Ok tired chapter and I'm really tired, i haven't slept 'cause i just came back from a road trip but here i am posting this... so ok thanx again to my reviewer, I love your reviews by the way…

Spin

Summary: ExtremelyAU Something happened in Tomoeda a long time ago and now it's all screwy and everyone's in a bad mood. Eventually SS

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Syaoran... is like an onion.

Sort of.

Well, without the smell and the crying issue.

I'm talking about layers.

He's got these layers, that you have to peel through.

I think I just got through the first one. I don't know why, I wasn't even trying to.

We're talking now, and laughing. We're talking about how Dr. Reed is always tapping his pen on something: on the desk, in his hand, and our favorite, on his head.

When Syaoran laughs, it's not really like an outward laugh. He smiles and looks down and pushes some air out through his nose.

It's kind of....

Never mind.

Anyway, I wonder what is at the bottom of all those layers. A secret perhaps? A magician secret? Thoughts about Kaho?

"What's the molor mass of Carbon." He asks.

"12.011"

"Did you memorize the whole periodic table?"

"Pretty much."

"Wow," he raises his eyebrows, "That must be handy."

"Yea."

Not as handy as magician powers, Syaoran.

This is ultra weird, talking to him like this. I mean, when you talk to someone, you have to be thinking about them, right? And I can't believe that thoughts about me are actually occupying is immediate conscious.

"So," he says, "I heard Kaho is staying at your house."

Mmmmhmmm, spoke too soon.

"Wow," I say, "Look at the time."

--:--:--:--:--:--:--:--:--:--:--

Are you going to Kaho's party tomorrow night?

Are you going to Kaho's party tomorrow night?

Hey, Sakura, are you going to Kaho's party tomorrow night?

Ever have one of those days that you walk through the school doors and you just know: Today is really gonna suck.

I couldn't possibly have done anything more to hide the fact that Kaho is staying at my house.

She was acting different this morning. She looked happy, she was acting like she used to but with one major difference: she was being really nice. And for once in my life, I can't tell if it was her act or if it was real.

"Are you going to Kaho's party tomorrow night?" Tomoyo asks me.

Oh no, they got to her too.

"I think so, are you?"

"Yea."

"We should go together."

Tomoyo begins to stutter over her words, "Yea… I mean… I told Meiling that I would go with her… but like... I can cancel...or like...you could go with us."

Well hello there, wounded ego.

Of course, I can't be mad. I'm glad she's making new friends. She's been really quiet lately, I think Tomoeda is getting to her too.

"Oh, you know what...." I say in mock realization, "I just remembered... I can get a ride with Kaho."

"Are you sure?"

"Yea."

"Ok," she hugs me, "I gotta get to class."

"Are you going to Kaho's party?"

I turn around towards the voice as Tomoyo walks off, "Do I know you?"

"Yea.... I'm Hikari Horaki.... we have elective together... I was in the bathroom?... the other day."

Well, Hikari Horaki, good thing I don't have magician powers or I would blast you into another solar system.

I walk away because I don't feel like responding. Here's the deal: The party, it's not even at Kaho's house. It's not even really her party. But if she goes then there is some secret document that says she automatically has ruling over the guest list. She's invited me and Syaoran and Tomoyo and Meiling, and probably Yukito and Eriol. So the school is having an aneurysm because Kaho has got this new group of friends.

But the new 'happening' person to be around just happens to be me.

Kaho is staying at Sakura's house. Praise Sakura.

I feel someone grab my arm and pull me aside, "Are you going to Kaho's party?"

It's Johnny Soc.... I mean Touya. He looks distressed. "Yea, are you?"

He frowns, "I can't, I'm going with my dad to some party at his work."

"Oh."

He frowns even more, if that's possible, "She planned it this way, she doesn't want me to go."

"What? Touya that's insane."

He sighs and rubs his eye, he looks really tired, "Just umm... make sure she doesn't.... drink too much... or anything..... ok?"

I'm actually really truly feeling sympathetic feelings for Touya. I regret ever calling him Johnny Soccer Hero.

