This chapter is dedicated to Nassandra Fungus for reviewing every chapter. I'll try to write more in the old format at her request, but I think some of the scenes will work better in the new one. Sorry I didn't put this up when I told you I would, I was busy and I'm not having any ideas lately, so this chapter is really bad. Also, sorry it's so short after so long, I'll try to write more soon. Anyway, on with the show!
Narrator: Our scene opens on Lavender Brown and Parvati Patil lurking around the room under the divination classroom attempting to spy on Professor Trelawny. Enter Nagini.
Lavender: (giggling) Did you hear that? I never would have thought those two would date.
Nagini: (hissing) Come here, my pretties
Parvati: Did you hear something?
Lavender: Yeah. (turns around) Ah! It's a snake. It's huge!
Parvati: (whimpering) help
Nagini: Trust me my pretties. I won't hurt you
Lavender: (looking into Nagini's eyes) You have beautiful eyes, you know that?
Nagini: (singing like Kaa from The Jungle Book) Truuuuuusssssst in meeeeeeee, just in mmmmmmmeeeeeeee (eyes start going all swirly and pretty. Pretty, so very pretty and
swirly)
Parvati: Of course I trust you
Nagini: ooooooohhhhhhh look into my eyes. When I count to three you will obey my every command.
Voldemort: (speaking to Nagini physicically) Stop fooling around you idiot snake. Why did I have to choose you for my pet? Just put them under the spell already!
Nagini: (flicking tail in a wave sort of like the Imperious Curse) Thar ya go! Two mind slaves just for you.
Moldy Voldy: Stop being a smart alec!
Nagini: Yes oh Moldy Master.
Moldy Voldy: You'll regret that!
Nagini: Of course I will
Moldy Voldy: Just stop it! (huffing and puffing, and very put off) So, I have these two poor innocent young girls under my control! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Nagini: Evil cackle alert. Evil cackle alert. Beware, beware. Extremely cheesy evil cackle alert.
Moldy Voldy: Oh do shut up and get back here. I think the next class is coming.
Nagini: As you wish dear Voldy (disappears)
Ok, now back to the old format for my dear friend Nassandra Fungus
Jack ran to catch up with Elizabeth as she hurried to her next class with Legolas.
"Elizabeth!" he called. She started and turned around, surprise written all over her face.
"Jack. It's nice to see you," she stammered, unsure of what to say. "Uh, I'm not quite sure how to say this, so I just will. Why are you here?"
"I feel so insulted. Will and I wanted to know where you went, so we followed you. Bill sent an owl to Dumbledore, and he told us to come to Hogwarts and he would see what to do with us. I'm a wizard, so here I am. The newest addition to Ravenclaw house. What's our next class?" Jack ranted.
"Uh, we have Transfiguration next. Do you have a wand and spellbooks?"
"Of course. Dumbledore had some extra copies of the books, and while we were waiting for the class to change we took the floo network over to Ollivander's. I'm ready to make some magic!"
"You took the what to the where?" Elizabeth asked blankly.
"We took the floo network. It's a magical means of transportation. To Ollivanders. That's the wand shop. I would have thought you would know at least as much as I do about the magical world by now. I guess you're just not a fast enough learner. Too bad," Jack sauntered off and began singing quietly. "And a sweat. Better than the first time, better that the worst time. If I could just reverse time, I'd be set."
"Okay then," Elizabeth turned to Legolas, who was absentmindedly braiding his hair. "That was weird,"
"What?" Legolas looked up, startled.
"Jack is a wizard. He's in Ravenclaw too,"
"Who?"
"Jack! I've told you all about him. Don't you ever listen?"
"No, not really. I just braid my hair and look interested. There's nothing going on between the ears most of the time. I just like looking pretty,"
"You're sick,"
"What?"
"Ugh!"
