Ok, I'm currently in a Buffy obsessed mode, so if Spike shows up for no reason, don't blame it one me, it's the teenage girl hormones kicking in. Plus I just starting listening to the soundtrack that I got for my birthday for real, and now I'm obsessed with the song "Pavlov's Bell" by Aimee Mann, so if that shows up in here, don't be surprised. Thanks to all my luvverly reviewers, I believe there were three of you. Of course Lucy, you rock, and Elenrod, I'm pretty sure you reviewed (I can't check right now, my mom's on the phone so I can't check my e-mail for who reviewed). I don't remember the last person, mucho sorry, but I'll try to mention you next chappie. So, this one is dedicated to Aimee Mann, merely for doing the song "Pavlov's Bell" and to The Arrogant Worms for being massively funny (they'll probably show up in here too) and to The Barenaked Ladies just for being themselves. Everybody needs to go read their blogs right now. They're uber cool. So anyway, thanks to all the luvverly songwriters who inspired this, and on with the show!
"HE'S WHAT?" Frodo leaped about a foot in the air at the news that Sam had brought him.
"Frodo, please, you need to take care of yourself right now. Yes, Gandalf is back. I thought it would be good for you."
"GOOD FOR ME? HAVING THAT OLD COOT BACK! I was beginning to like him more as Gladys. Less homework, less riddles, everything was just better. Seriously, that was NOT COOL!"
"I'm sorry Frodo, I really thought this would help you. Having a constant in your life is something that's really important-"
"Well at least I know I'll have ONE constant. You'll always be REALLY stupid, and REALLY bad at judging how people really feel! Now please leave. I can't believe you did this! Now he's going to come in here and hound me about something, and then there will be some other stupid quest involving me almost dying and you being your stupid self and coming with and almost killing yourself. How do you think that makes ME feel huh! I have to go through a lot of pain seeing you suffer, and it DOESN'T HELP! So please, just go take care of yourself, and find a NEW boyfriend. THANK YOU!"
"I didn't think you felt that way," Sam sniffled and streaked out of the room.
"Sam's going with who?" Hermione sat with Jack, Ron, Harry and Elizabeth around the fire in the Gryffindor common room. Arwen had just run in, and gasped out the surprising news while panting, as she had run about three floors to find someone who would listen to the gossip. Sometimes a girl's just gotta tell someone.
"Buffy Summers."
"There's always been something a little bit weird about her hasn't there?" asked Hermione.
"A LITTLE weird?" Harry burst out. "She's only a slayer!"
"What's she doing at Hogwarts?" Jack wondered. He had watched the show "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" religiously ever since he had found out about it.
"Yeah, we really don't need more characters here," the Narrator complained. "It's already hard enough to figure out who's doing what and who we haven't told about for a long time."
"Shut up."
"Ok, I must have been thinking about a different Buffy, cause the one I'm thinking of is only in second year, and she's in Hufflepuff." Hermione put in.
"Yeah, that's Buffy Sommers. Weird last name if you ask me." Ron corrected.
"Huh. Sam is really weird. I never thought he would switch BACK to being straight. Who knew?"
"Sam, you realize that you can't call in a favor like this any time?" Buffy raised an eyebrow at her friend.
"I know Buff, it's a lot to ask, but I really need it."
"Well, I do too. See, I kinda dumped Spike. I don't know why, he's the greatest guy I've ever known, and now I wish we could get back together, but I don't think he would want to after I left him for Angel. So now I'm trying to get him jealous."
"Ah. Pretty much the same thing as me, but Frodo dumped me instead. All because I was trying to help."
"Doesn't it just suck to love?"
"Yeah."
"Ya know what I think would help?" Buffy asked, smiling a bit.
"No."
"SHOPPING!"
"And that would be the cue for more cheesy BNL music involving random subjects."
"Who was that?"
"Never mind, it was just the narrator."
"Oh.
Well, getting on with my song…
Well you know that it's going to
be alright
I think it's gonna be alright
Everything will always
be alright
When we go shopping
Well you know that it's
going to be alright
When we go shopping
It's always
lalalalala...
Shopping spree begin
It's always
lalalalala...
Everybody wins
So shutup
And never
stop
Let's shop
Until we drop
CHORUS
It's always
lalalalala...
Shopping never end
It's always
lalalalala...
Shopping with our friends
Shopping once
again
It's always lalalalala... (x4)
It's never
enough
Until you've got all the stuff
When the going gets
rough
Just shop with somebody tough
CHORUS (x2)
It's
always...
When we go shopping!"
"That was lovely Buffy."
"Why thank you Sam. Now let's go shopping."
Buffy and Sam exited the scene, headed towards Hogsmeade, where they spent the day happily roaming shops and spending far too much money.
