Disclaimer: I do not own the song, Ugly by The Exies and the sentence that is in ---
Chapter 9: Part I
Intoxication and absolute defeat…
"Good to see you back man," voiced Vegas as he drank from his cup of beer he recently served himself from the keg. "It's been awhile since I have seen you at one of our parties," he added as he grabbed onto Theresa and she giggled in response.
Just like every other brainless cheerleader on the squad...
I glanced around the house and watched the masses of teenagers socially drink amongst their cliques.
"Yeah," I answered as I lifted my cup to my lips and suddenly the odor of alcohol filled my nostrils. "It's been awhile," I agreed as I took a long drink.
"I told him the same thing earlier," Tim commented as he stood beside Vegas and a couple of the guys from the team.
Are you ugly?
A liar like me?
I brought my gaze up to him and stared for a long while without words. I knew that he acknowledged that without his confrontation I wouldn't be here now. Then, the look he sent me was unexpected; his silent facial expression told me a thousand words.
I was expected to be here.
I glanced away in shame, recognizing that he was correct. It was what people expected from me. It was mandatory.
Being what was presume from the Great Nathan Scott…I took another drink of my alcoholic beverage and thought back to the events earlier that day.
Flashback
I arrived at the party at 10 o'clock.
After I came home from a long and torturing day of school and practice. The instant I set foot into my house, my dad emerged and yelled at me. He lectured me about the event of our previous fight and of arriving extremely late the night before. He then persisted to shout at me about basketball and how it was my only ticket into a fine school.
"All you have is basketball Nathan," he added with a knowledgeable smirk. "Do you honestly think that UNC is going to take you with the grades you are receiving?" he continued as he smiled. "Please...they won't even look twice."
I looked away from him and dropped my head in relinquishment. I knew that everything he was telling me was true. Even though I did receive decent grades, they weren't high enough for me to get accepted.
Without my basketball skill, I was nothing but a C Average student like everyone else...
And I persisted to look down in shame as he spoke. For the first time, I allowed him to tear me apart piece by piece.
Having enough confrontations and fury for a day...
He yelled at me for thirty minutes. For a half an hour I stood in front of him, feeling smaller and smaller every second that passed by.
My ego decreasing to the size of a shy nerd I have never been, but picked on instead...
After he was done, I walked up to my room and slammed the door shut. As I entered my province all I could feel was emptiness and loneliness.
For the first time I had actually felt defeated.
I sauntered over to my bed and let my body fall onto the soft mattress. I glanced at my room and saw the pile I made beside my closet. Everything that I threw down during my rampage, sat quaintly on the floor. I didn't wish to touch anything nor fix the items to its rightful place. While I glimpsed at the numerous amount of objects my eyes caught the shinny glare of a plaque; the plaque that Haley had joyously given me.
Best Academic Improvement Award…Immediately, thoughts of the days' events poured into my mind at an overwhelming force. Mixed with my reflections were diverse emotions that I also experienced hours earlier and months before.
Sentiments that I only felt with Haley...
Recollections of us being at the Billard's, our early tutoring sessions, and of the many times we were together flooded into my mind.
I blink my eyes and oddly feel something fall down my cheek. I slowly lift up my hand to the left side of my face and extend my two index fingers. I touch my cheek and am amazed that it was damp. I extend my wet finger in front of me and observe some of a fallen tear.
A user, a lost soul?
Someone you don't know
I had just let a visible tear fall.
Finally letting my guard completely down...
Suddenly, I feel moisture roll down from my eyes, to my cheek, and onto my pant leg. I amazing stare at the visible wet spot present on my dark jeans.
I had never cried in my life before, much less seen a tear fall from my eyes. Never in my 18 years of existence...
Not even when I knew my parents didn't care about me.
I wipe my tears away in anger.
"Tears are a sign of weakness," I told myself out loud as newfound energy fulfilled in my veins.
Words that my father had pressed to me since I was a child…I marched over to my dresser and pulled out a set of clothes. Rapidly I changed into a clean pair of shorts and a t-shirt. I paced over to the corner of my room where all my items were scattered at, bent over, and picked up the basketball off the floor. While I hurriedly grasped the ball, I accidentally kicked the box Haley had given me and it rattled in response. Not handling being inside the four walls that once was my salvage, but that it now reminded me of Haley.
