Off Time #1: Reunion Tour

By: SleepyNinja

Disclaimer: Don't own Hellsing and not making a dime. I'm not even making any pennies off of this whatsoever. The entire idea goes out to the creator of the show itself, not me.

A/N: Review or I'll cry and stuff. Seriously I know where you are.


Saying that Integra Wingates Hellsing was angry was like saying that the Atlantic Ocean was rather damp. "SHE WHAT?" She said.
Alucard stood there, unfazed by his master's outburst. "Released her familiars...or demons, depending on which term you prefer."
She slammed her hands down on her desk and leaned over. "I KNOW THAT!"
"Then why did you ask?"
Integra's anger went as quickly as it came as she collapsed back into her chair. She pulled out a cigar from the drawer and placed it between her lips. "I did not expect this to happen so soon." She grabbed her lighter out of her pocket. "Does this warrant a restraint system?" She flicked the top of her lighter back and lit her cigar.
"For the Police-Girl?" Alucard sounded amused. "I highly doubt it. Though it was early, I suspect it will take her another..." Alucard paused and thought a moment. "50 years before she can even think about summoning them on will, let alone cause massive damage. I however..."
"Shut up Alucard." She took a puff of her cigar and placed it on her ashtray. "Anderson?" she asked.
"Ran home to the Vatican with his tail tucked between his legs...again. You really should let me to give him a visit." Integra glared at him.
"You never let me have any fun."
"Because your version of 'fun' involves mass slaughter."
"Isn't everyone's?" he said.
"Just leave." She watched as Alucard disappeared through the wall like always. She picked up her cigar and looked at the portrait of her father. She wondered if he ever had days like this. She doubted it.
For Seras, five months seemed to pass in the blink of an eye. All the sudden it was November and the weather became colder, the leaves fell from the trees, and the rain was replaced with snow.
Incidents were kept at a minimum with raids on new FREAK chip labs, but each new lab didn't reveal anything that they didn't know in the first place. All leads were leading nowhere and it was driving MI5 crazy. Though the fewer amount of attacks made for a lot of free time.
Jack and Seras spent most of their time together. Despite one of Jack's earlier worries they never ran out of things to do. One of Seras's favorite moments was when they went golfing and she beat the crap out of him. He apparently didn't know she had been playing golf since age six.
"...and then I fell backward and landed flat on my back. It was the most painful and awesome thing ever." He waved his arms around as he walked down the sidewalk.
Seras giggled and looked around. A little snow was floating to the ground, sticking to the concrete. People were walking down the street, driving down the road, eating in fancy restaurants. "It's a nice night." She said.
"Yeah...it is. Rather chilly though."
"That's okay. Now where are we going?"'
"I thought you knew."
"So we're wandering about aimlessly?"
"Of course," he said.
Seras rested her head on Jack's shoulder. "Next time, we plan on where we're going."
"Pffft. That's no fun." He grabbed her by the waist and pulled her closer to him. "The journey is the destination man."
"Oh please."
"What? I'm not allowed to try to be deep every once in a while?"
She laughed and pushed herself away from him. "No! Never!" she joked.
He pulled her back. "You're so mean to me."
"I know. Jack?"
"Yeah?"
"Are you okay? You've seemed distracted lately."
"'Course. I'm fine."
The sound of breaking glass and metal hitting brick came from behind them. Jack turned around to see a short, white haired woman dressed in blue coming directly for him screaming, "MY BABY!" over and over again. Jack stood there like a deer in the headlights when she tackled him to the cold concrete.
The door opened again. A lanky bald man in a navy blue suit came out. His voice had a heavy English accent. "Dammit Charlotte get off the bloke before he decides to press charges." The man crossed his arms and tapped his foot. Jack stopped moving as the woman squeezed him more, still muttering 'my baby'. "Great. See there you go, you killed him."
Seras stood there, flabbergasted at the scene before her. "Am I missing something?"
Jack paced back and forth through the beige hallway. His hands where wrapped around the sides of his head. "I mean how the hell was I supposed to know they were eating there! My parents never leave the house! They even pay someone to bring them groceries! I mean I'm supposed to be dead! This is not good!"
Seras leaned on the wall, her hands tucked into her blue jeans. "Whining about it isn't going to do any good. We're in the house. We can't leave."
"Maybe..." He rubbed his hands together. "Seras do you know how to hotwire a car?"
"No. No I don't."
"Drat." He snapped his fingers. "I'll have to learn how to do that."
Seras stood up straight. "Jack its only one night with your family, I mean it can't be that bad can it?"
"First thing, half my family is crazy. Second, I have no idea what happens when we have actual food. My mom is definitely going to push food on us. If I start vomiting blood everywhere and start melting or something, I have a feeling that would make for a very awkward family meeting."
"Calm down Jack. We'll figure something out and, we're not gonna melt or anything. Besides, everyone thinks their family is crazy."
"Just remember, I warned you." He waved her on down the hallway. They turned a corner at the end of the hall and entered the kitchen through the sliding door.
The kitchen was painted an ugly shade of purple with shiny new metal appliances in the wall. It had an island in the middle of the hardwood floor with flowers and a fruit bowl on the cherry wood surface. Jack's mother took a pan off of the hanging counter and placed it on the hot stove next to a whistling kettle. The kitchen was lined with counters with cabinets above. The kitchen poked out of the house, so windows were on three sides, reveling a well-kempt garden.
"Ah," Jack's mother turned around, "there you are dear."
Jack leaned on the frame of the slide back door. "You're not gonna tackle me again are you?"
She sighed. "Like I said, I'm sorry about that, but no word for months! You really need to call more." She took the kettle off the stove and got out a set of teacups. "Tea?"
"No thanks." He walked into the back of the room and pulled up a chair.
"What about your friend? Sorry dearie but what was your name again?"
"Seras." She walked into the middle of the kitchen and leaned on the island.
"Ahhh, well Seras would you like some tea?"
"No thank you."
"Alright." She poured some of the piping hot water into her teacup. "Well the pie will be ready in about an hour. Go sit down, we'll start when everyone gets here."
Jack froze. "Wait...everyone is coming?"
"Of course, Stephen, Margaret, and Roger are all coming. I called them before we got in the car. They should be here in half an hour."
"You have to be fucking kidding me..." he muttered.
"What dear?"
"Nothing."
"Well, why don't you give Seras the grand tour?"
Jack shrugged. "Why not." He got out of his chair and headed toward the door. "Let's go."
Jack flipped on the lights. The room was a shade of pale blue with dark blue carpeting. Almost everything had a fine layer of dust, and there were only three pieces of furniture in the room. A bed with a tan bedspread was pressed against the center of the back wall. An empty wooden computer desk sat in the corner to the left. Next to it was a tall bookshelf with a natural finish. Only half of it was filled with books, the rest was filled with things ranging from money, crumpled sales receipts, an old pair of scratched up sunglasses, and empty soda cans.
"This is my room. Or was anyway." He walked in and sat down on the bed, shooting up a cloud of dust.
Seras took a few steps inside and looked around. "Its sort of empty isn't it?"
"I took most of the stuff when I went off to college. This is what I kept around for the occasional weekend visit."
She walked to the bookcase and blew some of the dust away. Once the dust settled Seras grabbed a book. "So You Want to Lean French," she read. She placed the book back into its place and pulled out another one. "So You Want To Learn Spanish." She put it back and looked at the titles on the spines of the books. "French, Spanish, German, Dutch, Japanese, Chinese," she read. "Christ Jack, Did you read all of these?"
"Of course."
"Did you understand all of them?"
"Oui," he grinned. "I'm multitalented,"

