Just watched Reservoir Dogs, and Pulp Fiction. For those who watched the latter, I don't mean to sound racist, but "Dead Nigger Storage" is the funniest goddamn thing I have ever heard. Grade-A stuff these films are.

Disclaimer: I hate malt candy; the stuff sticks to your teeth like nobody's business. And I don't own Metal Gear Solid.

Chapter 10: Vampire

Snake: (Panting) Paramedic…

Paramedic: Snake, Oh my god! You're bleeding badly, what the heck are you doing? Use your Survival Viewer now!

Snake: It's…not…my…blood…

Paramedic: Huh?

Snake: I…met…a (shudders) vampire…

Paramedic: A Vampire?

Snake: Yes, a vam…vampi-(Breaks down and starts crying) I was so scared Paramedic! I…could have DIED! (Cries even harder)

Paramedic: Whoa, whoa, Shhhh, Shhh, Snake. It's okay now; I'm here for you. It's okay now Snake, it's okay.

Snake: No, it's not okay…

Paramedic: Yes it is Snake, yes it is. Come on say it with me Snake. It's…O-K-A-Y.

Snake: It's…o…okay…

Paramedic: Good, who's the tough guy?

Snake: …I'm the tough guy…

Paramedic: That's right, you're Naked Snake, the tough guy. And everything's okay.

Snake: (Stops Crying, Still sniffling.) I'm still shaking. Paramedic, could…could you hold me?

Paramedic: Err…no Snake; I don't think that's really possible. Snake, are you sure it was a Vampire?

Snake: Very, (sniffs) the damn thing appeared out of nowhere and tried to kill me. Scared the shit out of me…

Paramedic: Wow, that must have been freaky. Is it gone now?

Snake: Yeah…I ate him.

Paramedic: …………You ate the Vampire?

Snake: I had too, he was gonna eat me too. It was eat or be eaten.

Paramedic: ……I have to be honest with you Snake; I wasn't expecting you to meet a Vampire, and I sure as hell wasn't expecting you to EAT a Vampire. Do you mind starting from the beginning?

Snake: Sure…It happened at this tunnel…

FLASHBACK

(Snake is walking through the Tunnel where's suppose to meet The Fury. He reaches it, and finds no one in the area.)

Meanwhile…

The Boss: Fury! Why aren't you waiting down in the Tunnels waiting to ambush Snake?

The Fury: I can't find a light for my flamethrower Boss.

The Boss: Wha- Oh for Christ's Sake…Here! (Takes out a lighter and lights up his Flamethrower, Inciting a "thanks boss" from The Fury) Why didn't you bring a lighter? Or some matches?

The Fury: I…forgot Boss.

The Boss: So You had all that hot gas in you and no way to light it up?

The Fury: (Stares Shamefully at the floor) Yes Boss.

But anyway…

Snake: Looks like the Coast is clear. (Hears Shrieking) What was that? (Looks up at the Ceiling and spots some Bats)

Bats: Shriek! Shriek!

Snake: Uh! I hate bats. (Turns to walk away)

(Suddenly, all the Bats fly down and start gathering in front of Snake.)

Snake: What the hell?

(The bats started to merge. The bat mass slowly shape-shifts, turning human in shape. Finally turning into a well dressed man in his late-thirties, with gelled hair, a neatly trimmed mustache and FANGED teeth.)

Vampire: I am… BRACULA!

Snake (Stares in Shock and Fear) Holy Shit…

Bracula: Hmmm, a fresh one, I VANT TO SUCK YOUR BLAD…

Snake: NO! NO! OH GOD! DON'T EAT ME! (Falls to the floor and uses his index fingers to make a cross) GET AWAY! GET AWAY!

Bracula: Vhoa! Vhoa! Calm down, I only vant to drink your…

Snake: NO! NO! DON'T DRINK MY BLOOD! GET AWAY! (Crawls up into a ball and starts crying)

Bracula: …Are you all right?

Snake: (Gets up onto his knees) You can't eat me…

Bracula: Vhat was that?

Snake: (Hysterically) YOU CAN'T EAT ME! I'LL EAT YOU FIRST!

Bracula: VHAT THE HECK?

Snake: (Lunges at Bracula) RWARRGGG!

Bracula: ARGHH!

(Bracula proceeds to get tore apart and eaten by Snake. His pleas of help go unnoticed as he is quickly devoured. Soon, nothing is left of Bracula except his Gelled Hair (Which turns out to be an oily wig) and his neatly trimmed Mustache (Which turns out to be a furry Caterpillar.))

Snake: oh god…oh god…oh… (Belches, then proceeds to use his Radio).

END FLASHBACK

Paramedic: …That has to be the most disturbing story I have ever heard. Not scary mind you, just very…very disturbing.

Snake: Yeah well, it was one hell of an experience for me.

Paramedic: …Snake?

Snake: Hmm?

Paramedic: So…how did he taste?

Snake: ……Like eating a dozen Vampire bats in one sitting.

Paramedic: Ewww…

At the same time…

(The Boss is staring out at the Ocean, there is a Fluttering of wings behind her followed by some footsteps)

The Boss: Dracula.

Dracula: Something has cropped up back in Transylvania Boss, I'm afraid I need to return.

The Boss: Really? That's a shame; we could have really used your help.

Dracula: Do not worry Boss; my Brother is staying behind to assist you.

The Boss: I didn't know you have a Brother.

Dracula: His Name is…Bracula. And while he may not be as…capable as me. He should suffice.

The Boss: Oh really? Is he all "I vant to suck your blood" like you?

Dracula: Vell, not exactly…

The Boss: Oh?

Dracula: While I crave for the blood of the living. My younger brother had developed a particular taste for another…bodily fluid.

The Boss: What?

Dracula: Urine.

The Boss: …Urine?

Dracula: Yes.

The Boss: As in piss?

Dracula: I think that is vhat you Americans call it, yes. So it's less of "I vant to suck your blood!" and more of "I vant to suck your bladder!".

The Boss: …Nothing personal Dracula. But your family is fucked up.

Dracula: (Sees The Sorrow attempting to swim in the air above the Boss and sees Ocelot twirling his revolvers, accidentally discharging one and shooting a Russian Soldier in the groin) You're not one to talk…

The Boss: What was that?

Dracula: Oh nothing, just…I couldn't agree with you more Boss.

END

A/N: To my readers, if you weren't expecting this, I'm not surprised. If you were, you're either a psychic or me. Neither of which I'm particularly fond of. Stay tuned for the next chapter. For now, please Read and Review.