A/N: Wow, thank you for all the wonderful reviews! I have to admit, I was kind of nervous about this, so I'm glad everyone seems to be enjoying it. I really hate those long drawn-out notes where authors thank everybody, but I did want to answer one person-- Allen Pitt, you raised some very thoughtful questions, and I'm happy to say that I did take a lot of that into consideration already, and I think I address some of it in this chapter, and the rest is more or less accounted for later. Without giving too much away, this whole story is about balance, in that if one thing gets easier, something else gets harder. Solving one problem creates a new one, and so on. I'm not having Buffy and Dawn make all these changes just for the sake of playing in a kinder, gentler universe, and they don't have an easy road ahead of them. I guess the short way of saying that is just bear with me. Parades and cotton candy must be earned.
Thanks for reading, everyone! Hope you like this chapter. One last note, there's a POV shift to Dawn, and I'm having trouble getting ffnet to do my bidding in terms of putting in the proper line breaks around it, so sorry if you get confused.
Chapter Three
Of Horoscopes and
Hypocrisy
The gang accepted Buffy's story easily, and Giles arrived in record time with books to fill in the details. Buffy's brilliant plan was met with much less enthusiasm.
"So, what?" Xander said. "We just hide her until it's too late for the ritual, and then everyone just gives up looking for her?"
"They're not looking for her," Buffy said. "They don't know it's her. They're looking for me because they know I have the Key. Would you rather just hang out here and wait for them to beat down the door?"
"Well, no," Xander said. "I'm just saying maybe it would be smarter to stay and fight."
"Fight, how?" Buffy exclaimed. "Those knight guys just keep coming and coming, and I can't just kill them, they're...people." Oh, sweet hypocrisy. She was glad Spike had refused to come with her, because he'd definitely be giving her a look right now. "And never mind Glory kicking my ass every time I even get near her!"
"Buffy, Xander has a point," Giles said. "I'm not sure running would solve anything. Both the Knights and Glory have proven that they can find you if they want to."
"You guys, this is not open to discussion," Buffy said. "You want to stay, fine. But this isn't just about fighting them. This is about protecting Dawn. If that portal gets opened..." Giles sighed and began cleaning his glasses. Buffy looked around at her friends' strained expressions. "Look, I know this won't make it all go away, but I need to know Dawn's safe. And I'd like to keep you guys safe too."
Dawn raised her hand. "And just as a sidenote from the person they want to cut open, I'm liking the leaving plan."
"They're still going to find us, though," Xander said. "That's what I've been trying to say this whole time."
"Not if they can't see us," Willow said, looking up from the text she'd been going through. "I'm pretty sure I can come up with a spell to hide us, if not for the whole time, at least long enough to confuse the heck out of 'em."
Buffy exchanged a glance with Dawn, who she could tell was thinking the same thing. The further Willow went, the harder it would be to pull her back. But who was to say she was even still going to be here when it came time for that? Maybe Willow wasn't her responsibility. And this wouldn't be mad raging you-brain-sucked-my-girlfriend vengeance magic, it would be protection. And that was okay, right? She sighed. They needed to get through this, and they needed Willow to do it. If she was still here when it was all over, she'd figure out something to help Willow before it was too late. Another glance at Dawn confirmed that she seemed to be arriving at the same conclusion. "Okay, great," Buffy said finally. "Make sure you've got all the supplies you need. Whoever's with me, we're leaving in the morning."
Willow's decision meant Tara would come, and the rest of the group was slowly swayed. There was some protest when Buffy dropped the other shoe, being that Spike would be coming with them, but Buffy was firm enough and Dawn whiny enough that everyone grudgingly accepted. It made Buffy feel a little sick that she had to play on their distrust of him to get them to agree, pointing out that he knew Dawn was the Key, and what was to stop him from telling Glory if she got to him? The image of Spike, beaten and tortured was vivid in her mind as she went about convincing everyone, repeating silent apologies even as she emphasised that he couldn't be trusted not to tell. It felt like a betrayal, but it had to be done.
Willow and Tara went with Anya to get supplies from the Magic Box, and Giles went with Xander to the grocery store. Buffy and Dawn were left alone in Xander's apartment.