I ignored the package and stormed out of my room. I treaded heavily down the steps with anger while I held onto the ball with powerful strength.
Feeling anger and strength…"What the fuck Nathan?" yelled my dad from the living room. "Stop stomping on the stairs!"
I disregarded him and persisted to tramp down the stairs, through the kitchen, and opened the door. Immediately the fresh air hit me while I stepped outside to the autumn air. Soon, my arms and legs began to get cold of the bitter atmosphere and quickly I jogged over to the basketball hoop that stood gracefully on my driveway. Before long, I moved both of my arms and threw the ball from my hands, hearing the Swish from the net. I continued to make shot after shot, playing with the countless emotions running through my body, allowing my tears to fall freely as I persevered to push myself over the edge.
End of Flashback
"What are you so pensive about Nathan?" someone asked from the group, bringing me out of my thoughts.
I glanced up and met the striking gaze of Maria, a cheerleader on our team. Her dark brown eyes, long dark hair, and slender, yet curvy figure demonstrated her Hispanic attributes that she had inherited from her wealthy parents.
Money it's no cure
A Sickness so pure
She was just as beautiful as the rest of the girls.
I had already had her.
"Nothing," I sternly answer as I took a large swig of my drink, wanting to cease all of my unrestrained thoughts.
Allowing the alcohol to take over me...
"You can't drink your problems away," she told me with intensity.
I glared back at her. I now remembered why I never made things serious with her; she was always very instigative about everything. However, there was always one thing that frightened me the most about her, her accurate assertiveness. It frightened me to the core to know that someone was able to know me that well.
She was clever enough to recognize my every thought without having to converse with me for an extended amount of time…
I had never had someone who knew me so well, except for Haley.
"I don't have any problems so that wouldn't be an issue for me," I replied, annoyed of her curiosity. "Now, you done being nosy now?" I questioned her, irritated.
"Only if you want me to," she replied with an expressionless face.
I looked at her once more, not with exasperation but with understanding. I understood that since the first conversation I had with her that she was different from the rest of the other cheerleaders. I was daunted by her wisdom and the knowledge she contained, way beyond her years.
Intelligence not being a common attribute among cheerleaders…"I'm going to get something to drink," I announced to everyone, wanting to leave the prying of my friends.
Knowing well that I was trying to escape the judicious questions because I simply didn't have answers to my reckless actions...
I got up and made my way towards the kitchen. I passed various groups of adolescents conversing amongst themselves while I observed a few girls glance at my way and weren't nervous of being caught looking. I smirked at their audacity, impressed.
"Look at who I found," said an unexpected voice as I strolled inside the kitchen. "The party is dull. I say that we both go upstairs and have a party of our own," added the sultry voice I recognized all too well.
Are you like me?
Are you ugly?
"What do you want Alysia?" I asked her, annoyed by her unpredicted and unwanted appearances. "Can't you find someone else to bother?" I added as I turned around and faced her.
I stared at her and observed the short skirt and revealing top she wore, acknowledging that she didn't mind the cold weather outside. Her straight blonde hair fell on her shoulders alluringly while the red lipstick she wore brought out her evident sex appeal.
The face of the devil suddenly appearing in my mind...
"No, because I'm not bothering you, just trying to make you realize," she answered faintly.
"And what is that?" I asked her, amused by her determination.
"That this," she said as she motioned from her to me. "Between us, is right," she told me as she gradually sauntered over and began to stroke her finger across my chest.
"It takes two to make a relationship Alysia," I replied, smacking her touch away from me, disgusted. "I obviously don't seem to be interested..." I explained to her as my focus began to wander to the assorted groups of teenagers around.
My gaze strolled, bored by the bickering female in front of me, from some of the basketball team situated a few cliques away from me to the cheerleaders sitting on the couch. I made my way towards the door, trying to get a clear view of the entrance. Soon, I noticed two new arrivals walk in and my attention with Alysia was concluded.
"Nathan?" I heard Alysia's impatient tone.
I continued to look at the doorway, distinguishing something familiar about the figures from afar. For some odd reason, I had an intuition that I should take a closer look to the two peers that had just walked in, but Alysia's annoying presence made that impossible.
