This is not a romance story, or a dramatic one. All the characters are not themselves because if they were, it would be a depressing story. In other words, Hatori is not serious and Akito isn't a crazy mean guy. They're all just different.
So please read and review, and I would appreciate your time!
Akito says, "Hello, Hatori."
Hatori says, "Hello. I see those white birds come to sit on your finger again."
"Yes. For some reason they keep coming to me. (brushes them away) Go away, you stupid bird." (bird stays on finger, so he snaps its neck)
"Oh so that's why all those birds appear dead in the manga series of Fruits Basket."
"What manga series?"
"Nothing."
"And what do you mean appear dead? They are dead."
(Hatori sweats because he thought the bird was unconscious.)
Hatori says, "Well I'm here to check up on your health."
"Good."
(checks heart rate)
Hatori is shocked, "My goodness, your heart-rate!"
"Is it at a normal beat per minute?"
"According to my charts, you're having a heart-attack right now!"
Akito shrugs. " I don't feel a thing."
(Hatori shudders from fright. He checks everything else.)
Hatori says, "Well, this is a pretty good rate. You only concocted 3 new diseases today. Usually you get 5 diseases daily."
"That's not good. Hatori, can you be a little more serious? If what you say is true, I would be dead by now."
"Yeah, especially with that leprosy working its way around you."
"Hatori, I'm serious. You're not yourself today."
"And I can say the same about you. Well, if you must know, I inhaled marijuana, or as they call it, crack, pot, Mary Jane….all that fun stuff."
"Get out of here until you are better!"
"Oh come now. We'll go on our secret annual deer hunt.
"Now?"
"Yes. Now. I'll get the hunting equipment."
(Shigure walks in.)
Hatori exclaims, "Oh Shigure! I didn't see you walk in. According to me, all I see are rainbows popping out of fountains and doorways."
(Shigure gets a little freaked out.)
Shigure asks, "Where are you going with those guns?"
Hatori looks stupidly at him, " Huh? What guns?"
Akito says, "We were going to go deer hunting."
Shigure is excited, " Really? Can I come?"
Akito asks, " Hey, Hatori, what's in this white bag? Cigarettes?"
(Touru enters.)
Touru says, " Hi. I want to talk to Akito please."
Akito says, "Sure! Sit here my friend. Muahahaha!"
(Touru's eyes grow wide.)
Hatori says, " We were just going to hunt deer. Want to come?"
Shigure says " Let's hunt those white birds first!"
Akito says, " No. I want to hunt them through means of road kill! We've got a limo, and I'm not making it go to waste."
Shigure says, "Why don't we shoot out game as the car speeds through the Souma estate at 90 miles an hour."
Touru asks, "Will someone please tell me what's going on! (spots the white bag) Give me that bag! (looks in) Marijuana! You know that marijuana damages the heart, lungs, causes cancer, contains over 400 unknown toxic chemicals, blah blah blah blah blah blah blah….You know that right?"
Akito&Hatori&Shigure go, " Huh?"
Hatori asks, " How do you know?"
"I just did a report on marijuana."
Shigure shouts, " Prove it to us. NOW! Show us where these "imaginary" chemicals are…"
"I'm coming back when you guys are done."
(walks out)
Yuki says, " Hi Touru. That meeting with Akito went fast. Did Shigure protect you again from that psycho maniac?"
Touru laughs, " Yuki, don't make fun of him."
"Touru, sometimes its….its okay to make fun of people."
"They're kind of crazy in there."
"Even Hatori?"
Touru: Ummm….let's go make dinner shall we?
"Yeah, your dinners are always so delicious! How do you make it so?"
"Want to know a secret? (whispers) I take out from restaurants." (yuki's eyes grow wide.)
(dinner time)
Shigure asks, " What's for dinner Touru?"
Touru says, "I…what restaurant do you want to take out from."
"Can you cook deer?"
Touru asks, " Why?"
"Cause…(puts down a whole deer on the table)…I went grocery shopping."
Kyou screams, " Wai! What happened!"
Shigure's version of the story
Hatori says, " Akito, let me drive! I have a license!"
Akito says, "What difference does a piece of plastic tell me?"
Hatori says, " It says that I know how to drive! Now give me the steering wheel!"
Akito says, " No! I'm the head of the family and if I say that we will risk our lives because of my driving, we will!"
Hatori says, "You're crazy!"
Shigure says, " A deer!"
(deer screams. Can deer scream? If not, in this story it can. I'm sure deer can scream though. They have a voice.)
POW!
Akito says, "Oh no! Now there's blood on the limo."
Hatori asks, "What do we do about the deer?"
Shigure says, " Well, we did want to hunt….let's eat it for dinner."
akito and hatori stares at him
Akito&Hatori says, " You're taking it home."
(deer moves one of its legs)
Hatori says, " I think its still alive. With a little bit of what I learned in medical school, I may save its – hey!"
Akito kicks the moving leg. Deer screams once more before it dies.
Hatori says, "You killed it!"
Akito says, " Hey, if I'm dying, I'm bringing deer and white birds with me."
Shigure says, " You're kidding right?"
silence
Shigure says, " Okay."
Touru is very afraid now because there is a dead deer on the dinner table and Shigure's story.
Touru says, "Why don't we take out?"
Kyou asks, "Can we have lamb?"
Yuki says, "No. Let's get chicken."
Shigure says, " Hello? Free deer here!"
Touru says, "No! No animals today. Strictly vegetables."
Shigure says, " If you feed us vegetables, then we'll become vegetables; people who do not do anything but just sit there and not do…anything."
Yuki says, " You're very repetitive."
Shigure says, " You know what, Yuki? Just shut up."
everyone's shocked. Yuki kicks the deer off the table and into the forest.
Yuki asks, " Do you have anything else to say?"
Shigure says, " That thing's really heavy!"
Yuki says, "Good. Retrieve it and I'll kick it back to the forest."
Shigure says, " Well, I think you squished your colony of mice who were watching you in the forest."
Yuki says, " I don't…care."
Shigure says, "Well, I'm off to my room."
Kyou says, " You mean to the bathroom?"
Shigure says, " Precisely."
Walks out.
Yuki yells out, "My mice!" runs off to save them
Touru says, " I can't believe that I live through this."
Kyou says, " If you can't live through this, I don't think you can live through Shigure's bombs."
Touru says, " What bombs?"
Kyou says, " The bombs he's setting off right now."