"Why? When are you going to need how to speak Chinese?"
"My Chinese is a little rusty. But I actually wanted to be a translator for the UN."
"Really?"
"Yeah." He leaned back on the bed, propping his head up with the single pillow. "My parents forced French on me. I picked up the rest for some reason along the way."
Seras sat down on the edge of Jack's bed. She stroked his hair. "Tell me something in French."
"Les fraises sont sur le divan."
Seras smiled. "I have no idea what that means, but it sounds romantic."

He chuckled. "It may sound that way, but it wasn't." Jack rolled off of his bed and stretched his arms. "Come on, I'll show you downstairs."


Charles Owens sat back in his favorite leather chair with his paper, his scotch, his cigar, and the news on the TV across the room. A good ending to a good night. He felt a draft. The double doors from the hallway opened and Jack and Seras stepped in. The room was a dark shade of maroon. There was an empty brick fireplace on one side with a lion head above it. In the top corners there were small black speakers for the TV. Leather chairs were positioned in front of the TV entertainment center, and tan leather couch was pressed against the wall, facing the fireplace. A small table sat between the chairs, a cigar box sat next to a lamp. "Oh there you are boy." Charles closed his paper, folded it, and placed it on his lap. "Take a seat." Jack and Seras took a seat on the couch. He rummaged around his jacket and pulled out a box of cigarettes. "Smoke?"

