Five – Great Balls of Fire . . .
Bang!
"Oh bollocks!"
The afore mentioned phrase was the very first expletive that emerged from the mouth of Sirius Black when he laid eyes on the first issue of Hogwarts Hearsay.
Bang!
"I know," agreed James, sitting on Sirius's bed with his back against the wall. Remus looked up at him sympathetically.
Bang!
"You know Prongs, it's not that bad. Nobody's going to believe Diggory walked in on you and Lily snogging. Firstly, how would he have gotten the password to the Heads' Dorms? And secondly, it's as common knowledge that Lily detests you as it is common knowledge that Cornelius Fudge is going to cause the downfall of Wizarding democracy as we know it."
Bang!
"Moony," Sirius said, "If you're trying to make the poor boy feel better, then maybe you should just shut your gob?"
Bang!
"Nah, he's right, Padfoot," James said miserably, "Lily does hate me, and she wasn't too thrilled with that Skeeter Cow's reporting either. Did I tell you that she had just acknowledged that I was sorry for all the crap I'd done before she saw that bloody notice and everything went down the drain?"
"Ouch," muttered Peter.
Ba-
The boys looked up from the notice when the door to their dormitory clicked open and Verity appeared in the doorway, holding her wand alight and wearing nothing but an old oversized Wimbourne Wasps T shirt. Sirius rolled his eyes as he watched Remus's eyes widen and his face go decidedly red, even in the fading light. Obviously, the black and yellow stripes set off Verity's dirty blonde spikes and hawk-like eyes quite nicely.
"What the frig is going on in here?" Verity demanded in a sleepy voice, "What are you lot doing making that great banging? Some of us girls are trying to get some sodding sleep!"
James stopped banging the back of his head against the wall and smiled sheepishly.
"Sorry," he muttered, "I was trying to top myself by way of killing brain cells." Verity sighed and raised her hand to rub her eyes, making the hem of her shirt float a little higher up her legs. Remus looked as though he would have liked to dive under the covers of his bed and hibernate for the next three years.
"What did you do to Lily now?" she asked in a strained voice. Wordlessly, James handed over the notice. Verity scanned the article and sighed again.
"If only Skeeter played Quidditch for Ravenclaw," she said wistfully, "Then I could nick Sirius's club, give her a good smack round the head and make it look like an accident."
"You and me both," Sirius agreed, poking his tongue out of his mouth and miming rotating his Beaters' club like her was aiming for a baseball.
"Well, I'd better go see her," Verity said, "before she does something she'll regret tomorrow morning, like putting Bubotuber pus on your toothbrush or something. I'm taking that map thingy," she said, walking to one of the desks and rifling around in one of the drawers, "Pray I don't get caught, will ya?"
As she bumped her hip against the drawer, shutting it again, Remus had opened his trunk and grabbed something from it. He blocked her path to the door and held out a pair of his pyjama bottoms to her as she narrowed one of her eyes at him in a questioning look.
"Put them on," he said, voice quite, face scarlet, while Verity looked at him as if he were telling her to go shave her head. "Go on, I don't want you catching cold, and if you get caught by Filch . . ." he trailed off, pushing the blue checked cotton towards her. A small snort came from the corner.
"Remus I'm not gonna get caught, and it's eighteen degrees outside," Verity argued, while inside, she was really going awwwww
"Please . . ." Remus said quieter still, "Just put them on . . . for me? Please?" Verity stared at him for a minute, then she tutted, shoved her wand and map into his arms so he had to take a step back to stop himself over balancing, and snatched the bottoms from his hand.
Remus smiled in relief as she bent down and hopped about for a minute, grabbing his arm to steady herself as she tugged the material over her legs. Then she straightened up, snatched her wand and the map back and surveyed Remus and James with a deeply pitying look.
"You boys," she sighed, "You're barking mad, the lot of you."
Once she had disappeared out the door, rounds of hilarious laughter erupted from James, Sirius and Peter as Remus gapingly stared after the Chaser.
