Notes: Okay, the concept for this story has undergone some serious revision since I started posting and it turns out that the "action" I promised is not going to be happening until Part III (which I have great expectations for). Now begins a lovely, even dose of angst as well as the... strangeness I mentioned in my notes at the beginning of Part I. I know some of you folks might be getting tired of Heero and Yokaze's disappearing act, but it's necessary for what's coming next. Feedback makes me happy and happy writers are a good thing. Trust me.
...ooo...
Night Wind
Part II – Let the Night Begin
Chapter Eleven: Iris
"Hero?" Jaspien pauses outside of the bedroom door and waits for a reply. After a long moment, he cautiously pushes the door open.
"Hero?" he asks again. This time, the emptiness of the room echoes back to him. His eyes widen and his gaze searches frantically for Hero's things. Just last night his blue duffel bag had been on that chair. And his shoes tucked beneath the bed there. The "Happy Halloween" card Jaspien had made him in school had been propped up against that lamp. But there is no duffel. There are no shoes. Even the card has vanished.
But there is something new. He steps toward the bed and collects the scrap of paper. It looks like a letter, but it's not addressed to anyone. Confused, Jaspien reads:
"I just wanted you to know who I am. I'm sorry."
For a moment, he doesn't understand. And then he does. And it hurts.
He stuffs his knuckles in his mouth to keep the sob from coming out. He has to stay quiet. He can't let them know... he can't let anyone know when it hurts.
He closes his eyes and tries with every fiber of his being to swallow the pain. His shoulders shake with it. His chest is tight with it. For a moment, he's terrified that it won't fit inside him. And then what will he do?
Jaspien is so focused on fighting back against his weakness that he doesn't realize he's not alone until he's called.
"Jas? What is it, dude?"
His eyes open reflexively but, seeing the empty room, immediately close again. He wants to call out. He wants to throw himself into Duo's arms. But what he wants has never been the right thing – the safe thing – to do.
"Jas?" Warm hands settle on his shoulders and by the direction of the grip, Jaspien knows that Duo has knelt down in front of him.
Still unable to allow a sound, he leans into those hands until Duo gathers him in his arms. The note, still clutched in Jaspien's small fist, crinkles.
"What have you got there?" Jaspien surrenders the note easily when Duo tugs on it. He presses himself closer to Duo's warmth and dares to throw both his arms around his neck. He waits, breath held, for Duo to read it. And he knows the exact moment when he does.
"Oh shit," Duo exhales shakily.
Jaspien rides out a bubble of a sob as Duo's arms wrap around him tighter. This is all the answer Jaspien needs to his unvoiced question. This is all Duo needs to do to tell him that Hero is gone.
...ooo...
Trowa pauses, his hand extended toward his and Yokaze's bedroom door. He tilts his head to one side, listening. It that... music? And... singing? A small smile pulls at the edge of his mouth. He imagines her lying back on the bed, concentrating completely on listening to the intricacies of the tune. Many lazy Sunday mornings and quiet weekday nights had been spent curled up in bed together, just listening.
Perhaps she is finally working through the tension that has held them apart. Perhaps this has resolved itself on its own. Perhaps all he needs to do is get in there and deliver her ice pack.
As the door swings open, the melody – no longer muffled – pours over him. He doesn't recognize it. Curious, he focuses on the singer's husky voice.
"And you can't fight the tears that ain't comin'...
"Or the moment of truth in your lies...
"When everything feels like the movies...
"Yeah, you bleed just to know you're alive..."
Confused by the achingly melancholy lyrics, he turns toward the bed and realizes that his lover is no longer in it.
"Yokaze?"
He wanders over to the private bath and opens the door but finds this vacant as well. He is about to call her name again when the gentle melody of the song gives way to lyrics once again.
"And I don't want the world to see me...
"'Cause I don't think that they'd understand...
"When everything's made to be broken...
"I just want you to know who I am..."
This time, when he calls her name, he doesn't really expect a response.
"Yokaze?"
There is only silence, an empty drawer in the dresser, and a missing duffel bag for a reply.
She's gone.
Caught between anger and sorrow, Trowa finds himself sitting on the edge of the bed. The ice pack is gone although he can't recall setting it down. Eyes closed, he leans his forehead into his hands and tries to scrub away the heat of these volatile emotions tearing him apart from the inside.
He doesn't know how long he remains there. He doesn't bother to count each painful breath. He stays where he is and silently curses her. If going after her would have done any good, he'd be behind the wheel of a car in seconds. But it isn't. And he won't.
From the stereo, the song dies and then starts again. She'd left it on repeat.
"And I'd give up forever to touch you...
"'Cause I know that you feel me somehow..."
Amazingly enough, those words which he would have been thrilled to hear from her lips an hour ago, only burn through him until every heartbeat hurts.
And then, suddenly, there is silence.
Trowa looks up, half hopeful that Yokaze will be standing in front of him with the stereo's remote control in her hands... but it's not Yokaze facing him now. It's Duo. Trowa takes in the sight of Jaspien wrapped around Duo's chest and the easy way Duo holds him. It's obviously not the first time Duo's had to pick the boy up.
Very quietly, Duo asks, "Is she gone, too?"
Trowa almost scowls. "Who else... Heero?"
Duo nods. "Yeah."
And then the situation seems to hit him. Shaking his head, Trowa demands, "What are you doing here?" The words bear confusion rather that confrontation.
Duo tells him, "I heard... the song."
Trowa arcs a brow and Duo silently offers him a piece of paper. Trowa takes it, reads it, and knows: "They left together."
Duo nods.
