Thank you so much to Elenrod, you rock. It's not actually my b-day till the 27th, but ya know, it's the thought that counts. And thanks for the random spouting, that gave me an idea. Also thanks to Beth, welcome to the show. As of now, the pairings are as follows. Harry and Elizabeth, Jack and Hermione, Aragorn and Wormtail, a possible hint of something between Ron and Arwen (didn't he come up with that lie a bit too fast?), Merry and Parvati (I think that's it at least. It might be Lavender) and Pippin and Lavender. Thanks also to Kat. Welcome, welcome, make yourself at home throws a beanbag chair at her and that's for the smelly shoe. Also, might I add that either in this chapter or one that's soon to come, Frodo and Sam come back and announce that they are gay. I just want it stated clearly that I DO NOT hold with people who actually believe this. However, for purposes unknown to anyone (including myself) I have decided that it is necessary as part of the plot. So, just know that I really truly think that Sam and Rosie are one of the sweetest couples in the universe. Anyway, on with the show!

We have decided to take a break from our normal, student based programming to give you an update on whatever happened to Gandalf, or Professor White as he has come to be called. After about the first two weeks of class, everyone had figured out that this was no ordinary wizard (although Hermione was the only one to discover that he is, in fact one of the Maiar). Malfoy, on the other hand, just hated him more and more. Every time Gandalf did something impressive (such as use an illusion to reenact his battle with the Balrog just so that everyone would see how to handle such a situation) Malfoy hated him even more. It had been three months of this growing hatred that caused Malfoy to do what he did. No one is quite sure how he got smart enough to perform this tricky and delicate operation, but he did.

After their little excursion to rescue Elizabeth, the Fellowship had a quiet period of rest and relaxation. Merry and Pippin gathered more detentions, Ron and Arwen seemed to be getting closer and closer, and Harry started Quidditch practice. It was after one such practice that he discovered just how insane Malfoy could be. He was walking in from the pitch, sweaty and dragging his broomstick, when he ran into Gandalf.

"Hello Harry," Gandalf greeted him. Strangely, his voice seemed higher than usual. And his robes pinker than usual. A lot pinker. In fact, very hot pink.

"Hi Gandalf. Uh, I hope you don't mind me asking this, but why are your robes hot pink?"

"Hi Harry, darling. To you like them? I just ordered them from 'Hip and Happening: Accessories for the Witch on the Go'."

"Witch?" Harry stood for a moment, not sure if he had heard correctly.

"Yes. I am a witch after all."

"Gandalf, no-"

"Darling, Gandalf is so last week. I'm Gladys. Ah, I just feel so rejuvenated since that surgery!" and with that Gandalf, or Gladys swept off down the corridor, occasionally stopping to giggle with a student.

"Uh, what was that all about?" Harry asked Ron, who had just come up behind him.

"I heard that Malfoy cast a sex change spell on it. He figured Gandalf would be able to switch himself back afterwards, but apparently "Gladys" likes being female. Dumbledore even tried to convince him to switch back, to keep what's left of his dignity, but he won't. Ginny says she likes him better this way. He's less...Gandalf. He doesn't talk in riddles, he doesn't act all mysterious and all-powerful. Maybe it's better this way,"

"Ok, that's just creepy. I knew Malfoy was evil, but to turn Gandalf into THAT? It's beyond anything I've ever seen before,"

"Sam stop it! I'm not made of glass, I can walk by myself!" Frodo snapped at his ever-watchful bodyguard, who was hovering over him.

"Well I don't want you tiring yourself out Mr. Frodo. I'm just so worried,"

"Did you do this to Rosie every time?"

"Well, after about the sixth time I figured if she could survive so many times before, she would know what to do this time. But I think this is new territory for you. Or at least I hope it is. Is it?" Sam asked anxiously.

"YES, Sam. Harry!" Frodo broke off his conversation to greet Frodo, who had come to stare at the odd couple standing just inside the Entrance Hall.

"Hi Frodo! What are you guys doing back, last I heard you got swamped by insane fans,"

"Well, we decided to take some time for ourselves," Frodo started.

"Frodo's pregnant!" Sam burst out.

Oooh, what's going on? Did I make a terrible typo? NO! Well then how can it be? And just how close are Frodo and Sam? Will Gladys ever come to her senses? And how is the romance going for everyone? These updates (maybe) and more useless ones that you don't care about (probably more likely) in the next chapter. And the sooner you REVIEW, the sooner I write. And smelly shoes doesn't work might I add. Krispy Kremes will probably work better.