Sitting comfortably
By Estellio
Rating: PG-13 (T)
Summary: Beckett / Chair. Rodney makes Carson sit on the Atlantis Chair with some….unexpected results.
IOIOIO
"No! I won't do it! I jus' won't do it, Rodneh!" Rodney heaved a sigh and grabbed Carson by the scruff of his neck.
"It. Is. Just. A. Chair."
"Itainjussa chair! 'salive an' crazy lika BADGER!" Rodney couldn't be sure, but he thought that was Carson trying to communicate to him…something about licking a badger?
"SPEAK ENGLISH!"
"Ah Canneh help it, me accent gets a wee bit more pronounced when ah'm nervous an in case ya had neh noticed, I'm NERVOUS!" Rodney rolled his eyes with a pain expression.
"Carson. It. Is. Just. A. chair. We've been over this. It can do you no harm."
"Speak for yourself. Last time it nearly blew Major Sheppard and General O' Neill outta the sky! It can do a lotta damage!"
"This chair has barely any power, we just want to make sure it's in working order. You can do nothing with this chair. You probably can't even turn it on." Carson swallowed and looked over at it. Sitting over there, looking all innocent and nice and…CHAIR LIKE! Sinister, Scottish loving, piece of man trap! The only reason it allowed Major Sheppard to activate it was because she wanted to make him jealous. It hadn't worked…though he had been a little bit constipated but that was lunch, not chair, related. It was important you kept the two separate.
"Sit down, Carson."
"No."
"CARSON!" Rodney shoved him down in the chair but Carson just leapt back up.
"D'ya like doin' this ta me? Torturing me? D'ya get ah kick outta it? I thought we were friends! Friends would neh do this ta each other, Rodney! They wouldn't! Do it to Major Sheppard, ya don't like him!" Rodney mumbled something under his breath about hair and static electricity and motioned to Zelenka who was standing, somewhat idle, off in one corner.
"Alright, plan B, Razic."
"Radek." The Czech said in a bored voice, it obviously wasn't the first time today he had corrected him.
"Plan Beh? What's Plan Beh?"
"GETTIM!" A rope was rapped around his forearms and Carson found himself being tied to the chair.. "NO! He screeched. "NO YA DON'T KNOW THE FORCE YA COULD UNLEASH!"
"You can't harm the city, the chair wont do that." Rodney sighed.
"IT'S NOT THE CITY AH'M WORRIED ABOU'! IT'S MEH! SHE'S A PSYCHO!"
"She?" Both Rodney and Radek looked up, confused. How could he explain this to them. "She who?"
"The chair…it's sentient an…it's complicated."
"When are vomen not?" Radek muttered and that's when Carson felt it.
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING! YOU'RE SITTING IN ANOTHER CHAIR! THE SHAME! YOU USED ME! YOU LYING CHEATING PIG! That's it, I'm never speaking to you again!" The bonds on his arms snapped and he was freed from the chair and it bucked, sending him sprawling to the floor.
"WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED!" Rodney shouted, running to aid his fallen comrade.
"She…dumped me?" Carson laughed. "Quite literally actually!"
IOIOIO
A/N: This probably wont be the end. I'll write one more chapter...maybe two and maybehave him and the chair reconcile and get back to together. We all know Carson could do with a wee bit of loving. Sorry about the accent too. I went a bit Scotty over it! I originally intended this as a one shot but...(Shrugs) When your muse calls the shots, anything goes. Good muse (Pets my muse on the head)
