Disclaimer: i dont own Saiyuki but i do own this poem...
NC: during a time of pain, I could relate to a certain Saiyuki character with blood red hair and eyes, during that time I wrote this, I went thru this stage in my life, its behind me now, but I thought it make a nice angst poem…
Summary: I've been having these weird thoughts lately…. like… is this scar worth making?
Wounds on my palms
Cuts on my wrist
Scars on my heart
Hands in a fist
A constant reminder
A plea to insane
It causes me torture
It causes me pain
The razor in one hand
Tissue in another
Wiping the blood
Caused by my mother
With tears falling down
I cry and I cry
Yelling in a pillow
"I want to die"
Death won't come soon
Life will go on
Live thru these nights
Sing your sad song
Why are you doing this?
Why does it hurt?
Where does this pain come from?
It comes from her
Seeing her cry
Hurts me so
The fact that it's my fault
This I know
Hearing her words
Come from her mouth
I stand before her
Hearing true feelings come out
"You cause me pain
You cause these tears
You hurt my heart
When you're near
You drive me insane
I don't know what to do
Sometimes I don't know about you
Your rebellious nature
Your words of spite
Your lazy personality
You're yelling at night"
With everything said and done
She turns around and cries
Its then I exit her room
And then run to mine
On the floor
I cry and I cry
Screaming in a pillow
"I want to die"
Or do I?
Is this life worth living?
Do I want to die?
I'm sorry mom
I'm sorry I hurt you
I'm sorry for everything that I've done to you
I'm sorry I was born
I wish I would die
Maybe that wish
Won't make you cry
Truth is I'm not giving up
I refuse to let you win
Remember my rebellious nature within?
I wont give up my life
These thoughts are wrong
I have dreams to fulfill
My life's not that long
With the scar "I hate life" scarred on my arm
I'm starting over
I'm moving on
It's true I regret the scars on my body
I wish they weren't there
I wish I hadn't made them
I wish that I had cared
Now eyes look upon me
I see them looking
Wondering
What happened there?
If anyone asks
It was a mistake
One never again I shall make
I'm sorry mom
One day
You'll see
Ill go away
One day when I'm old enough
I'll walk out the door
With my head held high
I'll pick up the razor no more
NC: Once again, due to some parts of the poem its really not a Gojyo point of view story, but he did inspire me to write it, Anyway thanks for hearing and tell me your thoughts. One more thing…
Don't turn to cutting as a way of escape…. trust me the scars are not worth it…
Lyra
