"Make yourself comfortable. I think I've have a bottle of wine in the kitchen."
Louis tossed his jacket onto a side chair and he disappeared into the other room. It was oblivious his comfort level had fully returned the second they crossed the threshold into his apartment. Jordan, on the other hand, paced studying pictures and mementos that she had seen on previous visits. Each one had a story, one which Louis was always opened to telling. She picked up a photo of him in front of the Pantheon in Rome. It was taken while he spent a year studying art abroad. They laughed about what a small world it was when they realized they had been there at the same time...and wondered if they had passed each other on the street one day.
'Back then I thought life is a series of combined events that lead you down a defined path...' he had once told her. 'I believed that fate opens doors good and bad and it's our job to take them and let the chips fall where they may. It was only years later that I realized there was no safety in that...and no guarantees. I guess the older I get I like to predetermine my own destiny. Just like you Jordan...'
"I hope you don't mind that Pinot Noir we had the other night." Louis returned holding two goblets of red wine. "After an evening of a white wine, that was so overly chilled to hide how cheap it was, I felt up to a change."
As long as it's strong. Jordan just smiled and said thank you as she sank down in the sofa next to him where he had made himself comfortable.
"I can't tell you how glad I am that that is over. We should plan a vacation together. Some place quiet and secluded, where we can recharge. You said you wanted to revisit Italy again. Maybe we can rent a villa in Tuscany. The light there is beautiful in the summer. What do you think?"
"...ungodly hot too, I bet."
Vacation? Together? Jordan was still trying to figure out if she should spend the night. She flippantly commented on Italy thinking it might be...exciting to find Paolo again. She took a deep breath and downed half her glass.
"I can't tell you how much I appreciate everything you've done for me Jordan. Without your help I could have never have made it tonight."
"You're welcome." she choked. The wine was stronger then she remembered.
"Are you sure you're alright Jordan? You've been on edge since we left the museum. Here. Turn around."
Louis reached out to massage her shoulders when Jordan reluctantly turned her back to him. She had to admit he had good hands. Being an artist, she half expected it...just as she half hoped he'd be good with other things too. Jordan let her eyes drift shut.
"Relax; you're as stiff as a board..."
Her eyes snapped back open when she felt his lips on the back of her neck. This was what she came here for wasn't it? Wasn't this the right moment to explore something new? To branch out? ...To find love? If this is what she wanted...no, what she needed? Then why did she feel like she want to run as far away as she could as fast as her legs could take her? She could feel his fingers find the top of the zipper on her dress.
Her heart stopped.
Christ, she had toilet paper in her bra.
"You do look very lovely tonight Jordan."
Why was she doing this? Why did she get a dress that didn't fit? Why did she go to a party she would have normally never been caught dead at? Why did she spend the last few days dwelling over eggs? And the biggest question of all...why was she trying so desperately to make something out of nothing? Love wasn't supposed to be this hard. It was supposed be as easy.
Like...fighting over a five dollar matinee and ordering a pizza to go.
"Eggs!" she blurted.
"What?"
"Eggs. I have a confession to make. The recipe said to use brown eggs in the quiche I made the other night. I used white. I'm sorry."
"I don't understand. Eggs...?"
"Honestly, I didn't think there'd be a difference."
"I don't think there is one Jordan...other then the variety of chicken. I never actually thought about it before Jordan. I don't think there's really any difference at all."
"I have been thinking about it, probably way too much for my own good, and I've decided there is a difference ...a big difference. One that I can't ignore anymore...one matter how badly I want to. I'm sorry."
"We're not really talking about eggs...are we?"
"I don't need villas in Tuscany in the middle of summer Louis. And you know what? I don't need guarantees. I need...I need plain old, everyday, take-for-granted-that you'll-always-find-them white eggs."
"Jordan..."
"I need 'Ordinary' Louis. I need what I already have...I just never realized it before. I have a family of friends who love for me and not what I can be for them. I care about you Louis. I really do, but..."
"Shhh Jordan, I understand."
"I'm just trading my walls for yours. I can't do this anymore. I'm sorry."
"So am I."
Jordan ran a hand down the front of her dress and grabbed her bag. She felt like a load and been taken off her shoulders. For a brief second everything was crystal clear.
"Good bye Louis," she said holding her hand out.
Louis ignored her hand and kissed her cheek softly. "You're wrong Jordan. Those walls of yours disappeared a long time ago. You're just the last one to realize it."
With a smile he stepped away, looking less disappointed then Jordan's ego would have liked. "If you ever change your mind you know where to find me..."
She nodded and quietly slipped out the door. Once in the elevator she pulled the toilet paper from her bra and triumphantly tossed in the trash can under the control panel. Unconsciously, she reached for her cell and was about to press Star 4...when she stopped. Like the images in that vivid dream that the alarm clock always rudely interrupts, that momentary clarity began to fade as she rode the elevator down to the lobby.
"Dr Cavanaugh," The door man said as the doors opened. "Mr. Jefferies had me to call you a cab. It should be her shortly if you'd like to have a seat by the door..."
It would be so easy to climb back into her self imposed seclusion and say she tried...but would that make her any better than she was before. They were kindred spirits, she and Louis. Both had their "prisons" they needed to escape. Hers had four walls just like his. Louis said she gave him the strength to walk out of his...Maybe, just maybe Louis was right and her walls were gone. She knew the urge to hide wasn't there. In fact, she felt like celebrating. With a laugh she decided she wanted the biggest omelet Boston had to offer: a white egg omelet with a ton of processed cheese and a gallon of coffee...with a touch of caramel. The only question left was... would she have to eat it alone?
Angsty little chapter I know. Every time I touched it it got more so. :( It'll get better later... I promise. ;)
