Chapter 6: A Doubting Parker
Within days, Drake was on his way to attend his biological father's funeral. It wasn't easy to convince his mom to let him go.
"Mom, please, let me do this," he said.
Audrey looked at her son with tears in her eyes. "Drake, it's not that I don't want you to go," she said. "It's just that" Her voice trailed off.
"What?" asked Drake.
Audrey looked at him and said, "There're going to be people there that we haven't seen in a while. People who may not want you there."
Drake hadn't thought about that. He hadn't thought about his aunts and uncles, the people on his dad's side said who hadn't even bother to help him and his mom and sister out but that didn't matter. What did matter was Drake letting go of the past, letting his dad know that he was okay.
Being considerate of his mom's feelings, Drake took his mom's hand and said, "Mom, I know you want to forget about what Michael did to you. So do I. But I need to go, I need to do this."
Audrey looked down.
Wanting to comfort her more, Drake wrapped an arm around her and said, "I just feel in my heart that I need to face my past. I need to tell Michael that we're okay, that I'm okay."
"Mom, I know that you're afraid," he said. "But I can do this. Please let me do this."
Audrey's eyes cleared and she looked in amazement at her son. How did he get so mature so quickly?
"All right, Drake," she said. "You can go. You have two weeks until you start day camp and we aren't going away until August. You can go."
Drake smiled and gave her a warm hug. "Thank you, Mom," he whispered. "Thank you so much."
Drake got up and ran to his room to pack. As Drake was doing that, Audrey decided to sit outside on the porch and watch Megan and her friend, Addie swim in the pool that Walter had just installed. As Audrey leaned back on the swing, she watched Megan and Addie swim and splash each other and have a wonderful time. Megan seemed to be enjoying her childhood, carefree, no worries. She was glad that one of her children was enjoying her childhood. Drake hadn't enjoyed his childhood, he didn't have a childhood.
Walter sat down next to his wife and put his arm around her. "Are you okay?" he asked.
Audrey responded by nodding her head but Walter wasn't buying it. "You're not okay, Audrey," he said.
"You're right, Walter, I'm not," she said as she got up and walked to the railing. "I don't want Drake going to the funeral," she said.
"Why did you tell him he could go?" Walter asked.
"Because he seemed so insisted," she said. "He really wants to go and let go of his past but I just him to forget about it. I want him to forget about what my ex-husband did to him."
"Then, Audrey, why did you even bother telling him about Michael's death?" he asked.
Audrey thought about that. "Because I think he should know about his biological dad dying," she said. "I wanted him to know that when Michael died, all the pain that Drake went through had died as well."
"Audrey, I admire you for wanting to protect Drake," Walter said. "But just because Michael died doesn't mean that what he did to Drake dies as well. Drake will still feel that pain."
"I know," Audrey said, tears welling up. "In the back of my mind, I always knew but I wanted to protect Drake. I wanted to erase all memory of Michael from him but I guess one just can't."
"No, they can't," Walter, said. "One has to let their children face their pain."
"Thank you, baby," she said. The two hugged and proceeded to watch Megan and Addie have a contest for that can do the best cannonball.
Drake was in his room, packing for the trip. He was having a hard time finding a suitable outfit for the funeral for he hadn't been to in a long time.
Josh came in and said, "Need help packing?"
Drake looked up, smiled, and responded "Yeah, thanks, man. I can't find a suitable outfit for the funeral," he said. "I mean, what is appropriate to wear?"
Josh looked at him and said, "Haven't you even been to a funeral before?"
Drake just shrugged and said, "Well, yeah, when I was little, my grandfather's. And my mom picked out my clothes." Drake sat down on his bed and put his face in his hands. "I don't know what I'm going to do. "
"Drake, don't worry, you'll find something appropriate," Josh said.
"It's not that Josh," he said. "I just that, I didn't even think about what I'm, going to say to my biological father's family. I mean, as I was packing my things, I was rehearsing in my head what I was going to say and I couldn't think of anything or at least, anything that seemed right."
Drake rubbed his eyes, trying to rub away the stress he was feeling. Josh got up and sat beside his brother. "Look, Drake, I know this is going to be hard for you," he said. "I mean, after all you've been through, the abuse and everything. And now, you're going to your dad's funeral and seeing people you haven't seen, it seems like it's……"
"Too much for me to handle," he admitted.
Josh looked at him, surprised and said, "Drake, what do you mean? You were so gung-ho on going to the funeral and now, you're admitting to me that it's too much to handle."
"It is," he said. He jumped down from the bed and began to sort through his clothes again. Josh could see that the stress in his brother's eyes was the most he had even seen in a person. "I thought I could handle it, I thought everything would be fine," Drake said, throwing his clothes on top the bag with a lot of intensely. "I thought I would be able to go to the funeral and face my past and tell Michael that I was okay and I could handle but I can't!" He dropped a jacket and shook his head. "I can't do this, Josh," he admitted. "I mean I really, really can't do this."
Josh looked at his brother, in disbelief that Drake, the brother that seemed so strong and calm and cool and in control…. was falling apart in front of him.
Josh decided to take some of that strength and put it in words, words that can further help him.
"Drake, I want to ask you something," he said. "Why did you decide to go to the funeral?"
Drake took a breath and said, hastily, "I don't know."
"You do," he said, "You know."
Drake rubbed his eyes and said, "Because I wanted to tell my biological dad that I was okay, that I had survived all the stuff he did to me."
"Okay, that's all you need to do," Josh said.
"You make it seem so simple, just tell him that I'm okay, despite the fact that I spent my childhood scared of him, scared of what he was doing to me and my mom," he said.
"Drake, wasn't the whole point of you going to let go of what happened to you?" he asked. "To finally let go."
Drake thought about that; going to the funeral was a way of finally letting go, finally letting all the pain leave him.
"You're right, brother," he said, after awhile. "You are totally, absolutely right. I guess I was just scared about what to say."
"Drake, when you write your music, how do you write?" he asked.
Drake shrugged and said, "I don't know, I guess I write out of my life, my thoughts and emotions."
"Well, that's all you need to do," Josh said. "Just speak out of your thoughts and feelings. It's not going to be easy, but you can do it. Just believe in yourself, I do."
Josh gave his brother a warm smile and Drake smiled back. "Thanks, man," he said.
After a while minutes, Josh said, "Well, let's get you packed up, you can't wear jeans to a funeral."
Drake laughed and the two packed a bag for Drake and went to bed, not before watching their favorite movie, The Blues Brothers. Josh thought Drake needed something laughter after all that happened, after talking about the cuts and bruises.