In a dark passage in the depths of Hogwarts a shadow detaches itself from the wall and moves swiftly forward. It makes no sound, but glides quickly forward, catlike. Suddenly, from the other side of the passage a candle is seen. Neville Longbottom makes his way down the corridor, but as he gets closer to the shadow he slips, and the candle falls out of his hand, extinguishing on the floor. Neville mutters a few spells under his breath, attempting to relight the candle, but only succeeds in causing a small explosion. He continues on in the dark after cursing in the manner of a Hufflepuff (aka "Bother, drat, etc.). However as he moves forward he hits something solid that grunts and says "Bloody stupid kids!" in a very sexy accent.
"Who're you?"
"Uh…I'm…um…The Last Person You'll Ever Meet! MWAHAHAHAHA!"
"Huh?"
"I'm Spike. However I'm also the last person you'll ever meet, because I can't let you live and tell Buffy that I'm here stalking her, and also I'm hungry and I don't happen to have any chickens or anything to eat at the moment. I've been starving myself for a really long time, so I'm sorry but you'll have to pay the price." There is a scream in the dark, and a thump as a body falls to the ground.
"Wow you really were hungry."
"Don't get shirty with me you stupid narrator, or you'll be next!"
"You can't kill me, I'm just a disembodied voice!"
"Well, I was already dead and they managed to kill me on Buffy, so I'm sure I'll be able to come up with something to do to you!"
"I'll just be quiet then."
The next day Neville was found in a passageway in the dungeons, with two puncture marks on his neck and as pale as anyone had ever seen a human being. Buffy Summers, who was the latest student at Hogwarts, studying so as to be better equipped against any magic she may come up against (apparently Willow wasn't doing a good enough job), knew exactly what it was the moment she saw it, and went straight to Dumbledore, who put the entire school on notice that there was a vampire loose, and probably not a friendly one, judging from Neville's condition. As the students sat in the Great Hall discussing the events of the past days, the doors were thrown open.
"Not again." Muttered Harry as he saw who it was. Moldy Voldy was back again, and this time he wasn't happy. He had tried magic, he had tried hostages, and now he was running out of ideas. So he had decided to take a leaf out of the book of muggles everywhere. When running out of ideas and angry, use violence. Voldemort was surrounded by a ring of Death Eaters, each looking like someone out of The Matrix.
"OPEN FIRE!" he shrieked. Students who had never seen guns before stood in confusion, but those muggle-born or taking muggle studies threw themselves under the nearest available table and screamed at their friends to do the same. Soon however, those who didn't know what to do found out what they should have done. Strangely it was mostly Harry's friends who were being aimed at. Fred, George, Aragorn, Arwen, Gimli, Legolas, Will and Colin Creevey fell under the rain from Voldemort's soldiers.
But over it all came a roared order from Dumbledore. "FREEZE!" The old man was standing at the head of the table with his arms upraised over the entire hall, and everyone fell silent. Bullets stopped in their tracks and clattered to the floor. "Voldemort, take these horrible weapons of muggle destruction away from this place or I shall be forced to take action against you. Now LEAVE!" the order had such force behind it that the Death Eaters broke like confused ants and swarmed out of Hogwarts. "Teachers, please find injured students and help them as best you can. Prefects, take your houses back to the dormitories, it will be safer there. Move."
"Prayer of Saint Francis" began playing in the background as a melancholy air took over the hall. Students shuffled back to their dorms, casting frightened looks over their shoulders at friends unable to get up and walk. Young children skirted pools of blood, and more than one student was seen relieving their stomachs of what dinner they had had. Through it all a new girl walked in. She was carrying a backpack, and she had short blondish-gold hair that had lighter highlights in it. Her eyes were a murky grey-green and she looked scared and confused.
"Dumbledore!" she called over the quiet murmur. The headmaster looked up and his eyes grew wide.
Linnea! I completely forgot that you were coming today! There's been a terrible accident, drove you straight out of my mind. I'm afraid I don't have time to introduce you right now," he paused and looked down at the boy he was tending to, who was whimpering as Dumbledore tried to stop the blood from running out of his arm. "But I'll find you someone who can help you." He looked around desperately. "Hermione!"
"Yes professor?"
"This is Linnea Tait. She's a transfer from an American school. I don't really have time to explain right now, but she's supposed to be in Gryffindor, and she's your year, so if you could just show her around and help her get settled that would be great. She can tell you about herself. All of her stuff will be in the dorms. Thank you!"
"Come with me Linnea." Hermione motioned Linnea to follow her. They made their was upstairs in the quiet hush.
The scene closes with "The Gulf War Song" by Moxy Fruvous playing quietly in the background.
Well that was a tad depressing. Next chapter gets dedicated to whoever can guess who Linnea is based after (I'm going to guess only Lucy will get this one). Sorry it got so sad at the end, but I needed a way to get rid of all my extra characters that were just clogging up space. This way I can just focus on the people I like and the newbies. And really sorry for bringing Buffy into it, but I couldn't help it. So, you guys know what to do! Just press that little button. One review can create an entire chapter, so if you want this thing to continue then just leave your thoughts and suggestions. Thankee!
