Erk: …okay…for this fic…Charlie will have a new muse. -restraining someone with red hair-
Leila: LEMME AT HIM!!!! I'M GONNA KILL HIM!!! HE WILL DIE!!! DIE, GO TO HELL, AND BURN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Erk: -holding her back- Calm down there….
Leila: CALM DOWN?!!! WHAT IF HE WROTE A FIC ABOUT KILLING SERRA?!
Erk: Hallelujah?
Leila: Grr…
Charlie: Okay…if you haven't guessed, this fic DOES bash Matthew. For those of you who don't know me well. On a FE forum called Merlinus' Tent, I was notorious for being the "resident Matthew-basher."
Leila: YOU'RE A MONSTER AND YOU'RE GOING STRAIGHT TO HELL!!!
Charlie: Ahem anyways. My hatred for Matthew has very deep roots. So now, I'm writing a fic sorta based on my experiences with Matthew and MT. Oh and for you ladies who are infatuated with the cheery thief, I live in Wyoming.
Erk: And -tries to knock Leila out- He does not own FE. -lets go-
Charlie: Oh…you did not just let her g- AHHHHHHHHHHHH-
-very ugly beating sounds.-
Erk: …that's gonna leave a mark…Oh and it'll be a cold day in hell before people believe that Wyoming lie.
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"Ahh crap, ten minutes in town and already this." A young man of 17 groaned. He was the tactician of a ragtag group of army affectionately known to its members' as "Lyndis' Legion"
"Oh well…time to dish out some pain guys." He said, taking on a commanding tone. "Sain, stop staring at Lyn's legs and go shank that archer. Erk, I want that merc there turned into a pile of raw steaks ASAP! Lyn, take Rath and Serra and go ask around town for help. Florina, get rid of that mage over there. Wil, snipe that cavelier off his horse, or snipe his horse, I don't care. Kent, keep Sain in order. Come on people! Lets move. I ain't paying you by the hour!"
"You don't pay us at all." Sain groaned.
"That's irrelevent." The tactician muttered. "It was a damn figure of speech. NOW MOVE!!! Unless you want to die."
The group moved out without question. The tactician may seem rough at times, but he wasn't by nature nasty. He was in fact a joker, a born prankster, but when it came down to battle, he was as strict as the toughest military instructor in Lycia. No one in the army dared to disobey him, not even the Lady Lyndis for she knew that he has their saftey in mind.
The army quickly spread out. Soon, the nearby assassins were dispatched of. Lyn took her group due north towards a group of houses. There, Serra, Rath and she spread out to cover the entire neighborhood more quickly. After a while, the trio found nobody who could help them, they did however pick up a few keys and other useless junk the populace of Araphen found laying around.
"Well, that's all we're gonna get here." Serra said. "Let's go! It's getting boring."
Lyn sighed. Serra's personality was certainly interesting. She was still getting used to it. But this time, the hyperactive cleric was right. There could be nothing gained from loitering around the residential area so she gave the order to go back. Just as she was about to lead the group back to the tactician to report. A cherry voice called out.
"Yo, hold up!"
Lyn turned around and found a sandy-haired character rushing towards them. She tightened her grip on her sword as a precaution.
"Who are you?" She asked the newcomer. "And what do you want?
"Name's Matthew. I specialize in…erm…shall we say dexteral skills?" The man replied
"So…you're a thief." Lyn said bluntly.
"Well, that's one way of putting it." Matthew replied, giving a cheery smile.
"We have no need of a thief. Good day sir." Lyn said. She was an honorable person, and cheerful or not, she was not about to deign to accept help from a thief.
"Ahh, but I can help you open those doors there that you so want to go through." Matthew said, nonchalantly.
Lyn gave him a incredulous look. "…How…did?"
"Seems like I hit the mark. So what do you say." Matthew continued in his same cool voice.
Lyn had no choice but to accept. She pointed out to Matthew which doors needed opening. Nodding curtly, Matthew set about breaking the locks of the closest door. To Lyn's amazement, the door opened with a soft click mere moments later.
