Chapter Rating: PG-13

Pairings: Neji x Hina implied Shika x Temari

AN: Glossary of most japanese words at the bottom.


Itte Rashai

Hinata opened her eyes. She sat up carefully and stared at the empty space next to her. She was not used to waking up in a bed made for two. But looking besides her now, it seemed like a vast space for everything she had always dreamed about but could no longer grasp.

With war threatening to break out and the growing number of casualties, Hyuuga Hinata's dreams were now a distant memory. In her mind, she fancied that her dreams, though they were few, and simple, were beginning to lose shape. Beginning to lose substance and essence and life. Losing life they never had to begin with.

Still, they had been dreams. Hers. Hers alone. She told no one about them and therefore no one could criticize them. No one could tell her they weren't possible. That she was being stupid. That she could never change. Glancing up, she saw her reflection in the mirror. Streaks of white and black adorned her cheeks.

Hinata was married. She splashed the cold water on her face. Half of her part was done. The engagement should not have been a big surprise to her. Hyuuga Hiashi, still fighting inner demons since the death of his twin, wanted to make it up to his lost brother. He must have concluded that this was the way to do it. Make Neji head of the family. Of course, Neji did not know this. Neji knew many things. But this…this, Neji would not have understood. Because he would not have listened.

If Neji was anything, he was bitter. So Neji still thought that the only reason he was picked was because Hinata was too weak and Hanabi too stubborn and not fit for being head of anything. Of course, these reasons played some roles in the whole affair. But she knew. Her father hurt whenever he looked at Neji. So much could be seen of Hizashi in Neji's countenance.

Hiashi had taken Neji in, trained him, after his near-death experience with one of the sound four. It was through this that her father had felt that he could make things right. This was just the beginning. Hiashi had even begun training his eldest daughter. Then, through training together, and Neji training her when her father was unavailable, the friendship they once had as children blossomed again.

The engagement changed all that. Any chance of friendship between the two Hyuuga children was ripped out like a weed. It was announced at a banquet with all the important delegates of the main and branch families present. Hinata had sat flabbergasted. When had her father decided this? She sat there for a full fifteen minutes, praying that she had merely misheard her father. Five minutes more was spent trying not to cry. Another five spent trying to spot Neji through tears that she hid effectively by a bowed head and a raven curtain of hair. And yet another fifteen spent trying to figure out what Neji thought.

All in all, forty minutes wasted till she came to the final conclusion. Everyone in the room had known about it but her. Even Hanabi, more self-centered than self-conscious than most fourteen year olds were supposed to be, had been aware of the developments. Later on that night, as Hinata lay in her bed, her sister had come to her. She had asked how she had known.

"Neechan," Hanabi had said, crawling into bed with her older sister, "This house's walls are made of paper. Only those who avert their eyes and close their ears do not see and cannot hear."

Hinata had stared up at the ceiling, wide-eyed at her sister's rare placidity and moment of wisdom. It did not last and the next thing Hinata knew, Hanabi was tickling her, making her laugh until it hurt. Then together, the two girls fell asleep. Though when Hinata had woken up the next day, tears stained her cheeks from a dream about lost keys and gilded cages.

Yes. Half of her end was done. She had agreed to marry Neji. The other half…well…the other half required more than just throwing her life away for someone who could barely stand her. The other half required her heart and soul. Hyuuga Hiashi wanted grandchildren.

It almost happened last night. Hinata's eyes widened and she stared at herself in the mirror.

Last night… She had been dazed. Confused. Completely out of it. Next to him, she was a wreck. He had stood tall, proud. Proud. Proud to be with her? She doubted. But he had stood besides her nonetheless, never leaving her side. He caught her when she stumbled a few times and he refused to let her dive into the shadows.

"Hinata-sama" He had whispered to her, making sure no one heard and no one saw. "You will be head of this family soon. Keep your head high and look up to nobody. Do not show them weakness. Do not prove them right."

Then, the night passed in a blur. Her few friends were there. Shino, Kiba, Neji's teammates Lee and Tenten, Haruno Sakura…Of course, no Uzumaki Naruto. He was gone. Gone on the mission that seemed to be defining him now. The search for his Uchiha Sasuke. Somewhere along the way, Hinata had stopped liking Naruto and had begun loving him. Not in the way she had expected however. She treasured him as a friend and a precious person. That would never change now. She was glad. It would be difficult marrying someone when you loved someone else.

Having said that; almost everyone else that mattered was present that evening. Even the young Kazekage and his siblings. Although Temari would have been there anyway, thanks to Shikamaru.

Both Neji and Hinata were too young to enjoy the nine customary cups of sake. Hinata had regretted this. She needed to be drunk for what was to come. She had fled to the bedroom and had been close to dying when he'd followed her in. Yet he did nothing with her. To her. She vaguely remembered him trying to start something. At least, she thinks she remembers that he had tried…but then he did not. He had stopped and then he had left her. Hinata's heart seemed to stop and closing the tap, she wiped her hands and face and scrambled outside.

