Hey all, sorry for not updating for so long. Here's the new chapter.

But first, a prelude…

SIDE-STORY: Snake tells a joke.

Snake: Hey Paramedic, what do you get when you cross a monkey with a Bungee cord?

Paramedic: ……What?

Snake: My ass.

In the silence, a child starts crying…

Paramedic: I'm not speaking to you anymore.

END

Disclaimer: I don't own Metal Gear Solid or Konami. But just you wait; I'll sleep my way to the top.

Chapter 9: Bigfoot (or is it?)

Unknown: GWARW! GEWARW!

Paramedic: Okay, what the heck did you catch this time?

Snake: I'm not sure myself. Looks like some sort of Bear, only it's thinner and really really Hairy. Think Major Zero in his youth and you have a pretty clear picture.

Unknown: GAWRE! GAEERAW!

Paramedic: Okay, and where did you find it?

Snake: On a trail in the Jungle, I was stalking it and the damn thing spotted me. I shot it in the eye with a dart and it started firing these laser beams at me, I had to…

Unknown: GAWTAE! HAOWH!

Paramedic: Hold on, laser beams?

Unknown: GEAWWAT! GAWAWRE!

Snake: Yeah, it had this really strange crossbow that fired laser beams. Took 9 direct headshots from the M9 to bring it down, before I could trap it in a cage.

Paramedic: Snake, are you sure it isn't just some really hairy Russian Soldier?

Snake: … I don't think so, and I don't think "geawwat", "gawawre" is Russian either.

Unknown: WAWEGR! WAWAHWG!

Paramedic: Wow, it sounds angry.

Unknown: HOAWR! GWARRRR!

Snake: Yeah, I guess 9 darts to the cranium could do that to you.

Paramedic: Hmm…

Unknown: RAWRAR! WAORRR!

Snake: And being stuck in a cage really gets to you too.

Paramedic: I guess…

Unknown: WAOREWEIRH!

Snake: That, and having your arm eaten off could really make you lose your temper.

Paramedic: Good po-YOU ATE IT'S ARM!

Snake: I was getting hungry, and hey, I had to start somewhere.

Paramedic: …Somehow Snake, you never cease to surprise me.

Snake: Yeah and hey, you know what the weird part is? I was expecting it to be really tough and Stringy. But it was really…chewy.

Paramedic: Chewy?

Snake: Yeah you know, like where you bite into a caramel filled chocolate? Except I think it was tendons I was biting into…

Paramedic: Okay, that's just Weird, and very disturbing.

Unknown: GAWRAE! WROWHR!

Snake: Shut up! Or I'll eat more of you!

Unknown: Gawrarr…….

Paramedic: Did it just obey you?

Snake: Yeah, it seems like this thing understands human speech. Can't understand the crap it's spewing out though.

Paramedic: …Snake, Maybe you should just let it go.

Unknown: Gwawr! Gwarw!

Snake: What! Why?

Paramedic: I mean think about, that thing was walking on two legs, it understands human speech, plus it was using a weapon. This "animal" is clearly nothing like I've ever heard of before. You may have stumbled upon a new species.

Snake: …I don't get it, how is this a good reason not to eat him?

Paramedic: Think about it Snake, this could be an endangered species. You can't just kill it off like that. Just let it go.

Snake: …I'm still hungry…

Paramedic: You ate his arm already Snake.

Snake: I don't have much food left too…

Paramedic: I'll tell you what Snake. On your next mission, I'll pack in more calorie mates for you.

Snake: ……

Paramedic: So?

Snake: Ramen…I want instant ramen too…

Paramedic: Fine that too. Now will you let it go?

Snake: Fine, hold on a minute…

Sound of rummaging is heard, a sizzling sound is heard.

Unknown: GWAWRAGHAWRGR!

Snake: Hold still!

Unknown: GAWRARAW!

Five minutes later…

Snake: Okay you can go now.

Unknown: Gwawagr! Hsaoraw!

Snake: No, I'm not giving you your gun back, Shoo. Go, before I change my mind and eat the rest of you.

Unknown: Gwawrr! (Leaves…)

Snake: There, see? I let it go, I hope you're happy.

Paramedic: What was that hissing sound just now?

Snake: I was branding it.

Paramedic: That's ni-WHAT! WITH WHAT?

Snake: My ciger.

Paramedic: Snake, what the hell is wrong with you?

Snake: Hey, I figured if I had to let it go, I just let anybody else who sees it know that it's my discovery.

Paramedic: You're hopeless Snake. I give up. (Signs off)

Snake: Geez, What's her problem?

Meanwhile…

Luke Skywalker: Han, are you sure that Chewbacca's escape pod landed here.

Han Solo: Of course I'm sure! He has to be around here somewhere! Chewy! Chewy, where are you?

Chewbacca: Gwarrr! Haharrar! (Translation: Thank the Wookies that you're here!)

Han Solo: Whoa! Slow down their partner! What in blazes happened to your arm? You didn't bump into Vader did you?

Chewbacca: Gawarg, Worasdgaer! (Translation: I don't want to talk about it here, let's get the fuck off this planet first!)

Han Solo: Hey, what's the rush now?

Chewbacca: WORRRRRRR! (Translation: NOW!)

Han Solo: Fine! Whatever you say old buddy.

Luke: Hey Chewbacca, looks like something carved something on your back.

Chewbacca: Wordsdfe? (Translation : What?)

Luke: It says…

Snake: "BIG FOOT, PROPERTY OF NAKED SNAKE. FUCK OFF!" Yeah that's what I wrote on that damn thing!

Sigint: Man, that's one heck of a story, and THIS is one heck of a funky crossbow!

Snake: Yeah it is, isn't it?

EN

A/N: Thanks to DarkFusion for his Bigfoot idea, inspired the idea for this chapter to me. And by the gods, I do hate this Document Manager.