[Author Notes]: First and for most, I want to apologize. I've been going through a lot this last month and finals were piled up on me as well so I didn't really feel like writing a humor fic. Who writes a humor fic when they're depressed? It wouldn't have been funny, and you guys don't deserve that; you deserve to laugh! Loudly! Which brings me to another point. I'm glad to see that people are actually laughing and enjoying this short little humor fic. I mean, it'd suck if you wrote a humor fic that no one found funny, but that's obviously not the case here! Over 100 reviews baby! Oh yea...that is certainly fuel to feed to this inferno!!
When people do extraordinary things, they get recognized. For instance, Aoi Nikko reviewed all of my chapters for this story, reviewed my one-shot Till Love Due Us Part, and reviewed twice for Trials and Tribulations, as well as instant messaged me telling me how wonderful my stuff was! So this chapter is dedicated to you, Aoi Nikko. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.
Well, without further ado, the most exciting chapter - yet - of Self Control, Day Numero Tres!
[Special Thanks To]: Shadow-Mistress1, Joonie, Twinstar1, Natsu-Aoki, Kosmos444, Rabid Chibi Fangirl, angelicattie, kawaiidark, Ayekami, RinHikari, Rinoki Rio, Junsui-san, Charis Brokehm, Sapphire, Lightdemondarkangel, Uzumaki-sama, Minako, Kate-chan, daea, Hannah Luvz Gohan and Goten, LovelyLioness57, Winterlights, Sugar Goose, beserkergoddess, myredraincoat, crazyanime chick696 (x2), Blue Eyed Angel2, Kuroi-MiLk, Heaven's Coin, evilgoddess1990, Kar-chan, Aoi Nikko (x5), music nimf, darkreality11, Chaos, vipe, Vash's girl, and xXNotHeartlessXx!
[Disclaimer]: If I owned Kingdom Hearts, I would be filthy rich right now!! So, get off my back!!
[Warnings]: This has yaoi, or to plainly put it male x male relationships! If you don't like it, don't read it!! I don't want to see flames on this subject because I plainly put my warning here!
[Rating]: Rated R for future sexual situations and language
[Reminder]
"..............." Means talking
(...............) Means author notes
.............. Means an action
.............. Means thinking
'...............' Means past sayings
............. Means a place
Self-Control
Chapter Six - Day Three
...UGH...my head...
Slowly opening his eyes, Cloud draped an arm across his line of vision to soften the streams of sunlight that was pouring in. It seemed like every muscle in his body was on fire, and his head felt even worse. A pool of nausea settled in the pit of his stomach, he felt weak, and he was extremely thirsty.
All of those were classic signs of the one and only hangover.
Cloud had a hangover before, but what got him was what actually happened to make him have a hangover? What did he do after he slapped Rinoa in front of everyone at the club? That last thought made him smile, wincing as he did so, and he shifted on his side to get comfortable and to sleep off the hangover. There was only one problem: a mass of brown spikes was in front of him. And now that he realized it, an arm was lying loosely around his waist, and a pair of long legs was entangled with his.
Sora was snoring softly beside him...
...And he couldn't remember what happened last night.
...
Sweet Apollo on a Flaming Chariot!!
Bolting up, Cloud temporarily ignored the sharp dagger of pain slicing through his body to look around, eyes widening with increasing fear - understandably so since being drunk and being sexually frustrated leads you to believe the worse case scenario. Taking in the surroundings, he found that the was in his hideaway with beer bottles littering the floor; Sora sleeping next to him, Selphie sprawled out on the battered armchair, Wakka sprawled out on the floor, Kairi cuddled next to an unfamiliar guy...
And Yuna and Rinoa tied up in the corner, resting in an uncomfortable sleep.
...What the hell had they done last night?!
"Wakey Wakey, O Hung Over Ones! It's time for your pills."
Ring Ring Ring Ring
The high pitched ringing sound of Damien's bell went straight to Cloud's head, causing him to slump over and clutch his head in pain. "Damnit, stop that will you?" he yelled as he squeezed his eyes shut. As soon as the hangover passed, he was going to kill this guy...
"Get up everyone! It's 10:00!"
Moans and groans filled the air as the hung over group began to wake from their alcohol-induced sleep. Sora groggily opened his eyes, but as soon as he spotted Cloud spooning around him, he backed off, now fully awake from the shock.
He looked quite comical, and Cloud actually would have laughed if he weren't involved in this little predicament.
