TITLE: Queer Eye for the Miami Guy
AUTHOR: wyntersun a.k.a csimiamie126
SUMMARY: Horatio Caine faces his greatest challenge yet; getting the makeover from the Fab Five!
RATING: FRT, T
DISCLAIMER: I do not own CSI: Miami, it's characters, nor do I own Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. CSI is owned by CBS and Jerry B, while Queer Eye is owned by Bravo Network. I do own the plot and generally all the craziness in this fic.
A/N: Same as the Chapter 6, when the whole sentence/paragraph is in italics, it means, that it's in the realm of the Fab Five. Otherwise, it's in Horatio's. Get it? Thank you for the reviews! hugs all
Queer Eye for the Miami Guy
Chapter Seven: Surprises in Store
"What do you mean 'It's time'?" Eric asked. Speed smacked his palm against his forehead and then sighed. "They're on their way here, you idiot… Meaning H here, should be marching his ass upstairs to fix himself… Comprendo?" Eric smirked and said, "Well, you shouldn't have been that melodramatic… You're a bad mix of Donald Trump and Regis Philbin…"
Sensing another childish fight was about to happen, Horatio interrupted the two, asking, "Shouldn't you change as well?" The fighting duo looked at their boss, mumbled words of agreement, and then headed once again to the pick-up to get their clothes. As Horatio turned around, the two continued on their "small" argument.
Back in the lounge, Thom laughed as the two started to battle it out. "Those two look like they're a bunch of pre-school kids!" Kyan nodded in agreement, "They need our help!" Carson smiled and said, "Oh, I'd be more than willing to help those two!"
"Aww, look at Horatio… He's so nervous about the whole thing!" Jai cooed as the camera was now focused on the nervous lieutenant, marching to his room in order to prepare for the party. Horatio paced around his room for a few minutes before he finally took the notion to stay put and apply his facial products.
"Very nice… You know, Horatio knows a lot about his skin… I like the way he applies those facial products!" Kyan said as Horatio finished and was now wiping his hands with a towel. "It's kinda surprising to see a guy who knows how to take care of his face…" Carson said, obviously pondering on Horatio. Kyan shook his head and said, "I think Horatio knows he has sensitive skin…"Thom raised an eyebrow then asked, "The fact that this guy ACTUALLY knows that he has sensitive skin… Are we sure he is straight, people?"
Horatio then brought out the Armani suit that was still in a protective plastic cover. The Fab Five suddenly started hooting when Horatio dropped his present pants and then changed to the Armani tailored ones. "Look at that ass! Look at it!" Thom yelled out. "Sometimes, those clothes he wears shows that he is somehow ashamed of them…" Carson commented. Jai protested, "Well, he shouldn't be! Wear jeans! Anything to accent the asset!" Kyan sighed and said, "He sure looks good in Carter underwear…"
Meanwhile, outside Horatio's bathroom, Eric was tapping his foot impatiently, as he looked at his watch. He was about to knock for the tenth time, when the door opened and Speed walked out, his clothes neatly folded and cradled in his arm. "It took you ten minutes to change?" Eric asked as he stepped in. "Well, did it ever occur to you that we men also need time to change?" Speed said as he adjusted his tie.
"Well, I can do it in five minute tops!" Eric replied as he closed the door.
They swooned yet again as Horatio changed to the crisp white shirt. "Wow wee… Ass, abs, attitude… This guy's got it all!" Ted said, laughing afterwards. "I am hyperventilating here!" Caron shouted as Horatio, in a semi-closed white shirt, opened up the jewelry box. Sighing, he donned on the necklace, and then continued on fixing himself. Carson began fanning himself, repeatedly saying "Oh my God… Oh my God…He's so hot right now!"
Horatio fixed himself as he reached for the Midnight Caravan perfume, sprayed some of it in the air, and walked casually out his room. Kyan gave a thumbs up to Horatio and said, "Nice, the spray and walk technique…"Then, in perfect timing, the doorbell rang as Horatio closed the door.
"They're here!" Jai yelled.
Speed fixed his tie, before heading out the door. Eric stood meters between the stairs and the door, straightening up himself. Speed then opened the door…
"And the birthday girl is here!" Carson announced as Calleigh walked in, with Alexx Woods, Yelina Salas and John Hagen followed behind her. "Surprise!" Eric and Speed yelled out.
Carson whistled as the camera focused on Calleigh, dressed in a black dress with mid thigh slit. The upper half of her long, blonde hair was twisted and twirled, forming a flower like structure. "She's so beautiful… No wonder Horatio-"
Ted and Kyan eyed Carson evilly, as Carson muttered, "Horatio… Enjoys working in crime scenes… Beautiful people make everything around them beautiful! Isn't that right Thom?"