At lunch that day, Elizabeth was introducing Jack to the Fellowship, Harry, Hermione and Ron. He seemed to be getting on quite well with Merry, Pippin, Fred and George. They disappeared quickly, hiding in a corner and whispering conspiratorially. Elizabeth and the others were getting a bad feeling about the five, but there were larger problems. Like Lavender Brown and Parvati Patil. The two girls had been hanging around Harry and Ron like love struck cows.
"I've always thought you were really brave Harry. You saved the Sorcerer's Stone in first year," Lavender cooed.
"Yeah, that. Well I had a lot of help from Ron,"
"Ron, you're really smart! You're the one who won the chess game. Harry would never have saved the Sorcerer's Stone without you," Parvati batted her eyelashes girlishly.
"Well, ah yeah. We never would have gotten that far without Hermione. Yeah, it was all Hermione!" Ron nodded vigorously.
"I still think you two did all the hard, manly work," Lavender simpered. Ron's ears turned a nice shade of red, while Harry tried to stammer back a reply. Elizabeth and Hermione could barely keep their giggles contained. Legolas was glaring jealously at Harry and Ron for getting all the attention, and Gimli was nodding knowingly.
"Ach, the young ones are just growing up. It's so cute when they start to like the other gender. They're so shy," Aragorn stared at Gimli for a moment, then went back to daydreaming about Arwen.
"I wonder who'll be Boromir's replacement?" he wondered aloud. "I hope its Arwen,"
"Replacement?" Legolas looked up for a moment, distracted from trying to perform the Crucious Curse on Harry.
"The bet between Dumbledore and Iluvatar said that nine people would be dumped on the loser for a year. Do you see nine of us?" Aragorn asked.
"No, I only see six. Does that mean Sam and Frodo will have replacements too?" Legolas wondered, horrified.
"No, since Dumbledore managed to get rid of them while they were here they don't count. I still hope Arwen is the replacement," Aragorn went back to drooling over memories of making out and Legolas started on trying to Avada Kedavra Ron.
Attention Magical Mischief MakersAre you running out of pranks?
Are jokes losing their zest because nothing is original anymore?
Well here's your answer!
Captain Weasley Hobbit brings you digital camera magic!
Fun! Easy! Affordable! Anonymous!
Adjust any picture you want, with our amazing machine!The poster appeared the next day in the Gryffindor Common Room. A picture of Harry with bright green hair and a large zit on his nose accented the front. Fred and George stood to either side, showing off the small computer-like monitors that allowed you to make adjustments to pictures. You could adjust color, sizes, backgrounds, and even use parts of different pictures to add to your own! Harry's new picture grinned at the crowd drawn by the Weasleys.
"Get your own signed Harry Potter picture free when you purchase yours today!" Fred cried. The announcement was greeted with a shriek of approval from almost every female present, and some of the males. Harry sighed as he wandered past the two.
"George!" he called quietly. "George, I need to talk to you," the boy slipped away from the crowd and walked over to Harry.
"Wassup Harry?"
"Do you have enough signed pictures for everyone who's going to buy those things?" Harry asked politely.
"Well, see," George smiled. "That's where you come in. You wouldn't mind signing a couple little pictures for your old friends would ya? It's just an advertising technique. It wouldn't hurt you at all. Come on, the people love it. Do it for them," George pleaded. Harry shook his head.
"I can not believe you two sometimes. Fine, I'll do it," George thumped him on the back.
"I knew we could count on you Harry," and ran back to sell more digital cameras.
Elizabeth made her way slowly down to the Great Hall. She still couldn't believe Jack had done it. He had a poster up in the common room advertising some magical thing for messing with pictures. And somehow he had gotten a hold of a picture of her. She grimaced as she glanced down at the picture held in her hand. Her own face stared back at her, but her hair looked like Jack's. It was neon purple, and she had strange blue dots all over her face. Her eyes were bright red, and in the background was a guy wearing a Speedo lying on the beach and tanning. Elizabeth sighed as Jack bounced past her humming one of the annoying Muggle songs he had learned while he was with Bill.
