For notes, warnings and disclaimers see chapter 1

Chapter 12: Death of an Angel

Buffy will be moving back in with her mother tomorrow and that means that I have no choice but to confront her tonight. These past few days I've managed to get her to open up in regards to what her summer was like, I even got her to talk to me about her fight with Joyce and her deal with Spike but she still refuses to tell me what happened during the course of her final battle with Angelus, at least not in any sort of detail. I know she won --we wouldn't be here otherwise-- and I know the vortex was already open at the time, I even managed to trick her into telling me some of the more obvious details such as time and orientation but I am sure she is still hiding something and I have my suspicions as to what it could possibly be... I just hope I'm wrong about that.

I do know that Willow tried to restore Angel's soul and I know she thinks her attempt to do so was a bust --her words, not mine. I hope she's right about that because I don't even want to consider what her success could possibly imply. I don't want to think of what it would have meant for Buffy to have had to kill Angel in stead of Angelus... and I really don't want to contemplate what it would entail if Willow had actually managed to pull something as complex as a soul restoration on her own with absolutely no experience, training or supervision while seriously injured and from a hospital bed. If she did it then I would have a lot more than just two slayers to worry about... and having two slayers is almost more than I can handle.

If Willow truly has the kind of power I fear, she could easily become a danger to herself and to others... and from what she's told me she is totally unaware of that fact. She is experimenting now, floating feathers and trying to make fire, as long as it doesn't go any further than that we should all be fine but if she managed to do the impossible then there's no way it's staying at that. Magic and power are addictive, I know that well enough, and while I don't think we are in imminent danger I fear it is only a matter of time before she loses control... of course, maybe I'm worrying over nothing, after all Willow said that the spell didn't work and Buffy would have told us if it had... maybe.

-o-

"Buffy, we need to talk," I say after dinner, knowing that I can't allow her to put it off any longer.

"Okay, that sounds serious. Please tell me we don't have another apocalypse knocking on our door... do apocalypses knock?"

"I don't believe that they do though I do believe you are trying to stall... again."

"Is it working?" she asks.

"No, but if it makes you feel any better I'll tell you that there are no apocalypses involved, though you are right, it is serious. It's about the battle with Angel," I say, making sure to use Angel's name, not Angelus and I see her freeze immediately.

"So you figured it out?"

"I had my suspicions, you just confirmed them," I admit.

"Willow did it... you know, in the end... but it was too late and I had to..." she trails off and I hate myself for pushing her, but I know I have no choice.

"You had to kill him, didn't you?"

"Yes. He didn't even know what was going on, where he was or why we were fighting and then..."

"What happened?"

"We were fighting and then suddenly he was himself again. The vortex was growing behind him but he couldn't see it... I told him that I loved him, I kissed him and then I ran my sword through him. I pushed him into the vortex and then it was over... he was calling my name."

"You did what had to be done," I tell her.

"I send Angel to hell and you are going to give me a speech about duty?" she all but yells at me.

"No, that's not what I meant... though I guess it sounded that way. What I meant was that from the moment the vortex was opened it was already too late to save him. By that time there was nothing you could possibly have done to keep Angel out of hell, he was doomed, the only question that remained was whether or not the world was going to be sucked into hell with him. Your choice wasn't Angel or the world, it was Angel or the world with Angel... and I know you, you wouldn't have sacrificed the world to save him even if you could."

"You are right, I did kill him but still I..."

"It's been hell on you, hasn't it?" I ask, trying to imagine what these past few months have been like... and the role this whole thing could have played on what happened to her in LA.

"Yeah, I mean, I keep seeing him in my dreams... sometimes he understands but most of the times he just blames me, he says that I betrayed him and I try to tell him I didn't want to do it, that it was the only way but he doesn't really believe me and maybe he's right. I did betray him. I ran a sword right through him and he didn't even know what was happening but then I... I don't know. Everything is really messed up in my head, it's like nothing makes any sense at all."

"Are you still seeing him in your dreams?"

"Almost every night, it just won't stop."

"Are you sleeping at all?" I ask, growing more and more concerned about the whole situation.

"A little, maybe a couple of hours a night but that's nothing new 'cause, slayer here, you know?"

"Yes, well, I do realize that being the slayer by night and having to go to school in the morning does not leave you much time for such things as sleep, in fact I have a similar problem, but what I meant is whether you are sleeping less than you normally do."

"Kind of... let's face it I'm usually up by the time the alarm goes off, but that's about it so no big."

"And you didn't think that maybe I needed to know about that? You need to rest, Buffy. You may be the slayer and as such you may be able to make do with significantly less sleep than the rest of us but that doesn't change the fact that going out there night after night when you can barely keep your eyes open is incredibly dangerous."

"In case you haven't noticed everything I've been saying has to do with my inability to keep my eyes closed... believe me, keeping them open is so not an issue."

"You know what I mean," I say, shaking my head.

"Yeah, I know... a tired slayer is a sloppy slayer and that is not of the good but still you expect me to slay all night and go to school first thing in the morning. It's not like you ever cut me any slack in that regard and need I remind you that you keep the same hours I do, watcher mine? You are at the library whenever I arrive, and that's without the benefits of a slayer's natural talent for going without sleep."

"I just don't want to lose you!"

"And still you send me out to fight the things that go bump in the night every night... I'm sorry I didn't mean that," she says, suddenly realizing what she's just said.

"I know you didn't mean it the way it came out but that doesn't change the fact that it is true. I do send you out there every night and every night I know you may not come back... maybe that's why I like having you here, but..."

"What do you mean that's why you like having me here?"

"When you are at your mom's I just..."

"You just what?"

"Well, let's face it, usually you don't call me after patrol and I can't tell whether or not you are still alive... I must confess it terrifies me."

"Is that why you usually get to school so early. I mean, I've noticed that you haven't been doing that since I've been back but I kind of assumed that it had to do with the fact that I was going to school with you."

"These past few days that you've been here I haven't had to wonder. I can hear you coming in and I know you are fine... even if sometimes I have to patch you up after patrol. Before I would go to school and pray that you would show up... I was always so relieved when I saw you walk into the library after a night of not knowing."

"And you worry about my lack of sleep? Giles, why didn't you just say something? I mean you could have asked me to call you when I get home. You may be a major league technophobe but even you've got a phone."

I have to smile at that. Whether I like it or not I have to admit she has a point, I could have asked her to call me but still sometimes I just need to see her to be sure that she's fine. I've known for a while that I love her as if she were my own, when she ran away I was forced to stop lying to myself about that. Buffy is more than my slayer... and I suddenly realize that that means we are headed for trouble.

-o-

Author's note: For those of you who have been wondering when will Angel be back the answer is that he won't. As far as this fic goes he either stays in hell for good (for those of you who don't particularly like him) or he is restored by the Powers and given a new mission in LA with strict instructions to stay away from Buffy (for those of you who do like him).

The reason why he is not coming back is that I have enough trying to deal with two characters who are freaking out over everything Buffy's been through (Giles and Joyce) and I really don't feel like adding Angel to the mix. In addition to that there's the fact that because this fic is not about Buffy's love life, Angel would end up becoming little more than a foot note anyway.

Author's note 2 (shameless self-plug here): In case anyone is interested, while I'm now testing the automated archive waters here at , most of my stories remain exclusive to my site, that includes some Buffy ficlets, a 52 parts Buffy crossover and about fifty fics in other fandoms. The URL can be found in my profile.