Behind These Eyes
Summary: Over the last year, JT Yorke has been going through a lot of stress. He hasn't been himself. So when something finally goes right for him, will it go the way he wants it to, or will it go wrong? Some Season 4 Spoilers
Disclaimer: Degrassi, and everything along with it, is not mine.
Note: My first serious in-depth fan-fic. Also, this takes place at the beginning of 11th grade for JT, 12th for the upperclassmen. May contain some spoilers, to let you know.
Chapter One: Struggle
I tapped my pencil against the desk, watching Armstrong write something on the board. I was so bored, it was actually interesting to watch chalk glide on the board and form letters. My eyes darted back to my paper. The massacre of numbers made my head spin, so I returned to looking at the board.
She got up just as I was writing down notes from the board. Slick black hair loaded with the latest hair gel, brown eyes that had that perfect almond shape, that ever-popular crop top. So many ways to describe the only girl that I ever had a crazy crush on, Manuella Santos. I don't like her now, but just looking at her reminds me of all the pain she put me through. I would never admit this, but our breakup hurt a lot. Not just because she broke up with me, but because of the reason. I can remember her words almost exactly.
"You know what JT? Craig does have something that you don't. Maturity! And I don't mean his size! I mean the way he acts. You're always farting and joking around."
"I'm sorry! Just give me another chance, okay? I can change!"
"No JT, I'm sorry. It's over."
How could I of been so stupid? I was so crazy for that girl that I would do anything to impress her, including changing my personality for her. In a way, I learned from the whole experience. No matter how hot the woman, I'll never change for her, never.
No one ever likes me anyway. Oh sure, girls love me as a friend, but when I want to take that next step, they reject me. You're too immature JT, I can just hear it now. No one knows the real me, however. The slightly sarcastic, somewhat immature but pretty mature guy that I am. I've never really poured my soul out to someone anyway, so I guess no one will ever find out.
"Um, JT? Pencil?" someone asks from behind me.
Of course, the familiar face of Toby Issacs appears. A guy I know all too well. Sure, we've had our ups and downs, but last year was a huge downfall, one neither of us will forget. I'm just glad he's still talking to me.
"Here, sorry." I say.
Toby gives me a half-smile and returns to copying notes. One thing I know, things will never be like they were in Grade Seven again.
Once we finally get out of Armstrong's stuffy classroom, I go to my locker to pick up some books. Little did I know that Emma Nelson, one of my good friends, would be standing right there.
"Um, hey Em. What are you doing over here?" I asked her.
Emma and I had never been really close, but after all that had happened to us last year, we were the only two left in our whole group. Manny had ditched us for Paige and her squad, and Toby drifted off with Rick. Ever since Manny and Paige patched up their friendship, she's been ignoring us more than ever, and Toby obviously still has hard feelings. So there was Emma. We got to know each other better, and before you know it, we became best friends.
"Just checking up on my best friend, of course." Emma said.
"Someone's in a good mood today." I said as I opened my locker.
"I decided to let things go. You can only be hostile for so long about everything. I know what happened with Jay was a huge mistake, but thanks to you I've moved on." Emma said.
"Glad I could help. Really, it's great to see you like this." I said.
"Hurry up! We have to get to class before Kwan gives us a detention." Emma said.
"A detention! Just the thing to break Emma Nelson's perfect record!" I said.
"Ha, honestly I don't care about that damn record anymore. Let's go!" Emma said.
Later On…
Emma and I rode home to school. I just got my driver's license, so we both were relieved that Spike would no longer have to drive us around. Plus, the Ford Focus I got for my 16th was a treat as well.
We got home after picking up a snack from The Dot, a thing me and Emma did every day. Usually Emma would stay for a half-hour, either doing homework or just chilling out.
After Emma left, I sat in my room, staring at the ceiling. Mom wasn't home, as usual, and Dad just sat downstairs watching Jerry Springer repeats and chugging down a Cherry Coke. My little sister Sabrina was off at a friend's house. So it was basically just me, staring at the ceiling.
My life had been like this for a long time. Ever since the shooting, and ever since all my friends seemed to drift away. I wasn't even speaking with Liberty, not since our painful breakup in the summer. Danny, well he was the main reason we broke up. The only true friends I seemed to have was Emma and Darcy, who I spoke to whenever I saw her in the hallway. At least she gave me the time of day.
Ring-Ring
I checked my caller ID, just to make sure it wasn't Grandpa wanting me to go to the store to buy him groceries. I was surprised when it turned out to be Manny, who would be the last person I'd want to talk to.
"Um, hi." I said.
"JT, is that you?" Manny said.
"Who else would it be?" I said.
"I don't know why I'm calling exactly. But I just wanted to apologize. I know you've been through some really hard times, with your breakup and all." Manny said.
"That was last summer. And as you can see, I'm still hurting over it." I said.
"You're not yourself, JT. The sarcastic, down to earth guy I used to know. What happened?" Manny said.
"Well, after a breakup, and after almost all my friends, including you, ditched me, it's hard to be happy." I said.
"Another reason why I wanted to apologize. I know I haven't been a great friend or a great anything. I'm still trying to find myself, and I know all of the crazy shit I've done has affected everyone." Manny said.
"We've both had it hard, but it was no reason for you to just ditch me. Especially when I needed a friend the most." I said.
"Well, I'm over that stage. And Emma has told me how much you helped her deal, so I figured we could help each other." Manny said.
"Yeah, Emma's been a really great friend, she's the only reason why I didn't become depressed. Even if I had wanted to, I couldn't of. I love a good joke too much to ever be like that." I said.
"Now that's the JT Yorke I know. Listen, why don't you come over tomorrow to just hang out, talk everything over?" Manny said.
"I guess so. But I still haven't forgiven you, not yet." I said.
"I don't expect that. I haven't forgiven myself for all the crap that's happened. But we both are going to have to deal with this some way." Manny said.
"Yup. See you tomorrow, I guess." I said and hung up.
I couldn't believe that I was actually giving Manny another chance. But, maybe this time she was actually committed to making all the crap in her life better. Or maybe it was just another cheap apology, to make her guilty self feel a little better. I would just have to find out tomorrow.
Hope everyone enjoyed the first chapter! I have many twists in store, so watch out, you never know what will happen! –Steph
