Double Meaning

gninaeM elbuoD

(( Mondai Senshi ))

***

Oooh, writings on the wall... X3 Now this takes some poetic-ness and a lot of care. Hafta be slightly subtle with some things, and show a slow progression. Not necessarily easy, either.

Disclaimer: None of the characters in this fic belong to me, and no profit is being made in writing this story.

***

***

I have found my vessel, at last - A simple-minded boy to harvest the fruits of my labour, and dirty his hands in my good-beridden name. Posession is only too easy, though it may become more difficult when he learns of me and who I am. As of yet he knows only the lapses of his memory. Somehow, I can't help feeling only the slightest of remorse for my actions - A sliver of guilt, one could say. I wish I could have a body of my own, as not to destroy the life this boy has likely been working for, the aim of his pitiful existance. However cruel, my actions are not without reason. I cannot be stopped - I must have the pharoah's power.

Somehow I feel myself becoming sentimental. My strength is falling with every act of mercy. I cannot stop the light from growing in my heart. It latches onto the walls of my soul and stays forever, each time taking longer before it allows me the freedom of my hate-filled acts, and waits less before it springs again upon the darkness. It is trying to smother the anger, hate, and disgust. It is trying to destroy the darkness and bring light upon the shadows of my soul. My heart is no longer mine to command.

Again I pause, second-guess myself, and show mercy to those undeserving. Their life hangs within the struggle of control between the luminosity of my heart. I feel a kindness growing every time I turn my back. I hate that feeling. I despise the compassion I feel, and I wish only to be freed of this boy's clutches.

I see it now. I could have left at any time. I could be without this fickle soul of mine, without the light in my heart and soul. It is ever growing. And yet I am capable of leaving at any time. I could be gone without a second thought, and this boy free of my spell as I would be of his. And yet I hold tight to the vessel that carries my. I rest within his soul as he does within mine. The light may not be only a weakness, but at times, a strength. I do not know what to think anymore. Perhaps I am simply failing to see my own shortcomings. Perhaps this light is more blinding than it seems.

I must save this boy if ever again his life is within my hands. I cannot let him leave this world, or I, too, would suffer. I need this boy's body as I need my own soul. We have intertwined within each others' hearts and souls, grown as one, as I am sure we will stay forever. I do not believe it to be possible that this could have happened with just anybody. I feel that there may yet be a reason that I was sent to him, as I am sure that there is a reason for the fate of all of the millenium items. The pharoah, too, seems to be quite attatched to his vessel. Though I still do not see how I found my way here, I am sure that it was not a mistake.

Emotion is nothing more than weakness. Feelings are only a barrier that I cannot pass. I have tried to often to escape the true focus of my thoughts, and yet, I cannot. Though I try to ignore them pounding at the back of my head, my thoughts always return in full force within a matter of time. I have decided not to run anymore. Running is futile. I shall begin more often to write my thoughts of this boy on this wall. This is now his wall, and his alone. My thoughts and feelings shall be written upon this surface for naught but inspection. I cannot escape them. This wall shall forever remind me of this. I will not retreat. I will fight, even if it is against myself. I will not lie. I will not try to fool myself. The boy to whom I am bound has found his way into my thougts, as I am sure I have into his.

The first of the records, yet only one of several cases, where I find myself lost. I do not know where to go from here. I sit alone in the room of my soul, with nowhere to turn. I have not yet found the path I should take, and do not know why I should be in such a condition. Never before I found this boy have I felt so directionless. The spell he has upon my mind grows stronger every day. I long for days of past - Days where I hated him. I worry for my light, and take care not to smother it. I would have done anything from letting his candle stay lit in my shadows. Time changes people, I finally see that, but it does not work alone. Change cannot take place without those who wish the best for you. My light... He sees the best in me. He believes that I am not the shadows to which I have taken claim. My light cares and worries for me as I do for him. He is clueless.

***

***

So much irony. Actually, not really. I just enjoyed the use of the words "light" and "dark/shadow", as well as the words "heart" and "soul". ^^ I think it's a little deep, anyways.