To Be A Malfoy
Disclaimer: I own Karliya Malfoy and Anastasia Lupin-Black.
Ginny-and-Draco-fan: Yeah, Draco's not all arrogant and self important in this! Yes, there is definitely no Harry, unless of course I bring in another male Potter related to James later on, one that has a son called Harry. But I have written 19 and ½ chapters to this fic so far, so that may not happen.
Sarahamanda: Glad you like it!
im no muggle: I was practically crying when I wrote the last chapter, and this one for that matter.
Cutieak88: Yes, it is Malfoy Manor, its just a little revised and under a different title.
inumoon3: Yes, making slow progress on Chapter 20.………………………………………………………………………………
READ THIS: To save me having to explain it during the chapter, Sirius is now in the midst of his trial, and because of that he is able to spend Christmas with his family. But only if he doesn't leave the house and if he does, he must have a fully qualified wizard with him, not including Remus.
WARNING: More talk of childhood abuse and Lucius will also be a little out of character this chapter, or more to the point, he'll be very nice. Perhaps a sex scene as well.………………………………………………………………………………
Chapter 7: Christmas Part 1
It had been a few months since Lucius and James had found out about Draco's rape and now it was the Christmas holidays. James and Draco had come home for them last night.
It was around 10:30am when James woke up, he wasn't usually a late sleeper but he was tired and he had been up half the night with his sick daughter. He rolled over and realised he was all alone in the big bed in a dark chilly bedroom.
He stayed lying on his back staring at the ceiling for about ten more minutes before finally getting up and finding some warm clothes to put on. He finally settled on a pair of his comfy muggle-ised pants and Lucius' Slytherin sweatshirt from School, he had a serious problem with taking his husband's clothes because he was a bit smaller than Lucius so they fit him more comfortably. He pulled on a pair of socks as well before putting his glasses on and heading downstairs for some brunch.
James followed his nose into the dining room where he could smell food, he saw Lucius sitting at the table looking unusually scruffy, his long hair loose, his feet on the table and the Daily Prophet in hand.
"Morning."
James scratched his head and sat down yawning, "Morning." He looked at the front page of the Daily Prophet and saw a picture of a house with the Dark Mark floating above it. "Oh god, who was killed?"
Lucius looked back at the front page and then back to what he was reading, "The family cat The idiots missed their targets, and Lockhart himself was nowhere to be seen." James raised an eyebrow. "They think he ran and left his wife and child to fend for themselves."
James frowned slightly, his childhood crush, Lily Evans (she had been a year ahead of him at school) had actually ended up marrying Gilderoy Lockhart. "Well, did they actually think they would get a good fight out of him?"
"Seems so."
"I could beat him to a pulp when I was a first year." Commented James as he started putting food onto his plate. Gilderoy Lockhart had been in the same year as Lucius, and by far one of the weediest students in the school.
Lucius glanced up at James and smirked, "Yes, but you always were a violent little brat."
James shrugged, "Had to protect myself from the big, bad Slytherins." He poured himself a drink. James absolutely loved their House-Elf Dobby's cooking. "Didn't work mind you."
"Sucker to my charms."
James rolled his eyes, "I didn't ask you to tutor me."
Lucius smiled a little, "Yes, but you're glad I did now right?"
"Yeah true…" James glanced at his husband for a moment before going back to his brunch. It was true, he was now so glad that it had been Lucius who had tutored him in Potions back in school. For one thing, if the tutoring hadn't happened, it probably would have taken James longer to realise he was gay, let alone in love with the blonde Slytherin.
And if none of that ever happened, then James' parents probably wouldn't have disowned him and he probably would have ended up marrying some nice, pretty girl and having lots of baby Potters like his parents had wanted.
"Daddy."
James snapped out of his thoughts and looked to the doorway and saw his daughter pouting. "Aw baby, what's the matter?" He held an arm out for Karliya.
Karliya wiped her eyes on her dressing gown sleeve and went over to James, "Still don't feel well."
James pulled her onto his lap and gave her a cuddle; "It'll pass soon."
