There was once a mighty king who feared nothing and no one, but himself. He defeated the dreaded hora-quan, the dark makers, Errol, and the blood beasts, the most horrid of them all. These stories are well known to you, so I will tell you a different one. I will tell you the real story of Mar, much greater than all the others, much darker and filled with pure pain. There was much thought of how he lived and when his log was found a surprise was installed for all. For no one guessed his story to be so. Even today people wonder how one can endure such pain and torment without anyone knowing it. He truly was the only true king we have ever acknowledged. Here is his diary:
The acceptance:
Monday, 23rd, month of the falling leaves, year of rebirth
To all who don't know me, my name is Mar, but my friends call me Jak. The king of the Wasteland and son of the great warrior Damas. This log is being written only with one purpose, so that the world after knows what happened here, so they don't blame me for all the dire things that occurred, all the homes destroyed, all the lives lost. For, I am not yet fit to be the king, and I will never be. Too much hatred is there in me, and although they say I've changed, they are wrong. Nothing ever changes. It may take a different form, but its essence is the same.
What happened after Errol's defeat? Nothing good. After much thought the Spargus council named king. They said it was my birth right and there was nothing that could change it. I protested off course, knowing nothing good could come out of my crowning. But they disagreed. I think it was because no one else wanted to take the responsibility that being king brought. So I sat on the throne without my will. The chair seemed so large, and cold. The only thing I hoped for was that there will be no more enemies. It is a lot easier when you are alone, when you fend for yourself, and only for yourself. But in truth, I was never really alone, Dax was there. Not anymore. I remember the day he left. Instead of a warm goodbye, we separated in quarrel. Ashlin had left me too, even before Dax. Why it happened I don't know. I'll write it here so one day maybe someone understands and tells me. But… by then, I'll already be dead. So what is the use? Maybe I'm writing this for the sole sake of writing, or maybe cause I have no one to tell it to.
I remember the night after Errol's defeat. Oh how I awaited it. Ashlin came to my room, silently as a cat; she was unarmed and practically naked. A slight smile was settled on her face, one like I never saw before. She slowly stepped towards me, her hips shifting from side to side in an almost liquid motion. Just the look of her made me crazy. She pushed me onto the bed forcing me to sit as she leisurely sat in my lap. Here she was, in my arms, all I have grappled for, the thing I wished for a long time.
'Hello, tiger! It seems we are alone, at last…'
She arched towards pinning her lips against my own. And I kissed her back. But something was wrong, very wrong. I felt as if I betrayed someone. She pulled my hand under her shirt, breaking the kiss when noticed that I wasn't playing back.
'What's the matter?' I looked at her trying to pretend everything was okay, trying to hide it. The only problem was that I didn't know what I was trying to cover. She read me instantly. Sometimes it seems that others know me better than I know myself, and that scares me.
'It's him, isn't it?'
She sighed.
'It's always him. Little Daxter. Why do you play this way Jak? Why didn't you just tell me that you… you love him?'
Her voice lowered at the last few words. I didn't know; I didn't love him, did I? Life was so confusing, I couldn't make heads or tails out of it, and it wasn't getting any easier.
'I… I don't love him.'
Somehow I knew I was lying,
'Don't try to make a fool of me Jak! Hph, even though you already did.'
'I love you, you know that…'
'I do. But you love him even more and I can't stand being second.'
'I will change…'
'No Jak, you won't, everything remains the same. Remember? You said it yourself.'
It's funny how sometimes you lose because the things you said, not others.
'Goodbye Jak. And for all it's worth, I love you, and I always will.'
She turned one more time before she stepped out of the room. She left silently as she came, leaving me alone in the dark. I stood there for what seemed to me like hours, I just couldn't confess she had left for good. That is the hardest thing when someone leaves you, admitting they are gone, sadly I knew the feeling to well. I haven't seen her since. Some say she married Torn but I didn't pay any attention to rumors. If she has, good for her, she deserves someone better than me.
But as they say, from everything bad comes something good. That night I finally realized what I was hiding for all these years. Trying to cut it out off my life, but it always lurked around me. Suddenly I remembered all the looks he gave me, the little signals that should have made me understand that he loved me. He knew that deep inside me there was that special place in my heart, and it was reserved for him. But I didn't know it. Gradually he stopped giving me wild glances, I remember he changed somehow. Oh god, why didn't I realize this sooner, how much torment did he endure? I'll make it up for him, 'cause now I know that I love Daxter, and I love him so purely and completely. Nothing could stand between us, nothing at all.