"What didja think of that, Moony?" asked Peter, grinning.
"I think she deserved a Werewolf's sign of approval, don't you?" asked James, sniggering. Remus turned and threw himself onto his bed, burying his head under the pillow so his friends could barely pick out a muffled, "Sod off!"
"Aaaaawwwwoooooo!" howled Sirius, launching the Marauders into a fresh wave of laughter.
"Lily, I think you're angry at the wrong person here," Verity said calmly, as Lily stomped around the hallway of the Heads' Dorms, distracting herself by wading through James's stuff to find her own. She paid as much attention to her friend's words as she would have paid attention to Petunia during one of her century-long phone conversations.
"What is wrong with that boy?" she only asked in an incredibly irritated tone, "Do I have to curse him into clearing his crap up?"
"No, I think you should forgive the boy for what he did this morning, because he couldn't have know that Skeeter the human wireless station was going to spread nasty rumours about you."
Lily stopped stomping and stared at Verity, not really seeing her, but remembering that moment with James in the Entrance Hall, when all her worries had floated away in his embrace (well, half-embrace), and she had genuinely pondered whether or not to go to Hogsmeade with him next weekend.
Maybe she should forgive him, after all, he hadn't done anything wrong that she hadn't forgiven already, that notice wasn't his fault. It wouldn't change the fact that she had the same attitude towards him as one male tiger had toward another tiger that was trying to steal its territory, but Verity was right, Rita was the one who should need a bullet-proof riot shield, not James.
"Cheer up," Verity said, knowing that Lily knew she was right, "We've got Charms tomorrow morning, and Professor Flitwick will love your little Last-Autumn Night's Vision, or whatever it's called."
"Midsummer Night's Dream," Lily said distractedly, looking around at the mess, "I think he'll like it too. Now if only I could bloody well find it!"
If you were chosen as Head Girl, this position was given to you on a number of judgements. Number One: you were hard-working, number two: you were trustworthy, number three: you were capable and number four: you were punctual.
On that Monday morning, Lily embodied all of the above traits, except for the last . . . meaning she had overslept. So, this was the reason she was bobbing up and down outside the bathroom, banging on the door with her fist every so often.
How was it that she had gotten stuck sharing a bathroom with Potter? This was punishment for something she must have done in another life, like executing her sister as Queen Elizabeth I or something. Actually, reflecting on this, executing her sister didn't seem like such a bad prospect . . .
She banged on the door again. What on earth was he doing in there, charming each individual strand of hair to stand on end?
She was just about the slap the door again, when it opened before her palm could make contact, and instead it smacked onto the very wet chest of one Head Boy.
James paid no attention to the smarting, he only grabbed the hand and held it there, he was not letting her get away without getting her to forgive him first.
"Lily! I was hoping to catch you! Listen, I am incredibly sorry about yesterday! Please don't hate me, I had no idea it was going to go that far, or that anyone would write nasty things about you, and I will do anything to make it up to you, anything . . . Lily? . . . Lilo? . . . Are you there? What's wrong?"
She seemed to have been rendered temporarily speechless, James tightened his hold on her fingers. He was going to make her say something, if he had to stand here dripping all day. She only gaped at him like a trout on sedatives.
Lily was not on sedatives, but she was very shocked. Not shocked that James would come out of a bathroom with only a towel round his waist. That was just something he'd do, (naïve fool), but instead, she was shocked at her own feelings.
He was pressing her fingers to his chest to stop her running away, but the way her breathing quickened, it seemed like she'd just run a mile. She could feel the dull pulse of his heart behind his ribs, pushing blood around his body and felt what must have been all her own blood rush to her cheeks.
This was very dangerous.
"W-What are you talking about?" she stammered hurriedly, trying to speak at normal speed while tugging at her hand. "Nothing's wrong, I forgive you."
"Really?" asked James, stunned. He loosened his squeeze on her hand and it slipped from his skin. He felt a little sorry about that.
