Thank you for the review, for one is all I need to create the magic which is corn. Did I say corn? I meant literature. I own nothing but the hatred that I must do homework tomorrow. But now to introduce my little guest star, Jhonen!
Jhonen: 'tied to chair' Um…hi.
Xi: So what do you think of my fiction thus far?
Jhonen: I…uh…think it's a very original use for my characters. Can I have food now?
Xi: Yes. 'stuffs a churro into his mouth'
Jhonen: Sthang gyoo.
Xi: Now we can begin!
Johnny awoke the next day on a fine Tuesday morning. He had slept for the simple reason that his mind was a bit too cluttered, and with no desire to kill (Gasp!) that night, he thought he had best retire to his room. Oddly, though, he had rarely ever gone into his room since the wall and doughboys started talking to him, which seemed an eternity. He stepped out of the dusty room, and feeling peckish, decided to eat something. But alas, he could find nothing but nothing. He stood in his kitchen, bewildered.
"Where in the hell is all the food?", He asked himself, suddenly noticing the bloated roach dragging itself across the floor. He stared. The roach turned at him, realized his predicament, and began scooting faster, desperate to get away. A few seconds later, Mr. Samsa was in Johnny's clutches, being carried to the basement. He whimpered sadly, as if he were a dog. This got a bop on the head by Johnny as he squeezed him tighter.
"How in the hell did you eat that many cans of Skeitos!" he demanded, getting a regretful squeak from the titanic insect. He was thusly thrown into the river of flaming acid which ran through Johnny's petting zoo. He was carried off by the current, wait no. He would have, but the flaming acid liquefied him the instant he met the horrid solution. Johnny growled, as did his stomach.
"The one time I'm hungry, I discover that a gluttonous parasite has eaten all of my food! So this means one of three things:", he began.
"One, SOMEONE UP THERE ISN'T PAYING ATTENTION!" He screamed, pointing to the ceiling.
"Two, someone DOWN THERE JUST FELT LIKE PISSING ME OFF!" He shrieked, pointing to the floor. He sighed.
"Or three, I have to go shopping.", He stated calmly, throwing an empty can down a hole.
(IN HELL!)
The can clunked Senor Diablo on the head, rolling to the side with the other empty Skeito cans. He groaned, looking as Mr. Samsa skittered up the window of his office.
"I knew I should have given him that coat…," he groaned annoyed, going back to his paperwork.
(IN JHONENWORLD!)
Johnny hummed a merry tune as he strolled past the little Chihuahua on the corner and walked into the 24/7. He was about to grab a cart, when he noticed a trio of cheerleaders near the Brainfreezy cups, wielding bladed pom-poms. His eyes widened. Their demonic smiles stretched. The apparent leader pointed at Johnny, giggling demonically.
"ATTACK!" She screeched, jumping at our protagonist while the other two leapt at him with spinning kicks. Johnny waved his arms in the air, dashing out of the store and screaming like the little girl Jhonen wished he was.
"WHY DID I FORGET MY KNIVES? CURSE YOU, VILE SANITY, CURSE YOU!", He yelled, turning down a corner and into an alley. Dead end.
The cheerleaders began to close in on Johnny, holding a sack marked 'Make-up' and a spare uniform. Johnny backed to a wall, fearing the worst.
"Fuck, I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die, and they're gonna rape my body when I'm dead…", he groaned, recoiling as they leapt at him.
BZZT!
Johnny opened his eyes. He blinked them once to make sure they were working. He had doubts though, for the entire world had gone into black and white. The three cheerleaders were frozen in mid air. Leaning against the wall was the young man from yesterday. He shook his head, smiling.
"Can't have our new angel of death dying, can we?" He mused, the world blinking as they reappeared in Johnny's house. Johnny muttered incoherently, pointing at the man, where the cheerleaders were, and a little garden gnome on the table. The man clapped, a cloak and scythe forming in front of Johnny.
"Well? Put it on!" He urged, tapping his foot. Johnny stared a bit, and after a few minutes, he put the robe on, plucking the scythe from the air. The cloak quickly took shape to his body, fitting quite comfortably.
"Hey! This is better than that coat in hell!", He exclaimed, feeling the soft material. The young man smiled.
"It should, it was made by the same person.", He stated as a matter of fact. He twirled his hand in the air, a scroll of parchment forming. He handed it to Johnny.
"Here are the people whom you are to reap. By the by, my name is Exodus. I'll be your consultant. Anyhow, there's about 50 people on there. We have other agents working around the world, but I don't care about them. I only care about how YOU do."
"And…why?" Johnny asked, looking over the list. Exodus sighed.
"BECAUSE if you don't have a good first day, I have 1 hour of spanking from that freaky dominatrix chick, Mrs. Morningstar.", He muttered, making Johnny blink.
"As in, the devil's…wife?", He queried. Exodus nodded.
"Well, time's a-wasting, my boy! You've got souls to reap!", He exclaimed, vanishing. Johnny soon saw that everything else was vanishing with him.
Devi groaned in a raspy tone. She went into the back room of the apartment and took off her, or should I say his, wig. Devi, the real one, struggled at the bonds, mumbling into the sock that was currently gagging her. The pseudo-Devi, whom we shall not mention the name of, kicked her, making her grunt in pain. The imposter began to wash off his make-up, and looked into the mirror. He began to scrub his mouth with a toothbrush.
"Bleh! That was the most degrading thing I've ever had the displeasure of doing!", He shouted, taking off the woman's clothing he was wearing. Thankfully, he was wearing an all black suit underneath, so his anatomy was not disclosed.
"But it will all be worth it once I get that demented freak back for killing my little brother…," he hissed in that raspy voice.
"Soon, Johnny. Soon."
A/N: A cliffhanger? You bet! And I can say this explains 'Devi's' sudden appreciation for Johnny. Does it not? REVIEW please.
Jhonen: 'Hops away in the chair.'
Xi: WAIT! I MADE MUFFINS!
'British humor chase scene and iris out.'