"You should try to sleep," Buffy told her.
"I know. I don't think I can."
"I know the feeling. Glory's gone, though."
"Just like that. It's so easy."
"It was...god, Dawn, it was too easy."
"You think maybe Glory got herself another body?"
"No, she was trapped in that one. I meant...what I did. What I had to do. It was too easy. It scares me."
"He was a monster too. You remember that, right?"
Buffy nodded slowly and pulled Dawn into a hug. "I hate this," she whispered.
"We'll make it," Dawn said. "We'll make it and it'll be better."
Dawn did eventually doze off on the couch, and Buffy sat watching the clock. Willow, Tara and Anya returned at four with what looked like half the shop. Giles and Xander followed half an hour later with enough bottled water and non-perishable food for a small army. And they'd fortunately taken her hint to get some motion sickness medicine. They'd even gotten blood for Spike, which made her have to hide a smile. One by one, they dozed off as well. And Buffy waited, watching the minutes tick by. She was trying to wait for a decent time to call Angel, but at five-thirty, she couldn't wait any longer. She needed it over with.
She instinctively started to dial his cell, but then remembered it probably didn't exist yet. She just hoped someone was at the office this early. She breathed a sigh of relief when someone answered the phone. "Angel Investigations."
"Um...Cordelia?"
"Yeah...Buffy, is that you?"
"Yeah, long time no...anyway. Is Angel around?"
"He just went to bed. We've been here researching all night."
She really should have thought of that. "I need you to wake him up, Cordy. It's really important," she said in her I'm-the-Chosen-One-and-I-mean-business tone.
"Uh. Okay. Sure, just hold on a minute. But don't blame me if you get cranky-pants Angel."
"Thanks."
It didn't take as long as she thought it might. She heard some muffled conversation and then Angel's voice came on the line. "Buffy? What's the matter?"
"Angel! Sorry about getting you out of bed, but I need you to do something for me. Dawn's got some freaky knights and a hellgod after her, and it's a really long story that I promise I'll explain later, but we have to get the hell out of dodge, and I need someone to keep the Hellmouth in check. Just for three weeks or so."
"No problem. I'll go myself, or send Gunn and some of his guys." Not a moment's hesitation. One of the things she loved and hated about him.
"Thanks, Angel. I owe you big. Whoever comes can use my house. Do you need me to hide a key somewhere?"
"No, we'll work it out. You just get Dawn to safety and don't worry about anything else. Though I have to say, I'm looking forward to the story."
"I'll fill you in when we get back. If anyone comes looking for me, I'm visiting my dad. Nobody knows where the hell he is right now, so no one would be able to check."
"Got it. Be careful, Buffy."
"I will."
Spike arrived soon after (with the same camper from before, she noticed), and they loaded up and got on the road. It was tense the first few minutes. The only conversation was Willow and Tara muttering over their spell books. There was a collective sigh of relief once they'd passed the city limits without incident. Buffy immediately stood up, going into pre-apocalypse command mode without even thinking about it.
"Okay, here's the plan. We keep moving. Stop when we can, but not for long. Willow, Tara, even if you can keep that spell up for a couple of hours at a time, it'll help. Everyone should take shifts driving, I don't want anyone wearing themselves out in case we have to fight. Spike, you should stay in the back during daylight and-- WHY are you all staring at me like that?"
Dawn gave her a look. "You're just like, General Buffy all of a sudden." Meaning oops, coming on a little strong with the three-years-future persona.
She laughed nervously. "Sorry. I'm just a little wigged. I got carried away."
"Thus far, it sounds like a fine plan," Giles said. "Spike, you should let one of us take the wheel so we can get this foil off the windshield."
"Buffy, remember, you can't drive," Dawn hissed when Buffy moved forward to volunteer.
She swiftly changed her course and got a bottle of water out of one of the grocery bags. She wondered if maybe she should make a list of all the stuff she didn't know how to do yet.
It was a long, tedious day for Buffy, having to answer the same questions from Giles over and over, struggling not to give away anything she couldn't have been told by a tortured minion. All while trying not to grin stupidly at Tara and Anya, since it had finally set in that they were really here, really alive. And she was going to do her damnedest to keep them that way. For all the monotony of Giles' questions, it helped to distract her, especially when she saw Dawn go into the back where Spike was. All she wanted to do was run to him. But she couldn't, not yet.
