Sorry it's been so long since the last update, but I've been busy, lots of homework, an extremely busy week, then I had science fair regionals and a swim meet this weekend. Painful pain. Hopefully there's still someone reading besides my friends, but you never know. From now on I'm going to try to update once a week, but my chapters will be longer. So, the bad guys will be introduced soon, Jack and Will will be in the story again and life will be good, so be happy. Also, sorry about the part with Elizabeth and POTC being out of sync time wise, but I didn't start writing it until after I had about two chapters of the rest done. Too bad. This chap is dedicated to SiriusSweetie7 and YouKnowWho, . YouKnowWho, are you the sister of SiriusSweetie? I can't tell if you're her sister or her. Anyway, this is dedicated to you two happy people from the insane mitten who's soulmate is Craig...I think. Also dear SiriusSweetie, I am so not amused at the beginning of your review. That is so not cool. ROTK got 11 Academy Awards!!! YAY! Anyway, on with the show!
It was Gandalf's first day of teaching. Currently the fourth years were testing his patience.
"Does anyone know what a Balrog of Morgoth is?" He asked. Silence. "Anyone? No. Well. That could make it rather difficult to teach you how to destroy one," Gandalf sighed. It was going to be a long day. A very long day.
"What is he talking about Merry? I forgot," Merry glared at Pippin.
"Pip, it's only been one minute since the last time you asked,"
"Yeah, but I fell asleep again. What is he talking about? And can you remember what comes after 'Way back when I was just a little bitty boy' in Albuquerque? Cause I can't." Pippin started humming the song.
" It's 'living in a box in the corner of the basement of the house half a block down the street from Jerry's Bait Shop, you know the place' and he's talking about The Goblin Uprising of-"
"Goblins? Uprising? Against who, the dwarves? They already took over Moria!" Pippin scoffed.
"Pip, you have to remember that things are different here. There is no such thing as Moria here. Remember what Dumbledore told us?" Merry reminded Pippin of the meeting the Fellowship had had with the Headmaster after the feast the previous night. They had all been given wands, with the exception of Gandalf, who had preferred to keep his staff. They had also been warned about speaking of Middle Earth in public, and of some of the differences between Earth and Middle Earth.
"Oh, yeah. So they were rebelling against the wizards and-"
"Excuse me Mister...?" Professor Binns had heard their conversation (finally, they had been talking since the beginning of class) and was staring at the two guilty hobbits.
"Took," Pippin mumbled.
"Mister Took, if you and Mister...?"
"Brandybuck," Merry supplied.
"Mister Brandybuck would see me after class, we have to schedule your detentions. Now please refrain from talking and listen to the lecture," The ghost turned and resumed his post at the front of the classroom, droning on about the goblins. Merry and Pippin were slightly confused though.
"What's detention?" Pippin whispered. Professor Binns glared at him and Merry didn't answer.
"Mr. Malfoy, would you please be so kind as to stop staring at my staff and pay attention. Or to you want to see the end light up again?" Gandalf asked Malfoy.
"Sorry professor," he mumbled. Gandalf resumed the lecture. After a few minutes, Malfoy slowly began to rip a bit form the edge of his parchment, then waited. When he was sure the professor had not heard anything, he quickly wrote,
This guy is so old fashioned he still has a staff. Look at the state of his robes! The bottom is completely covered in mud! He's almost as bad as old Loony Lupin. And he has horrible taste! White robes. It's disgraceful! What an idiot.
Then he passed it to Crabbe.
"Is there something you would like to share with the whole class Mr. Malfoy?" the boy looked up, startled.
"No Professor White," he replied.
"Well then Mr. Crabbe does not need to know either. It I may have that?" the professor took the paper. "And see me at the end of class."
"I can't believe that dirt bag gave me detention!" Malfoy fumed. "I could get father to fire him for that! I bet he doesn't even know Lumos, the old coot. How could Dumbledore hire someone like him!"? Malfoy continued to rant as he, Crabbe and Goyle headed for Double Potions with the Gryffindors. "He doesn't even deserve to be called a professor. Mr. White is more like it, or Idiot White!" Malfoy snorted. Suddenly, two small blobs came speeding out of the crowded hallway.