"Yea... ok."

"Oh, and Sakura? Beware the wrath of Rika." He gestures behind him before walking away.

Oh great. Rika is probably having a hissy fit because I'm Kaho's new best friend. "How's it goin' Kinomoto." She says forcefully as she approaches.

"Hello Rika," I say monotonously.

"Hear your goin' to Kaho's party."

"Yea."

"Just so you know, Kaho is going with me," she says matter-of-factly.

"Good for you."

She gives me her evil look as she walks away. She's probably imagining the many ways in which she could murder me.

I propose to you a question: If you were having troubles at home, would you go to Rika?

Didn't think so.

"Hey Sakura.... are you uhh... going to Kaho's party?"

GRRRRRRR.

I don't even bother to look at who as talking to me. Instead, I make an announcement to the hall. "I am Sakura Kinomoto, and Yes, for the love of god, I will be attending Kaho's party.... any questions?"

Some of the students in the hall look at me like I grew new limbs, some of them nod in satisfaction. "Great," I say as I turn towards the original voice.

Oh god, I am such an idiot. "Oh... hey Syaoran."

"Are you all right?"

"Oh. Umm," I force a smile on my face, "Yea… just umm... you gotta love those high school politics..."

"Yea," he says, "I know what you mean."

Oh, is that so Syaoran? You follow Kaho around like a puppy just like everyone else.

"So… are you going?" I ask.

"Yea.... I was wondering if you had directions, cause umm... I guess Eriol and Meiling are going with other people so...."

Oh, cut the crap, Syaoran. "Do you need a ride?"

"Aren't you going with Kaho?"

"No, Kaho is probably going with Touya," I say, lying like a dog.

The twinge of pain that passes through his eyes makes me want to hurl, but yet, gives me an unusual sense of satisfaction.

Am I evil or what.

Another rhetorical question.

"Oh," he says, "Ok.. I guess I'll umm... see you tomorrow."

Yea, don't act too excited there, Syaoran.

I wonder if me and Syaoran are going to become friends. I wonder if I'm going to become his path to Kaho.

And I have to ask myself, Do I really want that?

No.

Hell no.

Hey, if I had my way, I wouldn't even be his damn science partner.

Your not exactly a ball of sunshine to be around either, Syaoran Li.

But I guess...

I guess being his friend wouldn't be that bad. I mean, he is oddly intriguing in that disgusting sort of way.

And I mean, we sort of have some things in common.

And it's not like I actually have any control over my life anyway.

I wonder what he would do if he knew that I knew he was an magician. I wonder if he would be grateful that I didn't tell anybody.

God, I can't wait till Tuesday.

I need Dr. Reed, like now.

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Have you ever said your name over and over and listened to how ridiculous it sounds.

Sakura Sakura Sakura Sakura Sakura

An arbitrary combination of letters to define who you are.

Sakura Sakura Sakura Sakura Sakura SAKURAAAAAAAA

My mom pokes her head into my room, "Honey, aren't you going to be late for the social?"

Hahaha, the social.

She frowns at me, "Is that what you're wearing?"

I look down at my chosen clothing, I'm wearing what I usually wear, jeans and a sweater.

"Mom, I'm not going to a tea party."

"You just haven't been out in a while, I thought you might want to dress up."

Sometimes I wonder if my mother grew up in 20th century America.

"I'm going to a high school party mom, you know, the kind with drugs and alcohol and lots of vomit?"

She points her finger at me, "If it's that kind of party I want you to come right home."

"Of course."

"What time are you picking up the Li boy?"

Oh mother mother mother. I stand up, "Right now."

"Ok!" My mother waves at me as I leave, "Have fun! Stay out of trouble! Don't get home too late!"

Don't get me wrong, I love my mom. But she thinks that the problems of the world can be solved with a nice dress and a little makeup. Yea, like Syaoran Li would notice if I dressed up.

Who cares, I don't want to be noticed.

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"Do you want a cookie?"

