To Be A Malfoy

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Warning: Child abuse and rape mentioned later on.

Chapter 18: Annoyance

It had been a week since James had told Lucius he was pregnant and they hadn't reached a conclusion about what to do yet. Lucius didn't want James to abort the baby because of him and James didn't want to go through with the pregnancy if it meant there was something else stopping him from putting his time and energy into caring and healing his husband.

But thankfully, Lucius was starting to warm right back up to James again; he was far more amorous now than he was before it happened. They had even made love last night, much to James's surprise, he didn't think Lucius was quite ready for that yet, but obviously he was wrong.

…………

James was at the Leaky Cauldron one lunchtime with his parents. They had wanted to talk with him and he didn't particularly want to do that at the manor in case they had a go at Lucius, like they did last time the four of them were in the same room. He was still not on very good terms with his parents, especially after they blamed Lucius for taking their son away from them, which was completely untrue, they could only blame themselves for losing James.

"Look, let me just make it clear right now," started James seriously; he was tired, he had a pounding headache and the last thing he needed were his parents insulting his husband. "Don't start trying to pick a fight with me about Lucius, I really am not in the mood to listen to you bad mouthing him."

Irene sighed, "We weren't going to do anything of the sort, James." James gave her a skeptical look, but Irene ignored it and continued. "Anyway…what exactly happened that night?"

"What night?" asked James blankly. …Oh…that night…

"With the eh, the Death Eaters."

James raised an eyebrow slightly, "Why? Didn't think it was something you really gave a monkey's arse about."

Michael narrowed his eyes slightly at his son, he didn't care if the young wizard in front of him was thirty-one years old, it still didn't give him the right to talk to them like that. "James, can you at least be civil for once? We are in public."

James shrugged nonchalantly, "Doesn't bother me. I'm used to standing out in public."

Irene gave her husband a stern look in case he said anything else that might provoke James, then she turned back to her son, "I was merely trying to make conversation, but as the subject of Mal-Lucius is a bit touchy for you, then we can talk about something else."

"Fine with me," replied James quietly, he didn't really care. "Tell me, if you always knew you had grandchildren, why did you never get in touch with them?"

"Would you have let us?" questioned Michael raising his dark eyebrows.

"If you had tried," James tore at the edge of his serviette. "You always wanted grandchildren, I never heard the end of it while I was at school and when you finally learn you're getting them, you kick me out."

"You know why we did that," said Michael quietly, his son had always been a bit disrespectful to adults and his parents but now James was worse and Michael blamed it all on Malfoy.

James shook his head, "No, I don't. Was it because your grandchild would be part Malfoy? Or was it because I'm gay?"

Irene frowned, she should have known this was going to happen, "We've been over this James-"

"No. We haven't," replied James almost coldly. "The last time we spoke neither of you answered any of my questions, and I want some answers."

………

James still hadn't gotten all the answers he wanted when he got home from lunch with his so-called parents. James slammed the huge front door behind him and kicked the umbrella stand near the wall in annoyance; this was accompanied by a frustrated growl.

The noise he had made pulled Lucius out of his study, curiosity written all over his pale features, "What happened?"

"Nothing," replied James, he moved away from the damaged umbrella stand and headed for the living room. He could feel Lucius's grey eyes following him skeptically so he turned back to his husband. "No seriously, nothing happened, that's why I'm so annoyed. Can't they just give a straight answer to a simple question?"

Lucius leaned against the doorframe and folded his arms; "Maybe they didn't have sufficient answers to your questions?"

James changed his direction and headed to the grand staircase, "Yeah well, if they don't answer my questions next time I see them then they kiss goodbye to seeing their grandchildren again."

Lucius raised his eyebrows slightly as he watched his husband miserably ascend the stairs. Personally, he did think it was a bit nasty not letting them see their grandchildren, but then again, Lucius didn't particularly want his children around people that disowned their son at a time of need. He went back into his study, deciding to give James some time to calm down. Though Lucius knew that James would never hurt him, it still made him a bit iffy about being around an angry man, he felt that was something he would probably never get over now. He flinched when he heard the bedroom door slam upstairs, Guess he won't be coming out anytime soon…

……

It was early evening when Lucius finally went upstairs to check on James, he found his husband curled up asleep under the covers in the middle of the bed. He went over to the bed and sat down on it beside James, he started running his fingers through the younger man's unruly black hair.

James nuzzled his head against the pillow as he relaxed even more with the fingers running through his hair, "What time is it?" He asked quietly.

"Just after five," replied Lucius as he continued his administrations on James's hair. "Are you all right?"

"Mmhmm," James moved his head closer to Lucius. "Just tired."

Lucius gazed down at James as he continued running his fingers through the soft, dark hair, "Probably stress."

James made a little noise that sounded like a huff, "Why would I be stressed?"

Lucius frowned slightly, "You're pregnant and I haven't exactly been helpful."