Feeling suffocated by her company…"How about this?" I said as I brought my attention to the blonde in front of me. "Go upstairs and I'll meet you up there in a moment," I told her, knowing all to well that I was never going to catch up with her.
Wanting to simply get rid of her…"You won't show up," she retorted, pulling away from me and intensely staring at me.
'Shit,' I told myself, gazing at Alysia's not so dense shape.
I had to come up with something to get her away, something to convince her that I would show up. Suddenly, an idea popped in my head. I leaned down and quickly kissed her sour lips.
Disgusted that I had kissed them voluntarily…"I'll be up there in a moment," I assured her, forcing a smirk on my face. "I am just going to grab some drinks," I said as I started to walk away from her.
As I sauntered away, I then hastily felt someone tug my arm. I turned around and noticed that Alysia had run after me. I stared at her face and next thing I knew, I was being pulled into the direction of her. Her rough lips kissed me hard, not waiting for my response.
"Don't take too long," she huskily whispered into my ear as she pulled away and sexily walked through the masses in the direction of the stairs.
Unfazed by everything, I led my way through the crowd and headed for the door. My eyes faintly caught site of the petite individual in a dark green hat. I could notice the entity's auburn hair beneath the cap and my breath caught in my throat.
I perfectly knew whom the brown hair belonged to.
The personage that I had allowed to break my weakness…I suddenly began to feel glad that Haley had showed up at the party. Thoughts of her reconciling with me began to flood in my head as I made my way towards her uncomfortable form. While I got closer to her, my steps abruptly stopped as I realized that she was not alone. My eyes had caught sight of a taller blonde character.
She was with the one person that I had grown to despise all my life.
My dearest brother and most inferior enemy…Soon unimaginable envy pulsed through my veins as I watched Lucas and Haley talk from my darken corner. I watched as Lucas told something to Haley and in response she acquired a disapproving look, but forced a grin on her face, and he departed after giving her a kiss on the cheek.
More rage ensued inside of me at the sickening sight of the two.
Suppressing the fact that I was jealous of Lucas' close relationship with Haley…I observed his departure and decided that it was safe to speak with her, without the inflicting words of my brother. My feet found their movement again as my fists untwined and I concealed my anger that I was presently feeling.
Within moments I was standing behind her, taking in her striking form from behind and like the long ago day at the Billiard's, I began to smile at her firmness and attractiveness. I took a few gradual small steps and rapidly, the smell of vanilla hit my senses.
The sweetness and spice that was a perfect imitation of her, innocent as her own being…
I swiftly began to compare her aroma to the intoxication of Alysia.
I took a single step closer to her and commenced to grin. I was only millimeters apart from her now. My sinfulness and interest caused me to lean down toward her petite shape as I placed my face beside her own.
"Fancy meeting you here," I huskily said beside her ear, observing her astounded form tense up at my voice.
A bit disappointed of my reaction to her…I watched as her brown eyes closed and took a deep breath of air. She steadily opened her pools again, turned around, and faced me.
"What do you want Nathan?" she questioned with anger in her voice.
"You mean something other then you delicious body?" I wittily asked her. "No friendly hello?" I added, grinning.
"You are such an ass…" I heard her mumble under her breath as she twirled around and started to walk away.
Unexpectedly, my feet began to follow her rapid figure and as I neared her, I grabbed her arm and caused her to stop.
"Let me go Nathan," she told me, looking straight ahead, not glancing at me.
"Why?" I questioned her, still holding onto her. "Give me one good reason."
She slowly curved around and faced me. My heart began to break as I became aware of her tear stricken face, staring back at me with pain, anguish, but most of all hate.
I have never seen Haley like this.
Never would have imagined…Never would have thought that it was because of me.
We are dirt, we are alone"Good enough reason?" she brokenly asked me as she continued to gaze at me with her damp eyes.
My grip loosened up and I let her go. I saw as she gave me one final look and strolled away. I couldn't believe myself. I knew that I had caused her hurt and agony with my attitude earlier that day, but I by no means would have anticipated that she would act like that if I spoke to her. Nevertheless, my ego approach, I knew did not help.
Feeling like absolute shit…I knew that I had to apologize to her, and I have to do it fast.
My gaze looked for her diminutive form in the masses and I could still see her covered head from afar. My feet picked up speed once more as I commenced to run towards her.