Syaoran's mom is always offering me food.

I smile, "No thanks."

"We've got some lasagna in the fridge."

So is his dad.

"It's ok, I'm fine."

"We've got water, and orange juice," says his mother.

The way they're treating me, you can tell Syaoran doesn't get visitors too often.

"I'm really ok... but thank you."

"How about some milk? You like milk, don't you?" asks his dad.

"Umm.." I shoot Syaoran a helpless look as he walks into the room.

Syaoran shakes his head and smiles at his parents, "You guys, Sakura has a mother and father of her own, and despite what you might think, they do feed her."

His mom brushes off his comment and kisses her son on the cheek, "You guys have fun, no drinking."

"And no drugs." Says his dad.

"And no sex." Says his mom.

Syaoran's eyes widen, "We're leaving now."

"No glove, no love, son." Adds his dad.

"Yea," Syaoran says as we retreat out the door, "That's great dad, I'll remember that."

He chuckles to himself as we walk to my car, "They think we're dating."

Apparently they think we're doing more than dating.

I smile weakly, "That's funny."

"Yea."

Yay. It's party time.

It's a Tomoeda party, so one of three things are guaranteed to happen:

1) A fight will break out, the party will be broken up by the cops.

2) Someone will overdose, the party will be broken up by the cops.

3) And this is the most common one, someone will cheat on his or her significant other, an anonymous tip from a neighbor will cause the party to be broken up by the cops.

Understood?

I'm gonna place my money on #3.

We can hear the music pounding as we drive onto the street. Their already being too loud so this party might not last as long as anyone expects.

It's only 9 and the lawn is already cluttered with beer cans. They probably had a warning from the cops and made everyone get inside the house.

How do I know so much about Tomoeda parties? I think it's just the kind of instinctive information you're born with.

Either that or I've just lived here for way too long.

As soon as we walk through the house, some girl is hugging me. "SAKURAAA!"

I have no idea who she is.

She shoves a bottle of beer in my hands, I see Tomoyo and Meiling through the crowd. "I think Kahosss is lookin for you guys." The girl manages to push out her words in a slur.

Syaoran looks really nervous. "She is?"

The girl leads us to the kitchen where Kaho is pouring beer into a funnel that is directly attached to Yamazaki's mouth. When she sees us, she hands the funnel to someone else and clutches to Syaoran's arm.

And I wonder. What is this?

What, exactly, is going on?

"You guys came!" she says.

Syaoran swallows.

I hand him the beer, "Knock yourself out, I'll be somewhere else."

I make my way to the living room where Tomoyo and Meiling are sitting on the couch.

Meiling is wearing one of Tomoyo's shirts.

"Hey guys." I say, "Is Yukito here?"

Tomoyo smiles at me, "He's in the back with Eriol."

"Great... I'll umm...be back in a second."

In the back, Yukito and Eriol are playing with someone's dog.

Yukito must be slightly drunk because he keeps making the little dog roll over and shake. He is very amused by it. "SAKURA," he says enthusiastically when he sees me, "Doesn't this party blow?"

You gotta love Yukito.

He puts his arm around my shoulders, "Sakura, this here is Eriol, and this," he points to the dog, "This is Bob Johnson."

"The dog's name is Bob Johnson?"

Yukito nods.

Syaoran comes out in back, still holding a full bottle of beer. Eriol narrows his eyes when he sees it. "You drinkin'?"

"Maybe," says Syaoran.

"HELLOOO," We turn our attention towards Kaho, who's head appears in the window, "Come in here, were playing a game."

"What game?" Yukito asks.

"Spin the bottle." she says.

Shoot me. Now.

"Come on Syaoran," Kaho says, flirting like there's no tomorrow, "Don't you wanna play?"

"Ummm."

"Pleeease." she says.

Syaoran takes a nervous sip of his beer and nods, "O-Ok."

She turns her charm onto Yukito and Eriol, "Tomoyo and Meiling are playing."

No way.

Yukito's eyes light up, he grabs my arm, "Come on Sakura."

