TITLE: Queer Eye for the Miami Guy

AUTHOR: wyntersun a.k.a csimiamie126

SUMMARY: Horatio Caine faces his greatest challenge yet; getting the makeover from the Fab Five!

RATING: FRT, T

DISCLAIMER: I do not own CSI: Miami, it's characters, nor do I own Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. CSI is owned by CBS and Jerry B, while Queer Eye is owned by Bravo Network. I do own the plot and generally all the craziness in this fic.

A/N: Okay, since phone conversation is involved, italics mean that it's Hagen or Yelina talking in the parenthesis. It all depends on who is making the prank call. :-)

Queer Eye for the Miami Guy

Chapter Seven(point)Five: Prepaid Plans

Eric Delko fumbled with his keys, half-nervous, half-satisfied with what they were about to do. Tim Speedle, on the other hand, seemed to show no emotion about the plan. They were on their way to the marina, which to them, seemed to be the perfect place to make the prank calls, then dispose of the evidence afterwards.

"Relax Speed!" Eric said, breaking the silence between them. Speed merely snorted in reply. "Yeah right. If Yelina is about to kill me, I'm dragging your ass in this too." Eric laughed, then said, "Well, good luck with that. As for me, I have a Hagen to deal with." Speed shrugged as he rolled his window down, feeling the inviting air of Miami that night. "You know, I think we deserve Emmys or Oscars for our little 'role play' back there…" Speed said, out of the blue.

"Well, it's kinda natural that we have endless, childish bickering… They're used to it."

Speed reached out for his gift, which was of course, hidden inside the pick up all that time. It took all the years of acting (which mostly compromised with him being the 'lead tree' in plays) to pull the stuff. Due to physical forces, all the plushies were now disarranged. He was about to open the box when he smirked to himself on the plushies were placed.

Thanks to centripetal force and gravity, the Alexx plushie was lying down the base of the box, the Horatio and Calleigh plushies were leaning on each other, and (to his surprise) the Speed and Eric plushies were now in a position, which almost resembled death.

"Hey Eric…" he said as they made it near to the marina. "Look at these… Pay attention to our positions…" Eric did as he was told, as he also smirked. "Familiar?" Speed asked.

"Yeah…" Eric said as he pulled over to the side. "I've seen those a lot… More specifically, in crime scenes…"

Speed sighed before he got down the pick-up. "I think it's a warning… It's as if it's telling us our asses are gonna get whopped in within twenty-four hours…"

Eric sighed as he waited for Speed. He brought two pairs of latex gloves to the scene, gave the other pair to Eric, smiling smugly. "Can't be too careful. Just in case they over react, have an investigation, and have us dust our own prints."

"Do you really think they'll go gaga over a bunch of prank phone calls?" Eric asked.

"I did say just in case." Speed replied.

Eric made a quick sign of the cross as he started dialing Hagen's number. He coughed a few times, then raised a silencing finger, a signal for Speed to make his best effort to be silent.

"Hello?"

Eric then threw off his voice, which to Speed, sounded a very, very bad imitation of Paris Hilton.

"Hello? Please… Help me…"

"Who is this?"

"Oh please help me…"

"Who are you?"

"Please… My dog… He's drowning!"

Speed was now trying to sustain his laugh. The conversation was now sounding very Paris Hilton-ish.

"Ma'am, you should call 911 instead…"

"Oh please… My nephew's drowning!" Eric then moved the phone a few inches away, then yelled, "Nicky! Swim back here! Please!"

"Nicky?" Speed mouthed. Eric shrugged.

"Please hurry! Oh my God! Nicky!"

"Auntieeeeeeeeee!" Speed yelled in a high pitch.

With that, Eric pressed the End button. "Thanks" he said as Speed was shaking his head. "You call that prank calling?"

"Oh yeah? Let's see you do it then!" Eric challenged him.

Speed then dialed Yelina's number then cleared his throat a few times.

"Hello?"

"Hello…" Speed's voice was shaky, which sort of sounded like Eric's grandmother.

"Yes?"

"My cat… Please…"

"Excuse me?"

"My cat… It went up the tree again… Please help me…"

"Ma'am… Maybe-"

"Oh please help me… My cat… He's… He's…"

Speed started making coughing noises, then suddenly sounded as if he was having a heart attack. Then he abruptly dropped the phone.

"Hello? Hello?"

He then picked it up then pressed END.

"I feel that you have just insulted my prank calling skills." Eric said when Speed was showing his triumphant smirk. Speed smiled and said in his Obi-Wan Kenobi voice, "That, young padawan, is the classic 'old lady, cat stuck in the tree' technique… You have a lot to learn…"

"Whatever… Ready to dispose of the evidence?" Eric asked as he shook the phone in his hand.

"On three?" Speed returned a question.

Eric then started the countdown.

"Three!" the two yelled at the same time, followed by threw the ceremonial disposal of phones into the dark depths of the Miami waters.

The duo returned to the pick-up, removing their gloves and fixing themselves on the way.

A few blocks from Horatio's place, the two were trying their best to act as if nothing happened. Or to be more specific, they just went to Eric's house and picked up the gifts. Traffic could be easily used as an excuse.

"No offense… But I don't think this was a certified 'mission accomplished'…" Speed said. Eric sighed and was about to agree, when at that moment, they saw Hagen's Tercel speeding on the other lane. Inside, Hagen looked frustrated, and in the passenger seat was Yelina, looking equally frustrated as well.

Eric smiled to himself and said, "I don't think so my friend… I don't think so…"

TBC

Ok, as for the Hagen's Tercel thing? I based it in my fic Horatio's Hummer. Thanks for the reviews! Oh, and this is an in- between chapter. I actually have two excuses; a) I'm sprucing up Chapter 8 and b) I want to emphasize on the participation of our two CSIs on the H/C ship. I will post the next part soon! I promise!