"Why aren't you up there with the Scooby brigade?" Spike asked, not really looking up from the book he was reading.
Dawn shrugged. "They're boring. Willow and Tara are doing witchy stuff, Giles is grilling Buffy, and Xander and Anya are playing the freakin' license plate game. Besides," she said, dropping her voice, "I'm afraid I'll say too much." Man, that was an understatement.
"Too much?"
"Yeah. I know what really happened. I mean, I sort of do."
Spike raised an eyebrow. "Do you, now?"
"Yeah. Some of it was my idea. We knew everyone else wouldn't understand."
"But the evil, soulless murderer would," he said bitterly.
"No! It's not like that. Buffy needs you. We all need you."
He snorted. "When it suits her purpose. Knows I could never say no to her, that's all. As for the rest of 'em, they'd stake me if she said the word."
"Well, they're stupid." Dawn really hated the whiny quality of her teenage voice.
"Slayer hates me. I'm just convenient. When it really counts, she doesn't trust me. Why do you think she's got the Poof protecting Sunnydale? So she can keep an eye on me."
"Spike, no. She may've said that, but...you know how she is. She's like a guy trying to pretend he didn't cry at Titanic. You're here because she wants you here. You wouldn't be if she didn't, even if she's making up other reasons." Maybe this wouldn't help, but she had to try.
"Nice of you to humour me, Niblet, but we both know she'll never--"
"How do you know? She might!"
"There's always maybe. But it's bloody stupid to hope."
"I really think you...well, maybe not a chance with her," Dawn said. "But maybe a chance to have a chance. I know you don't have a soul yet--"
"Yet?"
Shit. "And yet, I meant to say," she covered quickly. "And yet you know what's right and what's wrong. And you can love, and you can be good. Maybe you should try proving that to her. Be her friend."
"That's a lot of doing and a lot of proving. An' who am I kidding? Why would she want me as her friend after all the stuff I've done to her?"
"She might surprise you. All I'm saying is to try. If she's worth it to you."
"You know she is."
There was so much she wanted to say, but she just smiled and went out the door. She wasn't sure she'd accomplished anything, and she wasn't sure it was going to work out. But she felt better for having tried.
Willow and Tara had a good strong cloaking spell in place by nightfall, one that hid them from anyone who wished them harm, so they stopped at a campsite long enough to shower and fill the gas and water tanks. Buffy was very glad that Xander seemed to know how to deal with the waste receptacle, because she really didn't want to be going anywhere near it. Dawn got her alone and told her about her conversation with Spike.
Buffy grinned and hugged her. "Though you're so grounded for comparing me to a guy crying at a chick flick."
"I call 'em like I see 'em."
Spike took the wheel while everyone else piled into the sleeping area to get some rest. There was just the one double bed, the small single one having lost its mattress at some point in the past. They agreed to take turns with who got the bed. Willow and Tara won the toss for tonight, and there was enough room for Dawn to squeeze in next to them. As exhausted as she was, Buffy just couldn't keep her eyes closed for more than a few minutes. There were too many thoughts swimming around in her head, only a few of which made much sense at all. She finally gave up and went out into the main area of the camper and made herself a cup of tea, and heated some blood for Spike without even really thinking about it.
He shot her a strange look when she handed him the mug.
"I noticed you didn't eat when the rest of us did," she said by way of explanation.
"Didn' want to remind you you're travelling with an evil demon."
"Oh, please. I watched you feed last night. I fed you blood through a freakin' straw when you were chained up in a bathtub. SO over it."
He downed the blood without commenting.
"Any idea where we are?" she asked, looking out at the dark, nondescript road.
"Think we just passed through Albuquerque."
"I guess I shouldn't be surprised, the way you drive."
"Just makin' up for ol' Rupes' grandpa method."
Buffy laughed. "He does drive kinda slow. Do you need anything else?"
He looked surprised. "Not really. I wouldn' mind a fag, but Floppy Boy said he'd stake me if I lit up in here."
