Dedicated to my wonder school band!
Author's Notes: Everyone in this fic (except for the Smashers) are parodied. Including myself. And I'm also displeased with the fact that someone got the prequel deleted during the summer. It will be back whether you (the user that reported it for no reason) like it or not.
Ahh... Zee Smash Mansion... Here eez zee natural habitat of a vare Bandus Nerdus breed, zee Transvestiteus Sousaphonistus. Vatch as eet slinks in zee nooks und crannies as eet pursues eet's prey. Here eet comes... Veady to pounce onto eets prey und keel eet...
Ka-POW!
"Dangnabbit! It's 'tubist', not 'sousaphonist'!" hollered Marth as he attacked the Spongebob Narrator into oblivion.
"Mommy! I'm scared!" cried the narrator in a high-pitched voice as he curled up into fetal position and getting clobbered by the seemingly PMSing swordsman.
"Please don't tell me he's PMSing," said Link to Capt. Falcon, both from the other room, watching the carnage take place in the entryway room... place... noun... thingy.
"Not yet, so I'm assuming that guy said a few slurs within earshot of Marth," answered Capt. Failure-I mean, Falcon.
The fanfic got put on hold for two months because we the muses and characters had to hold a proper funeral for the belated Spongebob Narrator. It turned out that there were exactly 298,143,555,909 Spongebob Narrator clones in existence, so there was no need to panic about the lack of them. After that, we had to find a new narrator. There was only one way we could do it:
"Oh macarena, macarena, macarena! Oh macarena, macarena, macarena! Daaa... da-dada-daaa!" sang a contestant as it shook its bon-bon (its butt, for those who don't know).
"Dat was cool, dawg!" cheered Crazy Hand.
"That was a cute dance, sweetie!" said Master Hand.
"RAWR! (munch, munch, chew, chew, swallow, burp)" roared Giga Bowser. The hands shook their heads(?) and explained for the umpteenth time that Simon Cowell does NOT roar and eat the sucky contestants like a Godzilla drone no matter how much they suck.
Because of that, we've finally got a new narrator. Yes, it is I, Nikoru-chan, the Mary-Sueish muse that never gets the spotlight because work prevents that. I shall be the narrator for now on. All your narration are belong to me. Word.
After all that, Ness came running into the living room to round up everyone for a Family Meeting. It didn't sound like a good thing and everyone was trembling in fear. What the red-capped munchkin has in store, nobody knows... yet.
"People! I've received an email from the almighty author! She's inviting us back to her school for a concert!" said Ness.
Everyone screamed in horror, shouted expletives too strong to mention in a G-rated-err... K-rated-whatever this fic's rated-story, and dashed out of the room. Poor Ness was left in the room, all alone without a sane individual to accompany him.
"Happy days are here again!" sang Marth as he did a little jig to express his happiness. I think he should have taken Creative Dance. This moment right here proves my case that Ness was all alone without a sane individual to accompany him. Would a sane individual do a little happy dance because they get to go back to the evilness known as High School Band? I rest my case.
"Do we have to play the same stupid instruments we had in Band Camp?" whined Roy.
"I guess so, we'll just have to ask the author," replied Ness. This brought on everyone (except Marth) groaning.
Everyone hopped onto the SUV and headed to the evilness on Monday, May 02, 2005, at 12:06 p.m. PST. It took them a good hour and 2 minutes or however long 5th period lasts to come over here. Not to mention that Toonce the Driving Cat drove the SUV for the Smashers. One word to describe the trip: Cliffs. They've gone over every single cliff from the Smash Mansion to Magicant and arrived to 6th period without any injuries whatsoever. As they all clambered out of the bus, Toonce went up to the mondo funky physics teacher's classroom who showed cool "non-district approved" movies to his class like Lola Rennt, The Triplets of Belleville, and the skits of Toonce the Driving Cat. Now all they need to do was use that certain German word in their everyday speech like everyone else who had the cool physics teacher like the author... Wait, I mean, they needed to find the torture chamber known as Room 100, a.k.a. the Band Room.
When the Smashers found the room that haunted their dreams during the summer, the author ran up to them by the Band Storage Room.
"Where were you guys at?" roared the author. "I've sent that email two months ago and you've just showed up!" She jumped up and down and screamed out that German word everyone picked up on from watching Lola Rennt, but I'm not including it here because one, it's not something that'll appear in whatever-rated fic this is if it was translated into English and two,... I forgot what two was. My bad. Oh, yeah! I remember! I don't know how to spell it. Not sure if it's an I before Z with an E after Z, or it's A-I before Z. Could look it up Google, mwa ha ha ha! Oh, the narration! My bad!
"Blame Marth for our lateness! He killed the previous narrator, so we held a funeral for him and held an audition for the new one... The auditioners sucked, so we got stuck with that demonic muse of yours," said Fox.
The beloved band director, Mr. Chapookey, ran up to the Smashers, escorted them to his office and began to assign them their instruments.