"Yukito," I pull him around to face me, "Listen to yourself, this is crazy talk, we don't do this."

He frowns, "Sakura, Meiling is playing, come on, play with us."

I find it hard to hide my utter disbelief, "Yukito, what the hell are you gonna do if the bottle lands on me??? Hello? Can you say weird?"

Yukito's face stiffens, "You're right, maybe you shouldn't play."

"What if it lands on Tomoyo!?"

He's not listening to me anymore, he's pulling me into the living room.

I sit on the couch and watch Kaho direct the group into a circle.

So here I am.

My peers sitting in a circle on the floor in front of me.

I wonder if I'm losing my only friends.

Yukito goes first, it lands on some girl I don't know.

I can feel myself fading into the background.

Eriol goes next, he's concentrating on the bottle way too hard. Magician powers. It lands on Tomoyo, she looks happy.

I might as well not even be here.

Rika goes next. It lands on Syaoran. Rika attacks him with her mouth. It looks really gross. Syaoran looks uncomfortable.

I should just go.

It's Syaoran's turn. This should be good.

Oh look at that, it landed on Kaho.

The look on their faces? Priceless, fucking priceless.

I don't want to see this.

I'm leaving.

This isn't about me.

As I walk through the room I hear whooping and cooing noises behind me. Must have been a damn good kiss.

Good for them, I say.

Way to fuck up Touya's life while they're at it.

One week ago, Kaho wouldn't give Syaoran a second thought. Now what in the world would make her change her mind so quickly? Perhaps she wants something from him?

Lets dwell on that for a while.

Personally, I think she's lost it. She's gone, far gone.

I guess I would be too.

I go into one of the back rooms. The rest of the house is pretty much empty because the crowd has congregated in the living room.

I enter a back room with a couch and some workout equipment. The white light bulb has been replaced with a blue one, it's very calm. Kaji Ryoji is sitting on the couch staring into outer space.

Kaji Ryoji is a major player in the meth scene. But right now, I think he's on downers.

I've never talked to Kaji in my life.

I sit down on the couch and Kaji lazily glances over at my feet, then points to a bug on the wall. "You see that bug?" He asks.

"Yea."

"Is it looking at me?"

I lean forward and pretend to examine the bug, "Yea, it is."

He is basically handing me the chance to screw with his mind on a platter. How can I resist.

He nods, "That's what I thought."

"I think it's trying to tell you something." I say.

"I wonder where everybody is." He says.

"They forgot about us."

He nods again.

I lean my head back on the couch, the spinning is starting to hurt.

So me and Kaji, we sit there. What fun. About an hour goes by before he speaks again.

"You are so beautiful." he says.

"That's funny," I say, "You haven't even looked at me."

He shakes his head, "I can tell."

"Neat."

"Wanna come over to my house?"

"Not really."

"Ok."

Nice try, Kaji.

"Sakura?" I hear Syaoran's voice outside the door.

I say it again: Yay me.

"In here."

"Sakura," he says as he walks through the door and sits down on the floor in front of me, "I have to tell you something."

His eyes are cloudy, "Are you drunk?"

He nods solemnly, like a little boy, "Yes."

"Great."

He starts to look at his hand like it's the coolest thing he's ever seen. He waves it in front of his eyes. Then he places his palm over my face. "You have a really small head." He says.

Umm...

"See Syaoran, I have this personal bubble, and you are now invading it."

He chuckles and retreats his hand, "You're funny, I have a secret to tell you."

"What," I say unenthusiastically.

He leans forward secretively, "I'm a magician."

"Dude, So am I," Says Kaji.

"Why are you telling me this?" I ask Syaoran.

"Because," he says, "Your more insane than I am."

"I wouldn't bet the ranch on that."

"Shhh." He says, putting a finger to his lips, "Don't tell anybody."

"Yea ok."

He looks around the room in a daze, "There was something else I wanted to tell you.... I don't need a ride home."

"Why not?"

He smiles, "I'm going with Kaho."

.....

"Sakura?"