"For the Shire!" yelled one.
"For my old Gaffer!" screamed the other. Malfoy dropped like a rock as the two creatures beat on his back. But Crabbe and Goyle waded in and threw the two offending parties at the wall. One hit with a crack, the other with a thud and both slid to the ground. They tried to get up, but one could only use one hand, and every time the other tried to get up, he went cross-eyed for a moment, then fell back down. Crabbe and Goyle looked smug as they sneered at their handiwork. But their glory was short-lived.
"For FRODO! cam a deep voice as Aragorn led Legolas and Gimli in a full frontal assault. They would not stand by and let the poor defenseless hobbits be attacked by larger and stronger foes, in a battle that was doomed from the beginning. The five grappled for a few minutes, gathering a crowd. Malfoy stood anxiously on the edge of the fray, watching nervously for a chance to use his wand.
"EXCUSE ME!" a magically magnified voice rang out. The combatants froze. McGonagall had appeared. "What is going on here?"
"Oooooooh, you're all in trouble now! I get a little bit closer to YYYYYYYYooouuuuu! Sorry, it's my favorite song," the narrator was back. Again.
"They attacked me!" Malfoy pointed indignantly at Sam and Frodo who had finally managed to stand up and were coming to reenter the brawl.
"He was insulting Gandalf!" Frodo shot back.
"You're on first name terms with one of the teachers?" Malfoy asked.
"Yes, he happens to be a very good friend of mine. Is there a problem with that?"
"Please stop the bickering. Does anyone else have anything to tell me?" McGonagall looked around.
"His two bully boys were beating on Sam and Frodo," Legolas put in, then began humming "I'm Too Sexy For My Shirt" absentmindedly.
"So we came to save them," Gimli started to say, but then caught full sight of McGonagall for the first time and froze with his mouth hanging down to about, oh, his ankles. "Why, my lady. They speak of your intelligence, but I have never heard of your beauty. You are in fact more beautiful than even Galadriel of Lothlorien!" The assembled crowd giggled and McGonagall's cheeks tinged pink.
"Thank you for that assessment Gimli. Now, are you two all right?" she directed the question at Sam and Frodo.
" I think my wrist might be broken Professor," Sam replied. "But I'm fine. Mr. Frodo is the one who needs help. He hit his head something terrible!"
"I'm fine Sam!"
"Well, you two go up to the hospital wing. Do you know where it is?" the hobbits shook their heads, or rather, Sam shook his head and Frodo just looked negative as usual. "Potter will show you the way then. And when he's finished, he will come straight back to class," the last comment was directed at a dark-haired boy with bright green eyes, who stepped out of the crowd. It was the boy who had been dueling with Malfoy on the first night.
"Follow me then," he instructed, then led them through the crowd, which parted to let them by. As he passed, some of the other students could have sworn they heard him humming "I Will Survive".
"I'll deal with the rest of you later. See me in my office tonight at 7:00, and tell Sam and Frodo to come too. Thank you," McGonagall then began shooing the students away to their classes, and the hall became a flurry of chaos for a moment. Aragorn and Malfoy glared at each other as they passed, but kept walking.
"Hi, I'm Harry," the boy introduced himself.
"I know you! You're Harry Potter! I read about you on the train. You're the one who brought the downfall of Voldemort! We have a lot in common," Frodo replied. "I'm Frodo by the way, and this is Sam, my best friend,"
"A lot in common?" Harry looked puzzled.
"Oh, like people knowing who we are everywhere we go, being adorable heroes with big cute eyes, "
"Excuse me Frodo, but I don't think you should lie. The only thing you two have in common is that you both like Gloria Gaynor and both of your favorite songs are horrible. I'm amazed that in two days you've managed to find the lamest TV show in the world and become obsessed with it. I mean VeggiTales! And the theme song is just as bad. I can't believe that's your favorite song ever. You have to have more taste than that," the narrator took the opportunity to insult Frodo and Harry as much as possible, as they are the two stupidest heroes in the world.
"Did thin air just insult us?" Harry asked.
"I think it did," Frodo looked around, trying to find the owner of the disembodied voice.