Jack shook his head. "I quit."

"You missy?"

"No thanks, I don't smoke."

He tucked the box back into his jacket. "Ah, more for me then. So now, enjoying your stay?"

Seras nodded. "Yes. You have a lovely house." She looked around the room. "Is that a real lion head?" she asked slowly.

"Aye. In Africa I walked the plains for fifteen days with enough water to last ten. I found him on the fifteenth day, tired and weary." He raised his hands up. "I strangled the beast with me own two hands. Then dragged 'em into town." The room was dead silent. Seras's eyes were almost bugging out of their sockets and Jack had his face buried in his hands. Charles started laughing and slapped his knee. "I'm just kidding missy." He managed to say between each chuckle. "It's fake. Bought it from an old friend who had to get rid of it." He calmed down and took a sip of his scotch. "Come on. Charlotte should have the pie ready." He got up and left the room, turned down the hall toward the living room, and peaked his head into the living room. He turned around, "come meet the family." Charles walked back and pushed Seras into the room.

It was the same ugly color as the kitchen with matching fabric sofas and chairs. It seemed that the rest of Jack's family had shown up at some time or another and had been sitting around waiting.

Jack walked in with growing reluctance. "Seras, these are my brothers and sister. This is Stephen," he said, pointing. He wasn't particularly short, but wasn't all that tall. He had curled up in a chair with a book. He was in desperate need of a haircut. His dark brown hair hung over his hazel eyes.

He looked up from his book and gave a short wave. "Hey."

"That's Margaret, but we call her Maggie. Maggie and Stephen are twins."

"Hi!" she said in a high-pitched voice. She almost hopped out of her seat, waving at them rapidly. Her light brown hair hung at her shoulders against her light blue tank top. She ran up and gave Jack a hug. "Good to have you back big brother." She released him and hopped backward onto the chair that Stephen was on.

Jack seemed to become agitated. "And that is Roger. Now if you excuse me." Jack left the room and walked toward the kitchen. Seras walked to him, paused, looked at Roger. He was tall with large arms, black leather jacket, hair, and pants, surly look. She continued following Jack to the kitchen.

Everyone sat around the table eating pie, save Jack and Seras.
"...and so I got off th' bloody plane twenty minutes late." Roger complained as he took another drink of vodka. "So I go meet the fellas afterward at this pub, and we play a few things. Ya think they'd give ya something ta eat or drink. I suffer for meh art." Roger finished his story by finishing his drink. Apparently he had spent the last few years in Ireland trying to get his musical career underway. He had also acquired a slight accent, and a drinking habit.
Jack's eye twitched, it was getting too much to bear.
"Hey you two," Jack's mom pointed a fork at the both of them, "eat your pie."
"Not hungry mom."
"I'm watching my figure." Seras said.
"I'm watching your figure alright..." Roger muttered.
Jack's eye twitched again. Urge to kill rising. "So now dear, what happened to your eyes? You used to have such pretty eyes."
"Laser eye surgery."
"Last time I checked," Stephen said, "laser eye surgery didn't mess up your eye color."
"The guy screwed up. Seras and I met when we were taking the guy to court."
"Such a stupid story," she thought. But whatever it was working wasn't it? Seras nodded in agreement. "We took that guy to the cleaners."
"So what do you do now?" Charlotte asked.
"Well, Seras is in security, and I'm...helping."
"What the feck!" Roger yelled as he slammed his fist against the table. "Jack is well off for doing nothing and I work my fingers to th' bone for me art and make nothin'!"
"Nothing? How can you say nothing when that jacket is worth more than everything everyone else is wearing combined! If I you had actually earned half of the stuff you've mooched off of everyone then I would say it would be a grand achievement, however, since you have no useful skills…" Everything went downhill from there. Rodger started yelling which prompted Jack to start yelling and so on.
Seras was in too much shock to really grasp what was going on, but Jack stormed off upstairs. Seras pushed back her chair and stood up. "I should probably go talk to him." She excused herself and walked upstairs to Jack's room. She knocked on the door and opened it. Jack was lying on the bed looking at the ceiling. "Jack..."
"Hey."
"You okay?" She sat down next to him on the bed.
"Sorry you had to see that. It's just...everything he does pisses me off." He paused. "Please, could you just leave me alone for a bit?"
"Yeah. Sure." She backed out of the room and closed the door.


