Chapter Rating: G
Pairings: Neji x Hina / mentioned: Shika x Temari / Lee x Saku / Cho x Ino
My Reviewers:
Lady of Genesis: Thanks
for the note. :D Yeah. Aunt Chiisai does mean small. Their cousin,
Seijaku, is silence. lol. coz he didn't tell on Neji. heehee.
Nalio: It isn't really incest. In a lot of families, cousins
marry each other in order to keep power within the family as well as
money. The royal families of Europe is basically a bunch of cousins
marrying each other. Almost all of them are descendents of Christian
IX, i believe, who was dubbed the father in law of europe. I mean, it's
only logical. there aren't many royal blooded people running around for
you to marry if u're a princess/prince etc.
For Kaori-chan
---
V
Just Breathe
Hinata was exhausted. Being a Medical Nin took a lot out of you. Physically and emotionally. She came home that night drained. Hinata barely managed to get home without passing out completely. Today had been a trying one.
She was thankful that the dinner she meant to cook today was waiting to just be put into the oven. Nothing to prepare. Hinata was meticulous. Every day's meal was just as good as the last. If she began to slack off, and Neji came home, he would not be impressed. Hinata decided today the heater wasn't needed. Winter was beginning to wane.
Readying her bath, she put the timer on the bath as she always did and slowly eased herself into the water while tying her hair up into a bun. She closed her eyes for a moment, sighing as the heat eased her sore muscles. Godaime had come to the hospital that day. She was checking up on everything and everyone, also there to see a special case. One of the Jounin had come back with the strangest burns on his skin.
But Hinata couldn't think about those things now. She was tired. She ached. She closed her eyes once more. It's alright…just a five minute nap.
Hinata coughed and spluttered, water coming out of her nose and mouth, her lungs ached. She tried opening her eyes only to be blinded by the fluorescent lamp above her. She ached all over and there was a ringing in her ears and a buzzing that was threatening to crack her skull open. The cold, wet tiles of the floor wasn't helping either. Floor? How did she end up on the floor? Hinata attempted to sit up but ended up getting pushed back down again, gently by two fingers on her shoulder.
It was then that she realized someone was there with her. She put an arm over her eyes to block out the light only to realize that the only thing that separated all that she was from this stranger's view was a towel covering her like a blanket. She squealed, wrapping the towel tighter around her. She heard a chuckle. A familiar one. But it was different. Different in that the chuckle was not laced with spite, or anger or disgust. Hinata looked up into cloudy white eyes, so much like her own and yet so different.
"N-neji-san." She managed to choke.
Months. She'd waited months. Seeing him now, only then she began to realize just how much she had missed him. Or perhaps she knew and simply ignored. He helped her sit up and she slumped against him. The last time they'd been this close was…well…on their wedding day, when it had been required for them to kiss. Hidden behind a fan, Neji had looked down at her, knowing full well she didn't want this. She was too frightened. But he bent down anyway and grazed her with his lips, millimetres from her own. It was all for show. And what a spectacular performance that was.
Neji watched the many emotions flash across her face before he lifted her up and carried her to her bedroom. Before he could place her on the bed she moved slightly in his arms, signalling that she'd like it very much if he put her down now. So he did. And he left, closing the door behind him.
Hinata was out again in a few minutes. All she had done was put on clothes; her hair still a mess atop her head and Neji wondered at the sight of her.
Once upon a time, he wanted to break her. Break her into a thousand million pieces. Then he would count the pieces and he would, at his own pace, put her back together. Neji shook his head. He had done enough breaking these past few weeks. Yes. He had done enough breaking and he was breaking enough. The woman in front of him…the girl in front of him didn't deserve it. Didn't deserve it at all.
Now he looked at her and he realized, with growing disdain, how beautiful she was. She hadn't inherited the harsh bone structure of their fathers like he had. She was softer, sweeter looking. She did have the high cheek bones but to a lesser extent than he. Her nose was small and sweet, her lips a hue of pink he felt only she could pull off.
He wondered why the sudden admiration for her. Wondered why it had been so painfully hard to stumble across her drowning in her bathtub. Their bathtub. Why he'd felt his heart stop when he thought maybe he had been two seconds too late. He had cursed her for being so stupid as he pulled her out and cursed himself for being such a lecher when he hesitated an entire second before draping the towel over her form.
