Ok i'm a day late, sorry, but here it is! Ok thanx to Apelles, Ebil Combustible Explosives and watercircle, I'm glad I made you laugh and thanx for all the comments so I hope you like this chapter

Spin

Summary: ExtremelyAU Something happened in Tomoeda a long time ago and now it's all screwy and everyone's in a bad mood. Eventually SS

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I am plastered to a brick wall, in a shadow.

And I swear to god I hear the theme song of Mission Impossible playing.

'Cause we weren't expecting a security guard.

I'm wearing one of Syaoran's black beanies. I figured that if I was going to get all spyish on Dr. Reed's ass then I would go all the way, black beanie and all.

Syaoran keeps laughing at me because it's way too big and is constantly falling over my eyes.

I feel like I should be carrying a gun against my face and wearing black leather pants, barking out orders as to how we are going to proceed.

I like this. This feels good. I should break the law more often. It's like lying, but on a grander scale.

"SHHHHH." I tell Syaoran as the side of the cap slips over my left eye.

He stifles his laughter, "Yes cap'n. You act like you've done this before."

Syaoran is so ruining my spy mood.

"Shut up, I think he's coming."

'He' happens to be the security guard that is walking around the building with a flashlight. We made it around to the back, and if he comes back here, we're screwed.

We make ourselves as flat as we can against the wall.

"You have done this before, haven't you."

Syaoran is really getting a kick out of this.

"No, but I've thought about it a lot, keep moving."

We slide along the wall towards the window.

"It's that one," I say.

"You sure?"

"Positive."

I basically have the blueprints for this place memorized. Thank god Dr. Reed is on the first floor. The Sunny Glen Center for Mental Health has three floors. The first floor is dedicated to your average, everyday whako. People like me and Syaoran. The second floor is for the people on meds that have to stay a little longer. There is a pharmacy on the second floor, probably a couple white padded rooms. If Kaho were to go to Sunny Glen, she would probably head straight for the second floor.

Just kidding, I love Kaho. No, really.

The third floor is administration. You only go to the third floor to see the head honcho before treatment begins, to discuss your goals and payment.

The first goal they made for me was to 'establish a framework for treatment through open discourse of problems or areas of concern.' (Huh?)

Their second goal? Lets just get that damn girl to stop lying.

Not likely, oh great ones.

While I have been lost in the inner workings of Sunny Glen, Syaoran has taken it upon himself to open the window with his magician powers.

He thinks that I don't know this.

He doesn't know I have the uncanny ability to think and observe from the corner of my eye at the same time.

"That was easy," I say.

"It was unlocked."

ha ha ha.

Who's the liar now, Syaoran?

He uses his big, manly arms to push me through the window, then himself.

Oh yes, we are so sneaky.

We are in.

When Syaoran closes the window, it makes a really loud slamming noise.

"Shit." He says.

A beam of light drifts across the window.

"Hide." He says.

I push Dr. Reed's chair out of the way and scramble under the desk, Syaoran follows. It's too crowded so were both rolled into balls, clutching our knees against our chests.

Syaoran's shoe is touching mine.

"Is he coming?" I ask.

"I think so."

We hold our breaths as we see the beam of light shooting through the window to the office wall, around the overstuffed maroon chairs, to the desk.

I think Dr. Reed should invest in some mini blinds.

Syaoran shoulder is still hanging in view and he crams himself under the desk as much as he can.

"This is insane." He whispers.

"No," I say, " We're insane."

When the light disappears, I peek my head out from under the desk, "I think he's gone."

"We need to be careful." Syaoran says this to me like I don't know it.

I twist my upper body and reach around to open the drawer.

I know which drawer my file is in because I'm always watching when Dr. Reed puts it away.

Kinomoto, Sakura Sonomi.

That would be me.

Li, Xiao Lang.

Ha, it says Xiao Lang, that's funny.

"Here you go, Xiao Lang" I say as I hand him his file.

He glances at my file and smiles, "Thank you very much, Sakura Sonomi"

I swear, when I get a little older, I'm changing my name to Sakura, officially.

