Title: About Love

Author: ValaGillian

Rating: T

Summary: This is going to be fast. Too fast. This is about comfort and about solacing him. Or so I thought.

Disclaimer: I don't own Mulder, Scully, or The X-Files. I do not intend to make any profit from this fanfic. Please do not sue me.

Author's Notes: Hmm, well… It's two o'clock in the morning and I've got nothing better to do than sit here and write MSR fanfic. It's sad I know. You know, I think most of my half decent fanfics seem to write themselves at this ungodly hour. I don't know, I'm going to stop rambling on now and let you get on with the fanfic. Hope you enjoy it:D


"Come on, Scully. Let's go." Mulder and I walk back to the car. The silence is agonizing. I must say something, anything; this has to stop.

"Mulder…"

"I don't want to hear it, Scully. How many times have we been this close only to have the whole thing blow back up in our faces? What did we do to deserve this?"

At this point he is facing me. I can see his anger struggling with his pain. They can't do this to him, to us. Not again. This time he just might crack.

He is on the verge of tears we have to get out of this building. I walk toward him and grasp his hand squeezing it in mine. With a silent concurrence we make our way out of the building hand-in-hand.

The car seems to be parked a million miles away. The sun's rays are fiery knives stabbing my eyes; the pavement an endless desert and the car an oasis that threatens to be a mirage.

In a trancelike state we release the others' hand and enter the car. The car doors deafening slam behind me and then silence.

He looks at me with an unreadable expression. I don't know what I'm feeling now or what I should be feeling. This was so unexpected.

"What now?"

He asks this question; the question that I could search millennia for and never find. A question that I want to so badly to answer to comfort him with but am wildly beyond my reach and comprehension.

"I don't know."

My voice is scratchy and isn't my own. I realize now that I am on the verge of tears. I feel his warm hand on my own and feel a strange shiver run through me. What's wrong with me? This isn't natural; I must be in some sort of shock.

My chin begins to quiver and all of sudden I'm in his arms. Leaning into him as far as the accommodations will allow. I am sobbing now my face buried deep into chest.

I know I should be comforting him right now and I don't know why I'm acting this way. Why are these emotions bubbling to the surface now when he needs me to be there for him. To be his rock. His mental rock. Instead I'm the one crying in his arms. This isn't fair.

My sobs die down and I release his sides which will probably have clawed bruise marks tomorrow. I shift back into my seat and silently curse the physical barrier between us. Who's idea was it to put arm rests in this car that don't flip back and out of the way? I silently ponder this ridiculous question and realize that I have cut Mulder out. He thinks I'm rejecting his sincerest care.

I look back at him. His head is down and he looks like he's going to break down any time now.

"I'm sorry, Mulder."

I don't know exactly what I'm apologizing for but he seems to understand and squeezes my hand tightly in return.

"It's not your fault, Scully. The X-Files was something we both knew would never last. I'm thankful that it lasted this long. Long enough for me to meet you."

His head is still hung and I can't see his eyes. Long enough to meet me! This can't be happening. The X-Files is his life, was his life. Now he's saying that he's just grateful that the X-Files, his life, lasted long enough to meet me… I don't know what to say. I'm totally confused, bewildered, I don't even know how to describe it.

He's looking back at me now. His expression is one of seriousness and truth. He's not making up any of this us. This is the truth. I open my mouth to let whatever will come out come out but before I can say anything he starts the car we pull out of the FBI parking garage.

The entire ride to my apartment complex is one of silence. Half and hour later we arrive at my buildings parking lot. He's staring out the window.

"Mulder…"

No reply. No movement at all.

"Mulder, look at me."

This time he faces me, eyes glassed with fresh tears. He's so beautiful at this very moment. I just want to hug him and protect him from the world for the rest of forever. I lean across him and turn off the ignition pulling the keys out.

He's in my living room just sitting there like a complete stranger. I told him I'd be back in a minute. I just had to change. Now I feel guilty for leaving him in there alone. He needs my strength, he needs my comfort, he needs my love. I just hope he will let me give it to him.

I change in haste and return to the living room to find him sitting on the sofa with his eyes closed in deep thought. So much pain. This man has been through so much pain. He's drained there's nothing more for him to give.

I perch on the couch next to him letting our shoulders brush and clasping my hands together in front of me. This is going to be tough. Maybe too tough.

"Mulder…"

His brow furrows and he looks like he's trying to hide from me. Like he doesn't want me to see him break down. I pull his hand from his face and see the burning emotions in his eyes.

"Mulder, we will get through this. You've been through so much lately it's just all catching up with you. You need to let it out. Let me help you."

He's looks worse. Like he's about to crack in two right before my eyes. This is bad. I don't know what to do. He's so intense and this is hurting him so. He looks at me with a painful expression full of worry and fear.

"Don't you see, Scully? That's what I'm afraid of. I'm afraid of taking you down with me. I don't know if I could take that. I don't give a damn about what they do to me. Or to the X-Files. But I do care about what happens to you. You are the only thing that matters to me now. I can't risk taking you down with me. I won't let it happen. Not to you."

I can't believe this. He's blaming himself once again. Fearful of my pain, for my safety. Guilty that he's causing me pain when in fact he is my only solace in this hell. Our hell.

I jump up and fall into him clasping him in a tight hug and whispering into his ear.

"Mulder, don't YOU see? You're my only safety. If I leave you or if you leave me I will go down. Not because of some government conspiracy or any disease given to me. Not because of anything you have unwittingly done to cause me harm. You are my heaven in all other hells. Don't take that away from me and stop blaming yourself for my misfortunes."

I pull myself away a little to look into his eyes which reflect great confusion and disbelief. I can feel the tears rolling down my cheeks and I engage in this heated mix of emotions radiating from his eyes. I wipe a stray strand of hair out of his face and smile.

"Can't you see, Mulder. I love you."

With that said I push my forehead against his letting our sweat mingle. I feel his heated breath against my tear-streaked face.

"I love you too, Scully."

I feel my heart clench in my chest with those words. He loves me too. This is too much I must look into his eyes. When I do the intensity in those hazel depths startles me. Wow! Is this really happening?

I feel his lips press softly against my own. The kiss sweet and innocent turning to one of intensity, need, and desperation. The brush of his five-o'clock shadow on my cheek makes me moan into his mouth granting his tongue entrance. The feeling is surreal. I really have died and gone to heaven. Our heaven beneath the hell.

He breaks the kiss and his lips begin to travel down past of my jaw line and over my neck pausing to suckle one especially sensitive spot leaving his mark. His hands are all over me.

"Oh, God."

This is going to be fast. Too fast. This is about comfort and about solacing him. Or so I thought.

"Scully.."

He's looking at me now. Uncertain.

"Scully, is this what you want?"

Of course, Mulder would never take advantage of me like that. Never.

"Mulder, I want you. I love you."

He smiles in return.

"I just want you to know, Scully. This is about love. Not about comforting me or as a result of what happened today. I love you and that's what this is about. I want you to feel that love."

This is more than I can take. I slide my lips onto and into his once again this time the kiss is softer, sweeter, and seems more like Mulder. Yes, this is better. Much better. It's going to be a long night.


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