Buffy grabbed his duster off the back of her seat and handed him the cigarettes out of the pocket. "Not if I tell him not to. He probably won't even know. Just open the window."
Spike grinned and lit a cigarette. "How come you're still being nice?" he asked after a few minutes of silence.
Oh, how she wished she could give him the real answer. But she just shrugged. "Because I figured out that you're a lot nicer if I am."
"Oh, so it's just a defensive tactic."
"That's not what I meant. I mean...well, since you're on our side now, I thought..." She sighed, feeling the frustration of all the things she wanted to say. "I just thought maybe beating you up all the time might not be the best way to relate to you."
"Oh, we're relating now, are we?" A lecherous grin.
"Spike! You know what I mean."
"Yeah. I do."
"I'm not saying we should have picnics and puppies, but, well...last night showed me how much I can like you when you let me." There. That sounded innocuous enough, right?
It clearly surprised him, but he smiled. Neither of them said anything for a few minutes. Buffy felt silly just sitting there, but she really didn't know what to say to him right now.
"I guess the license plate game's out," she said finally. "Not much else on the road at this hour."
"You should sleep."
"I tried. I'm too worked up. All twitchy and edgy. I'd really like something to kill right now."
"Right there with you, Slayer."
"You want me to leave you alone? I'm sure there are some lovely educational materials to keep me occupied."
"Doesn't matter. We'll have to stop again soon. This thing sucks down petrol pretty quick."
"Willow said the spell would hold at least till morning."
They pulled into a truck stop a few minutes later. Buffy wandered around in the shop while Spike filled up the gas tank. She bought a magazine and a coke and went back out to join him. He didn't seem aware of her presence yet, leaning against the back of the camper smoking a cigarette. She just stood at a distance watching him for a moment as he gazed up at the stars. She loved looking at him when the thought no one was watching, seeing him without the mask of his cocky smirk and bravado. She took him in for another moment, then went over to lean next to him. "Anything good up there?" she asked.
"Just stars," he said.
Buffy was about to say something else, but she felt a familiar tingle on the back of her neck. "Vamps," she said.
Spike nodded. "Around the back, probably."
They grabbed a couple of stakes out of the camper and went to investigate. There were just two, feeding off a terrified truck driver who stood between them.
"Hey now, that's not very nice," Buffy said, stepping up next to them. The vamps didn't even move.
"What are you doing?" the truck driver said. "Get out of here! Call the police!"
"You're in luck," she said, grabbing the man and pulling him out of the attackers' grasp. "I am the police. Now run," she said. The truck driver bolted. The vamps were looking around, confused. The spell, she realised. They couldn't see her. She didn't waste any time staking them.
"Looks like you got your wish, pet," Spike said as they dusted.
"Yeah, too bad they didn't put up a fight. They couldn't see us because of the spell."
"Noticed that."
Back on the road, Buffy flipped through her Cosmo disinterestedly. Spike glanced at what she was reading and snorted. "What's the position of the month, then?" he asked.
"Oh, please, those are so lame," she said, blushing when she realised what she'd just said.
Spike laughed. "She's naughty."
"Shut up!"
He snickered. "Nothin' to be ashamed of, pet. Just figured Cap'n Cardboard for more of a missionary type."
Okay, it was possible to blush over a blush. "I am not having this conversation with you." Especially with all the memories it was bringing up. As well as the fact that he was completely right.
"Oh, don't get all virtuous on me."
"I'm not!" she said defensively. "It's just none of your business."
"Fine," he said with a dramatic sigh. "Read me my horoscope, then."
She giggled and flipped to the back. "Okay, what's your sign?"
"Scorpio," he said, lighting a cigarette.
"Okay... It says here, 'be a bitch. You're smarter than that phony who's playing mind games with you. Fight back by calling her out on it. Single? Don't pursue your workplace crush; you might get busted by a colleague. Attached? When Pluto puts you in a sensual slump on the 21st, ask for TLC to get back into the groove. Cosmic tip: On the 23rd, negotiate extra perks when Venus softens up your boss.'" Buffy laughed, trying to cover up the fact that some of it hit just a little too close to home. There was nothing to this stuff, really. "Wonder who'd be your boss? Me?"
