Chapter 17 – Malfoy Meets Dudley
The halls of Hogwarts were thrown into utter chaos. Death Eaters and Order members clashed in the corridors, the air crackling with energy as spells were exchanged. Blaster fire joined the zing and sizzle of magic as stormtroopers and Rebel commandos fired upon each other. Paintings were knocked, screaming, to the floor, and suits of armor jumped from their pedestals and joined eagerly in the fray.
Four students slipped out of the dungeons, largely unnoticed in the general hubbub, and drew their wands.
"Maybe we should split up," Ron suggested.
"Good idea," Hermione replied. "We can go in pairs. If one pair finds him, send a Tracer Spell – red if he's injured and green if he's okay."
"Capital idea, Hermione," Fred agreed.
"We'll go left, you two go right," George added, and he and his twin hurried down the corridor.
"I wonder what they've got up their sleeves," wondered Hermione.
"Wish I could see," Ron complained.
"Freeze!"
Two men stepped out of a side corridor, one brandishing his wand, the other wielding a lightsaber. Sirius Black and Luke Skywalker lowered their weapons upon seeing who the intruders were.
"We told you to stay…" began Sirius.
"Where's Harry?" demanded Ron.
"He's fine," Luke replied. "We'll escort you back to the dungeons…"
Hermione folded her arms and gave the Jedi Knight a defiant look. "We're not moving until you tell us where Harry is."
Sirius smirked. "Better answer her question, Luke. She's serious."
Luke sighed. "Harry didn't want anyone to know…"
"We're his friends!" Ron protested. "Why would he hide anything from us?"
"Because it concerns prophecies," Luke replied. "The prophecy you three stole from the Ministry of Magic back at Christmastime, the prophecy of the Chosen One, and a prophecy that Professor Trelawney gave while doing a palm reading on Professor Vader."
"Oh," Ron replied weakly.
"What's that supposed to mean?" asked Hermione, frowning.
"It means that according to the prophecy you kept out of the Emperor's paws, Harry is the only one that can destroy You-Know-Who," Sirius replied.
"And according to the Chosen One Prophecy, only Vader can defeat Emperor Palpatine," Luke added. "But now that they've joined forces…"
"…the third prophecy states that in order to defeat the Dark Lords, Harry and Vader have to fight side by side," Sirius finished.
Ron and Hermione gaped at the two men.
"I know, I don't like it either," Sirius muttered, looking away. "I don't want any harm coming to Harry any more than you do. But we have no choice."
"Wrong," Hermione insisted. "We do have a choice. And I choose to go help him."
"Hermione…" began Ron, but she was already marching away.
"Well?" she demanded. "Is anyone else coming?"
"I'm in," Sirius declared.
"Count me in, too," Luke added.
Ron reluctantly followed the others. "Just how are we expecting to 'help' them fight two howling-mad dark wizards or Sith or whatnot?"
"We'll figure that out when we get there," Luke assured him.
"They were assigned to Gryffindor Tower…" began Sirius.
A cluster of stormtroopers rounded the corner, opening fire.
"Protego!" Hermione shouted.
The Shield Charm snapped into effect, and the blaster fire ricocheted every which way.
"Stupefy!" Ron, Sirius, and Hermione shouted at once.
Three troopers went down. The rest backed away warily.
"What's the matter?" sneered a hooded woman who stepped to the front of the stormtroopers with an imperious air. "Afraid of a few little children?" She eyed Sirius coolly. "Well, well, well. Look at what Dumbledore drug in – a stray dog."
"Bellatrix," snarled Sirius.
Luke gave Ron and Hermione a questioning look. They shrugged in reply.
"You take care of the others," she ordered her men. "I'll handle my dear cousin."
The stormtroopers charged, splitting into two columns to bypass the family face-off.
"On three," Luke ordered Ron and Hermione. "One… two… three!"
"Petrificus Totalus!" shouted Hermione.
"Eat slugs!" Ron cried.
