Hey all, sorry for not updating for so long. Here's the new chapter.
But first, a prelude…
SIDE-STORY: Snake tells a joke.
Snake: Hey Paramedic, what do you get when you cross a monkey with a Bungee cord?
Paramedic: ……What?
Snake: My ass.
In the silence, a child starts crying…Paramedic: I'm not speaking to you anymore.
ENDDisclaimer: I don't own Metal Gear Solid or Konami. But just you wait; I'll sleep my way to the top.
Chapter 9: Bigfoot (or is it?)
Unknown: GWARW! GEWARW!
Paramedic: Okay, what the heck did you catch this time?
Snake: I'm not sure myself. Looks like some sort of Bear, only it's thinner and really really Hairy. Think Major Zero in his youth and you have a pretty clear picture.
Unknown: GAWRE! GAEERAW!
Paramedic: Okay, and where did you find it?
Snake: On a trail in the Jungle, I was stalking it and the damn thing spotted me. I shot it in the eye with a dart and it started firing these laser beams at me, I had to…
Unknown: GAWTAE! HAOWH!
Paramedic: Hold on, laser beams?
Unknown: GEAWWAT! GAWAWRE!
Snake: Yeah, it had this really strange crossbow that fired laser beams. Took 9 direct headshots from the M9 to bring it down, before I could trap it in a cage.
Paramedic: Snake, are you sure it isn't just some really hairy Russian Soldier?
Snake: … I don't think so, and I don't think "geawwat", "gawawre" is Russian either.
Unknown: WAWEGR! WAWAHWG!
Paramedic: Wow, it sounds angry.
Unknown: HOAWR! GWARRRR!
Snake: Yeah, I guess 9 darts to the cranium could do that to you.
Paramedic: Hmm…
Unknown: RAWRAR! WAORRR!
Snake: And being stuck in a cage really gets to you too.
Paramedic: I guess…
Unknown: WAOREWEIRH!
Snake: That, and having your arm eaten off could really make you lose your temper.
Paramedic: Good po-YOU ATE IT'S ARM!
Snake: I was getting hungry, and hey, I had to start somewhere.
Paramedic: …Somehow Snake, you never cease to surprise me.
Snake: Yeah and hey, you know what the weird part is? I was expecting it to be really tough and Stringy. But it was really…chewy.
Paramedic: Chewy?
Snake: Yeah you know, like where you bite into a caramel filled chocolate? Except I think it was tendons I was biting into…
Paramedic: Okay, that's just Weird, and very disturbing.
Unknown: GAWRAE! WROWHR!
Snake: Shut up! Or I'll eat more of you!
Unknown: Gawrarr…….
Paramedic: Did it just obey you?
Snake: Yeah, it seems like this thing understands human speech. Can't understand the crap it's spewing out though.
Paramedic: …Snake, Maybe you should just let it go.
Unknown: Gwawr! Gwarw!
Snake: What! Why?
Paramedic: I mean think about, that thing was walking on two legs, it understands human speech, plus it was using a weapon. This "animal" is clearly nothing like I've ever heard of before. You may have stumbled upon a new species.
Snake: …I don't get it, how is this a good reason not to eat him?
Paramedic: Think about it Snake, this could be an endangered species. You can't just kill it off like that. Just let it go.
Snake: …I'm still hungry…
Paramedic: You ate his arm already Snake.
Snake: I don't have much food left too…
Paramedic: I'll tell you what Snake. On your next mission, I'll pack in more calorie mates for you.
Snake: ……
Paramedic: So?
Snake: Ramen…I want instant ramen too…
Paramedic: Fine that too. Now will you let it go?
Snake: Fine, hold on a minute…
Sound of rummaging is heard, a sizzling sound is heard.
Unknown: GWAWRAGHAWRGR!
Snake: Hold still!
Unknown: GAWRARAW!
Five minutes later…
Snake: Okay you can go now.
Unknown: Gwawagr! Hsaoraw!
Snake: No, I'm not giving you your gun back, Shoo. Go, before I change my mind and eat the rest of you.
Unknown: Gwawrr! (Leaves…)
Snake: There, see? I let it go, I hope you're happy.
Paramedic: What was that hissing sound just now?
Snake: I was branding it.
Paramedic: That's ni-WHAT! WITH WHAT?
Snake: My ciger.
Paramedic: Snake, what the hell is wrong with you?
Snake: Hey, I figured if I had to let it go, I just let anybody else who sees it know that it's my discovery.
Paramedic: You're hopeless Snake. I give up. (Signs off)
Snake: Geez, What's her problem?
Meanwhile…
Luke Skywalker: Han, are you sure that Chewbacca's escape pod landed here.
Han Solo: Of course I'm sure! He has to be around here somewhere! Chewy! Chewy, where are you?
Chewbacca: Gwarrr! Haharrar! (Translation: Thank the Wookies that you're here!)
Han Solo: Whoa! Slow down their partner! What in blazes happened to your arm? You didn't bump into Vader did you?
Chewbacca: Gawarg, Worasdgaer! (Translation: I don't want to talk about it here, let's get the fuck off this planet first!)
Han Solo: Hey, what's the rush now?
Chewbacca: WORRRRRRR! (Translation: NOW!)
Han Solo: Fine! Whatever you say old buddy.
Luke: Hey Chewbacca, looks like something carved something on your back.
Chewbacca: Wordsdfe? (Translation : What?)
Luke: It says…
Snake: "BIG FOOT, PROPERTY OF NAKED SNAKE. FUCK OFF!" Yeah that's what I wrote on that damn thing!
Sigint: Man, that's one heck of a story, and THIS is one heck of a funky crossbow!
Snake: Yeah it is, isn't it?
EN
A/N: Thanks to DarkFusion for his Bigfoot idea, inspired the idea for this chapter to me. And by the gods, I do hate this Document Manager.