He rolled his eyes. "Never."
They were quiet for a while, and Buffy felt herself intermittently dozing off. She wasn't really sure how long it had been when Spike next spoke. "Sun'll be up soon," he said.
A while, then. "Yeah. I'll wake up the gang. I think it's Giles' turn to drive. You could probably do with some rest."
When Giles took over driving, Spike went into the bedroom and shut the door. Buffy stuck around for breakfast, but she was exhausted and the light was hurting her eyes. She finally stood up to head for the back. "It's too bright in here," she said in response to her friends' reproving looks.
"But Spike..." Xander said, looking more than a little peeved.
"Knows better than to try anything," she finished for him. "I need to sleep, and that's where I'm going to do it."
Spike stirred when she entered. "You can have the bed," he said, sitting up and putting his feet on the floor.
Moment of truth. At least he was fully clothed. Oh, great, images she really didn't need. She summoned up all the nonsexy thoughts she could muster. "Don't be stupid," she said finally. "It's big enough." She climbed in and lay back, and felt him do the same after a moment. She held herself still and rigid so as not to touch him, fighting the urge to crawl into his arms. It would be so easy. But it was too soon. There was too much he had to go through yet. Assuming she was even still here at the end of all this. And what if she was screwing it all up? What if she was keeping him from even thinking he needed a soul? She drowned in uncertainties as she drifted off, sleep plagued by memories. Were they still memories if they hadn't happened yet?
Buffy forgot where and when she was when she woke up, wrapped up in Spike's cool, firm body. She sighed and snuggled closer, then reality came crashing back when she felt Spike stiffen. Damn. Stupid subconscious.
"Sorry," he muttered, moving away from her. "I didn't..."
She fought the urge to pull him back to her. "It's okay. I should've warned you."
"Warned?"
She laughed nervously. "I'm a cuddler." Then she realised what he must be thinking. "Spike, you know this doesn't--"
"Mean anything. I know."
God, the defeat in his eyes was killing her. She couldn't stop her hand from moving to his shoulder. "It...it does. Just not that." At least some of the sadness seemed to dissipate. He lifted her hand from his shoulder and held it for a second before letting it drop.
"How can you sit here with me like this? How can you...well, no, I s'pose you don't trust me, do you?"
And she had to admit to herself that for all she trusted the man she knew Spike could be, she didn't trust this Spike, not entirely. She knew how far he had to go. But... "I'm starting to."
"That's more than I deserve."
"So deserve it," she said emphatically.
He shut himself into the tiny bathroom without answering. One apocalypse at a time, she reminded herself. It was becoming a mantra.
Buffy played cards with Xander, Dawn and Anya for a while as Willow and Tara made lunch. "How's the cloaking action?" she asked Willow when they sat down to eat.
"Pretty good. I've managed to keep it going all on my own. Not even tired yet, and Tara's hardly had to do anything."
"That's great, Wil." Great in a maybe-not-great way.
"And I can take over when she does tire out," Tara said.
One thing at a time, yes, but if she stayed here, she still had to keep Willow from going dark. She hoped it was as simple as keeping Tara alive. She'd have to do some serious thinking when they got back if she didn't pull a Quantum Leap. Maybe she could get Giles to take Willow to the Coven now. Because the fact was, if she was going to do that spell on the Potentials in a couple of years... God, the chain of events made her head spin. Maybe this time, they wouldn't have to. Maybe she could get to the First before it got too strong. Maybe. Maybe. Too much maybe. She had to put it aside for now. She had enough to worry about without trying to fix things she might not even be here for. Though she had to wonder what the future was like now, just with the few things she'd changed since she'd been here. Who knew, maybe what she'd eaten for breakfast yesterday had caused mayhem and destruction a few years down the road. "And the world ends because of a bagel," she said under her breath.
Okay, maybe that wasn't the most interesting chapter ever, but I think I got some things out that needed to be dealt with. On the credit where credit is due front, Spike's horoscope was gacked directly from Cosmo. And this is where I make puppy-eyes and ask you to tell me what you think. :) Next chapter should be up very soon. Still on the market for a beta if anyone's up for the job.