James moved and put his head on Lucius's lap before opening his eyes, "You weren't helpful with the first two either." He had a small smile playing at his lips as he gazed tiredly up at the frowning blond. He hauled himself up into a sitting position so his face was level with Lucius's before he spoke again. "Speaking of being pregnant, I've decided to keep the baby."

Lucius raised an eyebrow slightly, "Are you sure?"

James nodded, "Mmhmm." He pressed a kiss to Lucius's lightly stubbled jaw. "You never know, it could be fun."

Lucius snorted and ruffled his lover's hair.

…………

It was around a month and a half after the downfall of Voldemort and Lucius's attack now, and James could tell his husband was already pretty much back to the way he had been before everything happened. But he also knew that the long hours Lucius spent holed up in his study were not spent working like he used to, they were spent brooding over what happened. More than once, James had caught Lucius absentmindedly killing insects in his study while brooding.

It was around 10pm one night when James headed into his husband's study, he found Lucius lying stretched out on the couch and glaring at the ceiling like it had wronged him somehow.

Upon hearing the door close Lucius lifted his head enough so that he could see who the intruder was, when he saw James he sighed and put his head back down on a cushion and resumed his glaring at the ceiling.

James hesitated before speaking; "…What's wrong?"

Lucius sighed deeply and kept his gaze on the ceiling, "I'm annoyed, that's what's wrong."

James raised his eyebrows slightly as he sat down on the arm of the couch, About time he started showing some more emotion, even if it is anger…I was getting really worried… "…Why?"

Lucius sat up and sweeped his long hair out of his eyes, he stared off at a spot to the right of James for a moment before getting up and walking, as swiftly as he could with a limp, over to the huge window behind his desk. He folded his arms and leaned against the wall of the window alcove.

James watched Lucius closely, whatever had annoyed him seemed to be consuming his mind, he was only silent when he was annoyed if it was something incredibly important.

"I killed the Dark Lord," stated Lucius, he gazed at the faint reflection of James in the window. "I killed him and what thanks do I get for it? It…Its not just because I haven't gotten recognition for it, no one has. No one seems to realise that someone other than that crackpot old fool was capable of bringing down that bastard.

"I mean…the way Dumbledore was going about it, he'd still probably be fighting that bastard in five years time." Lucius gazed out at the dark sky. "But no one seems to care how it happened or who did it. There wasn't even a post-mortem report… And all I got out of it was a hefty medical bill and years worth of horrific memories."

James could hear the slight crack in Lucius's voice as he finished speaking. He watched his husband silently for a moment before getting off the couch and going over to him, he wrapped his arms around Lucius's waist and rested his chin on the blond's shoulder. "The people that matter know though, right?"

Lucius smirked slightly and rested his head against James's as he continued gazing out the window at the dark night sky, "It doesn't really make a difference though, does it?"

James nuzzled Lucius's neck; "I have to say, if the world did find out, they probably wouldn't believe it." He saw Lucius's eyebrows furrow in his reflection in the window. "Look at it from the general public's point of view. You're a Malfoy, which name in itself denotes some sort of Dark Art worshipping and on top of that, you were on trial for being a Death Eater at the beginning of the year… Plus, a lot of people still listen to Dumbledore and they would believe everything he has to say against you."

"Are you trying to make me feel worse than I already do?" asked Lucius quietly, he kept his eyes off James's reflection, it was probably deliberate.

"No," replied James honestly. He pulled away from Lucius slightly, "I'm just trying to make you see that what you're thinking is pointless, especially if its credit you want. Look, the way I see it, the rest of the British Wizarding world are going to agree with what Dumbledore thinks and there's no point in arguing the coop about it."

Lucius stayed silent for a moment before finally turning his grey eyes to James, there was a flicker of amusement in his eyes much to James's surprise, "I'm amazed Jay, you actually made sense."

James sighed and rolled his eyes, "Well, if you're going to mock me…" He made to leave but Lucius grabbed his hand and pulled him back.

Lucius placed his hands on James's waist, "I wouldn't mock you, love."

James smirked and slipped his fingers through Lucius's long, white-blond hair, "No, of course you wouldn't." He replied sarcastically. He gazed into Lucius's unusually warm grey eyes for a moment or two before speaking again. "Anything else you want to get off your chest before I go to bed?"

Lucius shook his head and kissed James on the cheek, "You've done enough for me, you should get some rest."

James smiled, "I like doing things for you."

Lucius smiled back at him, one of his very rare warm-hearted smiles, "Even so, you're pregnant. I want you to take it easy."

"I am taking it easy," replied James, he kissed Lucius lightly on the lips. "Its you that needs to take it easy. You need to stop worrying about me and you need to start taking care of yourself." Lucius frowned slightly. "…Maybe you should take some time away, have a holiday or something."

Lucius pulled away from James and sat down on the window seat, "In other words, you want me to bugger off and cheer up, right?"