Thom nodded in agreement, while behind him, Carson looked at Ted and Kyan apologetically, then focused his attention back at the screen.
"Wow… Are we really in Horatio's home?" Calleigh asked, awestruck. Alexx smiled and said, "They've really done a lot to this place…"
Eric waved his hands in the air and asked, "Aren't we supposed to greet the birthday girl first?"
"That's right people! Where are your manners!" Jai asked as the ones present in Horatio's home laughed, then started greeting Calleigh.
"Where is Horatio?" Hagen asked. Carson was about to release another remark, when Kyan suddenly interjected, "It's supposed to be a surprise, idiot!" Carson managed to lock on Ted's attention as he shrugged his shoulders in reply to Kyan's statement. "Hey, is it me, or is Horatio spending a lot of time upstairs?" Jai asked.
The reply came when the screen showed Horatio, pacing slightly faster than earlier. "He's really, really, nervous about this whole thing! I wonder why…" Thom said. Carson bit his tongue, Ted sipped his iced tea and Kyan started fixing his hair, just to control themselves from blabbing what they knew.
Thom took it another way, as he asked, "Jai, we must help Horatio by channeling to our selves his nervousness… Isn't that right Jai?" In reply, Jai made the sign of the cross, then crossed his fingers.
Horatio breathed in, then out. "Well, this is it…" he said to himself.
Alexx gasped, Eric and Speed whistled, and when Calleigh turned around to look, she stared eyes wide open, then covering her mouth in awe. Horatio descended with grace, then walked towards Calleigh.
"Happy birthday, Calleigh…" Horatio whispered, as he gave Calleigh a warm, welcoming hug.
(At that point, invisible sparks were flying in the room, both the good and the bad.)
Horatio noticed that the attention wasn't given to the proper person, or celebrant for the matter.
Speed seemed to read Horatio's thoughts, as he said out loud, "Well, I'm sure we are all grateful to the Fab Five for the changes made to our favorite Miami Lieutenant… But now, is the time… TO PARTY!"
Eric then danced his way to the center stage, or in this case, gently shoved Speed off his place. "Now, if you please follow me to the new living room so that we can start this whole shindig. And please drop your gifts on the really nice coffee table"
"These two really have prepared a lot for these party, yes?" Carson asked.
They all followed the orders, but two of them preferred to stay slightly behind.
"Surprised?" Horatio asked. He held Calleigh's hand for quite a long time now, but she didn't seem to mind. Calleigh smiled and said, "I'll admit it… Yes… But I wonder…"
She let go of his hand then asked, "What would I call you now? You're not exactly handsome any more…" Horatio raised a questioning eyebrow. Calleigh giggled, then leaned to him. She whispered seductively… "Because you're now far from handsome…"
She then quickly fixed his uneven collar, then walked to the living room.
Horatio swore to himself, and secretly wished that men had the ability to control their blushing.
He followed Calleigh, and saw the guests admiring the changes in his home. Horatio tried to answer their questions, but thankfully, when Yeliina had placed her gift, she asked out loud, "Where are the other gifts?"
As it turned out, the there were only three gifts present in the coffee table.
"Eric, where's my gift?" Speed asked. "I thought you placed it there?" Eric replied.
"No, I brought out the cake. You were the one who was supposed to get the gifts…"
"I brought out the… Err, decorations… You were the one who was supposed to get the gift!"
"You can't blame this on me!"
"There's gonna be another catfight!" Thom said, mimicking an announcer's accent.
"Oh yes I can!"
"Oh yeah?"
"Yeah, cause I brought the cake to the pick-up while you were supposed to bring the gifts!"
Speed was about to answer with a clever comeback, when he suddenly had the epiphany; he did forget to bring the gifts.
"Oops…"
Eric sighed, as he dug for his keys in his pocket, and said, "Let's just get the gifts all right? I mean, it's ok, we're not very far from Horatio's…"
Speed then bowed and said, "We're gonna come back… Meanwhile, we give the imaginary mic to Horatio… You can do it H! Entertain them while we're away…"
With that, the duo left, their bickering heard until the front door slammed shut.
"Those two badly need our help!" Thom laughed, as he commented.
"Oh boy…" Ted said as all eyes were now focused on Horatio. "You can do it!" Carson cheered. Jai followed, "Go, Horatio!"
"Say something!" Kyan said with accompanied worry, as Horatio just stood there…
TBC