The leading troopers on Hermione's side went completely rigid, toppling over like dominoes and tripping up their comrades. Those at the head of the charge on Ron's side doubled over and began retching uncontrollably, ripping off their helmets and spewing slugs onto the ground. Luke, meanwhile, parried volley after volley of blaster fire, keeping the students protected as they launched hexes and curses at the rest of the troopers.
Meanwhile, far more deadly curses crisped the air as Sirius Black and Bellatrix LeStrange battled, he with a look of cold determination, she with a maniacal gleam in her eyes.
"Crucio!" she bellowed.
"Protego!" Sirius retorted, and the spell narrowly missed Bellatrix and blasted a crater in the wall.
"Avis!" he shouted.
She deftly dodged the spell, which struck a stormtrooper in the backside. Before he could even yelp in pain, he sprouted feathers and a beak, turning into a sparrow right before his comrades' eyes. Momentarily distracted by his sudden transformation, the troopers were now easy prey for Ron and Hermione, who took great relish in inflicting jinxes on them.
"Oh, too good to play rough, dogface?" cackled Bellatrix.
"Who's more the dog, Bella, me or you?" Sirius retorted, smiling a little.
She snarled at the implied insult. "Oh, heads are going to roll. Avada Kedavra!"
Sirius dropped and rolled, just barely avoiding the curse. Before he could rise again, however, a second spell hit him in the stomach, and his legs refused to cooperate as he struggled to stand.
"Felled by a childish Jelly Legs Curse," she said mockingly, clicking her tongue and shaking her head. "Oh, dear cousin, however did the noble Black family line get saddled with such a throwback?" She aimed her wand at his heart. "Avada…"
Luke thrust his hand at her, palm out. With a cry she tumbled backward, landing on her back.
"Stupefy!" shouted Hermione.
Red light enveloped the Death Eater, and she went limp. Luke bent down to help Sirius to his feet, but his legs sagged beneath him, still afflicted by the curse.
"Hold still," Luke advised. "Let me see if I can't use the Force to lift it."
"What do we do with her?" asked Ron, pointing at Bellatrix.
"I'll handle it," Hermione replied, stepping over a moaning stormtrooper whose face was covered with great flapping growths, a nasty side effect of the Bat-Bogey Curse. "Incarcerio," she stated, and thick black bands shot out of her wand and bound Bellatrix LeStrange from head to foot. "That should hold her."
"She's your cousin?" asked Ron.
"Look, I'm not proud of having a Death Eater for a relative," snapped Sirius, rubbing his legs to restore circulation once Luke was finished lifting the curse. "She's blood, but she's not family. As far as I'm concerned, Harry and his family were my family."
"All the more reason to make sure he and my father win this fight," Luke replied.
The four of them continued down the corridor, leaving an unconscious, tightly bound Death Eater and a mass of groaning, incapacitated stormtroopers in their wake.
Break…
"Here comes a Death Eater," Fred said with a grin.
"Should we attack?" asked George. "Or see if he falls for the trap first?"
"Eh, let's hold off. No jumping the gun, brother."
"Dunno, cursing him could be a load of fun…"
"Just as I thought," snarled the Death Eater in a rather familiar voice. "Weasleys. If you're the best Dumbledore has to set against us, then he's in rather dire straits, isn't he?"
"C'mon, Mr. Malfoy, curse us please!" pleaded Fred.
"Yeah, we don't mind in the least!" George added.
Lucius Malfoy eyed them suspiciously. "You expect me to fall for that?" He drew, not a wand, but a blaster from his robes and stalked forward.
"Three… two… one," the twins counted together.
Lucius' foot landed on a flagstone that was indiscernible from the others – except that it was charmed. Instantly the floor beneath him turned to foul-smelling mush, and he screamed and dropped his weapon as he promptly sank chest-deep in the mire.
"Weasley's Wizard Wheezes Portable Swamp!" cheered Fred. "Only the latest in our long line of joke items and defense mechanisms!"
"And as a special bonus, you get a free bottle of Weasley's Wizard Wheezes Tickle Tonic with every swamp you order!" George added, producing a jug. "A limited time offer."
"You wouldn't dare," hissed Lucius.
"Dare us," Fred challenged.