Karliya rested her head on his shoulder and continued pouting. "I want it to pass now."
James kept on arm around Karliya and continued with eating his brunch. This girl was definitely used to getting her own way, having two parents who would give in at the first sign of tears and puppy eyes. But still, she didn't really act that spoilt, well, to James she didn't anyway her teachers at the Wizarding Primary School in Diagon Alley might think differently. But the girl was a Malfoy, so the teachers wouldn't complain to her parents if their lives depended on it because a lot of people were mortally afraid of Lucius.
Lucius folded up his paper and got up, "I'll be back soon." He kissed James on the lips and Karliya on the head before leaving the dining room.
………
James spent the rest of the morning with his daughter, and by 1pm, he thought it was about time his son got up so he went upstairs to wake the young Slytherin up. "Draco!" James knocked on the door. He heard something that sounded like cussing coming from his son's room. "Its after one. Get up!"
"Can't be bothered…" Grumbled Draco from the other side of the door.
James rolled his eyes. That's teenagers for you. "Okay, get up when you feel like it then."
"I will!"
James turned and headed back down the hallway to the stairs, as he descended the stairs Lucius came in through the front door slamming it behind him. James watched as his husband stormed off through the entrance hall to his study, he jumped when he heard another door slam.
Oh no, and he was in such a good mood this morning. Thought James as he continued down the stairs. Why do people have to piss him off when he's in such an amiable mood? Especially so close to Christmas.
Lucius was someone whose bad moods could last for days, especially when given the right incentive.
James decided to give Lucius some time to brood on his own before trying to talk to him, he could usually get his husband to open up about things, some things. But when he made the tiniest mention of Lucius' childhood or even his own, the senior Malfoy closed up like a clam.
………
It was the early evening when James finally decided to go to Lucius' study and see if his husband had cooled down a little, he quietly opened the door and peered in. He saw Lucius standing in front of the bookcase searching for something. "Luce?"
"What?"
James bit his bottom lip; Lucius still sounded very pissed off.
Lucius looked over his shoulder and saw James looking back at him almost doe eyed. He sighed, "Sorry…I just had a bad time at the Ministry earlier."
James closed the study door behind him and moved closer to Lucius, "What happened?"
Lucius turned back to the bookcase and continued his search as he spoke, "I was just reminded of something, again, that I have been trying to forget…for a long time."
James sat on the arm of the couch and studied the back of Lucius' head for a moment; "…Do you want to talk about it?"
Lucius frowned slightly as he pulled the book he had been looking for off the shelf; "No…I don't want it to get out…"
James raised his eyebrows a little; "I would never share anything that's said confidentially between us."
Lucius glanced up at James above the book and gave a small smile, "You know…I think you're probably the only person I can trust entirely, without a doubt."
James smiled, "I love you, and I want to do anything I can to help."
Lucius looked down at his book again in thought before lifting his grey eyes back to James, "You really want to know?"
James shifted onto the couch properly and crossed his legs, his curiosity was really getting to him now, "Yes, and anyway, we promised no more secrets after…that incident." The incident he was referring to was of course, when he had been hit with the Cruciatus Curse when Draco was just two years old.
Lucius nodded, "I know…" He sighed and went to sit down in an armchair in his study and put his book down. He glanced at James who was waiting almost anxiously. "Well…I was just given a reminder about my parents at the Ministry." James raised an eyebrow. "…My father molested me when I was a child and he continued…raping me until I was about eighteen…"
James watched Lucius closely; he had never seen his husband look so vulnerable before.
"He used to tell me that's how fathers were meant to love their sons…" Said Lucius staring off at a point beside James. "And I believed him…it was only when I got to Hogwarts that I realised it was wrong. Everything he had done to me was wrong… From then on I wished I didn't have to go home out of fear for what he might do to me…
"But every Christmas and every summer until my seventh year I was made to go back home." Continued Lucius quietly. "And nearly every day he would do something to me…and I just let him. I just thought it would be the only kind of love I would get off my parents, my mother never cared…" He sniffed and fiddled with a frayed bit of material on the armchair he was sitting in. "By the time I was seventeen I thought I should start fighting back…but he always overpowered me…"
It was only now that James wished he had never asked, he just wanted to go over there and cuddle his husband but he realised Lucius was now determined to finish the story he had started.