James went and sat beside him, "No, but when was the last time you had a proper holiday? No me, no kids, no anything to worry about. Just some personal time to chill out and do what you want?"

Lucius sighed, "I honestly can't remember."

"My point exactly," said James, he put his arms around Lucius' shoulders and kissed his husband on the head. "I just want you to be happy…"

………

Eighteen year old Lucius Malfoy glared defiantly at his father, "I am old enough to do as I please! You can't order me around anymore."

Lycinaeous Malfoy bared down on his son, his was a tall man, much bigger than Lucius, he had at least half a foot on his son not to mention about three stone. "You will not speak to me in that disrespectful tone!"

Lucius continued glaring at his father and then he made to leave the study, but Lycinaeous grabbed him hard by the shoulders and roughly shoved him back against the wall. Lucius gasped in pain as his head and back connected with the wall. "Get off me!"

Lycinaeous grabbed a handful of Lucius's long hair and pulled it hard, smirking when his son whimpered in pain, "You know what I do to traitorous little rats, don't you?"

Lucius took a deep breath; he tried to muster up as much confidence as he could. "I'm not a traitor…"

Lycinaeous raised an eyebrow slightly, his cold grey eyes boring into his son's own terrified ones, "Then tell me," He trailed a finger across one of Lucius's flawless, pale cheeks and narrowed his eyes when his son cringed. "My lovely son… What business do you have with the Potter boy?"

Lucius's eyes widened slightly more, "I-I'm tu-tutoring him…in Potions…"

Lycinaeous moved his face closer to Lucius's so there was barely an inch between their faces, "I find it hard to believe that you are just tutoring the mudblood lover's son."

"I am!" replied Lucius, his voice a lot higher and shakier then he would have liked.

Lycinaeous removed his hand from Lucius's hair and instead, wrapped his long fingers around his son's pale neck. "You filthy blood traitor… You're a disgrace to this family."

Lucius scowled at his father, "I'd rather be a disgrace than a child abuser." He spoke firmly.

Lycinaeous tightened his grip on Lucius's neck causing his son to choke slightly, a nasty snarl had appeared on his face, "You dare insult me, you filthy little brat?"

Lucius didn't answer, instead he averted his eyes, he knew the worst was still to come.

Lycinaeous forced Lucius to look back at him, he was smirking evilly now, "I think its about time you were really showed how to respect your elders."

Lucius's eyes widened again and he started trying to struggle away from his father, but it was hopeless, the man was a lot bigger than he was.

Lycinaeous struck his son across the face, sending Lucius sprawling across the ground, stunned. As Lucius started to get back up Lycinaeous pinned him down with his body weight, he used one hand to hold Lucius' arms above his head, then he used the other to rip his son's shirt open.

"No! Stop…please…" cried Lucius as his clothes started to disappear, he tried to wrench his arms free from his father's grip, but again, it was hopeless.

Lucius soon found himself on his stomach; he tried to spit out the carpet that got in his mouth.

Lycinaeous grabbed a handful of Lucius's hair again and wrenched his head back painfully, any harder and he probably would have broken his son's neck. "Such a pretty little thing you are Lucius." He roughly stroked Lucius's side with his free hand. "It's a pity you had to turn against our Lord, really."

Lucius sniffled and choked back his sobs only to have them wrenched back out of him in a scream when his father roughly entered him.

Lucius awoke with a scream, nearly knocking James out when he sat up in horror. He was breathing heavily, his grey eyes were wide with fear and he was sweating when James rested his hands on his shoulders. Lucius gazed at his husband unblinkingly.

James brushed Lucius's hair away from his face and watched his husband worriedly, he had thought the nightmares were stopping but obviously, he was wrong. "I've been trying to wake you but nothing worked…" He saw tears start to form in Lucius's fearful grey eyes. "Luce, what was it about?"

Lucius finally managed to catch his breath, he was shaking slightly now, either from the cold or the fear of his nightmare. He squeezed his eyes shut for a moment to try and stem the tear flow before opening them again and looking back to James' worried face. "…I-It was about my father…when I was eighteen." James gazed at him intently. "It was after he found that I'd been tutoring you…"

Oh god, now I feel bad… Thought James biting his lower lip. "Did he…" he started nervously.

"Rape me?" replied Lucius quietly. James nodded and Lucius lowered his eyes, he sighed deeply before nodding in reply. "Yeah…he did." He drew his knees up to his chest and rested his head on them; his eyes squeezed tightly shut.

James watched his husband for a moment or two, then he realised Lucius's shoulders were shaking slightly, like he was crying. He shifted closer to the blond and pulled Lucius into his arms. Guess I was wrong when I thought he was better…

……………………………………………………………………………………

A/N: I know, poor Lucius!

Next Chapter: A new Minister of Magic is decided on and what does it have to do with Sirius? And a party is thrown to celebrate the new Minister's rise to power.

Ha, its probably easy to guess who it is, isn't it?

Only three chapters to go…