Across the small cave, Selphie let out a pain whimper that sounded like a wounded puppy before whining at how she'll never touch alcohol again while Kairi stretched looking well rested as she leaned against her new 'friend' - whose name has yet to be announced. Wakka leaned against the hideaway wall, glaring at the numerous beer bottles scattered throughout the cave, and Damien had a bright smile on his face as he walked toward Sora and Cloud. "Here. Take these and the pain will fade in a half an hour tops."
Sora and Cloud took the pills, still looking at one another, before turning to watch the other occupants of the room. "Please tell me you know what happened last night," Sora begged fearfully.
"I don't know, but I'm praying to any and every deity right now that I didn't sleep with you."
"I'm praying too, Cloud...I'm praying too."
They fell into an awkward silence and watched Damien administer the hangover pills to Selphie, Kairi, the new guy, and Wakka. He walked to the mouth of the hideaway before he spoke again. "I'm guessing you guys wanna know what happened last night?"
Everyone nodded slowly. Damien smiled. Wickedly. "Well, Here's the gist of it: Cloud bitch-slapped Rinoa. Sora and Selphie cheered. Riku and Tidus scolded them, then glared at them while Sora and Selphie blatantly ignored them. Leon pushed Cloud and said what was his problem, Cloud responded by saying that bitch, Leon said that's no excuse, Cloud pushed him, Leon said fuck you, then Cloud said you wish."
"Nice," Sora said while clapping Cloud on the back.
"Anyways, Cloud invited everyone back to this place except for the Hated Five: Riku, Tidus, Leon, Yuna, and Rinoa. I brought the beer, we partied, end of story."
"No, no, no!!" Sora said while standing up. He swayed slightly before he stood still. "What happened doing the party? And if Yuna and Rinoa didn't get invited, then why are they here?"
"Selphie and Cloud wanted a little revenge so they - basically - kidnapped them. You were drunk so you didn't particularly care. Actually, you were fascinated with Ziggy over there. You kept saying how his tongue was extra big and could probably work miracles."
Sora blushed heavily as he snuck a glance at the boy Kairi was cuddling against. He had his tongue out sensually, which made Sora blush even harder. "You're that guard from the club," he mumbled while keeping his eyes in his lap.
"Yea, Ziggy. He decided to join us after Kairi had to be escorted from the building."
"Why was Kairi escorted from the building?" Selphie asked sleepily, curling up into a small ball.
"Because of you. You, Kairi, and Yuna got into a huge catfight at the club. Which was pretty damn sexy if I say so myself. You know I am bisexual. I don't limit myself to just one gender and --"
Selphie groaned loudly as she curled into a tighter ball. "Just great. I don't even remember what happened!"
"Oh yeah," Damien started as he bounced over to the cot and plopped on Sora's lap. "In your drunken stupor, you guys told me about the bet."
Selphie and Cloud gasped while Sora winced at the extra weight settled on his lap. "And I've decided to help you guys."
Looking Damien directly in the eye, Sora grabbed his chin and tilted it towards him. "Are you serious?! Why?"
Damien smiled goofily. "Why not? After what happened last night, this is a full out showdown!! I love drama!"
Cloud rolled his eyes while Selphie growled in annoyance. "What exactly happened last night?!"
"Oh, don't worry about it. You need to worry about your pissed off boyfriends who are waiting outside."
"Can this day get worse?" Cloud muttered as he kicked the covers off and walked to the mouth of the hideaway, stepping over the beer bottles and Wakka. Selphie sighed and sluggishly got off the armchair, meeting Cloud at the mouth. "Sora, you comin'?"
Sighing loudly, Sora pulled Damien off of his lap and stood near Cloud and Selphie. He stopped before they headed out. "Damien's right; this bet has turned into a showdown. We have to work together in order to win."
"Ok!" Selphie yelled with enthusiasm while doing a little dance. She lowered her voice as she continued, "This bet originally made us against each other, but until this blows over, we gotta be a team!"
Cloud crossed his arms and looked at the two people he was supposed to be competing against. They were already shaking hands and trying to come up with different ways to win, but Sora stopped mid-sentence and watched Cloud. "Are you in?"
Cocking his head to the side, Cloud took out his hand, palm up, and smiled softly. "Let's...make em' hungry."
"Yea!"
Selphie and Sora slapped the outstretched hand and smiled brightly. Sneaking a glance at the stairs, Cloud huddled in close to his two younger friends. "Now this is what we can do..."
[][][]
"Hey guys!"
Tidus ran up to Riku and Leon, who were pacing quite furiously just outside the Treehouse. The frown already etched on his face got deeper as he observed the two, and he looked to the entrance of the Treehouse only to spot the lone cloth that hung on the back wall. "I take it they haven't come out yet."
