With Monica, everything is a competition. Everything can be either won or lost, and there is no such thing as compromise.

And everyday, she lets you know she's lost with you.

It's the small things. The way she looks either physically nauseous or bored every time you mention…anything you're interested in, actually. The way her eyes are flat and lifeless, and the only time she sounds relaxed is when you;re speaking on the phone. You know she feels desperate when she suggests sex on the balcony. You know it's because their sex life is the only part of their marriage she can feel in control of.

You know because that's the reason you refused.

You know you're not Richard; not even close. But lately, you've been doubting that Monica was aware of that until recently.

Richard would have been able to smile congenially through the "Phone Pen Conversation," which wouldn't have even taken place at all, because Richard had a phone pen. In fact, he had one with one of those strings that attached it to the message pad, like at the bank.

When Monica was with Richard, she had believed in soul mates; in babies; in knights in shining armor; in forever.

Now she believes in Lifetime movies; in Twinkies, in "keeping long distance phone bills low."

You surprise her by coming home early and making her a special dinner, using Joey's special recipe for the spaghetti sauce. You know she likes it- in fact, she practically slipped Joey the tongue when he made her the dish several years ago.

But now…now she just gives you this horribly blank look before stating that she's tired and reminding you that she's not ovulating until next week.

Now there's a new game- quite different from Joey's Hammer Darts and even a bit of a shift from Denial with Nora and Charles. How well can you play at being the perfect couple? You take a look at the tapes in your memory of happier times (the ones before you were even engaged are bookmarked), but apparently Monica's view of a perfect relationship doesn't involve you at all. Because in order to follow her topics of conversation, you have to bring out the Richard tapes from where you've tried to bury them. The last time you played them over and over in your mind like you do now was during that stupid trip to Vegas, although you did pour over them worriedly on the way back from Richards when he was trying to propose.

Today, however, she doesn't seem to be following the script in your mind that you've fine-tuned since she made that list of "what to discuss at the coffeehouse/breakfast."

You wonder if this is what Joey feels like at his auditions.

She promised you that she doesn't believe in soul mates, and that she doesn't care because she has you.

She promises you that if she can't have a baby with you, she doesn't want one at all.

She promises you that just because your armor needs a little polishing, it doesn't mean you're not the only one for her.

She promises you forever, and you taste nothing but lies.