The TARDIS was silent. The Doctor paced the control room, lost in thought. Rose and the latest addition were in bed and probably asleep. He wondered vaguely if he should... well rest if not sleep. Sleep wasn't something he did much of anyway, certainly not since... He jerked his mind away from the thought.
Sighing deeply, he leant on the panel. He was too old, he really was. He shouldn't be here. Should be dead.
"Why don't you just die?"
The Doctor found himself on the floor as his knees gave way. Grief and guilt tore through him, endangering the walls he'd built around himself. The hugeness of the loss of his people was a tidal wave that threatened to engulf him. There were some things you couldn't conceive and remain sane. He was beginning to wonder whether he had.
"Doctor?" Rose's voice filtered through the haze of memories. The concern of her tone broke the last of his resolve.
It hit him hard and he was lost under a sensation that was beyond description. So many dead and gone, the planet burned to dust and rock and... He was vaguely aware of a sobbing, before he realised the sound he heard was himself. He felt Rose's arms wrap around him.
"Oh Doctor," she whispered, rocking him. He clung to her, another soul he'd assigned to death. She'd only escaped by the luckiest of chances.
"I'm sorry," he choked out.
"Hush, it's okay. Don't blame yourself."
"You nearly died. I killed you. I've killed so many. So many."
"Oh god," her voice was anguished. "Don't do this."
The agony was intense, tearing him apart. And Van Statten thought he knew about torture. "Too late," he muttered. "I did it already."
"It was a war," Rose said. "You didn't have a choice."
"There's always a choice, Rose. You weren't there, didn't see what I did." He paused, thinking about the Daleks burning. He shivered. "Good job, you'd hate me if you had."
"No," she told him firmly. "I don't hate you for making a decision you had to, even though it was my life. Regardless of what you think, I do know the risks. I don't care what stupid promise my mum wrung out of you, don't you dare risk others to save me. That's what I would hate, what I couldn't forgive."
"I can't lose you Rose," the Doctor admitted to her. He found himself eased back and she was smiling at him.
"You're not going to," she replied, wiping the tears from his cheeks. "You are not a bad person, you know. You could have destroyed that Dalek but you didn't. I know you wanted to, but you didn't."
He sniffed. In all the darkness, this girl was his only light. "You stopped me. The only thing that could of. You saved me from myself."
"You save me, I save you. I guess that makes us even."
The Doctor pulled her to him, seeking the comfort he found in her alone. "Or odd," he said grinning suddenly. The despair broke as quickly as it had gathered.
Rose giggled and hugged him tight. "I'm so glad I met you," she told him.
Well there was only one answer to that. "Me too."