"Impressed?" Matthew asked.
"Quite…" Lyn whistled. "Okay, I'll go tell Charlie, you Rath and Serra, you follow Matt and find those triggers."
Rath and Serra nodded and followed the thief towards the castle. Lyn turned around and walked back to where the tactician stood.
"Charlie." She called out.
The tactician looked up upon hearing his name. "Ahh, Lyn. So, did you find any help?"
Lyn nodded. "Yes, a thief. I don't really approve of having a thief, but he is skilled at opening doors."
"Well, needy people shouldn't be picky." Charlie agreed. "Just watch your pockets. I have had…very bad memories of a thief who I used to know."
"Ahh. I'll remember that." Lyn said.
"Good. Now come on, the others are pretty much finished down here. We'll meet them near that huge opening that opened up there." Charlie said pointing to a gap in the castle wall that was getting wider and wider. "Looks like they found a trigger."
Lyn nodded slowly as she and Charlie approached the castle.
--
Serra walked along with Rath and the new guy. She was miserable. Her talkative nature was being seriously subdued by Rath's quietness and well, the shyness of the new guy. Serra stomped along in silence, royally pissed.
"I'll get that Lady Lyndis for making me come here with two sticks!" She grumbled.
"Well now, I wouldn't say I'm a stick." The new guy replied.
Serra did a double take. There was no mistaking that voice, and that corny sense of humor.
"MATTHEW!!!" She screamed before clobbering the poor thief with a hug.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" Matthew screamed from suddenly being tackled from behind. "Oh for the love of Saint Elimine, GET OFFA ME!!!"
"MATTY!!! WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN!!!! OHMIGOSH IT'S BEEN SO LONG!!!"
Matthew, now near suffocating. "IT'S BEEN THREE WEEKS!!! AND GET OFF ME BEFORE I DIE FROM LACK OF OXYGEN!!!"
Serra gasped and finally let go of the poor thief. Matthew grumbled and pulled himself to his feet, dusting his clothes off.
"Seriously woman, you gotta control those outbursts." He muttered.
Serra however, didn't hear. She was busy dashing towards a purple haired mage who was arriving with the rest of the army at the entrance. Matthew chuckled. He could tell Serra had a 'thing' for this mage, and he never felt more sorry for any other man. He found his new employer among the group, who was apperantely the Marquess of Caelin's daughter. She was walking next to the person he guessed was tactician, who had black hair and towered over her. Matt decided it was time to introduce himself.
Lyn found Matthew walking towards her and she quickly tapped Charlie on the shoulder. "That's him. That's the new thief."
"Cheerful looking fellow ain't he?" Charlie chuckled seeing the sandy-haired man
"Heh, he is." Lyn chuckled a bit. "Come on, lets go introduce you."
Lyn pulled Charlie next to Matthew. "Matthew, this is that tactician Charlie. Charlie, this is Matthew, the thief."
What came next shocked Lyn to the very fiber of her being. Instead of warm greetings and a handshake. The two men screamed out in surprised and each drew a sword.
"Huh? What's going on?" Lyn asked confused.
"Remember that thief I told you about? Matt's the thief." Charlie said through gritted teeth.
"Well, I see you're as friendly as ever." Matt said. Lyn noticed the cheerfulness of his voice was gone.
"Shut up you bastard." Charlie retorted back.
The two looked about ready to slice the other open when Lyn stepped in.
"Cut it out you two!" She yelled. "Now's not the time to be fighting each other! Like it or not, you're on the same side, so I suggest you work together."
Both men glared at her and reluctantely sheathed their weapons.
"Fine…" Charlie grumbled. "Go kill that knight over there Lyn, and Matt, go do what you do best, cause trouble. Oh and I suspect you have enough self control to keep your hands out of the Princess of Caelin's pockets?"
"Yes, as long as you can keep your big overinflated head out of my business." Matt shot back.