"Yeah, really, it's fine," Lily said, wiping her hand on her folded towel. "Now I have to . . . um . . . you know . . . take a shower –ah!"
In her haste to get into the room, she'd forgotten that the floor was sunken a bit to stop water from the shower leaking out. Before she went flying, James had grabbed her by the torso and arm and steadied her.
"Are you sure you're all right, Lilo? I mean, first you forgive me, no questions asked, and then you nearly fall over."
"I'm fine . . . really . . . fine . . . perfectly," Lily stuttered, and without further ado, she darted into the bathroom and shut the door, locking it and leaning against it for a moment. After a second, she released the breath she'd been holding and waited until her mind cleared the staggering immobility it had frozen into.
Then she rushed over to the basin and started splashing cold water onto her face, chucking her former feelings into a box, latching it shut and burying very deep into the soil of her mind.
Fifteen minutes later, she was ready for breakfast. Slinging her bag onto her shoulder and picking her Charms project up off the coffee table, she left for the Great Hall.
As soon as she entered, whispers broke out all over the house tables. Lily spotted copies of Hogwarts Hearsay dotted around the Hall, and tried her best to ignore all the attention.
"Wanna see my sculpture?" asked Verity as she sat down next to Lily and picked the scones out of the basket that looked the most burnt.
"Yeah, go on then," Lily said, carefully avoiding the sight of the Gryffindor seventh year boys.
Verity bent down and hauled something heavy onto the table. Lily frowned.
"Is that the bust of Catherine the Constipated from the eighth floor?"
"Shh!" Verity hissed, "Yes it is, but don't worry, I asked Flitwick if I could borrow it."
"Really?"
"Well, no, but would you look at the masterful crown of ivy round her head?"
"I think you did a wonderful job, dear," Catherine said, "And I'd feel beautiful if I didn't feel so ill."
"How can you feel constipated?" asked Lily curiously, "You don't have a stomach."
"I'm as confused as you, dear."
"Come on, we'd better go," Verity said, shrinking her creation and placing it in her bag.
Lining up outside the Charms classroom, James felt quite good.
"Lily forgave me!" he cried joyfully to the rest of the Marauders.
"Have you still got all your teeth?" asked Peter.
"Everything still the right colour?" asked Remus.
"How many limbs did you lose?" demanded Sirius.
"I'm fine," James said, " This is, in fact, what she said, and she forgave me!"
"She's cursed him," Remus whispered, "And made him go completely crackers."
"As far as I'm concerned, you've all been crackers for as long as I remember."
James spun round to be faced with the great big nose of Serverus Snape, official grease-ball of Hogwarts, and all-around evil git.
"No, you are not concerned, Snivellus," James said coldly, "Besides, you have the same memory span as a goldfish, you wouldn't really remember much."
"Don't get hostile with me, Potter," Snape smiled craftily, "Because I can easily get you, Black and the Big, Bad Wolf thrown out of here faster than you can draw you your wand." James's eyes narrowed.
"Wanna bet?" he asked dangerously, hand straying to his pocket. Snape's eyes widened and he abruptly turned round to stalk off, but found his path blocked by Lily and Verity, who had just arrived to wait for the Professor.
"Well, hello there, Snivellus," Verity greeted him sweetly, "Still aiding the muggle world in its time of oil crisis, I see," she said, eyeing Snape's hair in a rather disgusted way.
"Oh, it's the mudblood," sniffed Snape. Lily had just opened her mouth to retort when she found Snape's shiny face being dragged away from her. James had, indeed, gotten his wand out and picked Snape up with it . . . by the hair.
With his wand invisibly tugging at Snape's lank strands, James turned him round to face him and held his arm up so Snape had to stand on tiptoes to stop his hair being ripped out by the roots.
"Say that to her again so I can force that disgusting mouth of yours open and rip your filthy tongue out," he hissed perilously. Panicked, Snape grabbed around inside his robes for his own wand, an action that only Lily noticed.
