Straight From The Horse's Mouth part 3
"The following morning, Bill and I ambled through the meadow, just talking and sharing stories of our adventures. I cannot help that I embellished a bit but he seemed to greatly enjoy the tales. The more I talked, the more I pranced. I must say I felt extremely proud of myself, until I ran into the side of the stable."
"I swear that the building trembled as I had been doing my rendition of the Rohirrim cavalry charging after a band of orcs. My shoulder hurt and I wanted to cry. I was pleased, however when my favorite elf ran out of the house to see what had happened. Erestor fawned all over me and made me feel much better. But, best of all, he gave both Bill and I an apple. I knew I loved this elf for a reason."
"Bill asked me if I was married to Erestor and I sighed dreamily and told him that, until I had met him, that had been my deepest desire. Besides, Erestor was married to Haldir, the Lay of Lórien, and I never had a chance. It seems that elves frown upon multi-species marriages."
"Limping and drawing the sympathy of half of Imladris, I led Bill towards my favorite spot, overlooking the waterfalls. Then I froze, sensing the most fearsome danger I could imagine. It was one that I had endured countless times in the past and wanted no part of. Rumil the Randy suddenly landed on my back from his perch in a nearby tree.
'Asfaloth, my boy, let us go for a run,' he drawled drunkenly as he swayed from his precarious position."
"Bill, being the kind and beauteous hero that he is, surveyed the situation and laughed. Winking at he, he nuzzled Rúmil the Randy lightly and knocked him to the ground. Both of us about died of laughter because the elf seemed more concerned with protecting his bottle of liquor than himself."
"When Rúmil the Randy whipped out his pride and joy to make sure it was not broken, Bill and I decided to make a hasty exit, followed by the gasps and groans of Rúmil and his rosy palmer. I resumed showing Bill the beauty of the valley that was my home and finally we rounded the bend to the most beautiful location of all. Then we stopped dead in our tracks."
"There, in the peaceful meadow beside the waterfall, we discovered the secret of the valley. It answered questions that I had been pondering for millennia. Orophin the Orgasmic was bleaching his hair in the pool. Turning to Bill, I grinned.
'I knew it. The Lórien brothers are not true blonds. The twins and Arwen are Orophin's, not Elrond's. I KNEW IT!'"
"I explained to Bill that when Celebrían was still on Arda, Orophin had visited quite often. Elrond was known for his male lovers and when the twins were born with dark hair everyone had wondered. Orophin and his brothers were blond, or that is what everyone had believed. But we knew differently now."
"Since my spot was now contaminated, I led Bill to my second favorite location. Taking a different trail, as we did not want to interrupt Rúmil in his inspection, we arrived at the side of the Bruinen at the base of the greatest of the falls. We decided to take a swim and ran joyfully into the river. We spent quite some time playing in the water and enjoying ourselves immensely."
"Finally, we retired to the bank, exhausted from our randy play. Bill really was a BIG pony and I knew that my rump would remember him for the rest of our days. When we got out of the river, we shook ourselves and began to graze. I glanced at Bill, then did a double take.
'Uhm…… Bill? Were you not a beautiful chestnut?' I asked in confusion?"
"Bill, my beautiful Bill! I wanted to cry in agony. Orophin's bleach had so contaminated the water as to bleach my beautiful, glorious, well-hung Bill to a pale golden color. Not that this was not lovely, mind you. But still, I loved him the way he was. I screamed out my anger to the valar that this had happened and ran to comfort my beloved."
"Nibbling along Bill's neck, I whickered gently to comfort him. He nuzzled me in return and his chocolate brown eyes pleaded with me. Nipping along his back, I slowly moved into position and, as he lifted his tail, I returned the favor that he had done for me earlier in the water. We cried out our bliss, the screams echoing loudly through the valley and we both collapsed to the ground, our legs no longer able to support us. I nuzzled his side, wishing we could remain this way for eternity."
TBC