Lyn sighed as she pushed Charlie away from Matt. Charlie soon calmed down a little and gave Lyn additional orders. Lyn nodded and rushed off to kill the head knight, keeping half an eye out for Matthew, making sure the thief stayed away from the tactician. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw him running circles around a soldier. Sighing, she continued on towards her objective.
--
That night, after the battle's won and lost, the group set up camp outside of Araphen. Lyn was fuming, having been insulted so deeply by the Marquess of Araphen. The only consolation was that the group now gained the skills of Rath, who quit after the Marquess' harsh words against Sacaens.
To Charlie, it made no difference whether or not the Marquess consented to aid them. These Lycian trained soldiers were worth a dime a dozen, having as much skill as a retarded boulder. He preferred to take a smaller group of well trained individuals than an army of mindless drones. In short, the Marquess' refusal was more of a blessing to the tactician.
Charlie sat near his tent, away from the commotion. He preferred to let the soldiers settle their own disputes. Funny how most disputes end up with Sain getting either slapped, yelled at or otherwise abused. He chuckled, that man needed to cool down. Sain was charming, but his manners are pitiful. Just as Charlie settled down with his bottle of whiskey, he heard a cheerful voice.
"Drinking again?" It was Matthew
"Shut up…" Charlie grumbled back before taking a swig.
"Mind if I join you?" Matthew asked.
"Your liver." Charlie said before pulling out a glass for Matthew.
The two sat there, drinking in silence. There was an unspoken hostility that lingered in the air, but as they drank more, the hostility slowly began to fade.
Finally, Charlie broke the silence. "Do you ever wonder what happened between us?"
"Not until this afternoon." Matt replied. "Why?"
"Because it's funny. Five years ago we were friends, training together in Ostia. But then… what happened?"
"Well…" Matt said getting a far-off look. "You became a tactician and I became an Ostian Spy."
"Yeah…funny thing. I always wanted to become an Ostian Spy." Charlie chuckled.
"And I wanted to become a tactician." Matt said back.
The men stared at each other and laughed.
"So, you were jealous of me, and I was jealous of you." Charlie said through fits of laughter.
"Basically." Matt chuckled back.
The two shared another good laugh. After calming down, Charlie poured another round of whiskey. They were beginning to get whoozy.
"So, how's Leila?" Charlie asked.
"Why the sudden interest in my life?" Matt asked back.
"Because, a, I'm curious, and b, you have a brown haired girl latched to your feet."
Matthew looked down at his feet. Sure enough, there was a young girl hugging him tightly. She looked up at him with big bright eyes and smiled. "You're mine!" She squealed
Matthew was too drunk to realize the seriousness of this and he and Charlie shared another good laugh.
"Matt, I have a feeling that we're gonna keep arguing until the day we die." Charlie said before pouring out the last of the whiskey. The girl hugging Matt's leg fell asleep. Charlie light scooped her up and tucked her into his sleeping bag before holding up his cup. "Here's to future arguments buddy."
Matt raised his cup. "To future arguments!"
Then the two men downed their last cup and spent the rest of the night talking and laughing.
Lyn saw Charlie and the new guy drink themselves silly as if they were old buddies and shook her head. 'Boys will be boys…' She thought before going to bed. 'But at least they're getting along.' She couldn't help but chuckle to herself. This adventure was getting very interesting, and she couldn't wait to see what the future has in store.
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Charlie: Don't get me wrong, I like Matt's personality, I just hate his skill.
Leila: YOU…IMBECILE!!!
Erk: Charlie…-restraining Leila- are you suicidal?
Charlie: Not really, why?
Erk: You act like you are.
Leila: I'LL KILL YOU IF IT'S THE LAST THING I DO!!!
Charlie: Calm down girl. Anyways, please leave a review and tell me what you think about it. Feel free to flame me for bad writing and no, writing a Matthew-bash is not bad writing, it's just good taste (or bad taste depending on who you are.) Anyways, enjoy.