.....

"Sakuraaa?"

"Huh?"

"Don't tell Touya ok?"

"What?"

"Ok, I'll see you later."

He leaves. And for possibly the first time in my life, I am left without a witty comment to end the night

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You could say I'm having a bad day.

The question of the day is: What is wrong with me?

Consider last night. Kaho came home at 5 in the morning and I pretended to be asleep. Guess I need to tune up my acting skills cause she knew. I didn't care, I pretended anyway. She kneeled by my bed the way that kids lean against their beds when they pray. She was crying when she said "I know your mad, Touya just can't help me." And through the slits of my eyes I could see the remains of that little bruise on her cheek.

And I wished I was the one that put it there.

With her kneeling there like that, I could have socked her a good one. I could have screamed at her. Her boyfriend is the son of a good friend of the Head of the Police Force for gods sake. All it would take is a few words out of that pretty little mouth of hers and this would be over. They would have her out of that house in no time, her dad or whoever would be thrown in jail.

Nobody hurts the princess.

Not in this town.

A lot of people could tell the police though. Me, Touya, Probably Syaoran knows now. I don't know their reasons for not telling but I sure as hell know mine.

This isn't about me. I'm in the background, observing. I want to see what happens. I want to see if she asks. I want to see if Syaoran gets the girl. I want to see them running from the law with nothing but they very own true love intact.

I want to see Tomoeda have a wake up call.

As long as it's not about the god damn magicians.

Consider my conversation with Tomoyo early this morning. She called me and wanted to know if I had fun at the party. I said, "No, I had a horrible time, but then again you wouldn't have noticed that 'cause you were too busy holding Meiling's hand all night."

And she was quiet, and she wanted to know what the hell is wrong with me, and she wanted to know what's going on and who I am and what happened that made me so bitter.

And I was too ornery to tell her how sorry I was.

And I was. Sorry, that is. Very much so.

But the question still remains, what the hell is wrong with me.

Consider the morning I spent with Touya trying to convince him that nothing was fundamentally wrong with him. I went over to his house because, believe it or not, I am capable of empathy. If anyone is innocent in this fucked up little world we've made ourselves then it's him. Plus I know that the verbal caravan containing the details about last night had probably reached him. And he cried. And what did he do wrong? He wondered. And what could he have done differently? When his dad asked were Barney was I thought he was talking about a dog.

He wasn't.

"You know I don't touch your guns, Dad." Touya said.

Me and Touya are friends now. You make friends quickly in situations like this. I tried to cheer him up with thoughts of bitter revenge. When Syaoran and Kaho finally settle down together we can burn their perfect little house down, I told him. We played violent video games together and talked about how we would move to Alaska and pretend to be brother and sister. I told him he should go with me and Tomoyo and Yukito when we leave. That is, if Tomoyo and Yukito still wanna go with me.

I told Touya that I used to call him Johnny Soccer Hero. Touya told me that he always used to wonder what the hell was wrong with me.

At this point, I can't be surprised.

Consider my drive to Syaoran's house to work on our project.

The reason I never tell you what Tomoeda looks like is you already know. Meet suburbia. Suburban Utopia. Middle class paradise. In Syaoran's neighborhood, all the houses look the same. For a little variety, the construction company added a quirk to each house so that people wouldn't notice that all the houses happen to be exactly the same. One has a porch, one has shudders, one is painted blue, one is painted red, Syaoran's has a second story.

It didn't work. They still all look the same.

The streets have names like "Lightening Sword" and "Fiery Element" The city planners, it seems, are not without a sense of twisted irony. This place, it's just perfect for raising a little nuclear family like Syaoran's.

The teenagers sit on the lawn or wash their cars, a vacant look in their eye that reeks of self-absorption.

So here I am, sitting next to the most self-absorbed one of all, Syaoran Li.

So, yea. I'm having a bad day, you could say.

His layers were all the way around him again when he invited me in. Not a damn word about last night. He did look tired.

So I wondered what he was doing all night.

