TITLE: Queer Eye for the Miami Guy
AUTHOR: wyntersun a.k.a csimiamie126
SUMMARY: Horatio Caine faces his greatest challenge yet; getting the makeover from the Fab Five!
RATING: FRT, T
DISCLAIMER: I do not own CSI: Miami, it's characters, nor do I own Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. CSI is owned by CBS and Jerry B, while Queer Eye is owned by Bravo Network. I do own the plot and generally all the craziness in this fic.
A/N: This chapter is extremely hard to write, especially with the scene changing to the Straight Guy to the Fab Five. When the whole sentence/paragraph is in italics, it means, that it's in the realm of the Fab Five. Otherwise, it's in Horatio's. Get it? (crosses both fingers)


Queer Eye for the Miami Guy

Chapter Six: Pre-party preparations


Ted started pouring red iced tea, as Kyan helped him arrange the glasses. The rest of the Fab Five went in, and sat at the sofa, facing the T.V. screen.

Carson pouted as Ted handed him his drink. "And I wanted to have a melon shake…"

"We're out of melons" Ted simply replied as he and Kyan sat down. The T.V. screen lit up, showing Horatio pacing around his living room, obviously nervous.

"There's our lieutenant!" Jai said before taking a sip.

"You can do this Horatio… You can do this…" Horatio thought to himself. He then went upstairs to his bathroom for his bath.

Oh yeah, bath scene!" Carson said with excitement noticeable in his voice. His excitement then turned into a frown when Horatio firmly shut the door.

Thom smirked and said, "No rear shots for you, mister…" Carson rubbed his temples and remarked, "This is clearly not my day…"

To everyone's delight, the next scene showed Horatio, in nothing more than a towel, applying his usual facial products. Kyan smiled and said, "Very nice… I can't believe he followed my advice to apply it gently, not roughly…"Ted then followed, "Yeah, I remember some of the straight guys in the past, who roughly shave, as if they're trying to remove their face!"

"Look! He's going to his room now!" Thom said as the camera followed Horatio to his room. Horatio, however, tried his best to keep out the camera from the sanctuary of his room. The cameraman told Horatio that he should at least 'show some skin' for the show.

"'Show some skin'? Are you nuts?" Horatio angrily whispered.

"Ya' gotta do it man…" the cameraman told him. Horatio then unwillingly agreed, then sighed as he closed the door.

He then grabbed for his "work clothes", which were neatly folded but hidden in the depths of his cabinet. After a few minutes, the cameraman knocked again, and Horatio sighed as he opened the door.

Carson gasped as he saw Horatio buttoning his shirt. "He found those old work clothes of his! I thought I hid those!" Thom snickered for a while then said, "Well, apparently, Horatio can find and hide anything if he wills it to!"

Horatio then went downstairs to his new dining table, got the linens Thom bought him, and started preparing the table.

"Nice one! A 90 on the subject of Table Preparations!" Thom said as Horatio straightened out the vases and put red roses in them. After he was done, Horatio walked into the kitchen, got the Post It note on his refrigerator door, and…

"Let's start cooking!" Ted declared.

The Fab Five observed as Horatio followed the instructions and proceeded to cooking. Ted clapped his hands as Horatio finished the Fettuccini Alfredo sauce. "Look at that creamy goodness…"Ted said while Horatio poured the sauce into a bowl. "Don't make me drool Ted!" Jai joked as he lightly pushed Ted. As Horatio was about to get the ice for the shake, the doorbell rang.

Horatio fixed himself as he went towards the door. Through the peephole, he saw two familiar faces; Eric Delko and Tim Speedle. He then mentally counted one to ten, as to not knock the living daylights out of them.

When the door opened, the two CSIs suddenly changed from merriment to awe.

"Holy… Horatio, is that you?" Eric asked.

"Yes of course it's him… This one's in trouble…" Carson said as he pointed at Eric. "He did not recognize his boss immediately."

Speed smiled as he patted Horatio's shoulder. "You look the same, but something tells me you have been changed…"

As he let the two in, Horatio smiled as he saw the jaw drops he witnessed. "Horatio, you now have one nice crib… Very nice…" Speed remarked.

Eric followed the caravan of praise. "I like the new furniture Horatio… You picked these?"

Horatio simply shrugged and said, "Thom helped me out"

"He's so modest… He did most of the decision making!" Thom said as Carson continued, "He has taste for furniture… I just wish he was the same with clothes…"

Horatio then went back to the kitchen, got the fettuccini then placed it carefully on the table. Eric took this as a sign and said, "Uh, H, we'll just get the cake…"

The two left without Horatio giving the 'go' signal. The returned as quickly as they left, and in the same manner as Horatio's, placed the cake in the middle of the table.

