For notes, warnings and disclaimers see chapter 1
Chapter 28: Of Things that Go Bump in the Night
(Faith's POV)
I'm sitting in this fancy attorney's office, looking at the door and the truth is that I'm shit scared.
We got here about half an hour ago and the suit's been telling us exactly what's supposed to happen... it was all a very rosy colored picture and I barely refrained myself from pointing out the obvious fact that my mother probably won't be too eager to play along. Now we are just waiting here for mommy dearest to make her memorable entrance and I really don't have any doubts at all as to the fact that it will be memorable... even though I'm fairly certain it's going to be one of those things I routinely add to the list of shit I'd like to forget.
Shaking my head I let out a sigh. I mean, being here is not one of my top ten favorite things, even though I'm really happy about the whole why we're here deal. I still can't believe that G and Mrs. S... that G and Mrs. G --and I know that getting used to calling her Mrs. G is going to take some getting used to... I'm not even going to try going for 'mom'-- actually want to go through all the trouble of adopting me, that in fact that was one of the main reasons why they decided to get married in the first place. I mean, when they told me yesterday I thought they were kidding me but they weren't and so here we are. The whole thing is almost enough to make the idea of seeing my mom worth it but that doesn't mean it's going to be easy... or pretty.
I'm not hoping for a miracle here. I've known her for long enough to have given up on her ever changing and that's part of the reason why I'm nervous... really, really, really nervous.
I know it's silly, I'm a slayer, I should be able to handle seeing my own mother in broad daylight, in a nice and cozy office, but oddly enough that's not really the case. Demons and vampires I can handle, but my mother is a different story. Funny how when I think of the things that go bump in the night there's just one monster that's still terrifying enough to keep me awake.
The thing is that I haven't seen my mom since I ran away and I get the funny feeling that she's not exactly looking forward to a joyous mother/daughter reunion here... I sure as hell know I'm not. I just hope she won't be too wasted when she comes in the door. I really hope she won't make too much of a scene this time around but I'm not exactly holding my breath on that one. Yeah, I'm scared shitless here --I won't deny that-- and even though it's been a really long time since I last saw her, the fact remains that as far as I'm concern it hasn't been anywhere near long enough... and the truth is that even I could have used a drink before this little encounter.
I just don't want her to blow this for me. I mean, I know at least G probably knows something about her so he probably won't be too shocked, so that's a really wacky kind of comfort and B knows enough about me to have a pretty good idea as to what to expect, but I'm kind of worried about what Mrs. S is going to think. I know her and she's pretty much everything my mom isn't and even though I know it's stupid I keep wondering what will happen if once she meets Cristina she decides that she doesn't really want me... that she doesn't want to take a chance that I'll turn out to be just like my mother, that she doesn't want to take a chance that I'll wreck her life like I wrecked my mom's.
Yes, I know all about how I fucked up my mom's life. She told me plenty of times that if it hadn't been for me --if I hadn't come and ruined everything for her-- she could have had a nice life, she could have been someone.
The thing is that I'm well aware of just how my mom feels about me, after all, it's not like she ever made a secret out of it, but up until yesterday I kind of thought that it was my secret... only now I realize that I should have known better. Up until yesterday I had never really given much thought to the fact that G must have gotten some sort of paperwork from her in order to be able to get me into school, but after we landed here in Boston it became kind of obvious. As soon as we got to the hotel he disappeared for a couple of hours and then when he came back he told us that everything was ready for today's appointment. Care to wager on just who it was that he tracked down in those hours?
I don't know what he told my mother and I sure as hell don't want to know what she told him but the thing is that here we are and I know that --for better or for worse-- he's met her before and that means that he's likely to know what to expect. I mean, sure, I'm not happy at the thought that he went snooping into my past behind my back but I guess I can kind of understand why he did it. The thing is that even though I'm not entirely sure of how much he may know about me or how I feel about the whole thing, at least it means that I don't have to worry too much about anything my mom may say in front of him. If nothing else the fact that he knows her means that he probably knows what to expect, but Mrs. S is a different story and I have no clue as to how she's going to react.
I mean, I'm about to have a family... like the ones I used to see on TV and dream about back when I was little, before I managed to convince myself that those families couldn't possibly be real. I'm about to be adopted into a family that actually wants me but I can stop thinking about all those times my mom told me how I had ruined her life and I can't stop wondering what to do if she decides to ruin mine back. I did try to be a good daughter to her when I was little --I really did-- but I guess I didn't know how.
I used to try and stay out of her way for the most part --and for the most part I did learn to duck early on-- but back then there were also times when I couldn't help but to try and get her to like me... not that she ever did. No matter what I did she hated my guts and there was nothing I could say or do to make her change her mind about that one. She kept telling me that I was a monster and that no one could possibly ever love me... that she tolerated me because it was her duty and she was stuck with me, but that that didn't mean she had to like it.
I also remember how once --when I was seven or eight-- I was stupid enough to get mad at her and tell her out loud that I didn't like her and her telling me that she didn't give a damn about whether I liked her or not as long as I feared her... and boy did I fear her.
In a way that was kind of funny 'cos she didn't use to hit me all that often, that was her boyfriends' department. Sure, my mom did lose it sometimes but usually that was when she was so drunk that she couldn't even see straight, so more often than not I managed to get away after a handful of blows and then she'd either pass out or go for another drink and she'd forget all about me, but her boyfriends were a different story. I was theirs to do with as they pleased and they knew it.
The thing is that all of that is about to be over now. I'm sitting here in a really fancy office, waiting for my mom to walk in the door and set me free... and I'm shit scared that she's going to do something to close the door, to drag me back. I don't want to have to go back... the things that go bump in the night, those I can deal with, but this, this I'm not so sure I can handle.