"Potter, stop!" she cried, rushing forward with her shoe box in her hands. But it was too late, Snape had pulled out his wand, aimed madly and shouted,
"Ignitio!"
Fortunately, the tennis ball sized flames missed James and shot towards the stone wall, where it rebounded and flew straight back into the corridor.
"Lily!" shouted James, dropping Snape onto the floor and rushing forward. He swept his arm around her waist and pulled her back so that when the fireball reached them, it hit not Lily's head, as it would have, but the carefully crafted shoebox in her hands.
She let out a faint yell, dropping the box and leaning into the Head Boy with her arms curled into her chest. There, she watched her project turn blacker and blacker, being consumed in flames and curling into ashes.
She breathed hard from shock in James's arms. All her hard work . . . ruined . . .
All she wanted to do was curl up into the Head Boy's chest and have a little sniffle, but next second James had gripped his wand, let go of Lily's shoulders and cried "Mobilicorpus!"
Snape was pulled towards them, through the crowd that had gathered at the sound of fighting. Before he could say anything, however, Snape spoke with a twinkle of malice in his eye.
"So is it true?" he asked.
"What are you talking about, you mentally mutilated psycho?" demanded James, "I don't think you're in any position to make accusations either, because I'll be taking twenty points from Slytherin for your little fire-flinging stunt."
"That Evans has relived herself of one Hufflepuff boyfriend? Not that I care of course, but it would be nice to confirm why the whole school is placing bets as to how long it will be before the slut gets herself a new one."
Most of the people gathered cringed. That was going to cost him.
It was a well-known fact that James was, usually, an extremely laid back boy. Cracking jokes and making people laugh was what he did best, and because he was one of the most intelligent students in the school, he didn't have to worry about schoolwork, (when he felt the slightest inclination to try his hand at some), he didn't worry about getting into trouble, because they wouldn't expel someone of such high talent, and he didn't worry about anything social, because he had three of the very best friends in the world.
However, there were a few points that were a tad touchy to him, so if you wanted to piss James Potter off, (apart from making sure you had a suicide note beside you), you could do one of the following things.
· Express the opinion that werewolves are traitorous murderers
· Casually remark that all Gryffindors are good-for–nothing turds
· Throw a punch at either Remus Lupin, Peter Pettigrew or Sirius Black
· Ponder out loud why people played Quidditch when it seemed like such a pointless waste of time
And finally, one that should bring a black-haired, hazel-eyed Armageddon your way,
· Insult Lily Evans
The Head Girl in question sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose, wouldn't Professor Flitwick just stroll into the corridor and save her now?
James's face was going uncharacteristically red. Verity started to fear for Snape's life. Lily tutted, this had gone far enough.
"Potter, put Snape down, NOW!" she said sharply. James whirled round, bringing Snape with him. He directed Snape right up close to Lily, making her take a step back.
"Apologise to the Head Girl!" he shouted. Lily pulled out her own wand. By now, Snape looked positively worried.
"Potter, if you don't put Snape down, right now . . ."
"Please do as Miss Evans says, Mr Potter, or I shall be taking points off."
The students turned to see Professor Flitwick pattering along the corridor with his satchel, wade through the crowd, ('Pardon me, mind yourself, excuse me . . .') and unlock the classroom.
It was barely two feet from Snape's feet to the floor, but James, sour-faced, made a point of just plopping him onto the slabs as if he were letting go of someone else's smelly sock. Snape glowered as his legs crumpled beneath him and stalked off to find his classroom. Lily hurried into the room after Flitwick, wondering how she was going to explain to him what had happened to her homework.
"I'm very sorry Professor, but I don't have my homework today because a Slytherin set fire to it."
In her ponderings, she didn't notice when James grabbed hold of Verity and steered her into his usual seat between Sirius and Remus, slipping into the seat beside Lily himself. Lily turned to speak to Verity and jumped when she was faced with James instead.