Well, lets see what Dr. Reed thinks my problem is.

We quiet down as we begin to sift through our files.

Instead of Sakura, it says "patient". Instead of Kaho, it says "K."

When it talks about magicians, it says "magicians." But when it talks about 'the' magician (guess who), it says "M."

Psychologists take fucked up notes like this just in case a couple of nut job teenagers decide to break into their offices on a Sunday night to read each other's files.

'Confidentiality,' Dr. Reed says, 'is of the utmost importance.'

Most of my file is really boring. He goes into the possible implications of my lies. It's mostly wrong. I try to find the more interesting parts.

"Denial" this, blah blah blah. "Repression" that, blah blah.

Come on Dr. Reed, give me something I can work with.

"Repression of romantic feelings towards M."

Huh?

What the hell is this?

I read a little further down, "Patient expressed extreme hate towards M. in today's session. Yet the discourse lately has been about nothing but M. I sense that patient may be harboring extreme and conflicting romantic feelings towards M. Patient identifies M. with magicians, which may mean that patient senses and identifies with the possible feelings of isolation that she perceives in M."

Umm...

"Patient may be in denial of feelings of jealousy towards K., who apparently is the object of M's affection. Patient talks about K. in unfavorable light and lessens the significance of K's problems."

That's bullshit, I do not.

This is all stupid and boring and wrong.

Syaoran groans down at his file, "How's yours?" he asks.

"Pretty uninsightful, Yours?"

"Same."

I want to read his file. I want to read his file badly. I need to read his file. I sift through mine once more, I really don't think that he would draw much from it if he read it, it's too cryptic. Except for the last page, where Dr. Reed describes the events of the car accident. That would totally give me away.

I have to read his file though.

"Maybe we should trade," Syaoran says.

I nod and hand him my file, "Just don't read the last page."

"Why not?"

"Just don't, ok?"

He nods as I grab for his file, "Wait a second," he says, pulling his file away, "I'm not sure about this."

"Come on."

"Umm... there's a lot about...."

"About Kaho?" His eyes widen to saucers, "Yea, no shit, sherlock, it's no big secret."

He frowns nervously, "It isn't?"

"Where's Kaho," I say, "This is Kaho's section, you're not Kaho, is any of this ringing a bell, Syaoran?"

And then he says, and this is classic: "Oh."

Yea, OH is right, Xiao Lang Li.

He reluctantly gives me his file.

Syaoran's file is full of interesting information.

It reads like the DSMV-IV so let me translate for you:

Syaoran has an unhealthy preoccupation with Kaho. Like we didn't know this.

I wonder why Syaoran has just an 'unhealthy preoccupation' and I have 'repressed romantic feelings' if anything, it's the other way around.

Anyway, moving on...

Syaoran has a big ol' secret (mmmhmmm). This cause a flurry of bad things, isolation, remorse, low self-esteem yada yada yada. Syaoran expressed the realization that he becomes attached to and extremely desires objects that he can't have. This was a large breakthrough because Syaoran realized this on his own accord (go Syaoran). This may explain his preoccupation with Kaho (what?). Syaoran is a freaking lunatic (it doesn't really say that, I'm just screwing with ya).

This is very, very interesting, read: Syaoran wants Kaho cause he knows he can't have her. Whatever will he do now?

I turn the page.

More translation: When asked what he would do if he actually obtained object of desire, Syaoran became irritable and reported that this would never happen. If that happened, he said "Hell would freeze over." I (Dr. Reed) think that perhaps Syaoran does not want to obtain object of desire, that he places more emphasis on the fight than on the cause. Still, I do not know this for sure, perhaps time will tell. When asked if any other girls showed an interest in him, he replied "what other girls?" This leads me to believe that his unhealthy preoccupation has grown, and may be distorting his view of reality (gee, you think?)

This is good stuff, I read down a little further, passing up some stuff about family conflict.