So he wondered why all of a sudden, Hinata was important and Hinata was blinding him with all that she was. Then he remembered. Ah yes. He had only missed her to the brink of insanity – maybe beyond it and then back – but wouldn't, couldn't, shouldn't admit it to anyone. Least of all himself. He had cursed Godaime for sending him on that mission. Cursed every single Cloud Nin that got in his way. He wanted to go home. No, not his home. Her home. Their home. But he pushed these thoughts away. If he wasn't careful, if he wasn't, if he didn't stop noticing how Hinata had made his favourite sort of soup for him and how Hinata had filled out, curved in all the right places; and how Hinata had lit candles that smelt of jasmine – his favourite flower, though he had told no one – then maybe, this whole thing wouldn't have to be a burden. And then what? He would be happily married to someone who didn't want to be married to him? How quaint.
It was awkward. Of course it would be. How else could it be. She stammered and tripped and stumbled on herself as she busied preparing the kitchen table for two, and as if by magic, a meal was spread out for the two of them as if she had been expecting him. As if she had known. As if she had practiced this every night since he had gone.
He sat and she sat and they ate in silence. He tried once or twice to compliment her cooking. He failed. Not because there was nothing to compliment about – Hinata had always been the best of chefs – but because she kept averting her eyes and would not make eye contact with him. When the baked fish and the steamed rice that followed the soup were finished, Hinata brought out dessert. This was eaten outside in the back gardens; the weather having become pleasant. No longer did the wind bite and it wasn't hot or dry out either.
Finally, by some miracle, she found the courage to look at him. He looked at her, gaze unwavering and she blushed pink.
"Arigatou, Hinata-sama." He said to her.
Hinata smiled, pleased that he was pleased and she let out a sigh.
"O-okaeri-nasai, Neji-san." She whispered.
She blinked several times under his gaze, as if she were looking at a bright light. Looking away, she laughed nervously.
"Thi-this did not turn o-out…the way I had hoped." Hinata thought aloud.
Instantly she regretted it, as she felt Neji's eyes narrow on her, questioningly. How was she supposed to explain this? How had she hoped it would turn out? Well, certainly not him rescuing her from drowning in her own bathtub. She had hoped the table would be ready for him when he got there. So he wouldn't have to watch her clumsily dress the table. She wanted to have looked presentable. Not with an old t-shirt – the first thing she had gotten her hands on in the dark – and she had wanted to…well…greet him properly.
How were women supposed to greet their husbands anyway? She wondered. She'd seen Ino and Chouji greet each other. There was a lot of shouting, a lot of Ino smacking Chouji on the head, a lot of huffing on Ino's part and a lot of Chouji simply ignoring her. Then there was Sakura and Lee, where there was a lot of crying, a lot of hugging, a lot of thumbs-up signs, teeth sparkling and strange winds blowing through black hair and inexplicable sunsets/sunrises showing up everywhere. Temari and Shikamaru – they didn't really welcome each other. No. Not really. They just…well…they didn't really do anything at all.
But that was when people were looking. That was what people noticed. Hinata, with eyes that could see everything without meaning to, saw what her friends were like, what they were actually like. The little things they would do that no one would notice unless they looked for it.
Ino and Chouji were quieter when they thought no one was looking. Ino would have a mask of complete gratuity and she held on to Chouji's hand, the simple contact seemingly the only thing that was keeping Ino grounded; like the only thing that kept Ino from floating up up up into the sky from relief was her Chouji. Chouji in turn would grip back just as tightly, obviously forgetting all he had seen during the mission because he was with Ino. His Ino.
Sakura and Lee were much the same and Hinata was sure, that the only times Lee wasn't raving on about the flames or fires or whatever's of youth was when he felt he was alone with Sakura. Then, he'd cradle her and he'd whisper things to her that didn't sound like things that were impossibly optimistic or impossibly sickeningly sweet. No, they were things quiet and small, things that only they could understand together and only they could promise each other.
Shikamaru would always have his body turned away from Temari, but he would have one hand gripping tightly to her, like he would never let go. Like he could never let go. Temari hardly looked at Shikamaru. They avoided looking at each other. But she would find every opportunity to graze her fingertips across his bare skin, touching his elbow to get his attention when all she could have done was call out his name. Sometimes she brought herself closer to him thinking no one would notice. There was always a space between the two, which they bridged easily, effortlessly and secretly by their gestures and the slight tilt in Temari's head and the slant in Shikamaru's eyes.
But Hinata and Neji were new with each other and Hinata and Neji weren't really HinataandNeji yet. They were Hinata. And Neji. Or: Neji. And Hinata. Hinata was barely comfortable in her own skin and now she had to share it with someone else.
