For notes, warnings and disclaimers see chapter 1
Chapter 7: Misspent Youth
I'm still trying to figure this new slayer out. I must admit that what Buffy told me about her last night failed to prepare me for this meeting, however I'm still more interested in what she didn't tell me. There's something about the interaction between both girls I just can't understand. It's almost as if there were some sort of instinctive connection, a sort of common bond, which would make perfect sense based simply on the fact that they are both slayers if it weren't because I never saw anything similar between Buffy and Kendra. Of course, the fact that Faith is nothing like Kendra may also have something to do with it.
While Kendra was the perfect slayer according to Council guidelines it took me less than two minutes to realize that Faith is anything but... in fact I'd probably say that Buffy is half way between Faith and Kendra, or rather she was half way between them before she ran away, now I'm not so sure. This past summer has changed her more than I know and even though she keeps trying to pretend that everything is the same --especially when her friends are around-- the way she behaves around Faith tells a very different story.
The thing is that Buffy and Faith arrived in the library shortly before Willow and the rest and that turned out to be a very revealing experience. When it was just the three of us Buffy seemed more relaxed than I've seen her since her return but as soon as the Scoobies arrived I could see how she slipped on her 'good old Buffy' mask and I also saw for the first time what kind of effort that required. I had realized that there was a problem before today --that's why I insisted that she should go to the Bronze yesterday in the first place-- but I never knew how bad it was. I should have seen it though. There are too many things she's been through that her friends just wouldn't understand and those have changed her but Faith has no real references when it comes to the old Buffy. I can only imagine what kind of relief having someone her own age with whom she doesn't have to pretend must be.
Over this past week or so I've been trying to get her to tell me as much as she can about her summer and it has been far from a pleasant experience... in fact it's been a constant struggle. On the one hand the rational part of my mind knows there are certain things I need to know if I want to be able to help her deal with the aftermath of it -- of that it I can't bring myself to name even in my thoughts-- on the other hand my gut feeling is that I just don't want to know. I imagine it must be even more difficult for her friends who in spite of years spent fighting vampires and demons on a regular basis are still fairly naive when it comes to some aspects of human nature. I can understand why Buffy is having a hard time trying to relate to Willow's babble about her first semi-serious relationship and how Xander's normal teenage obsession with sex is the last thing she needs right now but there's nothing I can do to change that. I certainly don't blame her for being unable to connect with her old friends, it's just that I don't like to see her pulling away from them and now that Faith --a blank slate-- is here I worry that she may withdraw from them even further.
I try to focus my attention back on what's going on around me in time to hear Faith comment on the fact that she's on her own while her watcher is in the Cotswalds and I can't help but feel a pang of jealousy. In spite of my own words my resentment doesn't really stem so much from the fact that being invited to the retreat is considered to be something of an honor --in fact most watchers get to attend at least once-- it's based on something much deeper than that. Whenever that blasted retreat is mentioned I can't help but remember why I've never been invited... why I never will be. It is a reminder of just how many of my colleagues still won't accept me, how many of them still don't think I'm good enough, how many of them still haven't forgiven me for what happened when I was younger... for Eyghon. In a sense I know I was the lucky one, not only because I'm still alive but also because --no matter how reluctantly-- they eventually accepted me back. Ethan was not so fortunate. Having been trained to be a watcher from the day he was born, just like I was, the fact that he was expelled from the organization, black-listed from most worthwhile jobs and then disowned by his family just as he was completing his training left him without a sense of direction, with no other goal in life than to cause chaos and mayhem... with me as his favorite target.
I can understand his resentment. In the closed world of the Watchers Council it was my being an only child that saved me. That was the only reason why I was reluctantly readmitted into the fold. It had nothing to do with skill, potential or remorse over what had happened, their decision was far more pragmatic than that. Given that they knew I was the last of the Giles --and that in their almost incestuous little circle there was to be no new blood brought in-- they couldn't really afford to let me go. On the other hand in that rarefied 'one heir, one spare' atmosphere the fact that Ethan did have a brother made all the difference in our fates. They were forced to 'forgive' me but they made an example out of him. He became the escape goat for that whole fiasco... and considering the fact that --unlike me-- he actually wanted to become a watcher, the impact on his life was even more devastating.
Ethan fought back by turning his resentment against me, I fought back by refusing to marry, by refusing to help them breed the next generation they so desperately wanted.
I know there's nothing I can do about what happened so many years ago, but in spite of that my feelings must have been written on my face clearly enough seeing how, before I know it, Faith is teasing me by telling me that such a place would have been too stuffy for someone like me. I blush at her comments as I try to imagine how her watcher deals with her. One thing is for sure: she may be extremely perceptive but subtle she is not.
I suspect that for as long as this girl is around she'll keep me on my toes. For some reason Faith seems to enjoy trying to embarrass me with a constant barrage of sexual innuendo... and in spite of her rather loud proclamations of revolt I can't help but notice the twinkle in Buffy's eyes at my discomfort. That is not how she would have reacted only a few months ago, back then her revolt would have been real, not merely a performance she puts up for her friends' benefit. I would be jumping for joy at the thought of Buffy accepting that those of us who are 'old and gross' can actually have a sex life if it weren't for the fact that I am all too aware of just how she came by that knowledge and I can't stand it.
In a sense what we have here between the three of us is a rather interesting game. Faith is teasing me and while Rupert Giles -- responsible watcher and librarian-- is reacting as he is expected to, the Ripper side of me --that side I've been trying to deny for most of my adult life-- is growing to be quite fond of this new girl. By the same token the old Buffy is pretending to be shocked by Faith's innuendo but the new Buffy can see Faith's teasing for what it is and can actually be amused by my reaction to it.
The truth is that I am grateful for the fact that Buffy and Faith are getting along. We have a new evil in town and having two slayers around will probably come in handy. I hope it doesn't turn out to be too bad this time around but I am also aware that it is only a matter of time before another major threat rises in our idyllic little town on the mouth of hell. So far it doesn't seem to be that serious. There are no signs of prophecies or major demons and what's happening looks mostly like what we would expect to see if we were dealing with a new master vampire moving in to try and fill the void that was left when Angelus was killed and Spike and Dru left town. Still, even though Buffy has faced far worse than vampires in her years as a slayer, I am all too aware of the power a master vampire can have and I'm not willing to take any chances with her life if I can help it. Vampires may be perceived as minor threats here on the hellmouth but by sheer numbers they have killed more slayers than any other kind of demon out there and I can't allow myself to forget that.
I tell the girls to be careful as they leave to go on patrol and Buffy reminds me that she will be late coming home tonight because she promised her mother she would stop by for dinner. If Faith goes with her I'm pretty sure Joyce will get more than she bargained for.