Both boys answered with responses of their own:
Leon - "No, they haven't!"
Riku - "Don't say 'come' near me right now, Tidus, unless you want to die a very slow and painful death."
Tidus managed to hear each response. "Damien said they were drunk so it may take some time. Sorry, Riku."
"When did you hear that?" Leon asked as he stopped his frantic pacing, causing Riku to run into him. "Damien only said they would be out in a few minutes."
"I came by earlier and he said that all of them were passed out and won't be up for a while."
Riku slowly walked towards Tidus menacingly. "Passed...out?"
Being in his own pissy mood, Tidus didn't back down from Riku's sinister posture. "Yea, that is what I said."
"Don't be a smart ass. I'm not in the mood to once again show you who is the number one fighter on this island."
"Oh fuck off, Riku. You're obviously not number one in the bedroom or Sora would have crawled back on his hands and knees."
"Don't say 'crawled back on his hands and knees,' and you are the one to talk, Tidy. I don't see Selphie clinging to you like a drowning kid would do their life support."
"I can say any fucking word I want, Riku! Just because you can't keep your mind off of sex for two minutes straight doesn't mean I have to stop saying certain words. Squeezing, holding ---"
"Cut it out!"
"Biting, scratching ---"
"I said..Cut. It. Out. Now!"
"Spanking and screaming--"
"THAT'S IT!!"
Riku stalked forward and took Tidus by the collar, shaking him furiously. He realized that he said his sexual frustration was at its peak yesterday, but he lied. TODAY was the day that his sexual frustration reached its peak.
No joke.
"Finally lose ya marbles, Riku?"
Riku threw Tidus out of the way to watch - well, more like glare - at Selphie, Sora, and Cloud walk around the small balcony area just outside the Treehouse. "Sora," he ground out, ignoring Selphie's harsh comment, "we need to talk."
"There's nothing to talk about, Riku," Sora replied smoothly, "and I'm busy. Me, Selphie, and Cloud are heading for the beach. Actually more people are coming too; you know, Damien, Kairi, Ziggy, Wakka..."
"Do we get to come this time or are we not invited?" Tidus asked with bitterness.
"Come if you want."
Riku started to pace once more. In his mind's eye, Sora was lying on his stomach - naked, mind you - with a whip-cream covered banana in his mouth saying that very phrase...
"We'll go with you," Leon stated, speaking up for the first time. "We'll meet you there."
Cloud nodded curtly and climbed down the ladder. Now on the ground, he smoothed out an imaginary wrinkle with business-like manners and walked pass Leon without so much a glance. Sora and Selphie followed him, snickering softly, and began to talk about erotic fruits.
Riku would rather have Tidus say those words than hearing the fruits.
How was he going to survive this day?
[][][]
Luckily, Damien knew a small secret area that the gang could go instead of heading to the main beach where the whole island hung out. A line of tall trees created a wall of seclusion, their limbs stretching over a dip in the land. Although the sands scorched bare skin, the gang was used to it so they lay on those very sands, enjoying the sun. Sora, Cloud, Selphie, Damien, Kairi, Wakka, and Ziggy were huddled in what appeared to be a circle, and they talked quietly amongst themselves. Occasion burst of laughter erupted from the small group and drifted through the air.
A few feet away, Riku, Tidus, Leon, Yuna, and Rinoa - Damien released the two girls and told them that 'those darn straight men' tried to slip a pill in their drinks, therefore hindering them helpless and oh so pitiful - were huddled in their own little circle. There was no laughter, no hushed whispers or even gossip between the two girls; they were quite silent, brooding over the audacity their boyfriends - in Tidus' case, girlfriend - had. They were going to continue their quiet brooding until one question rehashed all the anger built of inside of them.
"Hey guys!" Ziggy yelled excitedly. "Have you heard of DSC? Deficiency of Sexual Contact?"
The beach froze in time momentarily...
...until Tidus broke the ice.
"What the fuck kinda question is that?!?!"
He stood up, baggy shorts and wife beater swaying with a nonexistent wind, and glared daggers, no, machetes, at the newly deemed 'evil one.' "That's not REAL! Did you MAKE that up because I'm pretty damn sure it's not REAL!!!"
Ziggy, Damien, Kairi, Sora, Selphie, Wakka, and Cloud stared at him blankly. Ziggy spoke up. "Symptoms include bursts of unexplained anger, aggression, twitching eyes, and...irritability about things that don't pertain to said person."