Syaoran reports, at this point, that his greatest fear would be telling his secret to Kaho. We still have not made any leeway into what this secret may be. I assume that it is large. So large that it causes feelings of self-hatred that may cause Syaoran to desire impossible things, things that he may never have because he does not feel worthy enough to have them. This desire may be a form of self-punishment. I propose that this secret may be some sort of crime that he has committed (wrong), or it may possibly arise from events beyond his control (bingo).

Wow, Syaoran is crazier than I thought. He's nuttier than a bag of... well... nuts.

"Jesus Sakura, your crazier than I thought."

hehe, "For example?"

"For example," he raises his eyebrows, "You told Dr. Reed that your parents are Russian spies, and that you have six toes?"

I smirk, "That one's true."

He smirks back, "I'd like to see that."

"Maybe later. And what about you?" I continue, "I'm not the one with the green obsession"

"It's a good color" he says, returning his eyes to my file.

Read away, Syaoran Li, your not going to find any of me in there. I wonder why he's so interested in the first place.

"You talk a lot about magicians," he says nervously.

"Yea I do," I say, "They used their magic on me, you know."

"Right." he says. I think he's getting used to my random lies. He swallows, "It says you know who the magicians are."

"Everyone has their suspicions."

"And who does everyone suspect?"

"You."

Oh beautiful satisfaction. If you could just see the look on his face. "Don't worry," I say as I lean forward secretively, "I know who the magician's really are."

And he is so completely confused. "Who."

"Me."

"Is that so?"

"That's so."

As he shifts uncomfortably, any inkling of a bad mood that I have flies out the window. "I really wish you wouldn't say anything though, it's really hard, being this way, hiding from everything, wishing for things I don't need."

"Is it," he whispers.

I am really getting to him. Peeling back layers and layers in a matter of seconds.

"Yea, maybe you can relate," I say, "I don't really think it matters who the magicians are anyway."

Am I trying to comfort him now? Why am I trying to comfort him?

"Why not."

"Huh?"

"Why don't you think it matters."

"Oh... because... I'm just as normal as you, your just as normal as me." I say, without knowing why.

His eyes dance back to my file, in what seems like a hurried attempt to change the subject and pretend he doesn't care. He smiles, "Repressed romantic feelings?"

"Don't go there." I say.

"Jealousy?.... of Kaho?"

"No."

"Sakura, do you like Touya?"

"NO, God no."

"MmmmHmmm," he says.

Then he smirks, and I would like to smack that smirk right off his face. "You'd like that, wouldn't you?"

"Huh?"

"You'd just love it if I took Touya of your hands for you, so you could have Kaho all to yourself."

His smirk disappears. "What?"

"Stop playing stupid."

"That's not what I meant by it, Sakura."

You know when your heart starts beating so fast that you can like, see the blood running through your veins.

"Well for your information, I do not have repressed romantic feelings for Touya, in fact, I just spent the entire afternoon watching his life go down the tubes cause you were off boinking his girlfriend all night."

"We didn't do anything.... we just..."

"I don't care what you did."

"Then why are you getting so mad?"

Cause I obviously care. Time to get down to the nitty gritty, I say.

"Do you really think Kaho is the kind of person you can tell all your secrets to, Syaoran?"

He's getting mad now too, "Of course not."

"Then why..."

"That's the point, Sakura. With her, I can pretend like I don't have secrets, she has secrets too, we don't have to talk about things like that."

I smile incredulously, he's completely missing the point. "Why the hell do you think she's paying so much attention to you now? Mark my words Syaoran, she's gonna start telling you her secrets and you're probably not going to like them."

This is where the denial should come in, "I don't know what your talking about," he says.

See, told you.

"I'm leaving now," he says.

"Go for it."

"Aren't you coming?"

"No."

When I get really angry, I shut down, lies come pouring forth.

"I'm sleeping here," I say, "I live here, you know."

"Sakura."

"Surprise, Dr. Reed is really my Dad, it's a small world after all."

"Sakura, come on."

"He's a magician too, you know, a magician Daddy, you know when magicians mate they bite off each others heads like praying mantis'"

He doesn't respond.

"That's why my mom's dead. Nadeshiko Kinomoto is just a figment of your imagination."

