Hi! I'm Lucy, better known as pinkzelda or buffsta17 if you're on a message board. This is the chapter that Nenfea said I could write, so here it is. And I absolutely adore Andrew Wells, so he'll be in here. And I'm in here. Lots!
Chapter 35: Somebody Told Me
Well, somebody told me
You have a boyfriend
Who looked like a girlfriend
I had in February
-"Somebody Told Me", The Killers
Spike was skulking around in the shadows of the Gryffindor common room, trying to avoid a persistent girl who kept trying to get him to do something she called "the eyebrow trick".
"Yeah, so me and my friend Olivia were talking about you and she wants you to do that two-finger thing you did in 'Hush', so could you?"
"What'd you say your name was again?" He asked, successfully distracting her from his watching Linnea, except a few minutes later….
"You know, you're like a hundred and twenty years older than her." Spike did a double-take.
"Wh- What? I'm not…."
"Yes, you are! I've seen your show, you know. At least you're only that much older. Angel was like TWO hundred and twenty."
"How do you know about that bloody poofter?"
"I'm Lucy. I know everything about 'that bloody poofter'." She grinned creepily, and then brightened. "And Andrew. He's just the most cutest, funniest little dweeb!" Spike decided to test her knowledge and sat down.
"What's Buffy's middle name?"
"Anne!" she replied brightly.
"What about… Who was my first ever love interest?"
"Cecily Underwood. And before you ask, you were sired in 1870. In 1899, you killed your first Slayer during the Boxer Rebellion, in 1977 you killed the second Slayer, a woman named Nikki in New York City." Lucy smiled, obviously pleased with herself.
"When did I find out that I had that chip in my head?"
"When you went searching for Buffy and you found Willow and tried to bite her. It was right after Oz, her previous lycanthrope boyfriend, left, and she needed you to assure her that she was biteable. You said that last year, she was wearing a fuzzy pink thing and you wanted to bite her then."
"When I was playing I Spy with Andrew, what did he say?"
"Tapestry, tapestry, tapestry, tapestry… Need I go on? Although finally he said it began with a y and you didn't know, and he said Yet another tapestry!"
"Lucy, can I be honest with you?" Spike asked, rubbing his temples.
"Yes!" She was very excited.
"You are one crazy bird."
Andrew was facing the gates again, trying very hard to look like a desperate hero, forced to resort to desperate measures in order to redeem his tortured, tainted soul. He was a…
"Shut up already. You can come in now, you know." Lucy said. She'd been loitering by the huge, imposing gates.
"I was just talking to Spike and he promises he won't eat you unless you two get locked in a room with nothing but a tapestry." Andrew smiled nervously and stuck his hands in his pockets.
"Come on, you little freak." She grabbed his arm and yanked him inside the gates and began dragging him up to the castle.
"How do I know you're good?" He asked. "You could be like Anakin Skywalker, seemingly innocent and good, but REALLY you're simply waiting for me to put my guard down, and then you will don an ugly mask and start SMOKING!"
"Yeah, but see, first of all you could ask me any question about Buffy or anybody, and I would know the answer, or- HEY! Anakin didn't smoke! He received that wound from a battle in which he fought valiantly!"
"Okay. I believe you're good! But just so you know, I was once a criminal…"
"Mastermind. I know, I saw 'Storyteller'…" she sang the little song. "We are as… GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODS! I know, Jonathan was going to buy you a burro, he's got a shy bladder, Warren was cool…." The were almost there. "Just believe me, okay?"
"Only if… Only if you can tell me who I gave a shout out to and why when Sunnydale collapsed!"
"Your brother Tucker, for giving you the inspiration to summon demons." She said boredly.
"You are truly the all knowing one," he said reverently.
"I've often thought so."
Now please review! If you like I'll do a spinoff on my pinkzelda account.
