Sitting comfortably
By Estellio
Rating: PG-13 (Aren't they all)
Summary: Beckett / Chair. I read a story with that paring and I couldn't resist. I mean, how random is THAT! Basically, this is what might have been going on in the first episode, behind the scenes.A little weird but tell me what you think.
A/N: When Beckett is thinking it's in Italics, same when he's talking to the chair but when the chair talks back it's got brackets around it. You'll see what I mean.
IOIOIO
"Look, we've been through this, I'm not your man." Carson said, exasperatedly, but the grip Rodney had on his arm was like Steel as he guided him to the chair.
Don't make me do this"Keep moving." The Canadian ordered, brining him into the chair room.
There it is. Oh my god, let me out of here.
"I'm a doctor. A medical Doctor."
Who isn't comfortable sitting in that…THING!"There's nothing to be afraid of." Rodney said, annoyed as they rounded the corner which led to the steps.
Nothing to be afraid of my mother's lemon pie! The things a menace.
"You don' understand. I break things like this."
I WANT to break things like this.
"This device survived for millions of years intact, it will survive you."
Yes but will I survive it?"Now sit down, close you eyes and concentrate." Rodney gave him a little push and Carson sat.
Concentrate on battling a chair that is coming onto me like a cheap hooker looking for a job?
Carson sighed, he realised there was no getting out of this.
(Welcome back darling.)
Don't call me that!
(But you are my darling.)
'I don't want to be. Please, leave me alone. I have to concentrate.'
(Why don't you like me? Is it because I'm a chair?)
'Well…a little bit, yes. I mean, you're a chair, I'm a guy, how is that supposed to work?'
(I KNEW IT WAS BECAUSE I'M A CHAIR! IT'S NOT LIKE A CAN HELP THE WAY I WAS MADE! YOUR SUCH A PIG.)
'Oh. NO! I didn't mean it like tha'. Don't be upset.'
(How did you mean it then? Because it seemed pretty clear to me!)
'Well…how is this meant ta work. You're a chair, I'm a guy. It jus' can't work, luv.'
(When you sit on me, our consciousness melds. I'm just as good as any woman.)
Arousal shot through him and he jerked up from the chair, eyes wide.
"Again nothin'." He said panicked.
"This time, just, try to imagine an image of where we are in the solar system." Carson closed his eyes.
'Please, don't start. I jus' need to see where we are in the solar system. Can ya do that?'
(Of course I can but I won't. you've hurt my feelings.)
'Please darling?'
(Aw, you called me darling…No. You can't sweet talk your way out of it. You've offended me! It wont work.)
'Oh god, that's it. When general O' Neill gets here, he can make ya work. I'm bloody well through with ya.'A tingling started deep in the pit of his stomach.
"I think I feel something." Rodney leant forward, eager. "It could be lunch related." Instantly Rodney stood up, seriously pissed off looking.
"Shut up and concentrate." Carson sighed and closed his eyes. Immediately he felt the tingling in his stomach again.
(Who is General O' Neill?)
'He activated the chair on another planet and got our ZPM.'
(He will be coming to sit in me? Activate me?)
'Yeah'
(UNACCEPTABLE! I AM NOT A COMMON CHAIR TO BE SAT ON BY WHOMEVER IT PLEASES!)
The drone began to glow and it had one command.
Seek out General O' Neill and destroy.
"What did I do?" he hadn't realised he had said it out loud and he watched through different eyes as the drone weaved its way around the helicopter. Trying to hit it.
"I told you I was the wrong person." He said in almost a robotic voice.
"It doesn't matter now, just do something."
"Like what?" The chair was out of control with jealousy.
"Carson, concentrate on shutting that weapon down before it hurts someone."
'Please, chair. Please, stop. I won't let him sit on you. I wont let anyone sit in you. You're my chair. Mine. All mine. And I'm your…sitter?'
(You're just saying that)
'Nah, may god strike meh down if I'm tellin' a lie. I like ya, I really do. Sorta afraid but please, call off the drone.'
(No.)
'I'LL NEVER SIT IN YA AGAIN IF YOU DON'T!' He watched the drone narrowly miss the helicopter and dive into the ice. It travelled along the icy water and then burst up through the ice.
'SHUT IT OFF NOW DARLIN'!' He concentrated hard on shutting off the drone. 'If they die I'll never be allowed sit in you again!'
The drone deactivated and slid to a halt in front of O' Neill.
"I think I did it!" He saw Weir sigh with relief and relaxed into the chair. "Holy crap."
When he found out he was going to Atlantis he was ecstatic but when Rodney asked him to sit in the chair he panicked.
It's not like the same chair, I suppose. He thought, sitting down.
(Hello Darling. Welcome back)