He looks down at his lap and he gets this weird look in his eyes, then he looks up at my forehead. "You saw, didn't you."

"Saw?"

"You saw what happened to Kaho, it was right in front of your house.... I should have known, you made up that story about the stock room."

"I saw nothing of the sort, Syaoran Li, now go before I blast you with my magician power."

"God, why didn't you tell anybody?"

Spin spin spinny spin spin. Get me out of here.

"I have a headache."

"Ok," he grabs my hand, "lets get out of here, ok?"

Let go of my hand.

"Ok." I say.

Everything is fuzzy now as he pushes me out the window. Everything hurts.

I keep thinking about repressed romantic feelings, about unhealthy preoccupations.

I know it's unhealthy to lie to yourself like this.

But really now, where would telling the truth get me. Nowhere I tell you. He's still got his unhealthy preoccupations. Telling the truth has never gotten me anywhere.

I can't tell the truth, not just yet.

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Syaoran, as it seems, is without words.

And his driving is shotty, if you ask me.

"Ummm..." He says.

"W-Wha... ummm." He says.

"Yes?"

"Did you... are you..." He says.

"I didn't tell anyone, I'm not going to tell anyone."

He lets out his breath, "This is so... weird."

I chew on my fingernail and stare out the window, my headache has been replaced with that sinking stomach feeling of nervousness.

"Are you ok?" He asks.

I'm confused.

I'm nervous.

"I'm fine."

"God," he says, smiling at the steering wheel, "You don't know how long I've wanted to tell somebody."

Bet you didn't want it to be me.

But maybe he did. I mean, he told me, last night. Why did he tell me?

"Why didn't you tell anybody?" He asks.

"Nobody needs to know."

Syaoran is practically jumping out of his seat. I bet he's just dying to tell me the details of his remorseful little life.

And you know what? I'm just dying to hear them.

"So." I say, "You do any tricks?"

Probably not the best thing to say, 'cause by the time we get to his house my hair is all messy because of some wind and there are flowers all around me. My house key has been turned into something sweet, I've been surrounded by some sort of shield.

And I'm Syaoran Li's new best friend.

And I almost forget that I'm supposed to be hating him.

He locks his door and runs around his room showing me meaningless magician artifacts.

I call them meaningless because when I ask "What does this one do?" He just smiles and says "I don't know!"

He pulls a poster out of his closet and shows me a symbol with a sun and a moon on it.

He doesn't know what he's supposed to be doing, he says. He doesn't know why he has magic or if he's supposed to become stronger. He tells me that he's starting to not care.

He tells me that he just wants to be normal.

And that is definitely sympathy that I'm feeling.

"I can't believe you know," He says, "I can't believe your being so cool about this."

That's me, cool as a cucumber.

"You told me last night, when you were drunk."

"Huh?"

"You told me you were a magician, when I was hanging out with Kaji, I already knew, but you told me."

He smiles, "Yea ok."

He thinks I'm lying. That's the thing about being a liar, when you tell the truth, nobody believes you. Kind of like a crying wolf. "You did, you said my head was really small and that you were a magician and that you were leaving with Kaho."

"I did?"

"Yea."

"Weird," He says, "Maybe I just thought.... that you were like... the kind of person I could tell."

"Kind of person?"

"Yea," he says, "It doesn't seem like a whole lot of things scare you."

That's me, fearless.

"Yea," I say.

"I said that your head was really small?"

"MmmmHmmmm."

He furrows his brow "Okay..."

And for the first time in about an hour, Syaoran shuts his trap.

He walks to his bookshelf, lost in thought, and skims through his books.

"Are you still mad at me," he asks, "For liking Kaho."

How off topic was that?

He pulls out a book.

"No, I just think you're gonna get hurt."

He nods, "Yea I probably am...... but I have to try, don't I?"

"Guess so," I say.

What a load of crap.

"She's just got these eyes, you know?"

Yea, she does have nice eyes.

Mine couldn't get any more boring.

"Yea, they're great."

Is this what being Syaoran's friend means? Hearing him worship Kaho?

"Ever been to nowhere?" He asks.