"Haley!" I yelled out.
She persisted to stride away from me.
"Haley," I shouted again, causing some people to turn around to me.
Looking at me like I was crazy for the second time the same day…"Haley," I screamed once more, trying to catch up with her.
"Nathan," I heard someone behind me yell.
My steps ceased as I knew who the voice belonged to.
Recognizing the familiar intoxication…"What are you doing Nathan?" she questioned me angrily as she clutched my arm and made me turn around.
I gazed at her angry eyes and evil appearance.
We are fake, we are afraidMy watch retreated to where Haley once stood.
I knew that the reason I had approached her was because I wanted to believe that I didn't have to follow what people told me to do. I wanted to believe that I could possibly befriend Haley once more and feel what love actually felt like; what it felt to be a boyfriend and to have a loyal girlfriend.
What it felt like to be in an exclusive and joyous relationship…I had some hope.
While I watched Haley's retreating form and Alysia's smothering shape, the little hope I had felt had rapidly diminished.
The hope completely vanishing…I dropped my gape in defeat.
It was supposed to be like this.
Except, how much did I hate it.
We are dirt we are alone
Look closer, are you like me?
Are you ugly?
Chapter 9: Part II
Furious Confrontations…
"Give me another beer," I drunkenly slurred as a group of us sat around the kitchen table.
Turn a blind eye
Why do I deny?
"Nathan," Maria's tender voice commented. "Don't you think that you've had enough?" she questioned me as I faintly saw her brown eyes looking at me with concern.
Being one of my few acquaintances of doing so…"No," I sternly told her. "I'm a big boy, I can take care of myself," I added with sharpness.
"Doesn't seem that way to me," she replied swiftly as she stared at me with seriousness.
Becoming tempered…"Who the fuck asked you anyways?" I questioned, drunkenly angry.
Furious of her concern towards my well own being…"Woa, woa," interrupted Tim's stuttering voice. "Let the boy drink, at a party you never have limits," he added as he dropped his dead weight on the nearest vacant chair. "We need to celebrate that our old Nathan Scott is back."
His words pierced my mind and I suddenly felt my high decrease.
Comprehending that I was really back…"Here you go baby," said Alysia's as she set a Dixie cup in front of me and sat beside me.
Medicate me
So I die Happy
I didn't respond to her generosity, instead I picked up the cup and took an immense swig. The sour and disgusting taste filled my mouth as I persisted to down the drink.
Tim, Vegas, Theresa, Maria, Brooke, Alysia, and Brandon, who was a defender on the team all sat around me, drinking. It had been about an hour after the confrontation with Haley and now I tried to drink away my anger and shitiness.
Allowing intoxication to get rid of my problems for a few hours…My eyes slowly moved up, towards the entrance, hearing the squeak of someone else's basketball shoes.
Recognizing the sound all too well…I gazed at the blonde figure that stood beside the doorway. Subsequently, I soon realized that the form was not alone. Fury ensued inside me once more as I glared at the glowing couple.
I felt sick and furious.
I felt betrayed…I stared into the green eyes of the curly blonde that was slightly shorter then the taller light-colored figure. Rapidly, memories of the curly blonde filled my mind of the times we spent together.
The times we were at school, the gym, my house, her bed…Envy filled inside of me.
"Hey Peyton," welcomed Brooke as she looked at her once good friend.
The friendship disappeared once Peyton began to act different. She all of a sudden started to act like she didn't care about us, the popular clique, anymore. Then gradually, she stopped hanging out with us and before we knew it, she was out of our group for good. The calls finished from us.
The calls ended between two good friends and the friendship was gone.
The friendship that ended once Peyton became her own person…"Look at what we have here…" I declared as I observed my ex-girlfriend and dearest half-brother. "Care to join the party?" my voice dripped with sarcasm as I falsely smirked at them.
"As tempting as that sounds, I think we'll pass," Peyton mocked. "Come on Lucas," she commanded as she grabbed his hand and started to lead him out of the tense room.
A smile emerged on my face as I saw the exchange between the two.
Beaming by the leadership of Peyton…"Allowing the woman to do all your talking now Lucas?" I asked abruptly, causing him to stop moving. "I really thought that you had more pride and balls then that, but I guess that our headship didn't pass down to you…"
Knowing very well that my comment was going to catch his attention…"What did you just say?" he questioned, turning around and facing me with ferocity.
