Thanks to all those who reviewed chapter 1.
(earthquake)
Touru asks, " Was that--?"
Kyou says, " That's right Touru! It's World War III."
Rumble rumble…. KAPOW!
(bathroom door is knocked down)
Shigure says, "My! I feel…RELIEVED!"
Kyou asks, "Was this World War III or atomic bomb testing?"
Shigure says, " It was just a test."
Kyou says, "Huh. Hey, next time, we should explode in time with beethoven's sixth symphony!"
Shigure says, "Great idea."
Touru says gasping, "pl-please…stop. I-I order…pizza."
(touru looks at the bathroom)
Touru screams. "AHHHH! THE WALLS! THEY….THEY WERE YELLOW! NOW….IT'S….IT'S" (faints)
Shigure says, " Don't worry, Kyou. Girls are usually weak like that."
Kyou says, " That's because it's her that's going to clean up. What if it's you?"
(Shigure looks at the brown bathroom.)
(Shigure faints.)
Kyou says, "Ah, that's just perfect."
Yuki says, " I wouldn't call it perfect."
Kyou says, " Yuki, will you ever be able to detect a joke? Man! You're as strict as some –"
Yuki says, "As some what?"
(telephone rings)
Yuki yells, "Kyou! Don't pick it up."
(telephone keeps ringing)
Kyou asks, " Why not?"
Yuki says, " It's the Ring! I told you not to watch that movie."
Kyou yells, " Water! It's coming out of the bathroom!"
Yuki&Kyou starts moaning in fear.
Telephone continues to ring.
Yuki says, "We have to make someone else watch the Ring."
Kyou says, " It's too late! I told you to make Shigure watch it. Then, when that girl comes out, she could feast on Shigure's eyeballs while we take a run for it."
(telephone keeps ringing, until it stops for the message.)
(door knock.)
Yuki says, "Great! Now she's wanting us to invite her inside the house. She's given up her fancy appearances out of the tv and starts appearing at the door."
"Open it."
"You do it."
"You always beat me. Do it."
(Yuki heads to door with Kyou following behind. He opens it.)
Yuki's hair is on ends, "It's Samaria! AHHHH! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!" (runs out the back door with arms in the air.)
Kyou screams, "Yuki!"
(yuki is running in circles outside.)
Kyou calmly says, "Come in, Akito. Why are you here?"
"I want to check up; to see if everything is okay."
(sees Touru on the floor.)
"What the hell happened?" (heads to the backdoor)
Yuki screams, " Take Shigure! (hiding behind Shigure's coma-state body) Take him! He's more delicious! He's gay too! He'll be your new mother!"
Kyou yells, "Yuki!"
Yuki looks up, "Akito? Uh…we were acting out….stuff."
(akito's eyes narrow)
akito says, "Look! The deer. Look! The dead colony of mice! Look! Shigure's unconscious! Look! Touru's fainted! Look! OH MY GOODNESS! THE BATHROOM!" (faints)
(shigure wakes up)
Kyou says, " Good paint job, Shigure! People liked it so much, they're here to stay!"
Shigure says, "I didn't like the yellow flowers."
Kyou says, " So you've got to paint it like brown-"
Yuki says, " Now, now Kyou. Let's get Akito inside."
(sitting around the table, waiting for touru and akito to wake up)
Shigure says, " So, homies. Whazzup?"
(yuki&kyou's eyes are wide with fear mixed with a hint of confusion)
Shigure says, "C'mon you guys! I'm just trying to be like your friends. Like, wait, here this…ahem…Wazzup…wazz…wa..zup…en….thee….hood?"
Yuki says, "Shigure, please stop. You're scaring us."
Kyou says, "Do you even understand those words?"
Shigure says, "Well! Of course. Like "homies" is…."
Kyou says, "Please, don't try to be like Yuki. He's always trying to fit in, and it doesn't work."
Yuki says, "It doesn't work? I never see you with friends You're always trying to cling onto me wherever I go."
"You smell like hell. You know Shigure's bombs?"
Shigure says, "C'mon you guys. I just wanted you to laugh. Please don't fight over me. There's plenty for everyone."
Yuki says, "I smell? You're everywhere, or at least your remains. You clip your toenails everywhere: in the living room, dining room…while we eat! You do it anywhere! Most disgusting of all is that sometimes, you bite those nails while eating. Every morning, Touru walks in that disgusting yellow filth that's in the room. Those aren't toenails you have. They're fungus farms."
"Fungus farms huh? Fungus farms? Well, in case you haven't noticed….you've been trying to hit on….on Touru!"
"Touru? You hit on….Shigure!"
Kyou says, "You hit on Hatori and you're future lover Akito."
"I don't do that! You hit on Uo and Momiji. Why do you think you always scream at them?"
"You love Shigure so much, you were the first one to move in here."
Shigure says, "Please! I'm flattered by you boys."
Yuki says, "Admit it! You love Shigure! You love Shigure!"
Kyou says, "You admit it! You like Hatori. Hatori! That's why you hate Kana."
(simultaneously)
- Yuki says, "Shigure lover. Shigure lover."
- Kyou says, "Hatori kisser! Hatori kisser!"
(Hatori walks in the room and is shocked to near death, but hides this through a calm state.)
- Yuki says, "C'mon. Kiss Shigure. Glare in his beautiful eyes."