"I think he already did," George countered, and he bent over and cheerily dumped the entire gallon of Tickle Tonic into the slimy waters.
"Don't you – ha ha – dare – hee ha ha ha ha! – Weasleys, I'll get you for this – ho ho ha ha – stop, stop, please!"
Fred and George exchanged pleasant grins, then turned their backs on the screaming, laughing Lucius and strolled away.
"Think that was a little harsh, bro?"
"Nah, we could've done a lot worse."
"Suppose we'd better go find Harry now."
"Yeah, no more playing around…"
A net of fine mesh fell around them, weighted at the edges to prevent their escape. A familiar, menacing figure stepped out of a vacant classroom to regard his catch. Both boys gaped.
"Well now," he rasped harshly, stroking his weapon. "I set a trap to snare a krayt dragon, and instead I get a couple of womp rats."
"Cheerio, Mr. Fett," Fred greeted.
"We love your outfit," George put in.
Fett lifted the edge of the net to let the twins escape. "I was hoping for a Death Eater."
"There's one laughing his head off in a bog just down the corridor," Fred offered.
"Want us to get him for you?" George asked.
The hunter shook his head. "There'll be plenty more to fight, boys."
As if on cue two hulking Death Eaters – gargantuan versions of Crabbe and Goyle – rounded the bend and aimed their wands.
"Got a plan, Fett?" asked Fred.
"If not, we can always launch a few Dungbombs," suggested George.
"I have a better idea," Fett replied. He drew a metallic sphere from his pocket, pressed the trigger, and hurled it forward. Crabbe and Goyle stared dully at the object as it clanged to rest at their feet.
"What's that?" asked Fred.
"We'll find out, brother," George replied.
The sphere beeped rapidly, then exuded a fine toffee-colored mist. Crabbe and Goyle leaned forward and sniffed experimentally – obviously the younger Crabbe and Goyle did not inherit their intellects from their mothers. Almost instantly the Death Eaters had vanished… to be replaced by two bleating, confused-looking angora rams.
"Nice," Fred said with a grin.
"Didn't we invent something like that?" George inquired, cocking an eyebrow at his brother.
"When I discovered the magical properties of that toffee you two so graciously gave me," Fett explained, "I took it upon myself to do something useful with it. So I liquefied it and stored it in several aerosol sprayers like that one."
"A blend of Muggle mechanics and wizard magic," Fred noted.
"I like that," George replied.
"Got any more of those Sheep Bombs?" asked Fred.
"Dozens." Fett tossed one to each of them.
"Wicked!" George pocketed his. "Let's go stir up some merry mayhem."
Break…
Upon hearing Dumbledore's order to fight off the enemy within the castle, Harry and Vader left their post at the window and turned to the portal – only to find someone already there.
"Long time no see, Potter," the intruder sneered, leaning nonchalantly against the wall, arms folded, a slimy smile on his face.
"What are you doing here, Malfoy?" demanded Harry.
"Me? The prize student of Emperor Palpatine and the Dark Lord? What do you think I'm doing here?" He unfolded his arms and stepped forward, and now Harry could see the insignia on the breast of his robes – an Imperial crest with a serpent twined through it. And his face… something was wrong with his face. His normally pale gray eyes had a strange orange glow, and overall there was a hardness, an almost feral look to his features that chilled Harry.
"So the Emperor has taken on a new apprentice," Vader noted. "I must say he chose poorly."
"Watch it, Vader," Malfoy said scathingly. "You have no more power over me. If anything, you should be bowing to me – Darth Malfoy, Sith Apprentice and Head Boy of the Imperial School of Dark Arts."
Vader snorted.
Malfoy's eyes narrowed. "Are you laughing at me, Mudblood?"
"Define laughing," Vader replied.
Malfoy extended his hand, and to Harry's astonishment lightning leaped from his palm. Vader ignited his lightsaber, and the crackling blue energy arced across the length of his blade.
"If only Snape could see this," Vader said disdainfully. "His favorite student has fallen to the dark side."