"I know that you heard me perfectly fine," I told him, observing his anger increase through his cobalt eyes. "But I'll repeat it again since I do know that you are a bit slower then the rest of us Scott's. I said…" I commenced before being hastily interrupted by Peyton.
"Lucas come on lets go," she repeated, looking intently on him.
"Point proven," I affirmed as I held out my cup towards them, cheered, and took another drink of the compulsive substance.
I watched, over the ring of the cup, the anger that arose throughout his body, visible through his current dark eyes.
A characteristic we both shared…
"At least I treat a girl with respect," he responded while initiating to amble towards me. "And I don't have the tendency and courteously of hurting and tearing up her feelings," he persisted as he moved closer to me, my grin disappearing from my flawless features. "Causing her to cry…"
Uncontrollable fury rapidly exploded inside of me.
"I do not know of what you are talking about," I gritted between my teeth.
My hands tuned into fists.
"I believe that you know pretty damn well of what I'm talking about," he told me, now the table separating us. "A guy who treats an innocent girl like that… well doesn't have a heart and in the future will end up alone," he continued.
Immediately the one question that ran through my head with the rage I was sensing was, 'How did he know?'
He abruptly turned around and faced Alysia.
"Maybe not alone but with a pointless and feeling-less relationship," he stated as he brought his stare from her to me.
Knowing inside that he was right, but it just seemed to infuriate me more…
I was beyond angry.
I was ready to pulverize.
My fists came out of their hiding as I hit Lucas on the face. I got up and started to fight him.
"You son of a bitch," I told him as I punched him.
The table that once divided us was at the moment beside us as we tackled each other to the floor. I listened to the words from Alysia and Peyton, telling us to stop. As I heard screams from the girls, I took notice of the guys laughing for a few minutes, entertained by our rivalry. I could fell my lip beginning to bleed as we persisted our brawl. While I hit him, I could visibly see his left eyebrow lose blood in result from my initiating right hook moments ago.
I stoop on top before I felt someone tug on my back, pulling me away from Lucas.
Years of anger and jealousy finally setting free…I knew that they finally realized that I was capable of causing a lot of damage.
Damage that was capable by years of resentment…"Let me fucken go," I yelled to Tim and Vegas as they held me back.
The vexation in my eyes watched Brandon holding off Lucas' also raged form.
"You never should have gotten our last name," I harshly shouted to him as he stood feet away from us. "You could never live up to it," I continued. "You would never hold up to being a Scott," I finished my anger fully erupting.
Finally all the years of animosity and bitterness to him was let out.
"You're right," he told me as he glared at my held shape.
For the first time, I had actually seen true fury and hate in his eyes…"I would never be a Scott because I am completely opposite from you all. I may carry the same last name, but I will never act like a true Scott," he stated as he stared directly into my eyes. "I have a heart and I would never toy with a virtuous person's emotions," he said. "Because of the hate towards my own brother," he added, looking straight into my dark gawk.
Are you like me?
A liar like me?
My eyes looked at him strongly, bewildered.
He knew and figured out the truth…"I have morals and warmth compared to the Devil your dad is…compared to the evilness in you," he alleged powerfully. "That's why you're right. I am and never would be a true Scott," he finished, his eyes studying me and daring me to say more.
Within moments he told Brandon to let him go and he and Peyton were out of the door. He gave me on intensive look and victorious smirk before he left.
I never told him anything.
Recognizing that he had actually won the battle…"You all right honey?" Alysia's worried tone took my gape away from the door Lucas walked out moments before, touching my injured face.
"Get the fuck off of me," I told her roughly as I looked at her with the dark fury present in my eyes. "Don't ever touch me again," I affirmed as I let go of her small figure, grabbed my jacket, and left the gazes through the back door.
The fury in my eyes scaring her and causing her to shut up…The cool, seawater breeze filled my warmth as I stepped out into the crisped air, hearing the waves crash onto the shore. I lifted my hand and wiped my upper lip, tasting the blood that resulted from the fight.
I had to step out of the house to breathe. The confrontation between Haley and Lucas was too strong, overwhelming.