"Another postcard, with chimpanzeeeeeeeees, and every one is addressed to meeeeee. There's chimps in swimsuits, a chimp whose swinging from a vine, a chimp in jackboots, some chimps that wish they could be mine. Oh hiya Lizzy," he greeted as he passed her. Elizabeth buried her face in her hands. And he had started calling her Lizzy.
"I'm going to die. Maybe I should go visit Will after classes today," she muttered to herself. She hadn't seen her fiancé since the school year had started, and visiting him seemed like a nice way to unwind after an entire day of Jack.
The day went slowly, Jack singing the whole time. His favorite band was the Bare-Naked Ladies, and he had just gotten a new CD, whatever that was, so Elizabeth got to hear him singing constantly about chimps in swimsuits and shopping. When classes were finally over, she was more than ready to see Will.
"See ya Jack, I'm going to visit Will," she called as she left the common room after dinner.
"Oh, a visit, I love visits, drinks all around!" Jack replied boisterously and ran out of the room.
"Okay then," Elizabeth muttered as she made her way through the castle and out onto the grounds. Hagrid and Will's hut stood at the edge of the forest, the windows brightly lit and cheery conversation coming from within. Elizabeth reached the door and knocked. The door opened.
"ELIZABETH!!!!!!!!! I'm so glad you finally came to see me. I thought you hated me, I mean I hadn't seen you for like a week. You might have been captured again. I was so worried and Hagrid wouldn't let me go off looking for you-"
"WILL!" Elizabeth cut in sharply. "Shut up for a second," Will stopped, taken aback. His face went from joyous to distraught.
"I-I was just excited to see you. I didn't mean to be annoying, but-but I guess you just don't like me. I'll go away now," Will started crying and slammed the door in her face. From inside came the sounds of Hagrid comforting Will and telling him what a good boy he was.
"Okay then," Elizabeth muttered. "I don't think I want to be his fiancé anymore. I wonder what drugs Hagrid is feeding him in there?"
"You don't want to know," came the booming voice of the narrator.
"No, probably not,"
Meanwhile, in other parts of the castle, Jack, Merry and Pippin were having a good time with some ale.
"Sing it with me!" Jack screamed. Merry and Pippin joined in for the chorus. "Yo ho yo ho a pirate's life for me!!!!!!!!!"
"And a Merry solo!" Jack handed off the magical mike.
"We'd pillage and plunder we'd rifle and loot, drink up me hearties yo ho! We kidnap and ravage and don't give a hoot, drink up me-" Merry was cut off as Professor McGonagall entered the Hufflepuff common room. The three were standing on a couch, singing the song Jack had taught them. The Hufflepuffs had taken to them quickly...well, maybe after a few "Girls Gone Wild" hard candies, but that's beside the point, although Gimli got way into dancing after he had his candy. They locked him in the dorms rather than bear the torture of seeing a dwarf attempt to dance. Anyway, the crowd was yelling and trying to sing along as often as possible.
"What is going on here?" McGonagall asked tersely.
"Well, we were just having a party, see," Jack began. "The kids were getting so involved!:
"Mr. Sparrow, I would advise you to keep quiet, as you are already here under unusual circumstances and can easily be sent back to where you came from," Jack turned slightly red, and fell silent. "I think the three of you can expect a week of detentions. We will discuss when and where later. Talk to me after class tomorrow. I would suggest you all get to bed. It's already 8:00," A collective gasp arose from the Hufflepuffs. They never went to bed past 7:30, and the hard candy was losing its affect with McGonagall in the near vicinity. Slowly, the students filed past McGonagall and up the appropriate staircases. The only ones left were Merry, Pippin, Jack and Legolas, who had been studying in the corner with earplugs in.
"I can't believe you two," he looked up from his work at Merry and Pippin. "You have no morals whatsoever," he replaced his earplugs and turned away.
"Wha' did we do?" asked Pippin. "I don't understand why he's always so uptight," Merry just stared at Pippin.