So how did she hope this night would have turn out? She thought for a moment. She supposed she would have run to him, positively jumped him, hugged him and showered him with affection. Then they would have a candle lit dinner and she would have told him how much she missed him. How much she really really missed him and how every night she had waited for him. Then his heart would melt into putty and it would be hers and he would tell her that he missed her too, how he thought about her every waking moment during his mission and how, in his dreams, she was all he saw…Then maybe they would cuddle. They would cuddle and he would tell her all the things that had ever bothered him. Then they would forgive each other and they'd be like any other normal couple. Complete with the silent promises and dances beneath the stars.
Yeah. Right. Maybe in another life. With another man.
But Neji did not voice the question that hung in the air, didn't ask aloud what did she mean by 'not the way I had hoped', and so Hinata was not obliged to answer it. Hinata mused, that perhaps he didn't really want to know. She was glad. She was very glad. The butterflies that fluttered inside her couldn't be ignored now, now that she had no food to appease them with. Going back inside, he followed her in and sat on the couch, back straight, fists on his knees. She had a feeling that all he wanted to do was collapse and sink into the couch. But that would be oh-so-un-Neji-like and she was somehow sure, that if he had done so, she would have screamed and hit him and demanded who he was and what he had done to the real Neji.
Hinata stood there for a moment, useless, dessert bowls in one hand, the two spoons in another. She walked into the kitchen and put them in the sink, turning on the water so that the sticky ice cream that Hinata had made herself wouldn't stay on the bowls and make it hell for her to wash later on.
She wiped her hands and turned back to Neji, his eyes not having moved from her at all.
"A-Ano…Neji-san, w-would you like me to draw you up a b-bath?" She asked hesitantly.
"Iie, Hinata-sama. I plan on making my way to my apartment. I need a change of clothes. I'll take one there."
"O-oh." Was all Hinata could say.
He got up to leave but something in Hinata's gaze caused him to pause and regard her.
"W-woul-would you like me to accompany you?"
He felt his eyes narrow on her. What a strange request.
"No." He said bluntly.
Her cheeks turned scarlet. He couldn't lie. He didn't want her to come. Why should she come? He could pack his things and carry them himself. The last thing he needed was Hinata helping him with his things. So he left.
Hinata sat in her – their, she corrected herself – living room, nervous. Neji was here two seconds and already he was gone. Hinata almost felt angry. Almost. He came back less than an hour later though and she stood and took the suitcase from him. As she had expected, Neji needed only one, for all his earthly belongings.
He had changed out of his ANBU uniform and his hair was loose now, and slightly wet.
"I-I'll put away your things for you, Neji-san…Y-you, relax for a bi-bit." She whispered, taking the suitcase from him and bracing herself as she did so, expecting the suitcase to be heavy, that she would have let it drop to the floor bringing her along with it.
It was not heavy at all.
He contemplated this idea for a moment it seemed and then he nodded to her and sat back on the couch.
"A-Ano, Neji-san?" Hinata said quietly.
He turned his head to her.
"W-where should I put your th-things."
Neji looked annoyed at the question. Hinata's heart was pounding in her ears. She cursed herself for being so damned useless.
"Anywhere you see fit." He replied with measured patience.
"H-hai…"
Hinata wasn't sure whether he wanted his clothes in the guest bedroom or not. But Hinata knew where she wanted them. And that was besides her own. So she methodically folded and hung and tidied his clothes away in the spaces she had left for his things. She was surprised to see his montsuki kimono among the things he had brought back. It was plain, black as tradition dictated with the Hyuuga crest on the back. The Hyuuga Curse. She traced her fingers over the mark that symbolized the bond that kept the clan close and yet divided. Neji will end that. She thought to herself.
Tradition was already breaking up, with Hinata being married to a branch family member…but what else could the council do? They would rather a branch family member be head than her, silly weak little Hinata. Dark wet spots formed on the black kimono from the tears that fell from her eyes. She supposed she had ever right to hate everyone and everything. No one ever had faith in her. How could she prove herself if nobody looked?
"Hinata-sama." Neji called her at the doorway.
Quickly, she put the kimono away and prayed that the tear streaks didn't show. But this was Neji she was talking about. Neji, the genius. Neji who had her eyes. Eyes that saw everything.
"H-hai, Neji-san?" She answered, getting up.
He looked at her, wondering what the tears were for. He didn't ask. He didn't seem to be in the mood for asking questions tonight. Which was fine by her. That way, she wouldn't have to lie. She was terrible at lying.
"I'm going to retire now. Oyasumi-nasai, Hinata-sama." He said to her.
"H-hai…Oyasumi-nasai, Neji-san." She managed a smile.