Mrs. Owens sat on the porch. There was no moon or stars out. The only light was the ember from her cigarette. She looked out and took a deep breath. It was a long evening.
Seras opened the door and walked out. "Oh, hello."
"Please dearie, take a seat."
"Thanks." She sat down next to her.
"Don't think too badly of Jack." She spoke slow and clear. "As much as it breaks my heart, Jack and Roger don't get along. They never really got along to tell the truth." She got out another cigarette from the glass stand next to her chair and lit it. "You see..." she started, "Jack is my second. I tried to get pregnant for the longest time. We had given up on having children, we were even thinking of adoption. Then the good lord decided to bless us with Roger. I'm afraid in the five years before Jack came along we spoiled Roger. I suppose that Roger sees Jack as competition of some sort. They fought since they were able to walk." She took a long drag off her cigarette. She chuckled. "One of my friends said that children should be like pancakes. The first one doesn't turn out quite right so you should get to throw it out. But you love them...all their flaws aside. Keep that in mind when you have children of your own."
Seras blushed. She didn't know how to answer. This isn't the usual conversation with someone you just met.
"Now," she put out her cigarette. "You should probably go talk to him now dearie."

Seras knocked on the door. "Jack? Jack you in there?" She tried the doorknob. "Jack, please open the door. Don't make me kick it down. I can wait all night ya know." It was true, she could wait all night, she just didn't want to. She leaned next to the doorframe and sighed. She supposed that Jack was right; meeting his family might have been a bad idea after all.
"Hey babe." Roger had stumbled up the stairs, beer in hand.

"Oh, hello," she said.

"Ya know babe," he moved toward her. "I don't understand why you hang out with that bugger Jack." He took a swig of his beer and placed his arm against the wall next to Seras's head. "You ought to dump his ass." He got closer to her. He could smell the alcohol on his breath. "Maybe get with someone who knows how to please a woman." He leaned in and pressed his mouth against hers, and his hands on her chest.

"MMPH!" Seras pushed him off her, sending him tumbling into the wall behind her.

"Why you little bitch!" he said, running toward her. He was about halfway there before Jack came out of nowhere and knocked him down. He was knocked down and rolled into the wall.

Jack had a look of deep revulsion that Seras had never seen him use, even when regarding Anderson. It frightened her.

"Don't you EVER touch her again!"

Roger rolled over and pushed himself up. "What ya gonna do Jackie boy? Kung Fu me?" He turned around to him and grinned.

"Jack..." Seras grabbed his shoulder. "Calm down. Let's just go back to your room and talk." She pulled him back toward his room.

"If yer girlfriend's brain was half the size of her tits she would have made the right decision." Roger mumbled.

Jack's pupils contracted. He broke free of Seras's arm and charged at Roger, bearing his fangs. He grabbed him by the arm, twisted around and threw him. He hit and broke through the wall. Drywall and wood splintered as he smashed through to the room on the other side.
Jack looked through the wall. Convinced that Roger was out cold, or dead, the latter being his preference, he walked down the stairs and out the front door, Seras right behind him. Jack stopped at the end of the driveway and rubbed his eyes.
"Jack! What did you think you were doing? I mean, he's your brother! I'll admit that what he did was wrong but you don't throw your family through walls!"
Jack's voice was relatively calm. "No one in Britain deserves to be thrown through the wall more than he does."
"Jack, your family is your family! You can't try to kill them!"
"I know..." Jack sighed. "Listen...I need to go."
"Well I would think so. You're gonna take him to the hospital!"
"Like I would waste my time taking him to the hospital. Like leave leave. There is one thing that's been bugging me that I need to do." He walked out into the middle of the street and milled around. "I'm going to leave and I don't know when I'm going to be back."
"Where are you going?"
"I have a rough idea, though not entirely sure. It's like I said before, where's the fun if you know where your going? I'll send you a postcard or call you or something..."
"Jack I –"
He ran his fingers through his hair. "Listen I'm sorry but if I do this it will make our lives much easier. It's just..."
She threw up her arms. "If you have to do this go ahead and do it. I'm not your mother, I can't tell you what to do."
"I love you ya know."
"I love you too Jack."
"I'll see you later." He turned around, waved, and walked off into the night.
"I love you Jack, but..." She said to herself.


A/N: Figure out where I got the title and you get a gold star.
A/N: Late? Me? Never! A/N: Yeah, pointless filler, little action, it gets better. I'm going somewhere with this Trust me. A/N: No I'm not telling you what the French translates into. A/N: Thanks to my editor again.

PREVIEW:

Integra: Where the bloody hell is everyone?

Alucard: VACTION! IF YOU LIKE PINYA COLADA!

Integra: Dear god...