For notes, warnings and disclaimers see chapter 1

Chapter 29: Mommy Dearest
(Faith's POV)

"So, there you are you little bitch," are the first words out of my mother's mouth as soon as she walks in the room and even from a dozen feet away I can smell that she's got a couple of drinks on her... no surprise there, but even though she's more than a little tipsy luckily she's not entirely drunk either. I try not to shrink back, determined to hold my ground. If this is how she wants to play it, I'm game.

"Missed you too," I spit back at her, feeling the tiny hope I had been holding onto almost in spite of myself that things would be different this time around shatter.

"Please, ma'am," interrupts the lawyer before things can get too out of hand, "if you would please take a sit we can get this over with."

"Whatever," says my mother checking me out and I try to hold still. "So, you think you are such hot shit now, don't you? You think that you're so much better than me."

I bite my lip to keep myself from answering, knowing that I can't afford to react, not if I don't want to piss her off even more, so she goes on.

"What? You are playing miss goody two shoes now, keeping your nose clean and your legs closed? Do they know who you are? Do they know what you are or do you have them fooled? I know you, Faith, I'm your mother but you just sit there looking down on me with your fancy clothes. You think it matters? Take the clothes away and underneath it all you are still the same little whore you've always been, the one who kept luring my men into her bed."

I can't help but look down at myself at that. Mrs. S took me shopping before the wedding, saying that she wanted me to have something nice to wear. At first I couldn't quite figure out why she insisted on getting me more than one outfit but I guess that even then she was planning this meeting. The thing is that going to the mall with her was more than a little weird and I felt totally out of place... no one had ever taken me shopping like that before and I didn't have a clue as to what in the heck I was supposed to be doing. I look down at myself but I still refrain from saying anything. What can I say? We've played this game often enough for me to know that no matter what I say or do I just can't win. I know it won't end until she tires of it and I know it will go on for that much longer if I try to fight back, if I give her something to respond to, so I just sit back and I listen to her going on and on.

I had no real illusions concerning my mom's feeling towards me before today --not really-- but it still kind of hurts... of course, that's nothing compared to what happens when she gives up on trying to pick up a fight with me and starts on G.

When she starts ranting about how he only wants me so that he can take me to his bed I begin to suspect that she won't really have to sign those papers after all, seeing how it is almost painfully obvious that if she doesn't shut up --and fast-- I'm only seconds away from actually becoming an orphan. I mean, I knew there was a serious ass-kicker hidden under all that tweed but I've never seen G so close to losing it before, not even when he was under the influence of that candy and he was trying to get us to beat up Ethan.

Trying not to draw too much attention to myself I place my hand on his and I shake my head, hoping that he'll get my meaning. I knew from the very beginning that this wasn't going to be pretty, but I didn't quite expect it to get this bad this quickly. I'm struggling not to respond, I know I can't run the risk of making her madder... not if I want her to sign those damn papers, and now I also have to worry about trying to keep G calm. It's not easy and I just wish she'd get it over with --after all, it's not like she actually wants me-- but she's taking her sweet time and that's driving me nuts.

With every single word she says I can't help but fear that I'm going to do something, say something, that's going to cause her not to sign out of spite. I know I have to hold on for just a little bit longer. I know that if I can manage to pull it off by the time we walk out of this office she will no longer be my mother and I'll be free. Funny how I still don't really know how I feel about that one. I mean, I know it'd be kind of stupid to wish she wouldn't sign but I guess there is a part of me that is terminally stupid because even though I'm really glad this whole thing is finally going to be over with --even though I'm mostly relieved by the knowledge that I won't ever have to go back to her, no matter what-- I am also kind of sad. She's never been exactly nice to me, but she's my mom and I kind of know it wasn't supposed to be this way. I just wanted her to like me but I know now that that's never gonna happen.

I look toward G, all too aware that I'm not the only one who is about to lose it here as my mother keeps going on and on about what kind of monster they are taking into their lives... and oddly enough the fact that G is so pissed kind of makes the whole thing a little easier for me to take. I keep telling myself that it's almost over, that once we walk out of here she will be out of my life forever, but it's hard and I'm scared. I'm afraid that she may decide not to sign the papers and I'm terrified of what will happen if she does sign.

Once she signs those papers it will be all but official. G and Mrs. S will be my parents and that kind of freaks me out. Even though I've been living with Mrs. S for weeks now I've never really had a dad before and I'm not sure I know what to do with one... well, I kind of do but I'm pretty sure what I'm used to doing is not exactly what G has in mind and I can't help but fear that I'm going to screw this one up... both royally and literally.

In addition to that there's the fact that once this is over I will actually belong to Mrs. S and even though I'm kind of looking forward to it, it also kind of scares the crap out of me. I mean, I like her, I really do, but I don't know what to expect. I don't know how to be what she wants me to be and I really don't like being dependent on anyone but myself. Me, I know I can trust... the rest of the world is iffy at best.

I guess that's what it all boils down to. To the fact that my life is no longer my life and I really don't know how to handle it, I just know that I don't want to mess it up. It's like being here has made it all really clear.

On the one hand I have my mom, who's still going on and on about... well, basically she's ranting about pretty much everything she can think off, on the other hand there are G, B and Mrs. S who are all trying to hold their tongues and in a way I guess I kind of have to decide which path I want to follow now. When I put it like that, the decision is remarkably easy... at least on a rational level, but my mom's words still cut deep and there's nothing I can do about it.

I'm a slayer and I shouldn't be letting her get to me like this --after all, I face demons and vampires on a daily basis-- but I really can't help it. All my life I've just wanted my mom to like me, at least a little, but I know she never will.