had when they had started. Alucard walked over to Jack and aimed his gun to his head. "Bang, you're dead. Do you know why?" He lowered his pistol and placed it in his jacket.

"Because I'm a vampire."

"Besides that."

"You shot me."

"No, it's because you didn't shoot the way we taught you." The shadow they were encased in faded away, revealing the park once more.

"It's different when you're being shot at."

"No its not." Alucard's voice was angry. "There is no difference. You just didn't try. You'll use that gun until you can shoot like a proper vampire, until then, I'll just borrow the Hellcat. Making your bullets do all the work is no way to shoot." Alucard grinned as he faded into shadow.

Jack laid there motionless, staring up at the sky. The clouds were breaking and the stars shone intensely. He forced himself into a sitting position and picked the bullets out of their holes. After a few minutes he stood, using the bench for leverage. He winced a little, his legs still hurt from being shot. He looked around, and starting walking back.

It took Jack a half an hour to get back. He took a shower, changed out of his bloody clothes, shaved, and brushed his teeth. He took a look at himself in the mirror. He looked normal, save for the heavy bags under his eyes. He collapsed on his couch and tried to sleep. Tried being the key word. He sat back up and left the room. He slouched through the compound until he reached the roof.

He lay down and positioned his head on an air duct. He gazed up at the sky once more and after twenty-eight hours of consciousness, Jack promptly fell asleep.

Seras opened the door to the roof. It was still dark outside, but the sun would soon be rising. She yawned. Almost time for bed. She stepped out and admired the stars. They were fading but were still beautiful. She walked over to where Jack was sleeping and looked at him. By looking at him you wouldn't be able to tell he was a vampire. He looked innocent as human as he slept. Unfortunately if she didn't wake him up, he would burn to a crisp in the sun. She kneeled down and shook him gently. "Hey." She whispered, "Wake up."

She waited. Nothing. She shook him a little harder. Nothing. Seras sighed. She pulled her pistol out and fired a shot into the air. Jack darted up from his sleep and looked around for the source of the shot. He saw Seras trying to contain her laughter. "Very funny." He grumbled, rubbing his eyes. He plopped his head back onto the vent and closed his eyes again.

"Oh come on, you need to go inside."

Jack groaned. "Five more minutes."

Seras grabbed his arm and dragged him toward the door. "I can drag you down the stairs you know."

"Oh fine." Jack used his free had to get to his feet. He swayed a little, he was still groggy and his body didn't seem to want to do what his brain was telling him. He followed Seras down the steps toward the basement.

"Alucard told me about what you did tonight." Seras said in a concerned tone.

"Did he now?" Jack replied, his brain still trying to jumpstart all its functions.

"You're worrying me Jack. I mean, I can understand a little, but a whole bottle?"

"Trust me, stupid idea, never doing it again." Jack rubbed his head, it still hurt.

"He also said you have a rather strong kick."

"Well, he has a rather hard throw, and an accurate shot."

"Well that's Alucard for you. He also said something about 'an interesting train of thought'. I'm not quite sure what he was talking about though."

"What? Can he read minds or something?"

"Actually, yes."

Jack's eye twitched. They talked a bit as they walked through the compound, until they reached Jack's room.

"Now, no more alcohol and get some sleep."

"Yes Master." He opened the door and stepped inside. He turned around and looked at Seras. "Goodnight Seras."

"Goodnight Jack." Seras said with a smile.

Preview

Seras: Why do we always get stuck doing these things? Why does Alucard never get his ass out here?

Jack: 'Cause he could kick our ass with one hand tied behind his back. Now stay still, you heard him, I need target practice

Seras: Why me?

Seras & Jack: Tune in next time for the next episode: Target Practice.

Seras: See it's not so hard.

A/N: If you can find a title from a Hellsing anime episode somewhere in here, you get a gold star.

A/N: Thanks to my editor Kougra and to all my reviewers. You guys keep me goin'.

A/N: See, I'm making Jack interesting and not perfect and stuff! I'm not crazy; I'm the only one who's not crazy!

A/N: Never seen Dawn of the Dead. Missed it, so any resemblance to said movie is purely coincidental.