"Hello," he whispered as people around them settled down. Lily scanned round desperately for another seat but there were none left. Oh no, she did not want to speak to James right now, if she did she thought that her wand would probably do most of the talking.
Lily set her jaw determinedly. James sighed. He was going to have to explain something to her, but how was he going to do it when she wouldn't even engage in communication with him? Mime it? He automatically pulled out quill, ink and a sheet of parchment and suddenly he had an idea. Maybe it was a little old school, but those who owed big apologies could not be choosy.
As Professor Flitwick introduced the new charm they would be tackling today, he started to scribble. When he had finished, he pushed the sheet towards Lily, who promptly ignored it completely.
Lily,
I want to apologise for just now. It was a really stupid thing to do and it didn't help anything. I realise now that you would have handled it a lot better.
Scribble back?
He could see with a slight twinge of satisfaction that she was itching to read it. It is a fact of life that notes passed in class are irresistible to read both when they are addressed to you and even more when they aren't. Finally she snatched it up and slipped it into her text book to read. Then she picked up her quill and scribbled below James's note, as he awaited it eagerly.
Potter,
Of course I would have handled it better. For one, I would have simply ignored him, haven't you learnt by now that people like Snape are simply not worth anyone's time? I don't listen to anything he has to say and neither should you.
Stop passing notes in class and start taking them!
James sighed and tried to explain.
Lily,
I'm really sorry, I just couldn't help it. You know I like you a lot, so much, in fact, that when anyone tries to hurt you, or calls you names, I dunno, it just gets to me.
Like when that igniting charm was flying your way, first I wanted to be sure that there was no way you would be hurt, next I wanted to curse Snivellus's brains out. You may not believe it, but it's completely true. It's like a tick, an instinct.
I've never taken a single note in my life and I don't intend to start now.
Lily picked up the sheet of parchment straight away this time, and as she read it though, her expression got softer and softer, until it reached a kind of pitying annoyance, like the expression with which one might a regard a fly which is just about to meet a fly-swatter.
You are such a stupid idiot sometimes, but I suppose it's OK. By the way, I'm still taking points off.
James grinned.
I know I'm a stupid idiot, and it's all your fault. Damn, I was hoping you'd forget about those.
The rest of the lesson they passed in silence, well, written silence, except for a single 'Thank you' that was uttered by way of the parchment when the Head Boy interrupted his neighbour to explain why she didn't have her homework.
"It's lying in a pile of ashes in the corridor outside. Will you be taking House points off Sni- Snape, Professor, or shall I?"
"And that concludes our meeting for today," Lily finished, standing before the prefects of each house, while James lounged in a chair beside her with his ankles crossed on the table in front of him. They were assembled in an empty classroom for a prefect meeting and while Lily had been speaking for a little under an hour, the only things that had been coming out of James's mouth were the bubbles he blew in his Drooble's Best Blowing Gum.
"I'm sorry today's meeting has been such a long one," Lily said, trying to ignore the filthy bottoms of the Head Boy's shoes, that were dangerously close to her parchments, copies of the duties lists, and the rounds timetables she had just managed to fill in. "But, as you can see, we have everything sorted out now, so there shouldn't be another meeting of this length unless things go considerably less than smoothly." She shot James a warning look, telling him if things did indeed fail to go smoothly, she would be blaming him.
"Any questions?" she asked.
There was a huge rustle and almost every person in the room raised a hand. "Oh," said Lily, a little shocked. Had she really explained things that badly?
"The first person," interrupted James, speaking for the first time, "who utters anything remotely connected to Amos Diggory, loses both their badge and their dignity at breakfast tomorrow." There was no doubt this threat meant one of the Head Boy's famed practical jokes, and the forest of hands met a rather absolute bout of deforestation.
"Brilliant," he said, removing his shoes from the table, "Oh, and would the Gryffindor Prefects pass on a message to anyone concerned in your year that Quidditch practice starts Wednesdays, Fridays and Saturdays next week. Details on the notice board. See you all then."
