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Chapter 15: Confessions of a Past

Dream

Lilly was fourteen and was sitting on sofa in the living room reading. She heard the front door open and she closed her book and looked up quickly to see her newest foster father, Brian standing there looking at her. Lilly hated the way he looked at her sometimes. "Hi," she said quietly. He smiled and made his way over to her.

"Hi," he said as he sat down next to her. Lilly moved over a little but he put his hand on her thigh and stopped her. "Where you going?"

"Just moving over," she said quietly. He rubbed her leg before he took his hand away and nodded. Soon, Victoria, Lilly's foster mother and Brian's wife came home much to Lilly's relief. She hated being alone with Brian, and every night she locked her bedroom door because of him.

There was a flash and she was in the corridor with that Wildman again, but his face was that of Brian, and that time she wasn't able to get away from him and he did what he wanted with her.


Lilly screamed and woke with a start. The room was still dark but a pair of strong, comforting arms wrapped around her. Lilly's breathing was quick and Eomer held her gently. "Lillyana, it's alright," he said. "I'm here." Lilly turned and threw her arms around him and held him close to her. He rubbed his hand up and down her back and he could feel the bumps and scars along her back through her nightdress. Eomer sighed and pulled her closer, their bodies pressing close to each other. Lilly didn't cry, she couldn't cry anymore. She had no more tears left to cry. Lilly just let Eomer hold her and she held him. Reluctantly, Lilly slowly pulled away and looked up into his face lit by the dying fire and the pale moonlight that came through her balcony window. "Lillyana, what is it?" he asked quietly.

"A dream, from my past," she whispered. Eomer nodded and sighed. He knew she would not tell him, not even if she asked. Lilly took a deep breath and looked at him. He wanted to know, he wanted to help her, and maybe it was time she let someone in to that part of her life. 'What if he throws you away after he finds out? You'll be alone,' she thought to herself but she knew better than that. Eomer would not just give her his heart and then take it away, at least she hoped not. Lilly loved him and he had every right to know of her past, no matter how painful. "Eomer, are you still tired?" He shook his head.

"Nay, I have not been able to sleep and you were only asleep for a short time," he said as he rubbed her back. Lilly nodded.

"I'm ready to tell you of my past, if you are ready to listen." Eomer was shocked but he nodded his head and raised his hand to tuck a piece of her hair be hind her ear.

"If you are certain, I will listen." Lilly sighed and looked into his eyes. They remained where they sat but Lilly shifted so she was facing him.

"Well, I suppose I should start from the beginning." She paused when Eomer gave her a kind smile and she returned his smile. "My mother, Jessie, sold her body for money." Lilly looked at Eomer's face but he showed nothing except that he was listening. "I was the product of one of her jobs, so I never knew who my father was because it could have been any man in a twenty-five mile radius of where we lived." Lilly looked down at her hands on her lap and watched as she twisted her fingers.

"My mother wasn't the best mother in the world and she used . . . herbs, I think is the best way to describe them. Well the herbs made her do strange things and she wasn't herself because of them. One night when I was seven she used too many herbs and died. I was taken away and placed with another family." Lilly looked up at Eomer to see him looking towards the fire with an odd look on his face.

'Oh God,' she thought but she swallowed and continued. "The first family I lived with was fine, but the second one I was moved to, well, it was not so great." Eomer turned and looked at her and Lilly tried not to cry at the look in his eyes but she swallowed hard once more and took a deep breath. "I was ten when the beatings first started, but just after my eleventh birthday I was . . . . I was whipped with a belt because I had forgotten to let out the dog and he went to the bathroom on the living room floor. The marks you asked me about all those months ago are from that beating."

Eomer's eyes had yet to leave her but she had turned her gaze to her hands once more afraid of what her next story would bring. "There is more Eomer, but I know you are angry with me. Perhaps I should not have told you." Lilly went to get out of the bed when Eomer wrapping his arm around her waist stopped her.

"Do not leave," He whispered as he held her. "I am not angry with you, but with those that would treat a child as such." Lilly looked up at him the tears she thought she no longer had filled her eyes. "Do not stop, unless you want to. I think no less of you but more of you." He cupped her cheek and kissed her forehead. "Continue." Lilly sighed and closed her eyes as his touch left her face, but his arm remained around her waist.

"Eomer, the rest of my past is even darker. What the Wildman said to me tonight brought back those memories and I do not want to lose you," she whispered. Eomer furrowed his brow.

"You will never lose me, little one. My heart, mind, body, and soul are yours until the day I leave these lands for the halls of my forefathers." Eomer's eyes held so much love as he spoke his words to her Lilly was certain she was dreaming. Never would she have believed that a man like the one that held her at that very moment would speak those words to her and to her alone. Lilly gave him a forced smile but nodded.

"The third family I lived with the man, he . . . . when I was fourteen he raped me." The last of her sentence was spoken in a whisper but Eomer heard her words. "He took away the one thing that was mine, Eomer, without even a second thought. He raped me a total of three times during the six months I lived with them. I never told anyone until this moment." Lilly had tears flowing down her cheeks and she refused to look at Eomer's face because his arm had left her body and she knew he was disgusted with her. Lilly covered her mouth as a louder sob escaped her lips.

"Eomer, I'm sorry." Lilly got up from the bed and ran into the washroom and closed the door. She walked over to the washtub and sat down next to the stone tub. Lilly drew her knees to chest and wrapped her arms around her shins. Sobs once again wracked her body. Lilly thought she had no more tears to cry but cry she did. It seemed like forever but it was only mere minutes before Eomer was by her side. He touched her shoulder and she looked up at him as tears fell freely down her cheeks as he looked at her.

"Lillyana, I am here," he said as he pulled her into his arms. He felt her stiffen and he sighed. She pulled away slightly and furrowed her brow at him as tears slid down her cheeks.

"You do not hate me?" Eomer frowned and shook his head.

"Lillyana I love you, and I will always be here for you." He cupped her cheek with his right hand and stilled her trembling lip with his thumb. "I will never let another man touch you like those men from your world did. Any that try shall face my blade." He pulled her closer to him with his left arm that was wrapped around her as they both sat on their knees. Eomer looked down at her and gently caressed her cheek. Lilly looked up at him still not believing he was really there in the bathroom with her.

"You truly do not think ill of me because of my past? You really don't want to run from me and never look upon my face ever again?" Eomer gave her a smile and shook his head.

"If I were to do that I would die as the elves do of a broken heart, little one. I love you and nothing shall change that, ever." He leaned in and kissed her lips lightly uncertain about what that reaction would bring, especially after her opening up to him the way she did. Lilly pulled away slightly after a moment and looked up at him with a smile on her lips.

"I love you, Eomer, more than you can ever imagine," she whispered. Eomer smiled at her and kissed her forehead.

"I can imagine, because I love you just as much if not more." Eomer smiled at her again and Lilly returned it before she wrapped her arms around him tightly and just held onto him for dear life and he wrapped his arms around her and they just held each other in the middle of the washroom floor.