Title: About Love: Chapter 5: A Hard Pill To Swallow
Author: ValaGillian
Disclaimer: I don't own Mulder, Scully, or The X-Files. I do not intend to make any profit from this fanfic. Please do not sue me.
Summary: Like any man should be able to love a woman. And its ecstatic to know that the woman you want to love so badly wants to love you in the same feverishly passionate way. And does.
Author's Notes: I actually wrote this one in daylight! It's probably going to seem strange but I think I did okay on it. The plot thickens and begins to boil here so watch out. Thanks for all the wonderful reviews and support. Enjoy…
The hospital is bright. The light blinds me briefly. I walk onward even though I can't see. Onward because I know she will be there. Onward toward my savior. But like all, even those religiously devoted, I have that flicker of doubt. That moment in time where its just so hard to believe you can be saved. Then I bury these thoughts and continue my crossing into the unknown.
I reach her room. I want to go in so badly I'm scared to. I afraid of what's waiting behind this door made of wood and steel. Boards and nails. I let this fear pass through me and ease its way out leaving prickling on the back of my neck. I have to go in. I close my eyes and grasp the icy door handle.
My sweaty hand makes it difficult to open the door but I get it on the second try. I imagine an empty bed. An 'I'm sorry for your loss.' Goosebumps rise on my skin. I know she's gone. She has to be. I've caused her so much grief and anguish she took her first chance to get away from it all. To get away from me. Away from us.
But when I open my eyes there she is perched contently on the small hospital bed. The sunlight pours in through the window on her right. She looks like an angel descended from heaven. Only an angel could withstand the hell I've put her through. One that adds a dash on the tattered tally board.
She faces me when she hears the door close. Her affectionate smile sooths the inner depths of my soul like only she can. She's really here. She's okay and she's here. Here with me. I grin at her and she pats the side of the bed motioning for me to come sit with her. I move toward her a little faster than normal. She's really here.
The mattress is soft and I feel myself sink into its deep embrace. Like the infant loses itself in the taste of its mother's milk. She looks out the window again. She's here but she's far away. What was she thinking about? Does this have something to do with whatever she was going to tell me in the car? Something that obviously caused severe anxiety. Something that must be terribly important to us both.
I grasp and squeeze her hand.
"Scully, you're freezing."
She faces me once again and I see fresh tears in her eyes.
"What's wrong?"
I feel my heart clench in my chest as the first tear falls and lands on her freckle sprinkled cheek.
"Mulder…"
I want to scream at her 'what!" and sooth her pain away at the same time. The air between us hangs still. The hurricane is coming. I can feel the wind and water on my face. No, that's her delicate breath brushing my cheek. I feel the tears rolling down my face. What am I crying for? Then I feel it. She moves my hand and sets it gently on her lower stomach. Then she covers my hand with hers and looks at me earnestly.
Lightening. I feel the surge of electricity travel from my head to the small capillaries in my toes and back again. She can't mean what this… No, it's not possible. But what if it was? What if… No, it can't. It's too much to hope for. We tried this before and it didn't work. It didn't work only tore us apart. But… could it be? Could something so wonderful happen to us?
I realize now that I am staring at her shocked and probably drooling. A million questions are burning in my mind. How? When? And then an strange one comes out.
"Mine?"
Please… Please… Please let it be mine. God, let it be mine. What if she tried again with an anonymous donor? What if…
"I'm pregnant with your son, Mulder. Our son."
Another tear falls from her soft eyes. A long breath escapes my lips and then I grin at her. Then I start laughing. I can't stop. My stomach is flipping. My mind is screaming for possible explanations. And my heart. My heart feels like its going to bust with happiness. My son! This is good. Too good. She looks confused at my sudden burst of exuberance and then grins at me.
As much as I want to savor this moment in sincere happiness, maybe the first time I've ever really experienced it, my mind shouts nauseatingly that there has to be a catch. But I see truth in her eyes. Truth that I will not doubt. Cannot doubt. Would NEVER doubt. She needs love. I need a hug.
Then we were in each other's arms letting all of this soak in. This is the rain in the extensively scorched desert. Rain that has become fruitful over time and will flourish. Scully's pregnant! With my baby! The woman of my countless dreams having my baby! This is too much to comprehend.
I press my lips against hers. It feels so good to be able to love her like this. Like any man should be able to love a woman. And its ecstatic to know that the woman you want to love so badly wants to love you in the same feverishly passionate way. And does. That it's about love.
She's going to give me a son. I love this woman more than I could ever love anything on any planet. A son. I'm going to be a father. This is hard pill to swallow. I release her lips and push my forehead against hers. I let out another long drawn out breath. So what happens next? What are we going to tell everyone? What are we going to tell the FBI?
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