"I'm the narrator. Remember me? Now go to the hospital wing, you're boring,"
"I don't like this narrator figure," Frodo commented.
"I second that," Harry seconded.
"Don't you dare insult Mr. Frodo!" Sam yelled. "I don't know who you are, or why you hate Frodo, but stay away from him!" The Narrator shied away from the wrath of Sam, which is a great thing indeed, especially when it involves Frodo. She wisely kept quiet for the rest of the scene.
"Thank you Sam," Frodo complimented. Sam just nodded.
"That was amazing the way you two stood up for Professor White. I like Professor White, but then again, most of the professors I like, Malfoy hates. I only wish I could have been the one to physically attack him. It's always been a dream of mine," Harry stared off into nothingness for a few seconds, a favorite pastime of his.
"Oh! Another common thing between Frodo and Harry! They both enjoy staring into nothingness with their pretty blue eyes. Oh aren't they cute...NOT!!!!!" At this Harry and Frodo decided that they should hurry up and end the scene, because they were sick of being insulted.
"I thought you were going to 'wisely keep quiet for the rest of the scene'? Sam reminded the narrator, who shut up because she couldn't think of anything to say to that, and because she couldn't think of any other way to end the scene.
Elizabeth looked up. And up. And up again, until her eyes finally reached the face of the man standing above her.
"Uh, hello," she replied to his cheery welcome. The man was tall. Very tall. He had thick black hair and a shaggy black beard and was carry a large pink umbrella.
"I'm Hagrid," he announced cheerily. "Ye'r a bit late, but we'll make the train just fine. Follow me," he opened a door to Elizabeth's right and stepped out into a crowd. Elizabeth picked herself up off all fours and followed him out into the noise and bustle. It wasn't hard to pick out Hagrid, as he was so tall, and just as easy to get to him because people were staring suspiciously at her and avoiding getting in her path. She suspected it was her dress, as everyone else was wearing strange blue pants of a rough quality and very loose, plain shirts with extremely short sleeves. Elizabeth felt obviously out of place. She caught up with Hagrid quickly.
"Don't worry, we'll get you into some decent clothes soon. Now, the barrier to Platform 9 and ¾ is just through that wall. Follow exactly what I do, and you'll be fine," Hagrid walked straight at a wall and disappeared into it. Elizabeth gasped, and stopped for a moment, then realized she should follow his example. Her setting was strange enough, why not walking through walls? The young woman strode forward confidently and passed through the wall safely. On the other side was a long red thing, with different sections, the front and back ones being different from the rest. Steam was issuing from a pipe at the top and it was making a great racket. On the side it said Hogwarts Express. The area around it was filled with children young and old, parents, trunks, owls, cats and even a toad or two.
"Elizabeth!" Hagrid yelled to her left. She joined him. "This is a train. It travels faster than a ship, and it doesn't rock half as much. It's quite safe, don't mind it. Now this is Hermione. You stay with her and she'll tell you about everything and what to do. Also, you don't need to worry about having clothes or a trunk. We've already gotten all of your things. I need to be going, but I'll see you at Hogwarts!" With that he was off, wading through the crowds and greeting other children.
"Hello then. I'm Hermione. I'm just starting my fourth year at Hogwarts. It's wonderful!" this came from a slightly buck-toothed girl with bushy brown-blond hair and carrying a large armful of books.
"I'm, uh, Elizabeth Turner. Are you sure that train thing is safe?"
"Oh yes," Hermione replied, laughing. "I've been on them many times. All of this is perfectly normal for this time. Don't worry, we'll get you settled in no time,"
"What year exactly is it?" Elizabeth asked, half not wanting to know the answer.
"The year 2002. Come with me, we'll find a compartment to ourselves and- you can change into something slightly more suitable," Hermione eyed Elizabeth's dress critically. Elizabeth blushed furiously and followed the girl to one of the compartments. Inside was a small bag on a seat. It was filled with the strange clothes people were wearing.
