My last chapter didn't really receive a very good response I think. Ironically, I found it the funniest out of all the chapters I've written. I guess that shows how different I am from all of you. Don't worry, I still WUV you all! Now if you'll excuse me. I'm going to slit my Wrists.

What do you get when you combined a thin person with a fat person?

An even fatter person. Yes, I know, these jokes are getting worse.

Disclaimer: I don't own Metal Gear Solid. My stuff belongs to the government. My body, to the Mafia and YOURMYBITCH455 has just placed the winning bid on ebay for my soul.

Chapter 12: Great Tits

Snake: Paramedic, I've caught a pair of birds.

Paramedic: Aww, how cute. Those are great Tits that you have there Snake.

Snake: (Blushing) Well, I must admit, I am rather proud of my chest.

Paramedic: Err, Snake…

Snake: I mean, I guess it does stand out from a crowd.

Paramedic: Snake, you misunderstood…

Snake: And I think my nipples are more profound then most people.

Paramedic: Snake! I was referring to the birds.

Snake: Huh? (Staring back at the captive fowl) Okay now, that wasn't funny. I know my eyesight ain't all that great when my stamina's low but I can certainly tell if I caught a pair of boobs.

Paramedic: No Snake. Those birds are called "Great Tits". They originated in Britain. They're the largest of Tits and they have readily adapted to man-made environments. Although they can be quite aggressive at time, fighting off Smaller Tits for food. In winter it joins with blue tits and others to form roaming flocks, which scour gardens and countryside for food. (A/N: I wish I wasmaking this up. And honestly, I haven't ever written this much about tits and not have it be dirty.)

Snake: Hmm, Interesting name. Anyway, how do they taste?

Paramedic: Well…I'm not really sure. But to my knowledge they should be edible.

Snake: I'll thank your word for it then. Thanks for your help Paramedic.

Paramedic: Anytime. (Signs off)

Snake: Hmm, feeling hungry… (Takes the birds out of their cage and proceeds to swiftly devour the pair of great tits.)

Great Stamina recovery

Snake: Tasty. (Suddenly hears rustling in the bushes) What? Who's there? (Takes out his M9 and points it towards the bushes.)

And then out from the Bushes emerged…

A/N: I had two ideas on how to go about this. Rather then just choose. I'm going to be nice and show you both. Hope you lot are grateful. By the way, don't you just love the sexual innuendo?

Original story path

The Boss!

Snake: Boss!

The Boss: Jake, I'm surprised you haven't given up yet. You…are those feathers in your mouth?

Snake: Err…no…

The Boss: You're still a bad liar, chomping down on the wildlife haven't you Jake? Although, those feathers do look familiar… I could swear I've seen that coloration bef-MY GREAT TITS!

Snake: Huh?

FLASHBACK

Paramedic: No Snake. Those birds are called "Great Tits". They originated in Britain…

END FLASHBACK

Snake: Oh fuck.

The Boss: First the horse…then the sharks…now this. You just can't get enough can you? (Charges towards Snake) DIE!

Snake: Oh shit.

(Snake attempt to defend himself to no avail; The Boss soon overpowers him and beats the crap out of him. I'd describe the whole thing but I'd rather just refer you to chapter 6 and 7 instead. Except without the crushed testicles.)

Snake: Ughh…(Is once again lying on the ground in excruciating pain and staring at The Boss. Also noticing The Sorrow floating beside The Boss holding a sign that says "Hat Trick!")

The Boss: See that you don't do that again. (Walks away) Dumbass…

Snake: Ohh…

(Suddenly, there is yet more rustling in the bushes. Eva emerges from them. Heaving chest and all.)

Eva: (notices Snake) Snake! You're hurt, bad! Who did this to you?

Snake: The…Boss…

Eva: (Takes out her own survival viewer and attempts to heal Snake) These wounds are horrible! What could you have possible done to piss her off this much?

Snake: I ate…her…great…tits…

Eva: …could you repeat that?

Snake: I said…I ate her…pair of…Great Tits…

Eva: Yes that's what I thought I heard. (Swiftly slaps Snake in the face, knocking a few teeth loose) You pervert! How could you do such a thing? Have you no shame? (Slaps him a few more times)

Snake: It's…not…what…you…think…(Tries to reach out for her)

Eva: (Fearing for her "babies", Eva instinctively covers her chest) DON'T TOUCH ME YOU PERVERT! KYAHHHH! (Karate chops Snake's face before running away, all the while covering her Chest and screaming "Snake Hentai no Baka!")

Snake: Owwww…(weakly tries to call Paramedic.)

Paramedic: Snake! What the hell happened to you?

Snake: Boss…Tits…hers…

Paramedic: Wha-oh! Ohhhhh…ouch. Man, she really did a number on you. Your face looks like it's about to split in two.

Snake: That…was Eva's…

Paramedic: What?

Snake: Forget…it…

Paramedic: Cheer up Snake! I'll still be with you, now let's heal up all these wounds shall we?

Snake: This…job…sucks…

END

I am so tired right now. Anyway, here's the second one.

Alternate story path

And then out from the Bushes emerged…

The End!

Snake: You!

The End: Humph! Still haven't had enough young one? I…what's that?

Snake: What?

The End: In your mouth, are those feath-Ah! My Great Tits!

Snake: Those were yours? I thought they were wild!

(Unknown to both parties, Revolver Ocelot had just entered the scene undetected and was quietly watching the scene with peaking interest)

The End: You've gone too far this time! I'll get you for this!

Snake: Just try it old man!

Revolver Ocelot: Ha! Well this is interesting! (Intrudes into the scene)

Snake: Ocelot!

The End: You again? Leave us! This is between him and me!

Revolver Ocelot: And pray tell, what exactly did he do to make you so enraged?

The End: This…Beast of a man! First he ate my parrot…and now, if that wasn't enough. Now, he's gone and eaten my pair of Great Tits!

Revolver Ocelot: I se-WHAT THE FUCK?

Snake: Yeah, so I ate your great Tits. And you know what? I enjoyed it! And I'd do it again!

The End: You animal! It took me years to raise them to adulthood! It's was not an easy task, especially at my age.

Snake: Yeah well, tough! Got anymore?

The End: You monster!

Revolver Ocelot: (Is watching the scene in shock, mouth hanging open and eyes glazed over) End…Tits…eaten…Snake…wha?

(Suddenly, the Ocelot unit bursts into the scene)

Soldier: Commander! We finally found you! (Notices Snake) The enemy!

The End: Grr…too many people around. Snake! In time, I shall face you in a one-on-one dual. And rest assured, I'll get you for my Tits! (Leaves)

Snake: I'll be waiting. (Notices all the Soldiers; he throws down a smoke grenade.) Yoink! (Runs away)

Soldier: Wait! Damn, he got away! Commander, are you all right?

Revolver Ocelot: (Still in shock) Snake…eat…end…tits…eat…tits…end….

Soldier: Commander! Damn! That Smoke grenade must have gotten to him! (Motions to the other soldiers) Men! Carry him back to base camp!

(The Soldiers proceed to assemble a stretcher and carry the now stiff with shock Ocelot away.)

Revolver Ocelot: Tits…Tits…Tits…itchy…tasty…

END

This stuff is hard to churn out.. Anyway, please Read and Review.They help my self esteem.