TITLE: Queer Eye for the Miami Guy
AUTHOR: wyntersun a.k.a csimiamie126
SUMMARY: Horatio Caine faces his greatest challenge yet; getting the makeover from the Fab Five!
RATING: FRT, T
DISCLAIMER: I do not own CSI: Miami, it's characters, nor do I own Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. CSI is owned by CBS and Jerry B, while Queer Eye is owned by Bravo Network. I do own the plot and generally all the craziness in this fic.
A/N: With all the craziness in an episode of Queer Eye, I have been inspired to answer my own question, "What if Horatio had the makeover?"… So bear with me, it's all craziness here. All stuff here are basically the stuff suggested by my friends who'd love to see Horatio do this, have that, and wear such. All QE info are provided by my close friend, Shanie, so if proven erroneous, just tell me, and I apologize in advance. Plus, I'm a H/C shipper, so there's shippiness ahead. You have been warned! Ciao and enjoy!


Queer Eye for the Miami Guy
Prologue: The Letter from Bravo


"Lieutenant Horatio Caine

Day Shift Supervisor

Miami Dade County Crime Lab,

Miami, Florida

Good day and congratulations!

You have been chosen by our network to be in our reality makeover show, "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy". Our show features the Fab Five, men who "change" the lives of other men by giving them advice on how to look good, act good, live good, cook good and dress good.

You have been suggested by Mr. Eric Delko and Mr. Timothy Speedle, both of which introduced themselves as a part of your team. Also, please note that the Fab Five and our crew will be coming to your residence on Febuary 28.

Rest assured that our network pays for all expenses.

Thank you, and once again, congratulations."


The red-haired lieutenant walked past by his fellow Forensic scientists, not minding their puzzled looks or worried expressions. His mind was only focused on one thing; to look for two members of his team.

e spotted the duo; the tall, dark and fairly handsome CSI and the curly haired man with a physique that matches a contented investigator. Both were making their morning cups of coffee, while laughing about their discussion.

But they won't be laughing at what they would hear from him.

Horatio Caine entered the break room; the letter clutched in his hand, and showed an expression, which his team only sees when he confronts a criminal.

"So the girl comes up to the nerd and says, 'Hey, do you know where Silicon Valley is?'… God, that was the worst joke I have ever heard in my life!" Eric Delko said as he took another sip of his coffee. Tim Speedle merely shrugged his shoulders. He gazed at the floor, only to see a faint reflection of Horatio, whose "hands-on hips" position has suddenly morphed into a "hand-balled-into-knuckle" status. The two CSIs could only exchange nervous glances.

"WHAT IS THIS ALL ABOUT!" Horatio bellowed. Both CSIs started to stutter words, seemingly trying to explain what they have done, but all would seem useless if you saw your supervisor looking at you as if he would murder you in a few seconds.

Eric still looked nervous to explain. Speedle was the first one to bottle up his courage (or what was left of it), and said, "It's a part of the plan H…" Eric advanced his arms into a defensive mode, and followed, "For Calleigh's party… Speed and me thought that…"

"We'd just give you over to the Fab Five for a make-over…"

"A harmless make-over…" Eric said, emphasizing on the word "harmless".

"Just to get you all prepared for Calleigh's birthday!" Speedle finished.

Both of them could only look at Horatio, in such a manner which both mixed anxious to know what their boss had to say, and a pleading look which clearly said "Please don't hurt us!".

Horatio raised a lecturing forefinger, prepared to let all his rage be released to the two. But instead, he sat down the chair and asked in the calmest way he can, "Does anyone else now about this?"

The duo looked again at each other as if to say, "Oh boy…" Eric sighed and said, "No one else…" Horatio's eyebrow formed a menacing arch as Speedle shrugged and said, "Except for Calleigh… Well, sort off…" Eric interjected in and added, "We were making the plans and… Who ever knew Calleigh watches Queer Eye for the Straight Guy? We joked about it… And said that we'd be helping you prepare for something important."

"But she doesn't know about the party we're giving her?" Horatio asked.

"Uh… that's the bad news…"

Horatio's look of evil just jumped into a higher level.

"Well, genius here," Speedle said while pointing at Eric, "Did not ensure the safety of the party portfolio… So, Calleigh got a full look at it…"

Eric looked at Horatio apologetically, and said, "Well, Calleigh was touched. And pretty much said that a small eat out in some restaurant would be enough… And I pretty much… Blabbed, that we already had it planned. She appreciates it H."

"So she knows everything…" Horatio said as he stood up.

"Yeah… Pretty much."

Eric and Speedle looked at their boss with much anticipation. Given the situation, Horatio had nowhere to go. He HAD to agree on what they had set up for him. But the situation alone seemed to only budge Horatio a little bit to agree. They needed the precise words to totally push Horatio to the edge.

"Think about it Horatio… This make over might just be the best birthday gift Calleigh would probably receive."

Horatio looked at Eric with uttermost anger. He released a heavy sigh and started to walk away.

The two CSIs had both of their shoulders drooped. They knew they were defeated. In a few minutes, Horatio would call and tell the network that there was some huge mix-up.

Horatio's head reappeared in the doorway and said, "If this doesn't work, I swear, your asses are gonna be in BIG trouble…"

They both waited for him to be in a safe distance. Both of them had triumphant smirks in their faces and exchanged high fives. "It worked! I can't believe he actually agreed to this!" Eric said as he emptied his cup of coffee.

"And you know what this whole thing tells us?" Speedle asked. Eric smiled as Speedle continued.

"Something's brewing with H… And Calleigh…"

end