'I am and never will be a true Scott…'Lucas' words held strong with me. I knew that he would never be a Scott. He was too kind and considerate.
Wondering what had happened to my compassion…'Probably lost with my Dad's,' I told myself as I walked onto the deck, watching the moving water before me.
I was still amazed that he was familiar with of my relationship with Haley as I strolled; I knew that we hid it well. Nevertheless, I was astonished by his intelligence. I would have never thought that he was knowledgeable enough to figure out that Haley and me were secretly meeting up and seeing each other.
Never identifying his true potential…I continued to saunter as my thoughts took over, not realizing that I was approaching a similar entity. As I stepped further away from the house that was part of my false life, I swiftly began to distinguish the distinct smell of sweetness and spice.
The sweetness that only belong to one individual…My steps ceased as I turned around and saw her. She was sitting on the rail, in a pensive state as well. Her auburn hair moved beneath her hat by the wind of the air and the beach. Her eyes were staring at her stirring hands while I moved to her nervous figure.
"What are you doing here?" she asked me, her voice not hiding her annoyance. "Haven't you caused enough damage?"
"Haley," I called her name out with much sincerity.
Tenderness that I only felt for her…"What do you want Nathan?" she asked me as she brought her gape from her hands, to my Jordan's, to my face.
I stared at her eyes, observing her usual soft chocolate eyes covered with sadness and cloudy from her despair. I wanted to look away from her sorrow, but I continued to examine her shadowy facade, taking in what I had caused her.
Her usual joyous appearance, gone...
And it was all because of me.
"I'm sorry Haley," my upset tone declared as I uncomfortably shoved my hands into my letterman jacket.
I have apologized a million times before, but I now stood nervous because it was actually the first time that I meant it.
Truly feeling sorry…I heard her take an immense breath of fresh air as I persevered to survey her depressing eyes. She then looked away, breaking our intense watch.
"Do you honestly think that a simple 'I'm sorry' is going to be enough to patch everything up?" she replied harshly as she turned around and faced me with a hard expression. "Be all buddy, buddy again," she added sarcastically.
"No," I honestly responded.
She gazed at me with a quizzical look, comprehending what she just heard.
"I just thought that I should tell you that," I admitted as I curved about, beginning to march away.
Defeated for our friendship…"You are such a jerk Nathan," she declared from behind me.
My movements stopped as I turned around and faced her standing form.
"You are such an ass," she added, her gawk intense on my own.
"I just apologized, sincerely for the first time and you call me an ass?" I told her taken aback. "You got to be kidding me…" I added under my breath.
I don't care, you don't care
I'm bitter, you're angry.
"Who are you Nathan?" she abruptly asked me.
"Excuse me?" I retorted as I approached her motionless figure.
"Just answer me that simple question Nathan," she answered with her hands on her hips. "Who are you?"
I continued to approach her, as I didn't respond to her question, confused.
"Who's life are you trying to live? Your dad's, mom's, society's, or popularity's?" she persisted to question. "'Cause the hell that its your own…"
"What the hell do you know?" I snapped, raged. "It's not like you live your own as well. What do you do?" I inquired, approaching. "All you do is follow around my jackass of a half brother like a sick little puppy," my voice persisted.
Not thinking before I spoke, spiteful…"You bastard," she responded furious. "You don't know shit about me. Lucas is my best friend who has always been there for me. I know that he'll never ever cause me so much pain as I am feeling right now," she said as she looked at me with great intensity. "I saw something in you…I…I…" she stuttered. "I just can't believe that I was so dumb…--why is it that the smartest person can be really stupid?-- Especially with perception of others…"she asked me, waiting for my response.
"Because you saw something in me that no one has ever seen," I told her softly. "You don't believe in stereotypes."
Knowing that that was the answer…She took another large breath.
"I should have just followed what Lucas told me," she stated abruptly.
"Sure," my stare going back to hers, irritated. "Just do whatever your boyfriend says," I added with venom.
Raged at the mention of my brother and the knowledge that he had everything and I simply had nothing…
"What do you have against Lucas?" she questioned me, fury present in her voice. "Why do you hate him so much?"
"You want to know why I hate him so much?" I repeated, walking closer to her, causing her to move backwards toward the banister. "He has everything I ever wanted. The love of a parent, the warmth of a home, the cleverness, likeness of his peers…for goodness sakes he has the affection of my ex-girlfriend," I persisted as I paced nearer, now pushing her against the wooden rail.