"Okay, this is a t-shirt," Hermione began, pulling out one of the loose shirts. This one said, "Eat my bubbles" and had bubbles all over it. Elizabeth frowned at it, but today had already been weird enough, so she gave up on trying to understand. "And these are jeans," Hermione plunged on, not noticing Elizabeth's small sigh. She took out a pair of the rough blue pants that seemed to be everywhere. "Those are clothes that non-magic people, also known as muggles, wear. There are other kinds, like sweaters and long sleeved shirts, but these are some of the more common ones. This," Hermione produced a long black robe," is what you wear at Hogwarts. They're robes, but I think you could figure that out yourself. You also wear a hat, but I don't have one with me. It's in your trunk. Why don't you get changed into robes for now? I'm going to find some of my friends, but I'll be back soon," she disappeared out the door and Elizabeth was left alone. The train bellowed, and began to move. Elizabeth started and steadied herself on one of the seats. She could hear parents shouting good-byes to their children. Slowly, she stood up and tested her balance. It was fine, the train moved smoothly, nothing like the motion of a ship.
"Well, I guess I should get dressed. Hermione will be back with her friends soon," Elizabeth murmured to herself. She picked up the robe and began a long struggle with it, finally resulting in something similar to her being dressed.
"Finally," came a whisper from the Narrator. "I thought the scene would never end,"
Okay, sorry for changing in the middle of a chapter, but I'm going to try a new format. Let me know what you think; tell me what you like better and I'll try to write more of that. If you don't review and tell, then I'll just do what I like. This can be a democracy if you want it to be. If not, too bad. Okay, the way this works Character: whatever they say(actions are in parentheses) On with the show!
Narrator: Our scene opens with Captain Jack and Will just walking aboard the ship of Jack's friend. They proceed to interrogate Jack's friend Bill in their search for Elizabeth.
Jack: Hello Bill.
Bill: Jack! What can I do ya for? (hugs Jack in approved manly fashion)
Jack: I was wondering if you had seen a young lady of good birth, about yea high (motions with hands). Maybe you've seen her around the docks before now-Lady
Elizabeth Turner? Formerly Elizabeth Swann?
Narrator: As Elizabeth had told Bill that Jack and Will would probably come looking for her, he knew what to do.
Bill: Yes, she was here. I can send ye in the right direction (pauses) But you'll need to change clothes before you can follow her. I guess I'll have to explain some things. (leads Jack and Will farther into the ship)
Wormtail: (humming theme to Digimon and going around doing dear Moldy Voldy's dirty work like a proper groveling, cowardly servant/slave)
Voldemort: (from the other room where strains of the "Jaws" theme song can be heard)
Wormtail! Get your butt in here!
Wormtail: Yes master (Goes into room where Voldy is listening to his favorite C.D, the Jaws soundtrack, and grovels as is expected of someone with as many issues as he has)
Voldy: Do you know what we need this year?
WT: No Master, what do we need Master?
Voldy: An inside spy. All of our past evil plots have failed, but his one will. Potty wee Potter will never expect one of his fellow classmates to turn against him. Find Nagini and instruct her to go to Hogwarts. She is to put two or three of Potter's weaker classmates under the Imperious Curse. They will spy on Harry and give us the proper information we need for destroying him. It's PERFECT! I can't believe I didn't think of it before! (looks as though he expects Wormtail to praise him and generally grovel at his feet for coming up with this absurdly stupid plan)
WT: Neither can I Master (praises Moldy Voldy in exactly the pathetic and idiotic fashion he is looking for) I will do as you say Lord (leaves room humming Digimon. Again.)
Voldy: I still can't believe I picked a minion whose favorite T.V. show is Digimon.
Narrator: You don't really expect this to work, do you? I mean, it's one of your worst plans yet, and they all failed.
Voldy: You stay out of this. If I had had a better Narrator then all my past attempts on Potter's life would have succeeded, or at the very least his friends would have gotten all the credit like they deserved and he would have been left as a humiliated idiot. (glares at nothing) I hate you.
Narrator: Fine, have it your way. Be stubborn. But I'm warning you, Potter has some new friends, and they're wonderful at making it look like some stupid hero did all the work, when really all he did was stand around and look scared. Staring into midair with their big, pretty eyes. It's sick. I'd watch out if I were you...
So what do you think? Do you like the new format? Who do you think Nagini will choose to take over? Do you want me to keep writing? Then REVIEW!!!!!!!!