Next week? thought Lily queasily, her stomach squirming with nerves. She was, in fact, so distressed at this news that she didn't snap once at James all the way back to the Heads' Dorms, not even when he asked her if she would allow him to buy her a Butterbeer in Hogsmeade that weekend.
a/n
Who is Michael? As in, 'Come and dance with me, Michael'? He's so incredibly buff in that video. I hear he's the actual Michael who the song was written about.
Ok, that's it, I can't die without knowing that guy's name. If I were to be hit by a bus tomorrow, I'd be all 'Nope! Sorry! Not happening, can't die now, you know, not without knowing come and dance with me-Michael's surname!'
Why, why, oh why are Franz Ferdinand so sexy?
I can't figure it out.
Tsusetsu: Whoa, so you're really serious about visiting Merry Ol' England?
charbar: Hello my luffly. Thank you so much for the review. I'm still thinking about the English, wasn't it terrible? Lily and James won't get together for a long time, or maybe not all, you never know. At any rate, there must first be fluff.
Laney-Wood: Yes, he's a bit head-over-heals really, isn't he? . . . Rather pathetic, if you think about it, but you can't help who you fall for I suppose.
mango: I'll see what I can do for you.
Shanti: Eat my family? As in my blood family who live in my house? Go ahead, I won't miss them, I assure you. Although, they may be a bit chewy.
Tracey: Oh my God, I just got the BIGGEST flash back of Doug ever known. Skeeter WAS the coolest, you're totally right!I want a cat called Frodo!
The ORIGINAL Meathead: I don't really think James has anything to do with the article. He's too noble to anything like that. Can't you just see him sniffing at these accusations, saying 'It's just not done, you know, it's not the Gryffindor way.' Haha.
siriusforeva: Poor James, indeed.
FrighteninglyObsessed: Well that's fantastic news.
foxyie xox: Thank you, my luff. And indeed, Rita Skeeter is a butt-face.
iluvdraco4eva: He really is, isn't he? I'm glad he's out of the picture, although, I may have to make him make one last entrance, just for old times' sake.
SnakeEyesHannah: Me? Inspiring? You flatter me. I like writing about details. They rock.
shortywithbrains: Maybe that's for them to know and us to never find out. :D I don't like intruding on people's personal lives, especially people as sweet as Remus.
kiwislushie: Hehehe, Rita and Snape, fabulous idea. But wait, I have another use for Snape in this fic.
milky way bar: Yes, fortunately, this fic will not be anywhere near as long as the last one, thank fluff.
Smay: I really dislike her too, but she does have her good points. No, wait a minute, I can't think of any.
mika-mitch: What's so funny about 'Hiya'? I said it all the bloody time. Like, every hour, on the hour. I hope you remember your questions soon, I like answering questions.
ebony-plays-the-viola: Whoa, connecting fanfiction with real life . . . how 'out there'! And you're perfectly right, Lily is having some sort of inner struggle, as to what it is, however, I can't necessarily say. Sorry. :D Mulan is one of my favourite Disney movies ever. In fact, it comes right after Beauty and the Beast. Yes, I often miss words out randomly, but fortunately, this has gone down since I got myself the fabulous beta that is Rose. (Blows kiss to Rose.) You should see the amount of mistakes in my chappies before she gets a hold of them. I could tell you were in a good mood that day because you said my fic had depth, which, I assure you, it does not! Are you joking? This could be the most un-serious fic ever read! But thank you all the same for your lovely comments on characters, description etc. I was very pleased and maybe I'll look up those books you recommended.
Lastly: satire? What satire? :D
limbo-gal: Yes, the story is very light, and it intends to stay that way. Lily in the other fic was a travesty, and I'm very sorry about that.
Next Chappy:
The intricate and complicated structure of the Hogwarts Quidditch tournament shifts ever so slightly. What this means, I do not know. You had better ask James.
Rita Skeeter dares to show her face in public. (Cow)
James actually catches and convicts a troublemaker. Shock horror! What is the world coming to?