"And you have the lust of Alysia," she added sharply.
"Where everything is sexual and there's no meaning behind it," I cleared up for her. "Oh that's a deep relationship I've been craving," I sarcastically told her with concentration.
Finally letting out my true attitude…"But that's who you are Nathan. You enjoy the no strings attached," she icily affirmed. "Don't you know that you set out that trend? Hit it and quit it," she said glaring into my eyes.
I looked at her hurt and astounded.
Her words piercing through me...
"I want to change my ways Haley," I admitted through my hurt of her unexpected words.
"You'll never change your heartless ways Nathan," she retorted with audacity. "You're in too deep."
"Didn't you say that people can change?" I inquired.
Having some hope…"They can…" she answered. "But after meeting you I have been proven wrong," she sternly stated.
I watched her with disappointment and amazement.
"Do you know what Lucas has most of all?" I asked her, dangerously close to her as I forced her against the wooden rail once more.
"A heart? Compassion?" she declared wisely.
I blame you, you blame me
I'm bitter, you're angry
"You," I told her as I gazed at her brown eyes, observing her extending and surprising eyes.
My face leaned closer to hers, her luscious and tender lips inching to mine. As I got near her form, her Vanilla scent became exceptionally strong.
My mouth anticipating her sweet taste...
"What happened to your face Nathan," she unpredictably voiced, turning away from my approaching figure.
The engaging instant gone…I dropped my face, surrendered and saddened by her action.
Her words not allowing me to taste every inch of her…"Nothing," I answered with disenchantment as I took a step back from her.
A step back from her hypnotic scent that was subsequently compelling…"It doesn't look like nothing," she replied as she let go of the bar.
Her hand reached out and touched my face, moving my slash towards the light. She observed the cut on my lip as I took in her soft touch.
Wishing to feel it every day of every moment…"I got into a fight with Lucas," I confessed to her, not wanting to lie anymore, tired.
I watched as she dropped her hand and walked away a few feet, her back now facing me. She suddenly began to stroll around the deck, speechless.
Knowing that I was in for it...
"Nathan, do you remember our conditions for my tutoring you?" she asked while facing me, fury present in her present dark eyes.
I stood wordless.
"Well I'll remind you," she commenced. "You are to stop making Lucas' life a living hell. No harassing or hazing whatsoever. No riling. And you're coming to apologize to me and next thing I end up finding out is that you, just minutes ago, got into a fight with Lucas? You've got to be kidding me…" she finished, feet away.
"He started it Haley," I stated to her.
"He started it?" she repeated, stunned. "Did you just hear yourself? We are not 5 years old anymore Nathan," she acknowledged.
"I know that Haley," I cleared up for her.
Wanting to give her a coherent answer to my foolish actions…"Then how come you don't begin to act like one?" she questioned me, her tone lowering. "You walk around with that stupid letterman jacket, flaunting your basketball ability. You walk around the halls with such ego and poise, acting like the word is such a perfect place. You do and follow whatever your devil of a dad says and what's expected from you," she said angrily and loudly as she ambled to me. "I know that you are smart, intelligent enough to get places without stupid basketball. When are you going to be your own person and stop living this false life?" she asked, looking fiercely into my eyes, waiting her a reply.
A wise question that I began to ask myself once I met her…"Whenever it can support me and get me into UNC," I replied stridently. "And what the hell is this? Twenty questions?" I added annoyed.
"You are such a coward Nathan," she harshly informed me as she turned around and inched away from me.
"Do you blame me Haley?" I asked her defeated. "I have lived this fortunate and prestigious life. I have been given everything I have ever wished for," I confirmed. "Do you honestly think that it's so easy to just break away from the life I have been living for the past 18 years?" I asked her, puzzled.
Completely exasperated…"There's a time when you need to let go of what you know and do what YOU want. Live in the moment, day by day," she exclaimed. "Basically live how you want to live, don't live how others want," she added inaudibly.
"Like that's so easy…" I mumbled, routed.