"Ok..." Mr. Chapookey used his leet magical band director skills to recall who played what during Band Camp. "You were on flute-(he handed Nana and Link the flutes), you were on clarinet-(he handed Popo and Zelda the clarinets), you were on alto-(he handed Peach and Dr. Mario the alto saxes), you were on tenor-(he handed Roy the tenor sax, much to his groaning), you were on trumpet-(he handed Mario and Young Link the trumpets), you were on trombone-(he handed Luigi and Yoshi the trombones), you were on baritone-(he handed Fox and Ness the baritones), you were on bass-(he pointed to Mr. Game & Watch, Bowser, and Ganondorf), you were on snare-(he pointed to Samus), you were on quads-(he pointed to Capt. Falcon ), you were on cymbals-(he pointed to Donkey Kong )... You six will be with the others on percussion. They'll show you the ropes. Now, what should I put you six on...?" He glanced over to Kirby, Mewtwo, Falco, Jigglypuff, Pikachu, and Pichu.
"Man, this'll be so much fun!" Marth sighed happily. Couldn't wait to play with the happy, peppy bandos again.
Mr. Chapookey handed Kirby, Jigglypuff, and Pikachu clarinets while he gave the others flutes.
"What the— (Falco said a really bad expletive that caused all the band geeks to come into the office to see what fool was stupid enough to argue with the almighty band director)—is this? I'm not gonna play some—(more expletives than you could shake a band director's powerful baton at)—girly instrument!"
"And you'll get something special!" the director said to Marth. He shooed everyone else out while he rummaged through all the items that you'll find in a typical band director's office (for example, a copy of The Communist Manifesto, The How-To Guide For World Domination, and Nintendo Power, to mention a few). Marth was presented with two small black cases that would contain his assigned instrument for the concert.
"You've seen The Matrix, right?" asked the director.
"Yeah, it was so-so," Marth replied.
"Remember that scene with the red pill/blue pill?"
"Kinda."
"This is what it's like, you get to pick the red pill or blue pill."
The whole Band Room fell silent after a few minutes. Marth was screaming and ranting with rage, obviously not happy with what the director did to him. He stumped in and threw his case down onto the chair with pure hatred. The other Smashers gathered around the chair to see what was inside that made him so ticked off.
Nana opened it and said "Hey, you got a clarinet! Right on!"
"It's not a clarinet; that's an oboe!" said Kagome (whose real name was Angelica), the anime-otaku clarinetist now oboest from Marching Season. She was wearing another one of her cool Inuyasha shirts and moved her oboe out of the way. "You get to sit next to me, Tsukasa," she said to Marth.
"Why do the gods hate me so?" sobbed Marth.
"Hey, it was your fault you chose the oboe case. What else did he have?" asked Roy.
"He showed it to me before I got to open this one. It was a flute. Flute! I could have been ok with a flute! Make first chair and pawn all the other flutists." When he said "pawn", he was pronouncing the word "pwn", a corruption on "own" that's common on the Internet. "But everyone's against me and caused me to get the stupid oboe!" Marth cried and Kagome patted his back.
"It's ok, you could cry on my shoulder if you want," said Kagome.
"Shower me with pity and sympathy, dangit," Marth answered back as he buried his face onto her shoulder.
"Hope you don't mind me practicing while you cry your eyes out on my right shoulder," she said. After getting no audible response, Kagome began to play whatever tunes she had.
"Dangit, duck! I wish I got a different instrument!" cried Clair as she glowered at her clarinet (named Nils). "I wanna pway da too-baa! I wanna pway da too-baa! Water go down da hole!" She began to play Belle Qui Tiens Ma Vie before the director came in.
"Ok, everyone! We've got some guests who will join us on Friday for the Spring Concert!" announced Mr. Chapookey. "First, we'll do Broege, then the third movement of Stuart, then Clark is next, Fillmore, Saint-Saëns, then finally, Sakai."
"Hubba-wha?" the Smashers asked in unison.
The almighty Band Council President, Beverly Hills, came up to the Smashers like a stereotypical popular preppy girl. When she opened her mouth to speak, though, she somehow turned into Barbara Walters.
"Good afternoon, Smashers. The repertoire for the Spring Concert is Sinfonia No.4 by Timothy Broege, The Three Ayres From Gloucester movement three: The Fiefs of Wembley by Hugh M. Stuart, The Woodwind Polka arranged by Andy Clark, The Circus Bee by Henry Fillmore, Danse Bacchanale by Camille Saint-Saëns, and Jungle Garden arranged by Shogo Sakai. Thank you for attending period six, Concert Band. Have a nice day." Beverly sat back down into her chair and looked as if nothing had happen. The Smashers got scared… again.
"I still say that's she's evil!" squeaked Mr. Game & Watch.
"Yeah… And I'm still wondering how she turned into Barbara Walters like that!" shivered Pichu.
"C'mon, band! Let's try to plow through this today and clean up tomorrow and the next couple days," said Mr. Chapookey.
Author's Notes: "Chapookey" is an alternate spelling of "Chapuki", an anagram of "Pikachu" because our director's cool like Pikachu!