The dam broke. The group now named 'The Heroes' (even though they are the ones that caused this mess in the first place) burst out in fits of riotous laughter. Sora clutched his stomach while wiping tears of mirth from the corners of his eyes, Selphie covered her face with her hands while arching her back, Cloud shook his head with a look of triumph on his face, Damien pointed at Tidus and laughed at him directly, and simultaneously, Kairi, Wakka, and Ziggy supported each other as they laughed loudly.
The group now named 'The Horny Ones' (and Yuna and Rinoa being 'The Clueless Ones') didn't find the humor in that statement made by the newcomer. It was actually the exact opposite; Riku was mentally torturing Ziggy with a pitchfork, Tidus was mentally torturing Ziggy by cutting off his arms and sewing them back on just to cut them off again, Leon was inconspicuously staring at Cloud, who was lifting his shirt to show tender flesh, and Yuna and Rinoa looked at each other in confusion, obviously left out of the loop. Riku and Tidus headed over to 'The Heroes', flipped Ziggy an obscene gesture that only consisted of one finger, and stood in front of the laughing bunch. "I don't see why you guys are taking offense to this," Sora breathed out when Riku opened his mouth to speak. "What we were talking about didn't concern you at all so what's the problem?"
'The Heroes' as well as 'The Horny Ones' silenced to hear the answers of the two boys. Meanwhile, Riku dealt with an inner battle. Damnit! There is no problem is there? We aren't suppose to know...well, I guess acting like nothing is wrong with a little bit of extra charm will help not hurt, right?
Flashing his most dazzling smile, Riku plopped down right next to Selphie. "No problem."
He mentally congratulated himself for the flicker of lust that passed through Sora's eyes.
Tidus caught on as well and did the same except towards Selphie. "Yup! No problem at all."
He mentally congratulated himself when Selphie bit her lip and took a deep breath. The rest of 'The Horny Ones' and 'The Clueless Ones' made their way over as well.
"Guys!!" Damien shouted while standing up. "I have the greatest idea ever!!"
"I think I know what he's going to suggest," Kairi said playfully. She put two fingers on each temple as if she was reading his mind. "You are going to suggest.... Truth or DARE!!"
While Damien sulked and glared at 'the girl who stole his idea AND his man,' the three groups did something at the same time:
The Heroes - grinned at each other wickedly while rubbing their hands together in anticipation
The Horny Ones - smirked at each other while mentally plotting devious plans
The Confused Ones - squealed in delight...unbeknownst of the showdown
"Alright guys! Ready to play?"
The three groups looked at each other before answering. "Oh, yes!"
[][][]
The twelve teenagers sat in one large circle, the air filled with excited whispers. It was around 9:00, and the sky was mixed with hues of blue, purple, red and orange from the sunset. Earlier they had decided to meet back here before going their separate ways; Sora, Selphie, Cloud, Kairi, Wakka, Damien and Ziggy back to the hideaway and Riku, Tidus, Leon, Yuna and Rinoa back to Leon's house. It was now time to play the game, and both teams had more than enough time...
...for preparation...
...and for strategy.
Let the games begin.
"Ok!!" Damien yelled after blowing his whistle especially loud in Leon's ear. "Since it was my idea [he glared at Kairi], I think I should go first."
No one made any objections, so Damien walked around the circle, eyeing each person he passed. When he reached Sora, he stopped. "Truth or dare, O Crazed One?"
Sora glared at Damien for the nickname, but nevertheless, he answered while looking at Riku. "Let's start this game off right, shall we? Dare."
Damien smiled wickedly. "I dare you to make out with Cloud for ten minutes."
A blanket of hushed silence fell over the group as Sora and Cloud made eye contact. The nonverbal message was simple: Let's make em' hungry!
Although the urge to pound Damien into the ground was there, Riku merely looked at Sora with a bored expression on his face. Sora didn't even so much sneak a glance in his direction as he headed over to Cloud. Kneeling down, Sora pulled Cloud forward before settling himself in said boy's lap. He wrapped his arms around Cloud's waist, took a deep breath, then covered Cloud's lips with his own.
The silence was broken by catcalls from Damien and Selphie as well as growls of anger from Riku and Leon.
But Sora ignored all the noise. He focused solely on the being he was making out with, imagining it was Riku instead of Cloud. He imagine petal soft lips that put his own to shame, lithe but built figure from blitzball, equally soft silver hair and piercing sea green eyes boring into his own...