"Life isn't easy Nathan," she declared deafeningly with the wisdom she had. "It's like a game of pool. You can make all of your balls in, but if you call the wrong finally pocket or scratch, all that hard work has gone to waste," she told me. "Now," she said as she exhaled suddenly, "have a nice life following what others say and not living your own," she continued. "I honestly thought that you wouldn't settle for that," she added, disillusioned. "Bye Nathan," she asserted giving me one final look of regret.
Feeling sorry for me…I watched as she turned around, and started to stroll towards the celebration.
"Haley?" I called out to her, bewildered at her retreating figure.
Knowing once she left, she was truly gone for the rest of my life…"Question number twenty," she said rapidly turning around and continuing to walk backwards. "What do you want Nathan?" her tender voice professed. "That is the question that you should be asking yourself and figuring it out," she added once more as she twisted about and persisted to stride down the dock, farther away from my perplexed figure.
You don't care, I don't care
You love you, like me
"What do you want?" I echoed, confused and lost as I watched her diminishing shape.
For the first time I didn't know an answer to a question.
Not having a smart-ass comment ready or anything…I walked over to the wooden rail and sat down on it. I gazed into the calming water as I heard the waves crash onto the shore nearby.
Thinking of everything Haley had judiciously told me…'What do I want?' I asked myself, pensive.
And I continued to sit, trying to think up of a response, but as hard as I thought, I couldn't come up with one. I tried to remember what I wanted in life, but I couldn't.
No one had ever asked me that question.
And I did not have an answer.
We are dirt, we are alone
We are fake, we are afraid
You know it's far from over
We are dirt we are alone
Look closer, are you like me?
Are you ugly?
AN: Hello you guys! Lone time no see, huh? Well I want to say again how sorry I am for my lack of updates. I have not updated in hella forever. And I did have an update for TSE ready and everything but guess what happened? Oh yes, technology decided to piss me off and get a virus. So everything was lost. But then again, everything was lost. All my documents, art, pictures, fonts, lyrics, coding, everything, it was all deleted. I am still recovering from my lost. Geez, but lesson has been learned. But I was so mad that I decided to work on some angst and alas, I came up with this! Well anyways as you can tell that this entire chapter was the climax of the entire story basically. Mostly everything was revealed and discovered. People were left in wonder while other left with triumph. I really do hope that you all enjoyed this update cuz I do have to say that this chapter alone was my favorite of them all. Now, there is only 2 chapters left and the epilogue so very soon this story will be gone. Sad I know, but I do have to say that I am proud for this piece of fiction, definitely one of my fave...
I really do hope that you all enjoy it as much as I do. Thank you all so much for your feedback, they really made me smle wide all day or days really. LOL. So I hope that this chapter doesn't disappoint as well and please give me your thoughts on everything! Thankies!
So I will then work on the deleted update for The Spanish Experience. Then I will work on PL. So I have it all planned out. LOL. So I am now back. Though, I did write a Christmas story called A White Christmas...so if you didn't read that and you want to read some major Naley fluff then definitely check that out
Okay and like I said, my site is up and running as well. Tree Hill Infatuation so check that out as well and leave me a comment on the Tag board as well! LOL. I also am up and running at Empty Apartment Designs where I will make some art for free, as long as you have donated to the tsunami fund. Though, I will be unable to make art until my bro hooks me up with Photoshop. He came down today, but he forgot the program so I am hoping to having it email to me. But anyways, I'll be up whenever I can as well.
So as you can tell I have been a hella busy lady. Sure I have been probably gone from writing, but I have not been busy from other stuff. LOL.
BTW, the songs I used was Ugly by The Exies.
I loved all the reviews everyone! Thank you all so much! Dances around Really does motivate me to write and makes me smile!
I really do hope that you all enjoy it as much as I do. Thank you all so much for your feedback, they really made me smle wide all day or days really. LOL. So I hope that this chapter doesn't disappoint as well and please give me your thoughts on everything! Thankies!
New episodes start off today and what a better treat then me updating! LOL! And OMG, GG is also on tonight! Oh man, I am so excited!!!
So now I am off to working on my TSE lost update. 17 pages...arg, still mad about that. Well anyways, look for that maybe sometime early next week! Maybe by the end of this week, but I am most likely sure that it won't be ready till the next. See, trying to get back on my cycle! LOL!
Bye my friends and please review! You know that I love to hear all your thoughts!
With much love,
Ivonne