Is this one of those cryptic questions?

I say, "Ummm."

"Nowhere, Tokyo, there's a book signing there on Tuesday, we should go."

"Why don't you ask Kaho."

"I don't wanna go with Kaho," he says, "She wouldn't like it."

And I say, "Only if you change my house key back to normal."

Somebody tell me why I keep putting myself in these positions.

Ok, yea, we all know it's obvious that I have some twisted preoccupation with him.

So maybe I.....

Maybe I......

like him.

A LITTLE.

Not like it matters anyway, with all the Kaho worshipping going on.

And you know, friends, isn't that bad, I guess.

You know what? Friends is fine. Friends is perfect.

Oh god, I need therapy.

There is no way I can wait until Tuesday.

As soon as I get home I run to the phone. Dr. Reed has an emergency home phone number.

"Hello?"

"Dr. Reed this is me Sakura I need to change my appointment to Monday I can't wait until Tuesday please please please say you have an opening this is an emergency pleeeaaassseeee."

"Sakura?"

"YES, Sakura."

"Tomorrow?"

"TOMORROW."

"Calm down, I can fit you in after school."

"Ohhhhh good."

"Is everything ok?"

"NO."

"Ok, we'll talk about it tomorrow ok?"

"Ok, bye."

And I can only hope that Dr. Reed can fix me before I get to Tuesday.

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Tomoyo is giving me her death glare, in her red shirt, so it must be Monday. She only wears her red shirt when she feels like killing people and she only feels like killing people on Monday. That's why she's always in a good mood on Tuesday, compared to Monday, any mood is a good mood. Color therapy, she calls it. But you knew that.

Somebody call in the National Guard, the sacred social networking system of Tomoeda High has just been blown to smithereens.

And aside from Yukito and Tomoyo, I've got so many new best friends that I could bottle my popularity and sell it on a street corner.

Of course, none of them are friends with me because of my charming personality, it's because they want information about other people:

Touya, in a sorry attempt to make his life even worse, wants to know the details of Syaoran and Kaho's little suoree. Details that I don't know. In Syaoran's words "They didn't do anything" which, by definition, is just bullshit since anything includes everything, like sitting around, driving, picking your nose, staring at the wall, boinking, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera. So unless they dropped from existence that night I doubt that they "didn't do anything."

Kaho wants to know if Touya is "OK", to which I replied "He's just fine and dandy." I made the sarcasm in my voice apparent enough to send her crying off to the bathroom. And yes, of course I felt bad, but as has been illustrated more than a zillion times, this isn't about me.

Rei Ayanami wants to know if she can touch my arm 'cause Kaho has been sleeping at my house. She wants to know her work schedule, the color of her pajamas, her brand of toothpaste. Unhealthy preoccupation much, Rei Ayanami?

In fact, the only people that have addressed me personally are Syaoran Li and Kaji Ryuji.

Kaji Ryuji wants me to be his new drug queen. Apparently, he likes girls that screw with his head. So when he recovered the memories about the night of the party he went around school asking everyone if they knew the girl with the Converse All Stars. It was pretty easy for everyone to figure out it was me because I was the only girl not playing spin the bottle.

So Kaji, he comes up to me and says, "You're the girl from the party?"

And I go, "Huh?"

And he goes, "Let's go to the movies tonight."

And I go, "Let's not."

And he smiles and says, "You're perfect"

Apparently he likes girls that screw with his head and turn him down a lot. Apparently he's a glutton for self-punishment like another who will remain nameless. Apparently the drugs have done a number on his brain.

Speaking of the nameless, lets talk about Syaoran Li.

Syaoran gained a few best buddy points today, he knows that I'm ready to kick my lying up a notch.

"Did I mention It's a three hour drive to Nowhere," He said.

"Nope."

"Did I mention we're not going to school tomorrow," He said. He had his conspiratory-evil grin on.

Apparently, I'm not just his new best friend, I'm his new partner in crime.

I can't help but get the feeling that if anyone else knew his secret, I wouldn't be getting so much attention.