Lucius turned his sad grey eyes to James, "You know, I was going to commit suicide at the end of my seventh year…knowing I would have to go home again, and face him."
"What…"
"What made me change my mind?" Replied Lucius raising an eyebrow slightly. James nodded. "I realised that there was a stupid Gryffindor out there that needed my potions expertise, I realised that someone actually needed me around."
James bit his bottom lip as he held Lucius' eye contact. Wow…it's because of me that he's still alive…I really am glad I sucked at potions now.
"You really were a life saver." Lucius sniffed, "So many times I just wanted it to end…and for some stupid reason I thought if I became a Deatheater it would stop." James raised his eyebrows questioningly. Lucius frowned as he remembered that experience. "If you're under the age of twenty when you're initiated, Voldemort rapes you…" His voice was barely audible as he said the last few words.
Luce was…fourteen when he got initiated…oh my god… Thought James sadly, he could see those usually cold grey eyes shining with unshed tears, probably from years of locking these memories up.
Lucius ran his hands through his hair and squeezed his eyes shut before looking back to James; "Do you still want to know?" He asked wryly.
James shook his head sadly, "Luce…" He watched as Lucius stood up.
Lucius looked back at James, "Don't pity me, James, I don't need it." He headed into his secret library, which was passworded so that the children couldn't get into it and see books and objects that they shouldn't.
James sighed and watched his husband disappear into the secret room. God I wish he'd just let someone comfort him…I already know his childhood wasn't very nice but now… He needs a hug whether he wants one or not.
James got up and went over to the secret room, he looked in and saw Lucius still standing but seemingly looking at a book on the table, "Luce?"
"What?"
James heard the slight crack in Lucius' voice, knowing full well just how upset his husband really was about reliving that nightmare again. "Look, no matter how hostile you act towards me, it's not going to make me leave." Lucius turned around and scowled at James. "I'm not leaving until you get that rod out of your arse and let someone comfort you!" He saw Lucius' expression soften a bit. "Your parents may not have cared but I do… Please, just let me do something, anything. I hate seeing you and the kids upset. Please, don't shut me out…"
Lucius stared at James for a moment. For someone who's meant to be evil, why do I always give in when I see those eyes? Because you're in love with him perhaps? That's probably right. He held out an arm to James. "Maybe I can let you pity me a little."
James gave a small smile and went over to Lucius; he kissed him lightly on the lips and put his arms around his neck. He felt Lucius' arms go around his waist tightly and he rested his head against James'.
They stayed holding each other like that for a while until they heard a shout.
"Dad I'm up!"
………
Remus pulled himself out from behind Sirius when he heard a knock on their front door, he went out into the hallway and opened the door.
"I come bearing gifts."
Remus smirked, "Come in." He let James in with his bags. "And what do we owe this pleasure?"
James shrugged, "I wanted to see my friends and my goddaughter before Christmas, that and my own family's pissing me off."
"Unkie Jamie!"
"Hey little one." James scooped little Anna Lupin-Black up into his arms and gave her a hug. "How are you?"
"I'm fine." Anna grinned happily; she adored her Unkie Jamie.
James followed Remus back into the living room with Anna and found Sirius curled up on the couch under a blanket. "Hey Paddy."
Sirius smiled, he was still quite thin and he had been allowed out of Azkaban at the beginning of December, "Hey. How are you?"
James put Anna down and made himself comfortable in an armchair, "I'm good, can't say the same for the people I live with though."
Remus sat back down on the couch and Sirius put his head back on his lover's lap, "Why?"
James frowned, "Karly's sick and throwing up everywhere, you know about Draco and it'd take the rest of the night to explain what's wrong with my husband." He shrugged. "But how are you guys?"
Sirius closed his eyes and smiled, "Its been pretty tiring being out of that place and hanging with a five year old."