She expected him to have gone. Have left. Left the guestroom she knew he had gone to, left the house, left the compound and left Konohagakure. She expected him to have left her.

She searched the house. He was not there. Running outside, Hinata looked wildly around. There was no sign of him. Tears stung the back of her eyes and then receded. She should have known. She should have known. Her heart pounded in her ears as she sunk down into the snow.

"Hinata-sama. Ohayou gozaimasu."

"N-neji-niisan!" Hinata exclaimed, attempting to stand, but tripping on the long hem of her kimono.

Neji sighed, annoyed as he helped his wife up.

In the morning, with the snow falling lazily around them, Hinata glowed.

"O-ohayo-ou gozaimasu N-neji-nii –" Hinata stopped.

He knew she had started to make a conscious effort to drop the 'niisan' honorific. It would be strange, to call your husband your older brother. He regarded his cousin, his wife, for a few moments more. Nobody could accuse Neji of being fond of her. He was not.

Not anymore. Perhaps it was unfair of him to hate her, when she was as trapped in the web of the House Council as he. Just pawns. Both of them. But he, who had suffered all his life, Neji could not bring himself to admit that Hinata had suffered just as much. Under the scrutiny of her father, her already introverted demeanor worsened. Over the years, he had watched his cousin go farther and farther into her shell. That was all he thought she was. A shell of a person.

That is, until the Chuunin exams. She had shown great strength – not much skill – but strength that he had never known she had possessed let alone could possess. He had intended to end her. By ending her, it would mean he would be free. He would no longer be anybody's caged bird. But no.

She'd survived.

And he had hated her all the more for it – because as she lay in the hospital, struggling to hold on to life, he realized what he had done. He hated her because she caused him to loathe himself.

When Hiashi explained to him of his father's decision after his fight with the loud, obnoxious blond during the Chuunin exams, his outlook on life had altered. It was not so bad, after all, to belong to someone, if they belonged to you as well. That's what the two twin brothers had. They had each other, they respected and loved each other.

Who had Neji belonged to? The most obvious answer was Hinata. Yet he had tried to kill her. Kill her to be free. But somewhere, somewhere within the blinding hate he had for his timid, quiet, annoyingly sweet little cousin, he'd realized what he truly wanted from her. He wanted her.

The realization hit the Hyuuga Clan's prodigy when he was fifteen. Five years later, it haunted him still. When they were together, and he trained her, every hit he devastated her with was laced with the hidden need he had for her. This was the only way Neji knew how to show love.

As he led his stammering, apologizing cousin back into their home, he had a second epiphany about her in five years. As he led his stammering, apologizing wife back into their home, he realized he wanted to learn new ways of love. And that the only person he wanted to learn them with was with her. Only with her.

Hinata sat at the kitchen table, watching Neji prepare a meal for her. He had insisted. She had tried teasing him about how bad his cooking was but he had taken it to heart and she stopped. The last thing she needed was to have a fight on their first day of marriage.

Marriage. How strange. In another world, nineteen would have been too small a number to be married. But in this world, where friends and family died everyday, when every breath could possibly be your last, living past your late twenties was rare. It was all very carpe diem. They were at the brink of war, even whilst recovering from the last one. If you could not be happy now, you would never get the chance.

Neji set the plate in front of her and sat across from her.

"Ano, Neji-nii – Neji-san, aren't you going to eat?" Hinata whispered.

Neji shook his head.

"I have news from Godaime. I have a mission."

Hinata set her cup of tea down hastily infront of her.

"S-so soon? Sh-she promised…Otousan that you would have a few days off." Hinata stammered.

"I know that, Hinata-sama. But something important has risen. I cannot stay behind." Neji said, getting up.

Hinata watched him enter the bedroom to prepare himself. When he exited, his hair which was lose was now bound back in his usual style and he wore his ANBU attire, his mask in his right hand. He found it ironic that the animal chosen for him was the eagle. Hinata thought it was fitting. His back was to her and she knew he could feel her eyes on him.

"I don't know when I'll be back." He said to the unasked question that hung in the air.

As he moved to the door, Hinata stood and went to him. He looked down at her, hand gripping the door knob.

"Odaijini…Neji-san." She whispered.

Then, as if on a whim, she stood on her toes and because of their height difference, barely managed to brush his jaw with her lips. For a moment, Neji's eyes widened. But she did not see it.

Neji looked down and nodded.

"Itte kimasu." He said.

Then he was gone.

Hinata stood at their doorway. Was it going to always be this way? Hinata sighed, her breath fogging up before her in the cold. Cold that she hardly took notice for as she watched Neji disappear into the mist and snow.

"Itte rashai…" She whispered.

In her mind's eye, her words traveled on the wind and found their way to him and they would keep him safe. Keep him safe for her.


Glossary:
Neechan - Older sister
Ohayou Gozaimasu - Goodmorning
Ano - A sort of filler, like the english equivelent of "uhm..."
Otousan - father
Odaijini - Take care of yourself
Itte kimasu - I'm leaving
Itte rashai - Come back soon.

If i've missed out anything/made any mistakes, please feel free to correct me. Arigatou gozaimasu.