So the end of the school day is finally here. And as I walk quickly down the hall to avoid Tomoyo's death glare and Yukito's disappointed glances and Syaoran's evil grins, I hear Kaji Ryuji say, "You sure you don't want to go to the movies tonight?"

"Yes," I say.

And Kaji smiles.

I'm digging myself into a hole as we speak.

Bring on the therapy.

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Dr. Reed has a bunch of cool little knick knacks all over his office, for you to play with while he rips open your mind.

My favorite is this little plastic skeleton on a neon green podium. The skeleton is held up by a bunch of tightly pulled strings. You push a button at the bottom of the podium and the skeleton collapses into a pile of bones. You release the button and the strings tighten again, the skeleton is good as new.

There's a little black smiley face painted on the skull.

Push the button: bye bye smiley face.

"Fix me," I say to Dr. Reed, "I'm ready to be fixed."

Release the button: hello again, happy little skeleton.

"You want to stop lying?" Asks Dr. Reed.

"That's not what I meant."

"What do you mean?"

"I need to stop liking somebody."

Push the button: Hello you sad little pile of bones.

"The magician?" He asks.

"Maybe."

"You want to stop liking him?"

"Yea... isn't there some sort of behavioral conditioning or something?"

"Behavioral conditioning." He says.

Right about now, Dr. Reed is probably wishing he never lent me his clinical psychologist's field guide. He lent it to me thinking it's best for patients to be 'in the know'. Plus, he knew I could just go out and buy one of my own. But I think he's a little annoyed now that I've memorized every sort of treatment that exists.

Release the button: I keep dismembering you yet you stay so happy. If I were you, I wouldn't be smiling.

"Behavioral conditioning," says Dr. Reed, "Works best with phobias."

"It works with sex offenders." I say.

"Your not a sex offender." He says.

Yea, I know that doctor.

"It works with fetishes." I say.

"You don't have a fetish," he says, "You like a boy."

And I'm thinking: he's not a boy, he's a magician.

Maybe I have a magician fetish.

Nah.

"They did this study," I say, "Where a bunch of people had a shoe fetish. They put them in this room where there was this movie playing. And it would flash between pictures of shoes and pictures of corpses and blood and guts. After a while the people started to associate shoes with death. And Wa-la, no more shoe fetish."

"Or maybe," says Dr. Reed, "You could just ask him out."

"It's not like that, I'm his best buddy now, I get to hear about how much he likes Kaho. I need to stop liking him by tomorrow. Maybe if I thought about something really bad every time I looked at him, maybe I could condition myself."

Do I sound too desperate?

"I don't think that would work." Says Dr. Reed.

"What would work?"

"There is nothing wrong with liking someone, Sakura."

"There is if it's unhealthy."

"I don't think you liking someone is unhealthy."

This is where I want to tell Dr. Reed everything that I read in Syaoran's file, get myself in huge trouble.

I could go about this in a roundabout way.

"So where is the point when it becomes unhealthy?"

"It's unhealthy," he says, "When you want someone so bad that you don't even care who it is, when you use it to punish yourself."

Release the button: Hello happy little guy. Hello completion. Hello togetherness. Hello unity.

"Why is it," I ask, "That the one you want is never the one that wants you back."

Push the button: Hello pile of bones. Hello destruction. Hello incongruency. Hello disillusionment.

"I don't know." He says.

"I'm going on a three hour drive to nowhere." I say.

"Why three hours?" He asks, thinking I'm speaking in metaphors.

Who am I to prove him wrong?

"Didn't you know.." I say, "That everything happens in threes? I've got six toes on my left foot and three on my right. I was born on March 3rd, 1933. And, oh yea, I'm a triplet."

--:--:--:--:--:--:--:--:--:--:--

Syaoran picks me up early in the morning, about the time we should be heading for school, and not two seconds into the drive does he start to blab.

And after about fifteen minutes, he wants to know, "So what about you?"

"What about me?"

"You know all my deepest darkest secrets," he says, "So what are yours?"

Good question, Syaoran.

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So I everything goes well, the new chapter should be out tomorrow, ok?? Thanx for reading