Michelle had been granted permission to visit Tony twice a Month, and she had put her moving on hold to go and visit him the first time she was allowed to. She had written him letters every day. She spoke of the weather and the neighbors and of her love for him, but never of what was really eating at her. Tony had enough to deal with, and did not need any more worries. He had not written back, but that was to be expected. Tony had enough to deal with. Because of her.

She had spent hours getting ready in her hotel room. Finally, after four outfits and three hairdos, Michelle rushed out the door and got in her rental car. For the first time in months, she forgot all the pain and was simply excited to see the man she loved. She had so missed the way he held her in his arms, the way he smelled and the sound of his voice when he whispered her name in her ear. Through all that had happened, despite knowing they would never truly be together again, she found that she only felt more attached to Tony. He was her soul mate, and she could never love anyone else like that.

Michelle sat in the sterile waiting room as the guards called Tony down for his visitation. She had tried to prepare herself, but nothing she could do would stop her hands from shaking or her heart from racing. She balled her hands into fists and crossed her arms. Finally one of the guards called her name and she walked down the long hallway to where her husband waited. She saw Tony before he saw her, and her heart almost stopped. He sat at the far end of the booths, behind thick glass, his left eye swollen shut under a purple bruise. He stared straight ahead; his shoulders slumped forward. Michelle gasped and rushed to take her seat in front of him, biting her tongue to keep the tears from her eyes.

"Oh baby," was all that Michelle could say into the receiver before her voice cracked. She put her hand up as though to brush the hair from his eyes, but her fingers struck the glass, instead. Tony looked up after a second, as though he had not noticed her presence until then. He didn't say anything in return, but instead leaned his head against the glass where her hand still rested. Michelle wanted to say something, but her entire body was shaking and her throat was tight. Instead, they both sat like that for a few minutes, afraid to put into words what they both knew anyway. Michelle told herself that she was prepared to sacrifice her life and future for the love of this man as he had done for her, but she was scared. She was so scared. Tears rolled down her cheeks uncontrollably.

"It's okay, sweetheart," Tony finally said. "It's just a bruise. Some Giants fan said the Cubs sucked, and I just couldn't let that stand." Michelle couldn't help but smile at his joke. "God, you're beautiful when you smile," he said softly.

"I love you so much," she whispered, then cleared her throat to stop her voice from shaking. "They're moving me to Seattle next week, Tony, but I will be here for you. I'm not going to give up on you. I'll be here as often as they'll let me, and I will write to you every day. I'll…"

"Michelle," he interrupted, "I need you to do something for me. I need you to do it without questioning me, because I've had a lot of time to think about this."

"Anything, sweetheart. What is it?"

Tony stared at her for a minute, then scratched the back of his neck and looked at the floor. He shifted in his chair and took a deep breath. "Sweetheart, I want you to think of me as dead, and never come back here or write to me again." Michelle's eyes went wide, and she felt as though she had been frozen in place, unable even to blink. "I can't have you living your life like this, baby! You still have so much more to live for than a man behind a pane a glass that can never take care of you like you deserve. Forget me. I won't blame you, I'll be happy for you, I promise. This was all my fault and I will not be a weight around your ankle for the rest of your life."

"I could never leave you, Tony," she said angrily. "You are here because of me. I'm the one who's taken your life away, and I will stay by your side in whatever way I can- forever."

"Oh baby, "he said, looking up into her eyes, tears welling in his own, "it's not your fault. Don't ever think that. It was my choice, and I can't stand to see what it's doing to you." His voice hardened, "I'm sorry Michelle. I can't put you through this." Tony took a deep breath and looked down at his hands, "Do not come back here, because I will not let you see me. Do not write me, because I will only return your letters. Please, Michelle, I would rather you remember what we had before than see me here. I couldn't live with the idea that you were wasting your life on me- it would kill me!" He looked into her eyes once more, "Go, Michelle, I'm dead."

Without another word, Tony got up and walked away, leaving the receiver swinging back and forth at the end of the cord. "Tony!" Michelle yelled into her end, "Don't do this to me!" But he couldn't hear her. He was gone.