He hands the note back to Duo before he buries his hands deep in his hair. Once upon a time he'd been jealous of the way Heero and Yokaze had worked seamlessly together, of the fact that she unconsciously trusted her brother to guard her back. Once upon a time, he'd thought she's begun to trust him just as much.
Had it all been a lie?
Perhaps she hadn't meant it. Perhaps she'd simply been placating him. Perhaps...
"Perhaps we should get some of this mess cleaned up," Duo suggests softly.
"Mess?" Trowa looks up and follows Duo's gaze to the field of ice shards glinting along the hardwood floor. He traces their pattern up until he finds the impact point on the wall; a few water droplets are all that remains of the collision.
He shudders at the thought of having thrown something that hard – of reacting so violently – and having no corresponding memory of it.
"Come on, Tro. They'll be back."
And, for an instant, Trowa almost convinces himself that he's imagining the tentative quality in Duo's voice. But then Jaspien sobs quietly against his guardian's shoulder, shattering Trowa's pathetic attempt at a comforting illusion.
...ooo...
The soft chime of an incoming call interrupts the steady sound of fingertips pecking at two keyboards. With a slight frown, the conductor of the great machines that surround him suspends one of his operations and reaches for the communications unit.
He glances at the small screen identifying the location of the incoming call and frowns. Knowing a request for a vid feed would be denied, he simply opens an audio channel.
"This is unexpected," he says.
"I couldn't wait for our scheduled call."
"What's the emergency?"
"I need to keep an eye on a few friends of mine."
Still tapping out codes on one of the keyboards, the operator, replies with an arced brow, "Friends this time, eh? Branching out are you?"
"Are you concerned?"
He snorts. "Actually, I'm just trying to make conversation."
"It's not one of your... more accomplished talents."
"Try being blunt for a change, would you? It's not a talent at all. More like a handicap."
The answering silence relates the caller's agreement.
"So, these, ah, friends you want me keep an eye on... Do I get their names or shall I start guessing?"
A short pause. "Heero and Yokaze Yuy."
The fingertips stumble to a halt over the keyboard, their sprightly dance interrupted. "The Yuys," he hears himself repeat, numb.
"You know them, then?"
Quickly rallying his composure, he replies, "I know of them. Fought for the L1 colony rebels during the war."
Again, a short pause. "Indeed."
"So. Do I get last known coordinates and all that or what?"
A slight hesitation echoes over the line. The operator is wound so tight with tension that he starts at the soft chime of an incoming message. Closing his eyes for a moment, he attempts to summon a modicum of calm.
He forces himself to focus on the data now storming across the vid screen. His heart saddened, he replies in a neutral tone, "Looks like I've got everything I need."
"Good. I'll be in touch."
The soft buzz of static trickles from the speakers and the operator reluctantly reaches forward to close the channel. For a long moment, he sits, staring at the coordinates he doesn't need but had to ask for. He sits, contemplating this game – this deadly game of allegiances – he is about to begin.
He knows where his first loyalty lies. That has never been in question. The small collection of resistance fighters from his home colony had needed all the help they could get planning and executing their attacks on the Alliance and – later – Oz. He had ever been the one to spend endless hours – and sometimes days – in front of a computer attempting to crack many a military database. He had been so used to going without sleep that it had made him careless. And had gotten him captured.
He vividly recalls his time as a guest of Oz. And he very much wishes he could forget every moment. But the one bright light that had come to him in his darkest moment had happened on the battle station that had lingered in his home colony's shadow. He still remembers the exact sound of slick metal-on-metal his cell door had made when it had opened unexpectedly. He'd almost panicked; his execution couldn't have come this quickly... surely he had more time... But the figure silhouetted on the threshold had not been his executioner. It had been his savior.
Proximity alarms had been blaring around them as the station shook from blast after blast after blast. He remembers the strong hands that had efficiently stuffed him into an astrosuit.
"It's the Gundams, isn't it?"
The only response he'd received had been a none-too-gentle shove in the direction of an evacuation pod.
"Wait! At least tell me your name!"
And then the hatch had been sealing closed, the pod rocketing through the acceleration chute and spinning out into space. He'd watched the battle from the single, tiny window in the pod. He'd witnessed the complete destruction of that Oz battle station. He'd wondered if that soldier had survived. During those long hours of silence as he drifted towards his home colony, he had realized that his rescuer must have been an undercover rebel. And he'd ached even more with the loss of life.
So, imagine his surprise when, not a month later, that same figure graced his doorstep and finally spoke.
"I need a favor."
His loyalty had been and always would be to his colony, but he hadn't hesitated to reply: "I owe you my life. What do you need?"
And thus their friendship had started. He'd even managed to get a name this time: Heero Yuy. And he had grossly understated her part in the war. And, as far as he'd known, she had only ever revealed the entirety of her role in the war to him. She had been completely invisible. As a hacker, that had intrigued him. How could it not? And then, one year after the final battle in '96, she'd stopped hiding in Gundam pilot 01's shadow and had named herself Yokaze.
Yokaze Yuy: the woman to whom he gives credit for every breath he's taken over the past nine years.
All through the war and then the Dekim Barton skirmish thereafter, he'd never had to balance his loyalties. But now... Now the one man to whom he'd sworn a lifetime of service has asked him to track the one woman to whom he owes a life-debt.
With a sigh of deep and aching regret, he brings the system online and taps out a command. In an instant, a map of Europe unfolds across the screen with a small, flashing light hovering near the border of Spain.
Yokaze...
Well, he'd found her. And he'll watch her.
Now he just has to decide how much he can report... while still managing not to flinch at the sight of his own reflection in the mirror.
End of Chapter Eleven
Chapter Notes: The song "Iris" is by the Goo Goo Dolls.