"Snape? Snape's a traitor to the noble cause of the Empire. He deserves nothing short of death." The electricity flowing from Malfoy's hand increased.
Vader's weapon gave a high-pitched screech, and the blade wavered.
Harry drew his wand. "Stupefy!"
Malfoy held both hands before him, and the spell bounced off an unseen barrier. But his attack had the intended effect – the lightning vanished.
"We have a score to settle, Potter," snarled Malfoy.
Something gave an odd wail, and the three of them turned to the window.
What the heck? thought Harry, now thoroughly confused.
A thestral launched itself through the open window, two stormtroopers on its back. The beast folded its wings and stood still as the two soldiers dismounted – well, one dismounted while the other fell to the floor and just lay there.
Malfoy looked aghast. "How did… they… they just flew in… no jetpacks…"
"You weren't paying attention in Care of Magical Creatures class, were you?" asked Harry.
The fallen stormtrooper, who Harry realized was a woman, muttered in a combination of Spanish and English as the thestral leaped out the window. "Never again… that was the worst… gonna kill the gringo for suggesting this…"
"Who are you?" demanded Malfoy haughtily.
"What's it to you?" the standing trooper shot back – in a terribly familiar voice.
"Dudley?" gaped Harry. "What are you doing here?"
"Working for the Empire, stupid," Dudley retorted, drawing his blaster. "Mum and Dad moved to Corusant, and I joined the Imperial Academy. I'm a stormtrooper now."
Harry shook his head, his mind reeling. If life at Hogwarts had been convoluted before the battle, now his life was beginning to make no sense whatsoever. The boundaries between Privet Drive, Hogwarts, and the world of Star Wars were more blurred than ever. The Empire and Lord Voldemort were fighting together against the Order of the Phoenix and the Alliance, Darth Vader was fighting as a wizard at Harry's side, Draco Malfoy was a Sith Apprentice, Dudley Dursley was at Hogwarts and fighting alongside the Empire…
"So that's where your family went," Vader mused. "You were deceived by the Empire."
Dudley aimed at Vader. "Don't make me shoot you, traitor. It's Harry I'm here for."
Harry drew his wand.
"Oh no you don't, Muggle," Malfoy snapped, striding forward. "It will be MY pleasure to destroy Potter once and for all. You can take him – if you can." He pointed at Vader.
"No way!" Dudley retorted. "Getting back at my cousin's the only reason I came here! YOU fight the tin-can head!"
"Now just a minute…" Vader protested, somewhat insulted by the comment.
"Hey, amigo, we're here to fight the scarface and the cyborg, not our own men!" the other trooper shouted.
"Stay out of this, Silvia," Dudley advised. "Move, warlock-boy. I'm taking Harry."
"Stand aside, you sack of lard," countered Malfoy. "Potter's mine."
"Oh yeah?" sneered Dudley. "Well, for your information, I can pound Potter any time I want, freaky-eyes."
"What did you call me?" demanded Malfoy.
"I called you freaky-eyes, freaky-eyes," Dudley replied. "Got a problem with that, sissy wizard spawn?"
"Shut your mouth, filthy Muggle half-wit!"
"I ain't no half-wit, you big bag of garbage!"
"That does it." Malfoy raised a hand, prepared to shoot lightning. "Take back what you said, lowly stormtrooper, or I'll be forced to deliver consequences."
"You and what army, pig-face?"
Wizard and stormtrooper laid into each other, fists and blue sparks flying. Screamed insults and the thud of landing blows filled the air as the two of them warred for the right to fight Harry. Silvia stared, at once paralyzed and mute with amazement at her comrade's stupidity.
Harry shook his head. "I always wondered what would happen if those two ever met. Now I know."
Vader chuckled. "The Emperor chose both his apprentice and his new stormtroopers rather poorly, I must say." He clapped Harry's shoulder and turned to the portal. "Shall we join the others in fighting the Empire?"
"I'm ready," Harry declared.
Vader pushed the portal open.
The Emperor and Voldemort greeted them on the other side, wearing identical smiles of sheer gleeful malevolence… and each clutching a glowing red lightsaber.