James smiled, "Yeah, kids can be like that." He let his gaze move down Sirius' body and then back to Remus. "I thought you were going to fatten him up?"
Remus grinned, "I'm trying to, it is starting to work."
James raised an eyebrow, "Hm, I think a good Christmas dinner ought to do it. Which is also why I'm here, do you three want to spend Christmas day at the manor with us?"
Remus glanced down at Sirius who had opened his eyes again and then he looked back at James, "Yeah sure, the whole day?"
"Course." James quirked his eyebrows, "Christmas lunch and Christmas dinner, a few snowball fights, alcohol… And together, we have three children to teach our tricks to."
Sirius smirked, "I knew there was another reason, but what would Lucius think?"
James raised his eyebrows slightly, "Believe me, he's taken a real turn, he confided something in me a couple of days ago and now he's really nice. Snape nearly had a heart attack when he saw him smile last night." James had actually become quite good friends with Severus, as had Remus but they both knew that Sirius still wasn't very fond of the Hogwarts Potions Master. But what James had deliberately forgot to say was that Severus would be at the Manor on Christmas day as well and he knew Sirius would refuse to go if he knew.
"This sounds like something we should see." Commented Remus, a glint of mischief gleaming in his golden brown eyes.
Sirius closed his eyes again and smiled and James rolled his eyes.
………
James was standing in front of the fire in the massive living room counting something on his fingers with a thoughtful look on his face. "Eight people…have we invited anyone else for Christmas day?"
"You mean have you invited anyone else?" Replied Lucius from behind his copy of the Evening Prophet.
"Well, yeah." James went and sat in his armchair because he was starting to get too hot in front of the fire. "Do you two want to invite any friends?" He asked looking to his children.
Karliya shook her head; she enjoyed just spending Christmas with her parents and her brother.
Draco frowned, "Don't like anyone enough to invite them."
James raised an eyebrow, he had a small smile on his face, "I'm sure Hermione would love to come."
Draco glared at his dad, "You said you'd stop teasing me."
James smiled, "You know me better than that Draco."
Lucius lowered his paper, an eyebrow cocked slightly, "Hermione?"
Draco shut his mouth and looked away, refusing to answer.
James laughed quietly, "Hermione Granger, a Gryffindor in his year." Draco glanced around innocently. "Still getting along fine?"
Draco huffed, "When you don't interfere."
Lucius watched in amusement as his husband and son swapped playful banter, he had always admired how James interacted with their children, as well as the students at Hogwarts. He personally, did not get along with children that well not even his own all the time. The fact of the matter being, Lucius scared children, he really did, not by be being nasty to them but because of his Dark Wizard reputation. But he did try to communicate with Draco and Karliya; he just didn't find it as easy as James made it look.
……
"I don't know what you're talking about." Replied Lucius as he continued trying to read his paper.
James rolled his eyes, the two of them were alone now that the kids had gone to bed, "I saw the way you were watching us. You know, if you lightened up a little more you could argue with them like I do and not make them cry."
Lucius lowered his paper again; "I make them cry?"
James sighed, he got up and went to sit beside Lucius on the couch, "You do have a tendency to say the wrong things at the wrong time…"
"I can't help it.' Replied Lucius looking to James. "I'm meant to be insensitive to people's needs, I'm a Malfoy."
James tilted his head to the side, "Well, the last couple of days you haven't been insensitive… You've actually been quite sweet really."
Lucius tapped James' thigh, "Dark, yes. Sweet, I am not."
James smirked, "Yeah I agree, I'm still trying to get over it." Before Lucius could say anything James kissed him on the lips. "I do find it very appealing though."
Lucius raised his eyebrows slightly, "Good…" he trailed off as he closed the gap between his and James' mouths again and forgetting all about his paper he pulled James closer to him.
To Be Continued…
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A/N: Ah yes, another chapter, was it as depressing as last chapter?
Next Chapter: A continuation of this one. Christmas Day with all the visitors, Draco, Karliya and Anna gang up on James, Remus and Sirius in a snowball and actually win. Also, Lucius and James are invited to a Ministry get together and end up having a romantic night together.