She watched him push off the door frame with the shoulder that was against it. She heard the door to the guestroom open and then close. She finished with the rest of his things, blushing furiously as she put away his underwear and then went out to the kitchen to wash the dishes. She was surprised therefore, when she saw the dishes were done. He had washed them while she arranged his clothes. All that she had to do now was dry them.
As she bustled around the kitchen putting plates away and drying them with cloth, Hinata suddenly realized. She had taken all the pillows from the guestroom's bed and had put the blanket in the wash. She wondered why Neji hadn't said anything. But then again, he wouldn't, would he. Hinata quickly finished the dishes and went into the linen closet in their room and pulled out the pillows and the spare blanket to bring to Neji.
She debated over knocking or not. In the end, she tapped twice and then let herself in, struggling with the blanket and pillows. She paused, allowing her eyes to adjust to the dark. The guest room's curtains were heavier and darker than the ones in the main bedroom. Hardly any natural light from the outside could come in. For a moment, Hinata's old fear of the dark washed over her and she couldn't move out of the pathway of light that fell into the room through the narrow opening of the door. Finally she moved towards the bed, where Neji lay, awake now and looking up at her.
"N-neji-san!" She squeaked.
He was about to sit up when she stepped on the trailing blanket by mistake and fell on top of him so that she lay sprawled across his chest. Hinata, for once, was grateful to the dark. She was sure she had reached a new shade of red that night. She pushed off of him and he helped her steady herself.
"Gomen nasai! I-I…I forgot about…I had been cleaning here earlier on and…" She stopped.
She felt foolish and stupid. Neji meanwhile, hadn't said a word. In the dark, his eyes were a dark grey and he looked at her for only a moment before thanking her for the blanket and pillows.
"Douitashimashite…" She whispered.
Neji's eyes did not see everything in the dark, but he could see more than Hinata, he knew. It was strange. For Hinata, her ability to see in the dark was close to zero, even with the Hyuuga eyes.
"Hinata-Sama. Let GO! Your grip's hurting me!" Neji said, agitated.
"Gomen Oniisan…demo…I'm scared." Hinata confessed, but she let go.
Neji paused.
"Nani?"
"I can't see…I'm scared, Oniisan. Where are the lights?"
Neji was silent. He knew it was making his little cousin nervous.
"What do you mean you can't see?" He asked, turning around to look at her.
Her eyes were off focus, her eyes looked like Aunt Tsukimi's. Aunt Tsukimi was blind and her eyes could never stay on one thing. Always beyond everything. Neji always had a funny feeling that Aunt Tsukimi wasn't actually blind but busy looking through everything.
"I can't. I just can't."
Hinata began to cry quietly. This is what he loved about his little cousin. She did everything quietly. She never shouted and was never loud. He patted her awkwardly on the head and told her it was going to be OK, that they needed to be quiet because the adults had said so. He told her it would be alright, that he would always be there to protect her.
"Ok, Hinata-sama? I'll protect you. I'll be strong." Neji said.
He dint' feel strong. He was sort of scared himself. There was something going on in the Hyuuga household. He had used his Byakugan to see. He saw Hiashi-sama, his face contorted in anger. Then he stopped because the Byakugan gave him a headache. No. He didn't feel strong at all.
"H-hai, Neji-niisan." His cousin whispered. "I know. I know you're strong. You've always been, always will be."
She drew closer to him and her words stayed with him. Stayed with him because she believed in him, just like his father did. He put an arm around Hinata and pressed a cheek on the top of her head.
"I wish I could be strong like you…" Hinata had whimpered.
"It's ok, Hinata-sama. I'll be strong for you."
Hinata still sat on the bed, next to him. She placed the blanket on him, and he sat up so she could put the pillows under his head. But he didn't lie back down when she was done. Instead, he regarded her some more. She hadn't changed much, when it came to being shy. She still had very little confidence…But then, that was just around him. He did that to her, he realized. Around others, she was fine. But with him, she would bend. Just as she did before her father. He cupped a cheek in one hand and he could feel the heat that was radiating off it intensify.
He brought her face closer to his and in the dark, that she bit her lip as he did so. Finally, they were millimetres away, her breath was hot against his face. He wondered if she thought the same about his. He brushed his lips on her forehead, barely a kiss.
"Oyasumi-nasai, Hinata-sama." He said again for the second time that night.
This time, she didn't reply. Only got up, blushing, nearly tripping on her own two feet and left the room, closing the door behind her, leaving him in darkness again.
Hinata breathed again only when she was out of the room. It was like she had been drowning in her bathtub again.
"Breathe. Breathe Hinata. Just…Just breathe." She told herself over and over again, the phrase repeating itself in her head through the night, even as she closed her eyes to sleep. Just Breathe.