And as we sat on his bed and I proceeded to work on the project, he proceeded to fall asleep.

And my anger is growing faster than gossip travels through Tomoeda on a Sunday night.

I bet they had sex on this bed. Syaoran in all his masculine glory and Kaho with her ruby red lips and snow white skin. I bet all his fucking dreams came true.

And now, with him sleeping so peacefully, I want to scream. I want to hurt him. I want to jump on top of him and pound on his chest and scream in his ear.

I want to scare the crap out of him.

I want to tell him that I hope he's happy. I hope he knows he wouldn't be here if it wasn't for me. Perhaps a little gratitude is in order if he still remembers my name.

I want to tell him that I never wanted to know all his secrets. I never asked for this. I want to tell him that now I do know all his secrets he's all I think about. That I can't get him out of my head and he makes it spin and spin and spin and hurt like there's no tomorrow. I want to tell him how much time I've wasted on him, wondering how to save him from Tomoeda.

And I want to tell him to open his eyes and take a good look around because Kaho is a nutcase and she's never gonna love him. That eventually she'll get so unhappy without Touya that he'll regret ever laying a finger on her. How happy will he be with his little wife on suicide watch wishing she just would've told the guy she really loved what was going on.

And I would. I would jump on top of him and scream in his ear. And now that I know your secrets, Syaoran Li. I want to peel away every layer and see what you have swimming around in that perfect little head of yours. I want to see it all, I need to see it all. And I want to hurt you and scare you into telling me. And I want to violate your every fantasy and show you what the real world looks like. And I want you to tell me why you make me sick, and why I care so much, and why I want to be Kaho so that I could know what your arms feel like.

And why I want to know what your skin tastes like.

So you tell me what my problem is, Syaoran Li.

What is it about you that makes me so easy to forget, you're the expert on that.

What, exactly, is wrong with me.

So me, being the action-girl that I am, I sit here next to him on his bed, seething with anger, doing absolutely nothing while he sleeps like a goddamn baby.

I'm such a wuss. My plans become more and more passive by the minute. First it's screaming in his ear, then it's throwing something at him and pretending it was an accident, then it's shifting on the bed enough to wake him up from his peaceful slumber. So this is what I do:

I poke him.

On the arm.

He doesn't move.

He's a deep sleeper.

So I lean over. I lean over so that my nose is hovering millimeters away from his arm. And I breath.

He smells like his jacket, but better, he smells good. I smile because I know that if he was awake he would now how much I was violating him. He would be scared. Then the screaming would begin.

"What are you doing?"

umm....

Since I'm pretty much frozen in fear I keep still. My eyes can still move. I look up at him to see him looking down at me. That's a good question Syaoran Li.

I'm violating you, that's what I'm doing.

He doesn't look scared, he doesn't look mad.

I can do this. I practically lie for a living so I can do this now.

"Something smelled weird," I say.

He smiles a little, "Is it me."

"Yes." I say, forcing my body to an upright position.

He rubs some sleep from his eye, "Well what do I smell like?"

"A boy."

"What does a boy smell like?"

And I say, "Bad."

He tilts his head to the side, his hair brushes against his forehead, "I just took a shower."

"Well maybe you should switch soap."

And that's when it hits me: I have accomplished absolutely nothing. I still don't know what's wrong with me. I still don't know what's wrong with him. And I am still so incredibly mad. I want to destroy something, to break something. I want to cause trouble.

He picks up one of the papers I was working on, "This is so boring."

Yes it is, Syaoran Li. Lets see what you've got. I look him straight in the eye even though it's a given that he doesn't look at me back, "Let's go break into Dr. Reed's office."

It's perfect. It's killing two birds with one stone. I get to cause trouble while simultaneously finding out exactly what the expert says is wrong with me, wrong with Syaoran.

I wonder if he has the guts.

I know he's thinking about it, after a minute he unfurrows his brow and smiles conspiratorially and says, "Ok."

This, my friends, should be a lot of fun.

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Ok fourth chapter tomorrow ok??? Thanx for stopping bye