"Looks delicious", Horatio said as the two muttered thanks and showed proud faces. "We almost died in making that cake, so Calleigh better like it and appreciate it." Speed said. Eric snorted

"Look at that cake! Looks like they're really making an effort for their friend…" Ted said. The rest of the Fab Five "Aww"ed in unison. Jai smiled at the trio and said, "I like it when straight guys make an effort for the best…"

Carson nodded in agreement. He did raise his hand afterwards and asked, "Did Horatio start to make the shakes?" Ted blinked for a few seconds and noticed Horatio disappearing back to his kitchen. "There he goes!"

Horatio looked at them seriously and asked, "You did bring semi-formal clothes right?" Speed shrugged while Eric reassured his boss, "Yeah, it's still in the pick-up, we're gonna change after we set up the party decorations…" The lieutenant raised an eyebrow and repeated, "Party decorations?"

Speed brought out some of the party decorations then said, "Made by Eric's niece… She's only in third grade Horatio…"

"It's kinda… Rushed…" Eric followed sheepishly. "She almost spelled 'Calleigh' wrong… She went beyond the lines…" Speed pointed out. Eric looked at him and sarcastically remarked, "Thank you Speed for generously pointing those out… Uh, mind if you give us a quick tour H?" Horatio merely smiled and said, "No problem…"

"He's really, really spiffy about the new changes, isn't he?" Jai asked.

Eric and Speed admired the changes the Fab Five made to his home, as Horatio showed them around. "Nice bathroom H… We may not use this for a while…" Eric said. Speed followed, "Yeah, we have to hold it in…"

While the duo was decorating the dining area, Horatio concentrated in the sanctity of his kitchen. "Put the lid on the blender… Put the lid on the blender…" Horatio muttered to himself.

"He's reciting the mantra I taught him! He's really nervous, isn't he?" Ted asked his friends. "But observe how he prepares the whole thing…" Kyan commented.

He started extracting the flesh of the melon, exactly as Ted had instructed him. He followed each step carefully, silently praying that everything he was doing would turn out right.

Ted smiled as he recognized the glasses Horatio was bringing out. "Oh! He's cleaning the Blue Raven glasses I bought for him…" He suddenly looked shocked as he yelled out, "I forgot to warn him!" Kyan raised his eyebrow as he asked why. "That those glasses are extremely expensive!"

Ted smirked as the rest of them just rolled their eyes. As if on cue, Horatio accidentally knocked one of the glasses. Ted gasped as he covered his eyes. Amazingly enough, Horatio caught the glass by his knees and let it roll safely on the floor.

The Fab Five suddenly went on bouts of cheering and clapping. "Nice footwork Horatio!" Jai said as he continued on clapping. Ted suddenly kneeled, started bowing and chanted, "All hail Horatio, Savior of Extremely Expensive Things!" The Fab Five followed the suit as Horatio whistled and muttered, "Close one…"

"An extremely close one!" Ted yelled out. "I thought I was gonna lose another one!"

"Oh, the one who broke the extremely expensive Martini shaker?" Carson asked. Ted nodded as an answer.

Eric walked into the kitchen, jaw slightly dropping as he saw Horatio arranging the glasses. "They really changed you a lot, didn't they?" he asked. Horatio smiled and said, "It's for pre-party preparations…"

"Pre-party preparations my ass…" Eric muttered. Horatio gave the young CSI a puzzled look. Eric smiled then said, "We know everything H… Every time you look at Calleigh, talk to her… Isn't it obvious?"

Horatio didn't look at Eric but replied, ""You tell me, you're the one who noticed."

"No… Because I'm not the only one who noticed… Speed, Valera… Almost everyone who works with us in the crime lab?" The lieutenant was now in a state of shock. It was that noticeable? Damn, he had to do something about it.

Eric must've noticed Horatio's sudden realization, because he gave his boss a friendly pat, then whispered at him, "This is the best time to do it man… Or else you're gonna wait another three hundred and sixty four days, or until you die; which ever comes first." Eric grinned as he carried the glasses to the dining table.

Horatio stored the melon shake he had made in the refrigerator, so it would stay cold. "It was that obvious?" he asked himself before heading out to his dining room.

"Everything's prepared!" Ted said excitedly. Thom covered his hand over mouth and as he pointed at the decorations. "Somebody call 911! We have a party emergency here!" Carson patted Thom's shoulder and said, "A grade school girl made those... Don't be harsh..."

Speed stepped down from the stool, and saw Eric trying to avoid laughing at all costs. But Horatio said what he was thinking; "It's as if we're throwing a party for some grade school kid…" Speed retaliated by saying, "We need to go back a few years, to cherish what we have now…" Eric laughed out loud and said, "Is that your best Martha Stuart impression?"

He was about to retaliate with sarcasm, but his phone had cut him off. "Hello?"

"Really? Where are you?"

"Ok, I'll tell him…"

Horatio and Eric looked at him as he ended the conversation. Speed looked serious, then announced…

"H… It's time…"

"It's time! everyone hold their breath!" Carson said as Thom followed, "But not that long!"

TBC