- Kyou says, " Marry Hatori! Dress in a girl's wedding gown! Marry Hatori!"
Hatori's heart beating very fast, but in calm voice says, "What's going on?"
Kyou says, "Yuki admits he loves you. He's gay at heart."
Yuki says, " Don't listen to him!"
Hatori says, " I—only came here for Akito. Shigure called saying that something happened to him. Why are you fighting? And why is there water coming out of the bathroom?"
Yuki&Kyou say, " Ahh! The Ring!"
Hatori says, " No, it's just the toilet needs to be fixed."
(goes to Akito and places hand on chest.)
Hatori says, " hmm….I think I'll need to get him to start breathing."
Yuki says, " Wouldn't he be dead after not breathing for this long?"
Hatori says, " Akito is like a fish. He can breathe in water and hold his breath for up to ten minutes, like a dolphin."
(everyone is shocked)
(Hatori gets out those machines that release electricity out when people need to bring their heart to start pumping again.)
Akito says, " Hello Hatori."
Hatori says, " I knew this electric thing would work. Here, I brought some Mary Jane to soothe the pain from not having your heart work. Are you okay?"
Akito says, " I'm just experiencing a stroke – wah goo ee ahh gorowow lakdeee – yeah."
(everyone has eyes wide open)
Touru says, " Oh my. Have I been out?"
Hatori says, " Yes."
"Is everyone okay?"
"yes."
"Is the bathroom still brown?"
"yes."
Kyou asks, " Are you wearing white underwear?"
"yes. What? Hey!"
Kyou laughs, " AHAHAHAHA! "
Hatori kicks Kyou in the groin.
Kyou says, "Ow. Oh yeah?" (punches hatori in the eye)
Hatori fazed, then says, " Haha! You punched the fake eye!"
Akito asks, " It doesn't hurt you?"
Hatori says, " Not really."
Akito says, "let me try." (punches him)
Shigure says, "me too!"
Hatori says, " Hey stop!"
Yuki says, "Look! The deer! It's alive!"
(everyone sees deer getting up)
akito says, "that stupid deer! I'll shoot it to hell!" (takes out gun from his robe and shoots the deer. Deer screams)
Hatori says, "Akito! How –"
Yuki says, "Yes. How mean."
Hatori says, " No. How'd you manage to hide a big rifle under your robe? What if it goes off by accident?"
Akito says, " Then that's how the Gods will kill me."
Kyou says, "Akito, you know that there's only one God. He watches over all of us."
Akito says, " He? What if it's a she?"
Shigure says, "I believe that this God is an it. It could be a dog."
Hatori asks, "What the hell kind of religion worships a dog?"
Shigure says, " That weird guy in the movie The Mummy. You know the evil guy."
Hatori says, "I think it's only you in real life."
Touru says happily, " I believe in Shintoism."
Akito&Hatori&Kyou go, "Ooohh!"
Akito says, "You're going to go in hell for that."
Touru says, "I have the freedom of religion don't I?"
Akito says, " Not in this estate you can't."
"But in the Constitution…"
Kyou says, " Touru, when you enter the Sohma estate, it's a whole different country. No matter how crazy the head of the family is."
Akito says, " I see an alien."
Hatori asks, "Where?"
Akito points at Touru.
Yuki says, " Hey! That's just mean!"
Kyou says, " Oh yeah? I see Samaria: the girl from the Ring."
(everyone laughs)
Kyou says, " No really."
(everyone sees her)
Everyone scream, " AHHHHHHHHH!"
Akito says, "Shigure! You're bombs!"
Shigure says, "I ran out of ammunition!"
Hatori says, "Akito! Your gun!"
Akito says, " I'm saving it for later!"
Hatori asks, "For what you damn bastard!"
Touru says, " Let's head towards the well!"
Yuki asks, "Where?"
Touru says, " There's a girl named Kagome who has a magical well that can trap Samaria."
(runs to Kagome's house)
(everyone hides behind the well to wait for Samaria)
Yuki asks, " How will she go in the well?"
Shigure says, "Don't worry. I've got a plan."
Kyou says, "There she is!"
Shigure says, "hey, Samaria! Do you want this carrot?"
Samaria says, " kahlkdjlakdlsaf"
Kyou says, " Ah! Just perfect. She's speaking in tongue."
Yuki says, "no she isn't you idiot. If she were, we would be able to understand her."
Shigure says, " catch" (throws it in the well)
(samaria jumps in and is transferred in Inuyasha world)
(In Inuyasha world)
Inuyasha asks, " Is that…the girl from the Ring?"
Kagome says, "I think so."
Shippo says, "I told you not to bring the portable tv and the scary movie kagome!"
(everyone runs screaming their heads off and waving their hands in the air)
Inuyasha says, " Wait, you guys. As we run, let's do the wave! Ready."
Everyone runs while doing the wave.
(next day)
Akito says, "Hatori."
Hatori says, " yes akito?"
"Look at Yuki in this picture."
"Yes? What's wrong."
"Why is there a girl with him all the time?"
"that's Tohru."
"Yes! Why is she there in every picture?"
"well –"
Akito says, " I want you to take a picture of him. You will see this girl. I want to know why she appears in every picture. Cause (whispers) I think she's the next Ring."
"Oh man. This will need some explaining."