The imagery was so great that he pressed himself against Cloud more fiercely, kisses more demanding, more intense than they were before. He felt Cloud tense before relaxing back into the flow of the kisses, and he knew for sure that Cloud was imagining his lover as well. He felt himself be placed on the sand and broke the kiss momentarily to look up at Cloud. Before he knew it, lips covered his own once more and hands roamed his body. His body went on autopilot; he arched at the touches and let out a moan before wrapping his arms more tightly around Cloud's neck.
"Time!"
Cloud left one more lingering kiss before looking up at Damien, who was drooling shamelessly at the sight before him. Sora sat up and scoffed. "Boy Voyeur strikes again!"
The group seemed to laugh hesitantly because of the anger and lust that rolled off of Riku and Leon in waves. Damien noticed and laughed loudly. "Relax, Ri, you're turn will be coming up."
Riku only snorted in response while crossing his arms. His lips were set in a thin, tight line, and his eyes glowed albeit dangerously.
Sora would have been scared if he were not so bent on revenge.
"Ok, Sora, it's your turn."
"Alright."
Sora looked around before his gaze landed on Leon. "Truth or dare, Leon?"
"Dare."
"I dare you act like a chicken."
The dare itself didn't seem like that big of a deal, but since everyone knew the Stone Statue of Destiny Islands, this was certainly a huge deal.
A huge deal indeed.
The group laughed loudly; some out of satisfaction, some out of finding humor out of other people's misfortune, and some out of the sheer ridiculousness of that dare.
Sighing loudly and having enough pride to not back down, Leon stood up, tucked his hands in his armpits, and flapped while moving around the circle. His face was set in an emotionless mask while his body moved comically from one end of the circle to the next. The group was laughing so hard, no sound came out. Damien took out a video camera - where it came from, we will never know - and videotaped the whole scene, shaking with laughter as he did. He didn't hang around Leon that much at all, but he knew that this was a once and a lifetime deal.
Leon stopped, face tinged pink from embarrassment, and took his place back in the circle. He waited for the group to die down before speaking. "Truth or dare, Yuna?"
"Umm, dare!"
"…I dare you to write your name on Tidus' stomach...with your tongue."
The group gasped. Since when did Leon suggest naughty, yet erotic things?!
Selphie seethed with anger, but Kairi took her hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze. Selphie flashed her a grateful smile, but turned around to glare at Yuna, who was making her way over to Tidus. He lifted his shirt enthusiastically, and she knelt down, looking at him bashfully.
The urge to once again pin her in a headlock settled in the pit of Selphie's stomach.
Sticking out her tongue, Yuna started on his left side and slowly created a 'Y.' Tidus' groan was heard throughout the area, and Kairi was forced to wrap her legs around Selphie's waist to keep her from killing Yuna. Literally.
When Yuna finished with the 'A,' she leaned back and smiled with triumph while making her way back to her seat. Tidus looked dazed, Selphie looked pissed, and Kairi looked as if she couldn't hold Selphie back anymore.
Cloud and Sora came to the rescue.
"Ok...Rinoa! Truth or dare?"
"...Truth?"
Cloud snickered. Ha! The bitch is boring!!
"Ok...what person in this group do you want to have sex with the most and why?"
'The Heroes' and 'The Horny Ones' already knew the answer; it's Leon.
"...Well...there's two people..."
...Now that got everyone's attention.
"...Sora and Cloud..."
...That REALLY got everyone's attention.
"Huh?!" Damien yelled, voicing everyone's opinion. "Why the fuck would you want to get it on with those two?!?!"
Sora and Cloud glared at Damien.
"Well...Sora is just so adorable and h-he makes that noise when he's kissed..."
Sora flushed while Riku snorted once more.
"...And when Cloud slapped me...the look in his eyes...fucking hot...also...that slap felt pretty good and ---"
"WHOA!!! TOO MUCH INFORMATION!!!" Damien screamed while subsequently dropping to the ground, covering his ears, and rolling in the sand. "MOVING ON, PLEASE!!"
Rinoa turned crimson this time. "Truth or dare, Selphie?"
She brought her right hand up to stroke her chin in a thinking position. "Truth!"
"Who do you hate the most?"
"Well that's easy. I hate--"
[BOOM]
The group looked to the skies to see lightning flash. Rain came in torrents onto them and as soon as the first drop hit, the group scattered. Damien, not at all fazed by the rain, screamed, "Meet us here tomorrow at noon! No later, no sooner! We WILL finish this game!!"
With that he ran in the direction of 'The Heroes.'
[][][]
Finished! Once again I apologize for the delay. Now that I'm almost finished with finals, I will be updating more frequently. Stay tuned!
MercuryGoddess
